Complete loss on helping a p5 special need boy

[ammonite]

Yxl, my son had vision processing issues. He is coping ok for now, by my standard. The thing I realised was that he had missed out on the foundational years in the years when he was struggling visually. I spent time rebuilding the foundation, looking for gaps or basic misunderstandings of certain things. You may want to consider if this was the case.


Which area of vision processing is your son having trouble with and what therapy is he undergoing now? How long has he been undergoing therapy? If he feels it is useless, I would be very interested to know why he thinks so. He may be right you know. After all we are only bystanders and won’t know how it is for him.

[levite612]

Hi,

You could check out bal-a-vis-x. There’s a youtube video on it. It’s basically playing with racquetballs. Strengthens the eye muscles and trains eye to track efficiently. There are 2 parties teaching it in Sg; BrainWaves Educational Kinesiology and Steady Steps. It’s worked wonders for my kid.

[yxl]

Thanks everyone.

He is struggling when come to study or learning involve coordination.
Frequent break was given but he is very resistant whenever come to sitting to do work. Have sent him to Singapore brain,orthovision for eye training, currently at AWWA for some eye tracking & coordination therapy. As support in school, teacher had taken note of his condition & assign him a buddy to remind him of his work.

[Chenonceau]

yxl:

Thanks everyone.

He is struggling when come to study or learning involve coordination.
Frequent break was given but he is very resistant whenever come to sitting to do work. Have sent him to Singapore brain,orthovision for eye training, currently at AWWA for some eye tracking & coordination therapy. As support in school, teacher had taken note of his condition & assign him a buddy to remind him of his work.

The issues of (1) Special Needs Learning and (2) Motivation are separate. Special needs kids by and large, respond to the same motivation strategies. Your problem does not seem to be Special Needs learning since he has professional therapy to help him in that area.

Anyway, I dun think I can help advise on Special Needs Learning because I know that area very superficially only... but I can help with the bit on motivation.

I am reading that his resistance to getting work done interferes with the effectiveness of the cognitive therapy he receives. This resistance to work MAY be resolved through some simple to understand but hard to implement motivation strategies. The same write up I wrote a while back to help a Mom whose child REFUSED to study may help you...

Post 1: http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=775829#p775829
Post 2: http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=775943#p775943
Post 3: http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?p=776158#p776158

[yxl]

Thanks so much for sharing chen. Perhaps it really the emotion that I need to work on. I will learn and try to be more patient.


I think I have to keep reminding myself that it’s already a blessing that he is healthy right now after having been thru 2 liver transplant at a young age.

[Chenonceau]

yxl:

Thanks so much for sharing chen. Perhaps it really the emotion that I need to work on. I will learn and try to be more patient.


I think I have to keep reminding myself that it's already a blessing that he is healthy right now after having been thru 2 liver transplant at a young age.

Don't forego that emotional connection for school results. Ever. It's just not worth it in the larger perspective. A neighbour of mine used to lecture at NIE. She taught teachers how to teach Math. Her own son failed Math quite consistently. When my book came out, she read it from cover to cover and then she came to me eyes wet.

She regrets. So much. Her child is 18... and it is too late to turn the clock back.

Her relationship with her child was poor in the past 10 years. So many years spent in anger at each other. Years of loving joy that Satan stole from this family. Today, they have a distant relationship. Her child, because of all the anger and toxic emotion arising from the mother's inability to control her own anger, disappointment and frustration... hated to study and did poorly in school. Performed far below his potential. The child paid a price in grades.

The whole family paid a price in love.

Do not sacrifice LOVE at the altar of grades because in life, when push comes to shove, it is LOVE that binds a family together and sees individuals through challenges of EVERY sort. If the mother's love had not been clouded by toxic emotion, I think that child would have been a high flyer indeed.

Our fear... our stress... our anger poison our children, and cause them to falter at the key challenges of their lives where they NEED to stay steady. These toxic emotions poison family relationships and leave parents bereft of youthful companionship in our old age. It's not worth it to gain all the academic success in the world to lose your child. There is a reason why God called anger, a sin. It is even worse when Satan leads you to invest in toxic emotions and you lose BOTH your child and the academic success that could have been his.

This is what happened to my neighbor... years that Satan stole away.

At this point, I would like to speak blessings into your home. May your home overflow with love so rich that your faces shine with it.

[beanbear]

Chenonceau:

yxl:

Thanks so much for sharing chen. Perhaps it really the emotion that I need to work on. I will learn and try to be more patient.


I think I have to keep reminding myself that it's already a blessing that he is healthy right now after having been thru 2 liver transplant at a young age.

Don't forego that emotional connection for school results. Ever. It's just not worth it in the larger perspective. A neighbour of mine used to lecture at NIE. She taught teachers how to teach Math. Her own son failed Math quite consistently. When my book came out, she read it from cover to cover and then she came to me eyes wet.

She regrets. So much. Her child is 18... and it is too late to turn the clock back.

Her relationship with her child was poor in the past 10 years. So many years spent in anger at each other. Years of loving joy that Satan stole from this family. Today, they have a distant relationship. Her child, because of all the anger and toxic emotion arising from the mother's inability to control her own anger, disappointment and frustration... hated to study and did poorly in school. Performed far below his potential. The child paid a price in grades.

The whole family paid a price in love.

Do not sacrifice LOVE at the altar of grades because in life, when push comes to shove, it is LOVE that binds a family together and sees individuals through challenges of EVERY sort. If the mother's love had not been clouded by toxic emotion, I think that child would have been a high flyer indeed.

Our fear... our stress... our anger poison our children, and cause them to falter at the key challenges of their lives where they NEED to stay steady. These toxic emotions poison family relationships and leave parents bereft of youthful companionship in our old age. It's not worth it to gain all the academic success in the world to lose your child. There is a reason why God called anger, a sin. It is even worse when Satan leads you to invest in toxic emotions and you lose BOTH your child and the academic success that could have been his.

This is what happened to my neighbor... years that Satan stole away.

At this point, I would like to speak blessings into your home. May your home overflow with love so rich that your faces shine with it.

Thanks Chen for these spirit-filled words. Brought tears to my eyes. I too have struggled so much these past years with DD's learning difficulties. She's been going for therapy for past 8 months. I found it terribly difficult to rein in my own fears & helplessness which turned into anger each time I had to revise work or teach her. When I bought your book and read the chapter on emotional connection, I really found it hard to do it. Something was blocking the flow of love. But I didn't give up.

I sought help for my own anger issues. I sought forgiveness from my DD. I admitted to her that I was afraid, really afraid that her academic failures will translate into career failures. It was a good thing to be able to talk about my anger with my children; that it's not their fault but my own inadequacy to face my own fears.

These past 3 weeks of revising work with DD surprised me. I usually get edgy but something happened and I was able to ignite the emotional connection. We celebrated many moments of success; each time she triumphed over a difficult Maths problem, we clapped, giggled, high-fived and I could see she felt like there was a flow of positive energy into her. Each day, she looked forward to the revision and she was gaining confidence.

She just did her Maths SA2 yesterday. For the first time, I saw she was really motivated to do well, yet feeling frightened that the exam would be too difficult. She had worked really hard and I told her I was very proud of how much effort she put in and we shall leave the results to God. Inwardly, I was a little proud of myself too. I kept my anger at bay. Must have been the grace of God.

I learnt something precious these past weeks. My child really draws strength and inspiration from me. She believes in herself when I truly believe in her and really show that I believe it.

[Chenonceau]

beanbear:

Chenonceau:

Don't forego that emotional connection for school results. Ever. It's just not worth it in the larger perspective. A neighbour of mine used to lecture at NIE. She taught teachers how to teach Math. Her own son failed Math quite consistently. When my book came out, she read it from cover to cover and then she came to me eyes wet.

She regrets. So much. Her child is 18... and it is too late to turn the clock back.

Her relationship with her child was poor in the past 10 years. So many years spent in anger at each other. Years of loving joy that Satan stole from this family. Today, they have a distant relationship. Her child, because of all the anger and toxic emotion arising from the mother's inability to control her own anger, disappointment and frustration... hated to study and did poorly in school. Performed far below his potential. The child paid a price in grades.

The whole family paid a price in love.

Do not sacrifice LOVE at the altar of grades because in life, when push comes to shove, it is LOVE that binds a family together and sees individuals through challenges of EVERY sort. If the mother's love had not been clouded by toxic emotion, I think that child would have been a high flyer indeed.

Our fear... our stress... our anger poison our children, and cause them to falter at the key challenges of their lives where they NEED to stay steady. These toxic emotions poison family relationships and leave parents bereft of youthful companionship in our old age. It's not worth it to gain all the academic success in the world to lose your child. There is a reason why God called anger, a sin. It is even worse when Satan leads you to invest in toxic emotions and you lose BOTH your child and the academic success that could have been his.

This is what happened to my neighbor... years that Satan stole away.

At this point, I would like to speak blessings into your home. May your home overflow with love so rich that your faces shine with it.

Thanks Chen for these spirit-filled words. Brought tears to my eyes. I too have struggled so much these past years with DD's learning difficulties. She's been going for therapy for past 8 months. I found it terribly difficult to rein in my own fears & helplessness which turned into anger each time I had to revise work or teach her. When I bought your book and read the chapter on emotional connection, I really found it hard to do it. Something was blocking the flow of love. But I didn't give up.

I sought help for my own anger issues. I sought forgiveness from my DD. I admitted to her that I was afraid, really afraid that her academic failures will translate into career failures. It was a good thing to be able to talk about my anger with my children; that it's not their fault but my own inadequacy to face my own fears.

These past 3 weeks of revising work with DD surprised me. I usually get edgy but something happened and I was able to ignite the emotional connection. We celebrated many moments of success; each time she triumphed over a difficult Maths problem, we clapped, giggled, high-fived and I could see she felt like there was a flow of positive energy into her. Each day, she looked forward to the revision and she was gaining confidence.

She just did her Maths SA2 yesterday. For the first time, I saw she was really motivated to do well, yet feeling frightened that the exam would be too difficult. She had worked really hard and I told her I was very proud of how much effort she put in and we shall leave the results to God. Inwardly, I was a little proud of myself too. I kept my anger at bay. Must have been the grace of God.

I learnt something precious these past weeks. My child really draws strength and inspiration from me. She believes in herself when I truly believe in her and really show that I believe it.

Getting to this point is not easy Beanbear. Congratulations! The book is easy to understand and grasp. The Doing is quite another matter altogether. And yes... I have never said it but I too... I had to ask God for forgiveness and allow him to refine me because I have a horrendous temper.

Yes... yes. It is the grace of God. On my own strength my anger would have consumed me and my children.

For those who have just bought the book and read it... note that Beanbear bought the book MONTHS ago and it is only NOW that she experiences a breakthrough on Chapter FOUR. The book is easy to understand, not easy to DO.

[winnie_pooh]

Hi Chenonceau


May i know what book is that?

[beanbear]

Truly never underestimate the power of forgiveness. If I stay self-righteous and do not seek forgiveness from my child, I would not be able to flow out real love. My child is ever ready to forgive me. Am I ready to forgive myself and to allow my child to forgive me? Our child is always trying to reach out to us to connect with us in a deep heart-felt way but as adults, we have our own demons to deal with and until we can admit what those demons are, it’s hard to break through and reach a new level of mutual understanding and love with our children.