Inheritance money
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It is one thing if your spouse wants to share the money with you. It is another to expect it as a right. It is not a right.
In my family, money is given as a gift sometimes. No one expects it as a right. Parents and children are our responsibilities, we do not come first. Money should be set aside for both. My husband worries for his sister who is a spinster and is poor at saving, and has already told his parents to leave their house wholly to her. We are not rich, but i am glad that he thinks that way.
The most important factor is not who comes first, but that both spouses agree on the priorities. -
In my world, it is a right and an expectation that good and bad be shared. That’s what marriage is for. Can a husband say, ‘Oh, you’ve fallen ill with cancer, I’m not gonna share this burden, see yah!’
If the expectation is that a burden be shared, why not a windfall?
In a marriage, the spouse is the primary responsibility, the children and parents come after. -
My view is why the husband need to be so calculative as in 50% must be given to him? He does not trust that his wife will take out the money to shares with him if required?
I don’t ask my hubby to give me 50% of his money but I know that when I need the money, he is much willing to fork out for me. And it will be same if vice versa. Isn’t that a basis understanding of a husband and wife?
If one day my husband become calculative as in 1/2 is his, 1/2 is mine, I will be uncomfortable and will start to "protect" myself. I will start to hold even more tighter in my money. -
JJ1111:
I think you need to read through the whole thread to see what advice is being given here, and what I am trying to say.My view is why the husband need to be so calculative as in 50% must be given to him? He does not trust that his wife will take out the money to shares with him if required?
I don't ask my hubby to give me 50% of his money but I know that when I need the money, he is much willing to fork out for me. And it will be same if vice versa. Isn't that a basis understanding of a husband and wife?
If one day my husband become calculative as in 1/2 is his, 1/2 is mine, I will be uncomfortable and will start to \"protect\" myself. I will start to hold even more tighter in my money.
I agree with you that it does not need to be physically taken out and distributed 50-50, but the principle of sharing must be there in the first place. That is not what is being advised here by other posters. -
3Boys:
I guess I do not see inheritance money as a windfall at all. This is money left from a parent that has passed away, it represents his hard work and expectations and hopes. It is the ultimate test - will you still look after the parent's interests after he has departed from the world?If the expectation is that a burden be shared, why not a windfall?
It is not a lottery winning. It is not money to rejoice over or to spend on luxuries. That is like dancing on a dead parent's grave. It is a responsibility.
Maybe we are speaking from different financial positions. We are comfortable, but not so secure in our long term outlooks. There are still fundamentals that need to be secured before we even think of this as a \"windfall\". This includes the needs of children and parents. Putting money aside for our dependents IS sharing of burden. Inheritance money for us will be to alleviate our joint responsibilities. But it is certainly not a matter of \"50% should be mine\". That is just plain greedy and disrespectful of the dead.
Lottery money is a different matter. Even my aunts and uncles will give out ang pows when they strike lottery. -
ammonite:
In my view, it matters not if this is seen as a windfall, whether it's $500 from a minor TOTO prize, or a $2 million house from an inheritance. And I am not arguing about responsible usage either, for it should be a given that money is used responsibly, no matter how you come across it.
I guess I do not see inheritance money as a windfall at all. This is money left from a parent that has passed away, it represents his hard work and expectations and hopes. It is the ultimate test - will you still look after the parent's interests after he has departed from the world?3Boys:
If the expectation is that a burden be shared, why not a windfall?
It is not a lottery winning. It is not money to rejoice over or to spend on luxuries. That is like dancing on a dead parent's grave. It is a responsibility.
Maybe we are speaking from different financial positions. We are comfortable, but not so secure in our long term outlooks. There are still fundamentals that need to be secured before we even think of this as a \"windfall\". This includes the needs of children and parents. Putting money aside for our dependents IS sharing of burden. Inheritance money for us will be to alleviate our joint responsibilities. But it is certainly not a matter of \"50% should be mine\". That is just plain greedy and disrespectful of the dead.
Lottery money is a different matter. Even my aunts and uncles will give out ang pows when they strike lottery.
In the final analysis, assets have come into the family (or one person in that family). Were there specific instructions from the deceased as to how that money were to be used? If so, then yes, please respect those wishes. If not, as tends to be the case? Then the recipient has discretion to use it as he/she sees fit.
And the first consideration, to my mind, would be, how would I best use it to the benefit of the family. And that is a joint decision OF THE FAMILY (including the spouse, if you are married), not yours and yours alone. You do not, if you are married, have the right to make that determination on your own.
Just as a husband does not have a right to walk away from a marriage because caring for the wife or kids becomes too burdensome, and hand the task back to the in-laws, likewise, a wife does not have a right to withhold inheritance money on the grounds that it is HERS alone.
Shared responsibilities, shared decision making, shared burdens, shared wealth.
The fundamental underpinning of any successful and satisfying union. -
3Boys:
In my view, it matters not if this is seen as a windfall, whether it's $500 from a minor TOTO prize, or a $2 million house from an inheritance. And I am not arguing about responsible usage either, for it should be a given that money is used responsibly, no matter how you come across it.
I guess I do not see inheritance money as a windfall at all. This is money left from a parent that has passed away, it represents his hard work and expectations and hopes. It is the ultimate test - will you still look after the parent's interests after he has departed from the world?ammonite:
[quote=\"3Boys\"]If the expectation is that a burden be shared, why not a windfall?
It is not a lottery winning. It is not money to rejoice over or to spend on luxuries. That is like dancing on a dead parent's grave. It is a responsibility.
Maybe we are speaking from different financial positions. We are comfortable, but not so secure in our long term outlooks. There are still fundamentals that need to be isecured before we even think of this as a \"windfall\". This includes the needs of children and parents. Putting money aside for our dependents IS sharing of burden. Inheritance money for us will be to alleviate our joint responsibilities. But it is certainly not a matter of \"50% should be mine\". That is just plain greedy and disrespectful of the dead.
Lottery money is a different matter. Even my aunts and uncles will give out ang pows when they strike lottery.
In the final analysis, assets have come into the family (or one person in that family). Were there specific instructions from the deceased as to how that money were to be used? If so, then yes, please respect those wishes. If not, as tends to be the case? Then the recipient has discretion to use it as he/she sees fit.
And the first consideration, to my mind, would be, how would I best use it to the benefit of the family. And that is a joint decision OF THE FAMILY (including the spouse, if you are married), not yours and yours alone. You do not, if you are married, have the right to make that determination on your own.
Just as a husband does not have a right to walk away from a marriage because caring for the wife or kids becomes too burdensome, and hand the task back to the in-laws, likewise, a wife does not have a right to withhold inheritance money on the grounds that it is HERS alone.
Shared responsibilities, shared decision making, shared burdens, shared wealth.
The fundamental underpinning of any successful and satisfying union.[/quote]As you have mentioned, since there is NO specific instruction from the deceased, the state has enacted laws to determine how inheritence will be distributed. In this case, the husband has no right to DEMAND for the money.
Yes, I agree that a family should try to share good and bad. But this is idealistic to say the least. Many factors contributed to the matter and if you have read through the thread, you should not blame the wife for having reservation about parting with her inheritence money. Not the way the husband has been treating her and her kids. -
kwcllf:
I do not speak to specific cases but am speaking as a general principle, and even so with caveats. And I would be careful about making judgements about the husband as the OP has just had 2 posts and the husband is not here to air his side of the story.
As you have mentioned, since there is NO specific instruction from the deceased, the state has enacted laws to determine how inheritence will be distributed. In this case, the husband has no right to DEMAND for the money.
Yes, I agree that a family should try to share good and bad. But this is idealistic to say the least. Many factors contributed to the matter and if you have read through the thread, you should not blame the wife for having reservation about parting with her inheritence money. Not the way the husband has been treating her and her kids.
A spouse does not have a legal right to DEMAND assistance from a partner in an illness either, does he? But what is the right thing to do? If you were seriously ill and your husband said, 'its your own business', how would you feel about that? I think you have the right, regardless of legal statutes, to DEMAND that he, as your spouse, ought to take care of you. What if your illness was a INHERITED genetic trait from your parents, a blood disorder perhaps, or early dementia? Can he say, 'oh, that's your father's fault, his genes, none of my business'?
So why is inherited assets dealt with differently?
What is marriage if not an ideal? If one cannot be idealistic about one's life partner then it's a sad day in the universe. Not for me or my kids. -
3Boys:
Please do not lump illness into your argument becos it is two different matters and seriously, the comparison is flawed.
I do not speak to specific cases but am speaking as a general principle, and even so with caveats. And I would be careful about making judgements about the husband as the OP has just had 2 posts and the husband is not here to air his side of the story.kwcllf:
As you have mentioned, since there is NO specific instruction from the deceased, the state has enacted laws to determine how inheritence will be distributed. In this case, the husband has no right to DEMAND for the money.
Yes, I agree that a family should try to share good and bad. But this is idealistic to say the least. Many factors contributed to the matter and if you have read through the thread, you should not blame the wife for having reservation about parting with her inheritence money. Not the way the husband has been treating her and her kids.
A spouse does not have a legal right to DEMAND assistance from a partner in an illness either, does he? But what is the right thing to do? If you were seriously ill and your husband said, 'its your own business', how would you feel about that? I think you have the right, regardless of legal statutes, to DEMAND that he, as your spouse, ought to take care of you. What if your illness was a INHERITED genetic trait from your parents, a blood disorder perhaps, or early dementia? Can he say, 'oh, that's your father's fault, his genes, none of my business'?
So why is inherited assets dealt with differently?
What is marriage if not an ideal? If one cannot be idealistic about one's life partner then it's a sad day in the universe. Not for me or my kids.
And of course, we can be idealistic in marriage and other matters. But ultimately, everyone has to face up to various problems down the road. Can anyone seriously say there are no problems at all in marriage?
Yes, be idealistic by all means, but have to temper it with what is realistic. -
just curious about 3boys, so do you open all your books to your spouse including money management>?
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