Inheritance money
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So it is alright for the wife to use assets contributed by the husband (presumably via the supp cards), but it is not ok for the wife to contribute back to the total asset base of the family (via a contribution from the inheritance)?
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Coolkidsrock2:
I would be careful about passing judgement hearing only 1 side of the story. What if there had been a history of the husband supporting her parents in illness over the years, and now that and inheritance has come into play, the wife wishes to retain previous arrangements whilst keeping all the inheritance to herself. Would the spouse not be entitled to be angry in such a circumstance? I am not saying this is the case, but one should not be too quick to judge. Just so it be clear, I am not supporting the husband or the wife in the OP, just that one needs to be extremely careful careful. My main bugbear is the hell-to-leather position taken by so many posters that women should keep inheritance monies to them, which is completely against the principle of shared responsibilities in a marriage. I am not saying that it cannot be the case, for clearly there are justifiable reasons for it to be so, but it CANNOT be the default.Conceptually, I do agree with 3boys that in a marriage, spouses should share with each other. But I believe what is making it very difficult in this instance is the husband actually demands that half of the inheritance should be his and his subsequent reaction of cutting off the supp cards. All these only serve to support the view that she should keep the money well.
That said, amongst my friends, some of them split everything by half right down to the contents and costs of a tub of ice-cream. I find it hard to accept such an arrangement but the dynamics of each family is different. Perhaps for some, it is acceptable to expect that any and every thing be split evenly. Only the parties involved would be clearest what is best for themselves.
It would appear that women would very quickly jump to the defense of other women when pleas of abusive unreasonable spouses or MILs get posted. There are always 2 sides to a story and if one indicates support, it should not be to the abandonment of logical principles. -
Attolia:
Entering into this debate for the first time. I see your point, 3Boys, but going from what the initial poster said, she wanted half of her inheritance to go towards taking care of her mother and her husband said, 'No. Half belongs to me.' That's what I understood from it, and in my opinion, that's wrong. The money is not his. He has no right to demand any of it. Yes, you would expect that in a marriage everything would be shared, and the wife never said she wouldn't share HER half with her husband. It might be a different story if he'd said, 'No, you shouldn't give half to your mother. This money is OURS.' But for him to insist that the half she wanted to give her mother is HIS share? That's, if nothing else, morally reprehensible. Yes, she could share her half with her mother, but why should should her husband enjoy a full half of the money (from HER father) and leave her to support her mother with her own half? And seeing as how the husband cut off her credit cards and withdrew monetary support for the kids because she wouldn't give him half the money, I wager that if she give him half the inheritance, she and the kids would be lucky to see it again.[/quote]I think you have read far too much into the original post. I have no opinion either way as to whether her actions are appropriate or not, there is simply not enough information.
I do not speak to specific cases but am speaking as a general principle, and even so with caveats. And I would be careful about making judgements about the husband as the OP has just had 2 posts and the husband is not here to air his side of the story.3Boys:
[quote=\"kwcllf\"]
As you have mentioned, since there is NO specific instruction from the deceased, the state has enacted laws to determine how inheritence will be distributed. In this case, the husband has no right to DEMAND for the money.
Yes, I agree that a family should try to share good and bad. But this is idealistic to say the least. Many factors contributed to the matter and if you have read through the thread, you should not blame the wife for having reservation about parting with her inheritence money. Not the way the husband has been treating her and her kids.
A spouse does not have a legal right to DEMAND assistance from a partner in an illness either, does he? But what is the right thing to do? If you were seriously ill and your husband said, 'its your own business', how would you feel about that? I think you have the right, regardless of legal statutes, to DEMAND that he, as your spouse, ought to take care of you. What if your illness was a INHERITED genetic trait from your parents, a blood disorder perhaps, or early dementia? Can he say, 'oh, that's your father's fault, his genes, none of my business'?
So why is inherited assets dealt with differently?
What is marriage if not an ideal? If one cannot be idealistic about one's life partner then it's a sad day in the universe. Not for me or my kids.
But if you agree that assets in a family, regardless of how they come to be, are shared, as are responsibilities, then it's fine. -
Simply put, if my husband comes into inheritance money, I do not expect him to give me half.
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Is the thread starter a stay at home mum?
If yes, and relying on the husband for years, suddenly inherit a large sum of money, then tell husband to hands off, I think the tone that delivery the message could have cause the misunderstanding and strain between husband and wife. Jmho.
Money issues are sensitive and even more so for single income family when one party heavily relies on the other for day to day spending. -
3Boys:
You still have not answered my question.[/quote]I have already answered if you go back to my previous post.kwcllf:
[quote=\"Coolkidsrock2\"]For some families, in-laws are specifically excluded from inheritance.
Precisely! In the eye of the law, it is very clear where the delineation is.
For someone who said inheritence must be shared with the spouse, it is between mutual agreement of the spouses. In this case, for the hubby to DEMAND a share of the inheritence, and when it is not given, he withdraw money not only to his spouse, but also his own children who are his own flash and blood, it is not difficult to understand why the wife has reservation in parting with the money to him. -
i think hubby and wifey should always discuss first before doing anything, afterall they are supposed to commit to each other. No point arguing who money belong to who.
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Laura02:
Agree with the highlighted and @jedamum.We we were first married, dh & I had seperate saving accounts, and a joint account for family expenses. Over the years, the accounts have merged and even the investment portfolios have dovetailed.
I think money may just be a symptom of other underlying issues, like trust. I feel that if couples trust each other and are sure of the other party's commitment to the family, both parties will not quibble about whose account money goes into.
Money makes the world go round and also makes couple with little trust of each other squabble.
Financially, who has taken care of the thread starter (TS) parents all these while? If TS parents were actually self-sufficient then can’t one assume that the mother is financially Ok? If this is not the case then why did the deceased not leave some money to her beloved wife rather to have their children squabble over her welfare?
If, however, it was the TS family that also plays a part in looking after the TS parents and the man in the house is the only breadwinner then should’nt TS gives that man a thought after her inheritance? An amiable couple must go through thick and thin regardless and so long as the TS family is willing to take care of parents of both sides then the inherited money should not get in the way of their relationship. Perhaps TS does not trust her DH to be doing this. Demanding money by one from the other is not good. But keeping money by one from the other is also not healthy.
TS did not provide enough details for one to see it one way or the other. And one can assume that her DH is not someone who is loose with money (i.e. gambler) otherwise she would have revealed it at the very start. TS also did not say whether she is the only child either to substantiate her case as the only caregiver to her mother.
Therefore, problems such as trust were not there in the first place in the relationship IMHO. And if this separation and animosity towards each other linger on, I’m afraid the consequences will be ugly and sad. I say keep the relationship if it is indeed what TS cherish because the money will run out eventually. My advice is for them to seek counseling and put the money on the table for discussion as well.
This catch 22 situation has to be resolved for the relationship to survive. -
Yes I agreed with you 3boy, money should be shared among spouse. But to SPELL it out as 50% is your & 50% is mine and he want to keep that 50%. The more I think the more it is not right to me!!!
To me the more you want to separate clearly, the more I will hold onto my OWN money.
From what she wrote, her hubby want 50% of the inheritance, so mean he is spelling out clearly as in 50% must be given to HIM!!!
I earned more than my hubby but we never spell out in our money. Sometime he paid, some time I paid. We never split our money clearly. I believe I will be extremely upset if he tell me that 50% of my inheritance must give it to him - as in physically split the money.
If my hubby inheritance a house. If he want to rent it out or ask me to stay there, it will be good. If I tell him, he must go to the lawyer there to put my name in that house, 50% will be mine, rental also must give me 50%. I believe he will be "FRIGHTEN" and I doubt he will put my name in. LOL!!! -
JJ1111:
:goodpost:Yes I agreed with you 3boy, money should be shared among spouse. But to SPELL it out as 50% is your & 50% is mine and he want to keep that 50%. The more I think the more it is not right to me!!!
To me the more you want to separate clearly, the more I will hold onto my OWN money.
From what she wrote, her hubby want 50% of the inheritance, so mean he is spelling out clearly as in 50% must be given to HIM!!!
I earned more than my hubby but we never spell out in our money. Sometime he paid, some time I paid. We never split our money clearly. I believe I will be extremely upset if he tell me that 50% of my inheritance must give it to him - as in physically split the money.
If my hubby inheritance a house. If he want to rent it out or ask me to stay there, it will be good. If I tell him, he must go to the lawyer there to put my name in that house, 50% will be mine, rental also must give me 50%. I believe he will be \"FRIGHTEN\" and I doubt he will put my name in. LOL!!!!!!!!!
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