桃花谈
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insider:
is like a story and teaching time..... i'm looking forward to your story....
PS to the rest:
Let me take a short break hor. Will continue with my niece's story when I have a real block of time to write properly... -
insider:
Thanks for sharing Insider. That is type of amazing real life story that seems always happens in movie. By the way, I mentioned earlier, the way that your husband and you first met was also like movie...
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My family got 6 kids and very poor as told.
My second brother molested me when I was about 10 (climbed on top of me at night and did funny things).
He turned to drugs at around 12 years old and was on drugs for close to 30 years of his life. He was forever in fights when young and always returned home bleeding here and there.
My mum is the leader of the house. She would always nurse my brother back to health (try to imagine a woman nursing an injured child with a broken head). We couldn’t really send him to the hospital coz worry of ‘police catch’.
My this brother would physically abuse me now and then. Such abuse included the use of a chopping knife.
My house used to be so full of drama. There were fights about anything coz that small 3-room HDB needed to house 8 of us (got one point incl my dad's new wife and kids!).
My brother made a girl pregnant when he was about 17 and they married. They gave birth to a son and threw him to my parents. I helped to take care of that baby. That time I was about 18. At that young age, I was thinking I must protect this baby and tried not to let him grow up like the dad. Nevertheless, this baby still had to suffer much abuse when his dad went crazy on drugs.
I did my best to protect this nephew, giving him tuitions, etc. He did reasonably well for his PSLE and O levels and went into poly.
When he was about 17, police came to our door and arrested him for extortion.
He admitted to us that he did commit the extortion crime (exhorted pr schoolers for their handphones).
I got a lawyer to defend him. Lawyer told me court was likely to pass two sentences – RTC or probation. But the court would look at his family background if they wanted to grant probation (coz needs a stable family for him to stay and if no such stable family is available, then he would need to go to RTC).
During sentence day, I had to present myself to the judge to commit myself in taking care of him and to plead for a probation sentence.
He was sentenced to 24 months probation and stayed with me. My kids love to play with him.
When he was with me, he did something quite terrible.
He stole my jewelry in my lock up drawer and pawned all.
It was months later then I discovered my jewelry was all gone (I seldom open that drawer unless I want to put on jewelry for occasion).
When he knew that I had discovered, he ran away.
He was still under probation order at that time, meaning he had to observe curfew hours. By breaking the curfew hours = once caught, he would need to go into RTC.
We chatted over the phone during those 3 days that he ran away.
I wasn’t God. Of course I was very upset. But upset couldn’t solve the situation. My mum was recovering from cancer during that time. I couldn’t let her worry about all these kinds of noises. If I couldn't settle the matter calmly, I might have lose my mum on top of my jewelry!
I asked him to come back.
Similar to the way my brother repenting to my mum, my nephew repented and repented to me. I forgave him (couldn’t chase him else I risked also losing him forever). Subsequent months passed by peacefully.
After his NS, he went to complete his diploma.
Now, he is happily married with an oh-so-cute daughter.
His dad (my second brother) finally kicked the drug habit about 5/6 years ago through a church.
Now he is a proud grandfather who dotes on his granddaughter like a little princess. Few days back when my mum recounted to me my grandma’s last blessing to her about all her children will be good, my mum was thinking about how glad she is to see my second brother finally changed when she saw him playing with my grand niece. I think this 祖孙四代 picture is not possible at all if we didn’t have enough strength to make it happen.
I love my mum. She is the wisest woman on earth despite 目不识丁!
--------------------------------------------
Not sure have I answered you question?
Basically, 可恶之人必有可怜之处…..
We keep talking about physical and emotional scars. What I can share about my personal life experiences is all these scars made me into a very strong woman. With the strength, I can help many people... (so I am actually quite thankful of having those experiences).
I marvel about 命. Sometimes I will still ponder how I could be number 1 in my Sec 4 class when my house was always such a big mess...
Truly, to forgive is divine, :salute: -
Hi insider,
The way I understand fr your stories, there’s always a cause for the bad actions, may not understand or see the why but if understand that there is/are casuse/s, then should not add on to the causes. If don’t add on to the cause then there’s a chance to change for the better. If can act to lessen the cause/s better still. -
insider:
Dear Insider,
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Some short stories (think I have shared them before years ago):
My best friend who got raped repeatedly by her dad when she was about 10.
When young, she was very very scared of being alone with her dad (one with low IQ) coz of possible sexual advances. She hated her dad then. Such a BIG Monster right?
As she grew, she went around ‘manhunting’. Basically became a promiscuous woman. Shared before that even my husband was ever one of her targets.
As she matured further, she forgave her dad coz she understood that part about her dad having low IQ but high sexual drive. Once she forgiven, almost like her whole worldview changed. She became more stable and more 懂事 instead of carrying on her 'manhunt' routine.
Few months back the dad just passed on. I went to visit the dad in the hospital and saw how she dabbed her dad’s lips with a damp pc of cotton wool.
I am so glad that she has forgiven to this extent (my friend is a Christian and so I don’t share about all these Seedlings Theories with her at all. I am just glad that she has resolved this hatred and so doesn’t need to carry this bad seed with her to her next life.)
PS: She also carries super 桃花 stars on her plate.
-----------------
My family got 6 kids and very poor as told.
My second brother molested me when I was about 10 (climbed on top of me at night and did funny things).
He turned to drugs at around 12 years old and was on drugs for close to 30 years of his life. He was forever in fights when young and always returned home bleeding here and there.
My mum is the leader of the house. She would always nurse my brother back to health (try to imagine a woman nursing an injured child with a broken head). We couldn’t really send him to the hospital coz worry of ‘police catch’.
My this brother would physically abuse me now and then. Such abuse included the use of a chopping knife.
My house used to be so full of drama. There were fights about anything coz that small 3-room HDB needed to house 8 of us (got one point incl my dad's new wife and kids!).
My brother made a girl pregnant when he was about 17 and they married. They gave birth to a son and threw him to my parents. I helped to take care of that baby. That time I was about 18. At that young age, I was thinking I must protect this baby and tried not to let him grow up like the dad. Nevertheless, this baby still had to suffer much abuse when his dad went crazy on drugs.
I did my best to protect this nephew, giving him tuitions, etc. He did reasonably well for his PSLE and O levels and went into poly.
When he was about 17, police came to our door and arrested him for extortion.
He admitted to us that he did commit the extortion crime (exhorted pr schoolers for their handphones).
I got a lawyer to defend him. Lawyer told me court was likely to pass two sentences – RTC or probation. But the court would look at his family background if they wanted to grant probation (coz needs a stable family for him to stay and if no such stable family is available, then he would need to go to RTC).
During sentence day, I had to present myself to the judge to commit myself in taking care of him and to plead for a probation sentence.
He was sentenced to 24 months probation and stayed with me. My kids love to play with him.
When he was with me, he did something quite terrible.
He stole my jewelry in my lock up drawer and pawned all.
It was months later then I discovered my jewelry was all gone (I seldom open that drawer unless I want to put on jewelry for occasion).
When he knew that I had discovered, he ran away.
He was still under probation order at that time, meaning he had to observe curfew hours. By breaking the curfew hours = once caught, he would need to go into RTC.
We chatted over the phone during those 3 days that he ran away.
I wasn’t God. Of course I was very upset. But upset couldn’t solve the situation. My mum was recovering from cancer during that time. I couldn’t let her worry about all these kinds of noises. If I couldn't settle the matter calmly, I might have lose my mum on top of my jewelry!
I asked him to come back.
Similar to the way my brother repenting to my mum, my nephew repented and repented to me. I forgave him (couldn’t chase him else I risked also losing him forever). Subsequent months passed by peacefully.
After his NS, he went to complete his diploma.
Now, he is happily married with an oh-so-cute daughter.
His dad (my second brother) finally kicked the drug habit about 5/6 years ago through a church.
Now he is a proud grandfather who dotes on his granddaughter like a little princess. Few days back when my mum recounted to me my grandma’s last blessing to her about all her children will be good, my mum was thinking about how glad she is to see my second brother finally changed when she saw him playing with my grand niece. I think this 祖孙四代 picture is not possible at all if we didn’t have enough strength to make it happen.
I love my mum. She is the wisest woman on earth despite 目不识丁!
--------------------------------------------
Not sure have I answered you question?
Basically, 可恶之人必有可怜之处…..
We keep talking about physical and emotional scars. What I can share about my personal life experiences is all these scars made me into a very strong woman. With the strength, I can help many people... (so I am actually quite thankful of having those experiences).
I marvel about 命. Sometimes I will still ponder how I could be number 1 in my Sec 4 class when my house was always such a big mess...
Your pesonal recount made me teared.
Wish I have the strength and wisdom like you, to overcome the past hurts and to face the current challanges in my life.
Anyway, thanks for sharing. It's a very good CNY gift to me. There are many good learning points in what you have shared so far. At least, I have implemented something you've shared on parenting immediately! It's a small step, but good to start somewhere... :thankyou: -
Insider..
Reading up the 13 pages in one noon.. many qns popped thru my head.. will post it tonight should i have the time..
Nonetheless.. really appreciate your sharings.. very detailed and will keep in mind about how we should create positive energy in the family...
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Fairy:
Wish I have the strength and wisdom like you, to overcome the past hurts and to face the current challanges in my life.
Anyway, thanks for sharing. It's a very good CNY gift to me. There are many good learning points in what you have shared so far. At least, I have implemented something you've shared on parenting immediately! It's a small step, but good to start somewhere...
Fairy ah,
Learn to let go.
Letting go is the only way to heal and then to move forward to a lot more positive energy. Be aware of your 无明, this thing causes people to hang on to things that they are not supposed to and then create all sorts of unnecessary obstacles in one’s life.
There was so much shit in my childhood and in my early teens. I shared before those years that I was working on the street from 6 years old, helping my mum to collect laundry for washing, about those years that I was almost raped by a Gor Gor and bullied by kids from better family backgrounds. As such a young child then, I was so defenceless but I managed to emerge to be so strong coz I know how to count my blessings and ignore the bad.
When I said I was born with 慧根 and I really believe it. This 慧根 allows me to see the 佛 in each person instead of 牛粪…
I met many many bad people in my early life but at every stage of my life, I also meet many 贵人.
In my younger days, my 贵人 appeared all as teachers. I had tons of bad teachers (who were abusive) but then almost like in every year, I would meet a good one. These good teachers guided and mentored the me who was always shabbily attired in school uniform. I am forever thankful to such teachers.
At this age, I know nothing can hurt me. Literally nothing unless I allow it to (which is silly).
I enjoy raising kids coz of my mentality, that I believe each of my kids has their own destiny to move on and my job is to try to groom their wisdom instead of just focusing on their academics (academics cause a lot of strain between parent-child relationships that I find is really unnecessary).
If you have a chance to take a look at my two elder kids, they have the look of 慈祥. This look will enable them to attract 贵人 and block the 小人.
贵人 or 小人 don’t appear without a reason (just like good/bad 桃花).
One’s charisma attracts either one of these to help or to create troubles. (my youngest son still has the 逆气 in him that I have to tame indirectly. He still has some time to develop the 慈祥 look. Overall, I think he should be ok coz there should be enough positive energy to help him in my peaceful family. You heard of how I ‘boasted’ about my 19 years old son has never ever raised his voice at me?).
Instead of concentrating my efforts in grooming my kids’ in their academics, I concentrate in building the 慈祥 look in them. If they can be surrounded by positive energy, then their lives will be smooth no matter where they go or what they do.
I attended a gathering with my schoolmates few days back. One of them was complaining to me her P6 daughter is very defiant and very difficult to teach. This daughter is weak in her Chinese and therefore has to attend Chinese tuition that clashes with the church timing. I advised her if she really has to choose, she has to forego the tuition and let the daughter go church. This ‘child like faith’ is difficult for many to have. If she really believes in Christ, she can leave all her worries to God (放下) and then God will show the way (provided she models herself properly for her kids). This concept is not easy to apply but it should be that way.
So pls learn to let go. Don’t punish yourself repeatedly，over and over again by holding grudges.
If I can be of a very remote guide for you, I can tell you that I am very comfortable in my life now with a happy family and tons of fun in my personal life (drink wine and play mahjong with a bunch of good friends!). This is really only possible because I can let go of hurts and grudges, offloading the negative energy and move on and on to pick up roses without looking back…
Do work on improving yourself bit by bit (and don’t beat yourself when sometimes you fail. We are afterall human)…
Always must remember, Life is Beautiful… (I've never lose sight of this motto since young. It's 'engraved' in me...) -
Really enjoy reading your words...
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Your words of wisdom set me thinking over the hols. I reviewed my own life choices and the consequences. I want to cultivate my seedlings and be a better person. In turn I hope to set the positive energy in motion for my family and relatives. There were many instances I could have done more but chose not to. So there are some regrets because I could have made a difference.
Thank you. -
how to learn to let go if person hurt u in the past n still hurting u right now?
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可恶之人必有可怜之处. 就看找得到可怜之处吗•••
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