桃花谈
-
insider:
Me attest to this ah? I guess so. I did not have the kind of clear headedness or enlightenment that Insider has though. Think I basically muddled through most of my choices. And I have been fortunate thus far that they have mostly worked out well. Things with ILs have improved a lot. From a MIL who calls me empress dowager and keep telling people she is afraid of offending me and that I control DH, and a SIL who treats me as transparent to now, where not only MIL, SIL but also some relatives of DH's accepting that though I am not the super friendly and chatty type, I am nowhere near an empress dowager. But most importantly is DH knowing that I am a gem of a wife.
The saying of 日久见人心. Many times, we just have to wait as said and most if not all the time, it’s always 守得云开见月明 (think Funz can attest to this).
But I like to add, wait with open mind and open heart. Not wait, resentfully. If we do not let go of all the resentment, even when the 云开, we still won't be able to see the 月明 as we are too busy being resentful. I was myopic with resentment once and it almost cost me my marriage.
-
Funz:
But I like to add, wait with open mind and open heart. Not wait, resentfully. If we do not let go of all the resentment, even when the 云开, we still won't be able to see the 月明 as we are too busy being resentful.
Thank you for sharing. -
vinegar:
I get this very often. There was once a guy who wanted to come out of his car to bash me. But god must have been around that day because when he came out and walk towards me he suddenly decided to go back to his car.赢 is just 赢了一口气,that is really true....I always give way to drivers who try to overtake my way,or take my parking space.
What I notice,
1) at times,overtake me also no use,still hv to stop at junction or when traffic light turns red.
2)take my parking space.At the end,i find a beta n nearer parking space. -
Nebbermind:
Actually a lot of people are hurting from resentment and guilt from past incidents without quite knowing it. A lot of happier people are those who have short term memory
If it is only a distant memory, its easier to let go.
If one is constantly 'reminded' by others' actions/words, past hurts feel fresh again and keeps haunting and tormenting.
Like Vinegar (i thought i read somewhere, sorry if i quoted wrongly), i chose aviodance. Avioded the sources of the hurts for years in my life and mistakenly thought I had overcame, let go...
Once defence down..., stopped avoiding, 'forgive and forget', or so, I thought, starts feeling pained by words/actions that reinforced past perceptions again.
Some things will never change, we can only change our reaction to the things.
I feel it takes a lot of positive experiences and experiences counter to the cause of the hurts to overcome the negative feelings and let go. People who are more 阿Q are happier because of their innate ability to block out negative experiences. Such people are borned 阿Q, dont believe such mental attribute can be cultivated. -
Insider,
Now I know why I can see the not so desirable traits of my husband that reminds me of my dad - it is your Seedlings Theory.
I learnt to accept my dad’s pov after I got married to my husband who shared with me how he behaved, reacted a certain way. I still do hope he can be less temperamental, but through him-I learnt to accept both his and my dad’s ‘flaws’.
My late dad was a dutiful husbadd. My regret is that while my mum didn’t sow negative seeds wrt his bad temper, she didn’t sow positive seeds too. To us, we didn’t know why he reacted such ways and why he was not at home most of th time and when he was home, everyone will tread with caution. I see the same happening in my household too - kids being especially caution when dad is around. I do tell my kids how much their dad loves them, and try to create ways for family interaction or activities when dad is home. But somehow, like my dad maybe, their only hours home, they wish to spend with only their wives or their hobbies instead of kids. How to break this cycle? -
errr...don't know which question to take first for my this 10 min coffee break time...
Will take some questions tonight.
Meanwhile, maybe someone can help me to answer this particular question of ruohoo below pls.ruohoo97:
Instead of concentrating my efforts in grooming my kids’ in their academics, I concentrate in building the 慈祥 look in them.
Could do share an example to build 慈祥 ? -
Maybe this thread should be renamed:
\"The Theory of Life\"
:love: -
:love: That does sum it up quite well.
-
title was misleading…
-
errrr…
if without your parents, you will not be here…
if without the 桃花 stars seedling, we will not have this relatively big tree with many branches…
this thread is for 有缘人…
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better 💗
Register Login