2012 PSLE Discussions and Strategy

[janet88]

Discipline IS the reason why I look after own kids. :offtopic:

[BeContented]

SAHM_TAN:

BeContented:

Ummmm. Just thinking.

If I have to outshine my mom, my DD has to outshine me. With most of us already being better educated these days.....
WHOA!!! :yikes: No wonder kids are so stressed cos they gotta learn tertiary stuff by 16/18 yo. If gong gong like me ok, if very smart type, kids will be unduly pressurized.

Can just be good or not? Lead simple happy life ...... :love:

Becos 父母要孩子活得比他们好。But what's the 好 wor.

'好' 的定义是什么？
到最后， '好和幸福' 与否的决定权还是属于孩子个人的。 有些孩子一辈子都被牵着走......

[Coolkidsrock2]

janet_lee88:

Hi simkhoo,

I know of this lady who is a U professor. Her sister is also highly educated but now doing missionary work. Father could not accept it. But for highly educated women like you, Chen and many others, to be SAHMs, it is for love of the kids...that is very noble.

Syllabus has been pushed downwards. I cannot bring myself to face Math and Science. Educated parents can understand after reading or surfing. I pity parents who are not educated...how are they going to coach? Money is also a big issue. 'All schools being good schools' :evil: , they have to teach everything, so that kids will have same chances to reach their potential.

There is better and best and what every parent want for their children is best.

[SAHM_TAN]

The crux is to know what’s the best for the kid.

[Chenonceau]

slmkhoo:

With family members, I find it hard to avoid them because they tend to be the close ones. I also find it hard to convince them to be quiet as they are older than I am, but I will always interject something - praise the child for trying, say how much she has improved over the year, say that everyone has different strengths etc. And then privately reinforce my opinions that it's effort that matters, and God made everyone different.


For outsiders, so far I haven't encountered many who are rude enough to comment.

Between siblings, it's my younger one who outstrips the older one in everything. We have never allowed her to crow, but we have also had to work on the older one. Like for playing games, we emphasise the participation and not the winning. It's hard, but we also feel that my older girl needs to learn to cope with it as this is what she will face all her life.

And for children whose parents are not supportive, my heart goes out to you. My parents were pretty hard on me and I can understand. Till now, with a BA from a top university and an MA, my father still says that I am not smart and have not achieved much (because I was a librarian and now a SAHM). It's hard on my daughter to hear this because she will never achieve as much as I did academically, but I can't stop him from saying it, can I? I just turn deaf and tell her to do the same.

Thank you for your sharing. Do your parents live abroad with you now? If not, would there be increased aggravation when you come home to stay? This said, your kids are older now. Such comments are most damaging when the kids are young. It's easier to firewall them when they're older.

Anyway, all the best to you.

[Chenonceau]

janet_lee88:

But for highly educated women like you, Chen and many others, to be SAHMs, it is for love of the kids...that is very noble.


Syllabus has been pushed downwards. I cannot bring myself to face Math and Science. Educated parents can understand after reading or surfing. I pity parents who are not educated...how are they going to coach? Money is also a big issue. 'All schools being good schools' :evil: , they have to teach everything, so that kids will have same chances to reach their potential.

Kekekekeke! No lah... not noble. Mothering is not a respecter of education I don't think. The time that children need from their parents does not decrease with the level of Mom's education. I think I make the exact same sacrifice as every other Mom regardless of educational level. I very much enjoy being with my kids... and now that DD has moved out and DS is trying his wings, I feel a bit sad that I have no more babies to follow me everywhere I go like loyal pets.

Still... I suppose it is better than wombats. It appears that once wombat babies reach adolescence, they chase their parents out of the home and take over. The poor Mommy Wombat has to go find a new home!! Neither DD and DS are about to do that. Phew!

Anyway, I have never really been a fully SAHM. My husband has never encouraged it. His comment was \"You had better go find something to do or else you're like a caged lioness... and I will be scratched to ribbons when I get home after work.\" I suppose he was worried for his own mental well-being as well as mine.

Hence, for my own selfish reasons (so heh... not so noble lah), I have always maintained a project... or a part-time engagement of some kind. Also, what if something happened to hubby? It wouldn't do for me to completely lose touch such that I cannot quickly re-integrate the workforce and earn enough to feed the kids and myself. Also, what if my husband becomes unemployed? I've seen so many men in their 40s and 50s lose their jobs... it is scary. I didn't want to be financially vulnerable when adversity hits.

[Chenonceau]

slmkhoo:

Chenonceau:

Thank you for your sharing. Do your parents live abroad with you now? If not, would there be increased aggravation when you come home to stay? This said, your kids are older now. Such comments are most damaging when the kids are young. It's easier to firewall them when they're older.


Anyway, all the best to you.

No, they live in Singapore. So we have been able to insulate the kids quite a bit. Since they are teenagers now, I guess they won't be affected as much when we move back. The tough part will be having one child in a 'not good' school and another in a top school and hoping that people aren't going to keep comparing. And people generally assume that kids will have the same level of achievement as their parents, and for my older daughter, that could be a burden. Anyway, one step at a time.

:snuggles: Yes indeed... one step at a time.

[ruohoo97]

slmkhoo:

Many people seem to think that being a SAHM is primarily for coaching kids. Actually, I became a SAHM mainly because I could see that having grandparents and maids look after my kids when they were little was not going to be satisfactory to me (I don't want to get into a debate about this - just my view). Also, my husband was probably going to work overseas, and it seemed pointless to go back to work and quit again in a year or so. Coaching was not something that crossed our minds, though of course I have done quite a bit of that because of my older daughter's special needs. I coached my other daughter before the PSLE simply because she wasn't in Singapore school and couldn't cover the material without some help from me, but to give her due credit, she studied most of it by herself with just some help from us parents, and some from the school in the last 3 mths. Until we returned in the last 3 mths, I doubt she spent more than 1 hr a day on PSLE revision. My main role is actually administration - my husband calls me the 'glue' of the family in keeping things together as we move around so much, supervising and monitoring the kids' schoolwork, keeping tabs on the education system in Singapore because our kids will eventually have to re-integrate etc. I just wish I could find a way to make that look good on my CV when I finally try to get paid work again!

Well done!. SAHM is a calling! Not all can do it, neither will it fit to all. But you are doing a fine job!

[fifiyeo]

Chenonceau:

fifiyeo:

What happens when other family members are the ones waiting to put the kid down and condemn the parents when he doesn't do well enough for the top few schools?

:snuggles: :snuggles: ***sayang***

To deal with school teachers who put down my kids... I tell my kids that I am their mother and I know them better than anyone else. Hence, it doesn't matter what anyone else says. It only matters what I say. This draws up a psychological firewall around their psyches.

To deal with family members, I will tell my kids the same thing... and then separately, I will deal with my family members. If I need to, I will reduce contact between my kids and those people... until they stop being negative. Different family members needed to be dealt with differently but by now... all know better than to put down my kids. I don't get angry but my expectations are made known and most are nice enough and respect me enough to cooperate, especially when my skills are motivating also help THEIR kids.

The more difficult issue is when one child puts down the other. Not with words but with action. My son used give up easy because his sister won him in every thing so easily. He learnt he was a loser by the time I realized... I had to undo some damage.

Our case is very difficult to handle. Wonder what will happen when results are released. It's parent-in-laws who are putting us all down. They are expecting top 10 schools which won't happen and if we tell them off, there will be WAR! Grades and status are everything to them. Wish us luck! Hate to be ridiculed by them.

[fifiyeo]

I became a 100% SAHM to take care of the kids since 2010. Main reason was discipline and not have the maids be a main part of of their lives.