桃花谈
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I used to wish I have better command of Chinese so I can read all the 武侠小说. Now I wish I have better command of Chinese so I can read and fully understand insiders’ profound teachings. Sigh.
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Oh yes, another thing. Pride means nothing much to me now. I don’t need to win anything anymore and so I seldom fight with anyone (excl working matters that involve legal cases lah). I let people win, see them happy as most losses are just nothing material with most of the time, the 赢 is just 赢了一口气 and nothing else.
Insider, like the rest I read your post with great interest. I like what u mention above. It’s not easy especially in the office when u are caught in the rat race. But I do ask myself if i m committing the same mistake or behaving the same way before i reprimand my staff. I like to remind myself all the time whether at work or at home.
Thanks for sharing. -
ChiefKiasu:
I used to wish I have better command of Chinese so I can read all the 武侠小说. Now I wish I have better command of Chinese so I can read and fully understand insiders' profound teachings. Sigh.
hahaha...Chief ah...书到用时方恨少..... -
fable:
Hello Fable!Dear Insider,
For me this thread has made me think about my relationship with my parents, in particular my father.
Thank you for your generous contribution!
OK, I will share with you something about my dad.
My dad was a tall and handsome man with a pair of big eyes.
His first wife was a China woman arranged by my grandpa (put in your mind a very traditional old man with white long beard…). My grandpa got the wife for him from China when he was about 18. My dad didn’t want and he ran away from his kampong to ‘town’.
Then he ‘sian’ my mum and they both got married.
Family was very poor then and they gave birth to 6 kids with age gaps of 1 year per kid (do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti).
My dad cared a lot for his family, working very hard in all sorts of jobs to bring food to the table (that time was one big pot of pork porridge and whole family would enjoy).
Being poor didn’t stop my dad from attracting all sorts of 桃花. He had many girlfriends.
When I was young, my mum used to organize her whole army of kids to go and hunt for my dad and his 狐狸精 around our neighbourhood. Literally pulling hair kind of scenes when my mum managed to find them (aiya, my childhood was just so 精彩万分！）.
My dad later got a 3rd wife who bore him another 2 kids and this second family squeezed into our small 3 room HDB with us. His last wife I only heard about her but I had never met before.
My mum, though brought us for ‘witch hunting’ quite frequently, used to tell us that whatever happened between her and my dad was their problems and she constantly reminded us that he was a good dad. All this while, she would constantly remind us (up to CNY eve she still tell me the same thing that, “Your Papa was a good father.”)
My dad really loved all his kids (though we still kena 'belted' now and then if we misbehaved). I seldom talked to him coz he was very fierce but somehow I just could feel his hardwork and his doing his best in treating his kids with his illiterate ways of parenting.
When young, sometimes I would see my mum crying quite miserably and I felt sad for her. However, I don’t think there was ever one moment that I hated my old man. I think my mum played a great part in never tried to plant any negative seeds in me about my dad’s care and love for us, and therefore I was able to accept him as what he was, being handsome and then later part financially quite stable (he struck a big lottery when I was about 12).
When my dad suffered his first stroke at around age 60, I dutifully brought him for regular check ups at SGH. My mum took good care of him (what steam fish, palm size meat, brown rice, etc diet) and my other siblings would visit him regularly.
That went on for about 8 years and he passed on at around age 68 with my mum and all his kids besides him and then we gave him a ‘grand’ funeral.
My dad has 6 filial kids (even my drug addict brother is a very filial child. He could stay besides my dad for 24 hours if the situation required someone to do so). He had a good wife. Though with some weaknesses that seemed irresponsible and sinful, I will still want him to be my dad if there is a next life.
My oh-so-wise and strong mum did the right thing for not making us hate our dad else I may not be as stable as what I am now (and if according to Seedlings Theory, I might actually attract someone similar to him and marry that someone. Seedlings Theory has this implication that you cannot run away from things that you hate and one has to conquer the hatred then he/she can be freed to meet better things; otherwise, the same thing will come back to one again and again in different forms.)
I love my old man! (sometimes when I think of him, I will still tear from missing him…) -
ChiefKiasu:
I used to wish I have better command of Chinese so I can read all the 武侠小说. Now I wish I have better command of Chinese so I can read and fully understand insiders' profound teachings. Sigh.
You had it backwards, Chief. One reads all the 武侠小说 so that one can have better command of Chinese.
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ammonite:
hello ammonite,
When I reflected upon this, I understand that I have to demonstrate 抱容心 towards ds1, dh, and my mother. The change has been drastic in my ds1 over CNY. I am not there yet, there are still lies that I 放不下，but I try lah.
can share more about those words in red please.....?
and also, usually involved what kinds of lies? (people, esp kids, usually tell lies when they have no perceived sense of security / perceived fear and therefore resort to lies to protect themselves. Maybe you have to find out the psychological reasons of her lying and then all work to assure her that she doesn't need to lie and that all can accept her doings). -
insider,
ur dad reminds me of my dad.He used to fool ard.Similiarly,my mum,being a traditional woman,endure the pains n hv nvr badmouth my dad.
I used to hate him,for hurting my mum.My bro,was the filial one,who spent more time wf him b4 he passed away,while i was the rebelious one,still harbouring grudges on him,who caused unhappiness to my mum.He passed away when i was 20s.
My dad,surprised me by leaving most of his money to me,instead to my bro.His reason,i was single,alone n didn’t hv career;not sure what kinda man i’ll marry.While my bro has good career.
I felt so guilty…guilty for yrs…coz i didn’t visit him while he was hospitalized.I was busy wf my new job.He died fr. heartattack…it was very sudden.
i was always daddy daughter when i was small.But our r/s turned sour during my teenage yrs,i was quite rebelious.I also disliked my dad’s failure to protect my mum,from being bullied by my grandma(my mum’s MIL).
Once a while,when i see old man on the street,resemble my dad…i really very sad.
Perhaps,the best way to compensate my guilt over my dad,is try to spend more time wf my mum. -
vinegar:
Thanks vinegar for sharing....
I also disliked my dad's failure to protect my mum,from being bullied by my grandma(my mum's MIL).
Once a while,when i see old man on the street,resemble my dad....i really very sad.
Perhaps,the best way to compensate my guilt over my dad,is try to spend more time wf my mum.
Yes, have to spend more time with your mum. These old folks, one by one, can go anytime...
PS:
Maybe you want to look at your mum and her MIL relationship and perhaps you can figure out something about your relationship with your MIL. Is your grandma still around?
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