Couples lack finances & mental preparedness for children

[Oppsgal]

janet_lee88:

Couples who get married today are around 30+ for guys and late 20s for women...some want to enjoy couple time...but some fail to realize that longer they enjoy, the harder it is to adapt to having a kid. First not keen to have kids, then after 5-7 years, get panicky when can't conceive.


My mum told brother not to delay too long...bro told her, 'not ready' as both still want to enjoy private space during weekends. Lucky for them, after 7 years, they are blessed and now expecting one this Dec...but they are finding it difficult to reschedule their once carefree lifestyle.

:yikes: 7years?

I think couple time is good for adapt to married life, but 7 years a little too long. Plus after all the kids got married away, the couple time will come back again.

[janet88]

Oppsgal:

janet_lee88:

Couples who get married today are around 30+ for guys and late 20s for women...some want to enjoy couple time...but some fail to realize that longer they enjoy, the harder it is to adapt to having a kid. First not keen to have kids, then after 5-7 years, get panicky when can't conceive.


My mum told brother not to delay too long...bro told her, 'not ready' as both still want to enjoy private space during weekends. Lucky for them, after 7 years, they are blessed and now expecting one this Dec...but they are finding it difficult to reschedule their once carefree lifestyle.

:yikes: 7years?

Actually having kids doesn't mean losing couple time...it means the couple has reached another stage of life and they can bond with their child together. Well, that's what I feel.

[Oppsgal]

janet_lee88:

Oppsgal:

[quote=\"janet_lee88\"]Couples who get married today are around 30+ for guys and late 20s for women...some want to enjoy couple time...but some fail to realize that longer they enjoy, the harder it is to adapt to having a kid. First not keen to have kids, then after 5-7 years, get panicky when can't conceive.


My mum told brother not to delay too long...bro told her, 'not ready' as both still want to enjoy private space during weekends. Lucky for them, after 7 years, they are blessed and now expecting one this Dec...but they are finding it difficult to reschedule their once carefree lifestyle.

:yikes: 7years?

Actually having kids doesn't mean losing couple time...it means the couple has reached another stage of life and they can bond with their child together. Well, that's what I feel.[/quote]For me, couple time means alone time. Bonding with kids means family time.

Couple time is minimize, only when at night after kids sleep?

[Chenonceau]

mummy of three… this is fiscal prudence indeed! Kudos to you!!

[Nebbermind]

Perhaps the baby bonus stuff is not really to entice childless couples, BUT to discourage those who already have children from making DISCOURAGING comments on how difficult it is to raise up children in SG and affecting those who are half-hearted.

[Oppsgal]

slmkhoo:

Nebbermind:

Perhaps the baby bonus stuff is not really to entice childless couples, BUT to discourage those who already have children from making DISCOURAGING comments on how difficult it is to raise up children in SG and affecting those who are half-hearted.

Yes, I believe that there should be more focus on couples who are enjoying kids even without the 'good life'. I find that 'successful' families featured tend to be the more well-off ones who have kids + dual careers + maid(s) + grandparents' help + kids doing well in school, and the message is \"you can have it all\". What about featuring families who don't have some of these things but are happy with less?

Also, as a SAHM, I feel that the 'family-friendly' policies have omitted one thing - how to help well-educated SAHM back into the workforce after looking after home and kids for 10 yrs or so. Not everyone can (or wants to) manage a career and kids all at once, but it doesn't mean that they cannot work outside the home after that period. There seems to be some moves to help SAHM get jobs as cashiers and service staff etc, but what about those who are looking at returning to professional-level work?

What about SAHM who can contribute by working from home?

Not much such jobs.

[Micaela]

Thanks for sharing. :rahrah: :rahrah:

[Chenonceau]

slmkhoo:

Yes, that too. I think their search for role models should be much wider than it is now.

I am not sure if this helps... but awhile back I read some stats on USA about women and small businesses. It seems that women owned small businesses are more successful than those run by men (or something like that). The reason given was that highly talented women like yourself find it hard to re-integrate the workforce OR have problems finding work that allows work-family balance. They start small businesses and since they're talented anyway, they have a high chance at doing well in whatever they undertake.

I know a lady banker who married and went to Tasmania. Of all things, she managed to find her niche in jewelry making. None of her friends could believe it. She just did not seem like the sort who would be that \"gu niang\" but there you have it. She now is a successful jewelry designer with a growing distribution network. Her designs are often featured in jewelry and handicraft magazines.

Worth looking at what you can create for yourself... instead of work you can find that will challenge and interest you.

[Chenonceau]

slmkhoo:

Business - not really for me as I hate to look at numbers! I don't mind being a freelancer though. My case is probably not a 'fair' case as I have been a SAHM longer than expected due to living overseas, partially homeschooling and having a somewhat special needs child. Perhaps I would have found some way to balance home and work earlier if I had stayed in Singapore, I don't know. I plan to figure out how to do it starting next year when we finally return, but of course my kids are already teens and quite independent. Will see how it goes.

I am sure you will cope fine. You sound like a plenty resourceful person with a cool head on your shoulders. Jiayou!!

:rahrah: :rahrah: :rahrah:

[DesertWind]

It takes tremendous courage to get married…to have faith that it will work out well.


It takes tremendous courage to have children too…to be responsible to look after them until they grow up.

But really, having kids is such a joy and I cannot imagine being single anymore.

One cannot think too much else the challenges may get too overwhelming and nothing gets done.