Inheritance money
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Laura02:
Agree with the highlighted and @jedamum.We we were first married, dh & I had seperate saving accounts, and a joint account for family expenses. Over the years, the accounts have merged and even the investment portfolios have dovetailed.
I think money may just be a symptom of other underlying issues, like trust. I feel that if couples trust each other and are sure of the other party's commitment to the family, both parties will not quibble about whose account money goes into.
Money makes the world go round and also makes couple with little trust of each other squabble.
Financially, who has taken care of the thread starter (TS) parents all these while? If TS parents were actually self-sufficient then can’t one assume that the mother is financially Ok? If this is not the case then why did the deceased not leave some money to her beloved wife rather to have their children squabble over her welfare?
If, however, it was the TS family that also plays a part in looking after the TS parents and the man in the house is the only breadwinner then should’nt TS gives that man a thought after her inheritance? An amiable couple must go through thick and thin regardless and so long as the TS family is willing to take care of parents of both sides then the inherited money should not get in the way of their relationship. Perhaps TS does not trust her DH to be doing this. Demanding money by one from the other is not good. But keeping money by one from the other is also not healthy.
TS did not provide enough details for one to see it one way or the other. And one can assume that her DH is not someone who is loose with money (i.e. gambler) otherwise she would have revealed it at the very start. TS also did not say whether she is the only child either to substantiate her case as the only caregiver to her mother.
Therefore, problems such as trust were not there in the first place in the relationship IMHO. And if this separation and animosity towards each other linger on, I’m afraid the consequences will be ugly and sad. I say keep the relationship if it is indeed what TS cherish because the money will run out eventually. My advice is for them to seek counseling and put the money on the table for discussion as well.
This catch 22 situation has to be resolved for the relationship to survive. -
Yes I agreed with you 3boy, money should be shared among spouse. But to SPELL it out as 50% is your & 50% is mine and he want to keep that 50%. The more I think the more it is not right to me!!!
To me the more you want to separate clearly, the more I will hold onto my OWN money.
From what she wrote, her hubby want 50% of the inheritance, so mean he is spelling out clearly as in 50% must be given to HIM!!!
I earned more than my hubby but we never spell out in our money. Sometime he paid, some time I paid. We never split our money clearly. I believe I will be extremely upset if he tell me that 50% of my inheritance must give it to him - as in physically split the money.
If my hubby inheritance a house. If he want to rent it out or ask me to stay there, it will be good. If I tell him, he must go to the lawyer there to put my name in that house, 50% will be mine, rental also must give me 50%. I believe he will be "FRIGHTEN" and I doubt he will put my name in. LOL!!! -
JJ1111:
:goodpost:Yes I agreed with you 3boy, money should be shared among spouse. But to SPELL it out as 50% is your & 50% is mine and he want to keep that 50%. The more I think the more it is not right to me!!!
To me the more you want to separate clearly, the more I will hold onto my OWN money.
From what she wrote, her hubby want 50% of the inheritance, so mean he is spelling out clearly as in 50% must be given to HIM!!!
I earned more than my hubby but we never spell out in our money. Sometime he paid, some time I paid. We never split our money clearly. I believe I will be extremely upset if he tell me that 50% of my inheritance must give it to him - as in physically split the money.
If my hubby inheritance a house. If he want to rent it out or ask me to stay there, it will be good. If I tell him, he must go to the lawyer there to put my name in that house, 50% will be mine, rental also must give me 50%. I believe he will be \"FRIGHTEN\" and I doubt he will put my name in. LOL!!!!!!!!! -
AdonciaTang:
Do either of you know the whole and entire story of the OP?
:goodpost:JJ1111:
Yes I agreed with you 3boy, money should be shared among spouse. But to SPELL it out as 50% is your & 50% is mine and he want to keep that 50%. The more I think the more it is not right to me!!!
To me the more you want to separate clearly, the more I will hold onto my OWN money.
From what she wrote, her hubby want 50% of the inheritance, so mean he is spelling out clearly as in 50% must be given to HIM!!!
I earned more than my hubby but we never spell out in our money. Sometime he paid, some time I paid. We never split our money clearly. I believe I will be extremely upset if he tell me that 50% of my inheritance must give it to him - as in physically split the money.
If my hubby inheritance a house. If he want to rent it out or ask me to stay there, it will be good. If I tell him, he must go to the lawyer there to put my name in that house, 50% will be mine, rental also must give me 50%. I believe he will be \"FRIGHTEN\" and I doubt he will put my name in. LOL!!!!!!!!!
Did I say a 50/50 split?
Did I say be grubbing and conniving and calculative?
In the first place, it is not clear to me that the OP offered to share anything at all, that does not strike you as being somewhat selfish to begin with?
I do not know the whole story, I pass no judgement on the OP or her husband.
All I am saying is that in this thread, some of the women-folk immediately made the assumption that the husband is some money-grubbing, calculative dolt that is not deserving of a single cent, and leapt to the defence of the OP. In the process, abandoning all reason and making sweeping statements that 'women need to keep money for themselves', 'inheritance money should not be shared'. Are there circumstances that those principles should apply? Certainly. But to make it as if those principles underpin a marital relationship is plain flawed!!
Don't miss the woods for the trees.
If I inherited a house, my IMMEDIATE thought, in lieu of any contrary instruction, would be to find a way to include my spouse into the asset. If I did not offer it up spontaneously, the expectation would be that my DW would ASK or DEMAND to be part of it, and it would be her right, as my WIFE, co-owner of this thing called a MARRIAGE, to ask to be a part of it.
It is evident from the OP (supp cards and all), that she is likely dependent on the husband for financial needs. Perhaps that drives her insecurity. But at the same time, if the husband had been providing for her and the family all this time, and perhaps (speculating, I do NOT know) busting a gut with 2 jobs doing so, might he not be entitled to feel miffed if the wife came into some money and not be willing to share any of it with him? Perhaps he over-reacted, but as many of you have said, money matters are sensitive. But why is he unreasonable to expect that some of the money be put back in the common pool?
Again, I do not claim to know the circumstances and making no judgement, but am merely drawing my own line of thinking, hypothetically plausible, like everyone else. -
JJ1111:
My question to you, (the same as to kwclf, which she has not answered), how would you FEEL if your husband excluded you completely from that asset. Legally it is his right, but as as wife, do you think it is the RIGHT thing to do? Has he treated you with respect, consideration and trust?
If my hubby inheritance a house. If he want to rent it out or ask me to stay there, it will be good. If I tell him, he must go to the lawyer there to put my name in that house, 50% will be mine, rental also must give me 50%. I believe he will be \"FRIGHTEN\" and I doubt he will put my name in. LOL!!!!!!!!! -
Rational_Parent:
\"Demanding money by one from the other is not good. But keeping money by one from the other is also not healthy\"
Agree with the highlighted and @jedamum.Laura02:
We we were first married, dh & I had seperate saving accounts, and a joint account for family expenses. Over the years, the accounts have merged and even the investment portfolios have dovetailed.
I think money may just be a symptom of other underlying issues, like trust. I feel that if couples trust each other and are sure of the other party's commitment to the family, both parties will not quibble about whose account money goes into.
Money makes the world go round and also makes couple with little trust of each other squabble.
Financially, who has taken care of the thread starter (TS) parents all these while? If TS parents were actually self-sufficient then can’t one assume that the mother is financially Ok? If this is not the case then why did the deceased not leave some money to her beloved wife rather to have their children squabble over her welfare?
If, however, it was the TS family that also plays a part in looking after the TS parents and the man in the house is the only breadwinner then should’nt TS gives that man a thought after her inheritance? An amiable couple must go through thick and thin regardless and so long as the TS family is willing to take care of parents of both sides then the inherited money should not get in the way of their relationship. Perhaps TS does not trust her DH to be doing this. Demanding money by one from the other is not good. But keeping money by one from the other is also not healthy.
TS did not provide enough details for one to see it one way or the other. And one can assume that her DH is not someone who is loose with money (i.e. gambler) otherwise she would have revealed it at the very start. TS also did not say whether she is the only child either to substantiate her case as the only caregiver to her mother.
Therefore, problems such as trust were not there in the first place in the relationship IMHO. And if this separation and animosity towards each other linger on, I’m afraid the consequences will be ugly and sad. I say keep the relationship if it is indeed what TS cherish because the money will run out eventually. My advice is for them to seek counseling and put the money on the table for discussion as well.
This catch 22 situation has to be resolved for the relationship to survive.
A rational case that has just been completely overlooked in the stampede to crucify the husband. -
3Boys:
The house is HIS, why should I ask aka force him LEGALLY to put my name in? But I believe truthly that if he rented that asset out, he will be much willing to share the rental income with me. As in buying me gift or give me money to spend.
My question to you, (the same as to kwclf, which she has not answered), how would you FEEL if your husband excluded you completely from that asset. Legally it is his right, but as as wife, do you think it is the RIGHT thing to do? Has he treated you with respect, consideration and trust?JJ1111:
If my hubby inheritance a house. If he want to rent it out or ask me to stay there, it will be good. If I tell him, he must go to the lawyer there to put my name in that house, 50% will be mine, rental also must give me 50%. I believe he will be \"FRIGHTEN\" and I doubt he will put my name in. LOL!!!!!!!!!
I wouldn't force him to LEGALLY add my name in.
You split the money clearly with your wife as in 50% is her & 50% is your? Buy toilet paper also need to you pay 1/2 and she pay 1/2? You will force your wife to split clearly her money with you (as in physically split)? So if she doesn't want to split 50% of her income aka asset with you. What will you do? Stop providing her and your kids? Will you so hardhearted to pull your kids in? -
JJ1111:
The house is HIS, why should I ask aka force him LEGALLY to put my name in? But I believe truthly that if he rented that asset out, he will be much willing to share the rental income with me. As in buying me gift or give me money to spend.
My question to you, (the same as to kwclf, which she has not answered), how would you FEEL if your husband excluded you completely from that asset. Legally it is his right, but as as wife, do you think it is the RIGHT thing to do? Has he treated you with respect, consideration and trust?3Boys:
[quote=\"JJ1111\"]
If my hubby inheritance a house. If he want to rent it out or ask me to stay there, it will be good. If I tell him, he must go to the lawyer there to put my name in that house, 50% will be mine, rental also must give me 50%. I believe he will be \"FRIGHTEN\" and I doubt he will put my name in. LOL!!!!!!!!! I wouldn't force him to LEGALLY add my name in.
You split the money clearly with your wife as in 50% is her & 50% is your? Buy toilet paper also need to you pay 1/2 and she pay 1/2? You will force your wife to split clearly her money with you (as in physically split)? So if she doesn't want to split 50% of her income aka asset with you. What will you do? Stop providing her and your kids? Will you so hardhearted to pull your kids in?[/quote]I've already stated very clearly that I don't split it down the line. And you concede that yes, you expect to share in some of the spoils of the inheritance, like some proceeds from the rental, right? So you agree the the benefits of the inheritance should not just be retained by the single beneficiary?
Don't worry about me, I have a great relationship with my DW, financially and otherwise
.
The problems this couple has goes just beyond money, so don't be too quick to judge either party. -
Great to hear you have a great relationship with your wife and both of your are satisfied with whatever arrangements agreed upon.
But, there are many situations that created many different outcomes. Not many people have such an ideal situation (or close to ideal?) as you. -
kwcllf:
I agree.Great to hear you have a great relationship with your wife and both of your are satisfied with whatever arrangements agreed upon.
But, there are many situations that created many different outcomes. Not many people have such an ideal situation (or close to ideal?) as you.
So why the intense negativity towards the husband we know nothing about?
Why the knee jerk 'Inheritance money should not be shared'?
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