桃花谈
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insider,
:thankyou: thks for taking ur time to explain! -
Jennifer:
Jennifer, I understand what you mean. My gals are a test to my patience and tolerance too.
Everyday is a test for me.
Monday, my younger boy needed to stay at home to rest becos he slept late for the previous night to finish up school assignment he forgot for the whole day and woke up feeling dizzy in the morning. I forgo my plan to go to IMM.
Tuesday, my younger boy forgot to call me there was no supplementary class. I got his call when I reached Jurong East MRT. I returned home immediately to open the house door for him and ate my lunch at 3pm.
Wednesday, he riled me with his nose digging at the dining table during dinner.
Monday, I was still calm.
Tuesday, I did not scold him. I went back to IMM, returned home to cook dinner and went out again.
Wednesday, I did not scold him. I also did not talk to him - like a cold war.
Today, I talked to him in a matter of a fact manner. It is really hard for me to talk nice to him. Really hard.
There are times when I still 'lose it', especially these days after reading this thread I have been more conscious of myself when dealing with them ... but sometimes still buay tahan. My plans get 'hacked' lots of times and I get frustrated too. I too do not have a very good temper.
But I will make it a point to find opportunities to talk to them about things that interest them, play silly games with them, even watching their cartoons with them and commenting about their shows with them. Do 'their' things and reach out to them.
They are our kids - dont lose the touch. My two cents worth. -
They are our kids - dont lose the touch. My two cents worth.
This is true.
I lecture my boy everyday..At age of 9,he suddenly turns into monster :yikes: ,his rebelious behaviour drives me nuts.Try to keep calm...esp.in the public...muz maintain my image
It is difficult to set boundary wf him.I've time limit for him to play, watch TV....but always hv to scream like mad woman then he off the TV.
We can even quarrel over eating,he takes 1hour to finish his meal.finding excuse to run ard than sitting still.Picking on food that i cook. :stompfeet:
However,always tell myself kids r kids....i've to try to put myself in his shoes n see the world, through the eyes of a child. Afterall, it is not easy for us to bring them into this world.
When i get very angry,i just close my eyes n think of the sweet little things
he has done.My son dotes me a lot :please: .He'll massage for me.He'll bring the pillow n put behind my back during meal time.He'll tell my DH off when my DH raises his voice on me.
So always try,try n try to think of the person good points when angry -
Sometimes I wonder - do we become more short tempered after we become a mother or are we "programmed like that"? It seems most of us are quick/bad tempered… Me too, quick tempered.
Everyday, my son tests me. He is a very "textile" person, loves to touch things and feel how they are like. But this doesn’t sit very well with me. Many a times I have to remind him until I pek chek.
Today we went to the supermarket. When I was at the cashier, he asked if he could go to the playground (we had an agreement - if his friends are there, I would let him join them). I told him not today - because it’s going torain soon. He was visibly upset but kept quiet. I was thinking to myself, not in a good mood today, you don’t test my patience.
The cashier interrupted my thoughts and said 他很乖。 I donno what to reply so I just smiled. I half wondered, if the cashier could read my thoughts? And was reminding me to hold my cool.
We passed by the playground and we saw the friends there. Their fathers were talking about going for dinner together and they looked like they were about to leave. My son looked longingly at his friends (it didn’t help that those boys were waving and inviting him to join in). He asked, mummy a little while pls?
I replied no and told him to look at the dark clouds. I moved on with him tailgating me. When I turned around, he was all red faced, fighting back his tears (my son doesn’t cry a lot. Even when he had his stitches done without anesthesia, only numbing cream, he didn’t cry).
As I was belting him up in his car seat, I took the opportunity to praise him. For being able to behave even when things didn’t go his way. I was once young too and loved the playground. I could understand how it feel to see all your buddies playing at the playgroun but you could not join. He asked me why I didn’t keep mympromise (to let him go playground if it is not raining and when his friends are there). I explained how we needed to reach home before the rain came. How I needed to carry a lot of bags… How we live in a neighbourhood where there is no shelter from car park to lift lobby…
He seemed to understand, for he suddenly turned very at peace and no longer upset.
Sorry a bit ot… This little episode kept Replaying in my mind this evening… -
if one is not giving money to their parents, one will not be able to enjoy such kind of ‘return in investment’ (return in terms of money or in kind).
what if the parents or parents in law don't nid us to give them $$? :? Instead,they give $$ to children as they r financially stable? -
I have been asked about the effectiveness of Adam Khoo’s workshops for kids, whether it is value for money since they are quite expensive.
So far I have shared about all have the potentials within yourself (慧根) and that you must try to harness your inner strength are similar to those workshops that Adam Khoo is conducting.
At the first or second read, you may go into the ‘Ok Ok Ok’ mode and thought to yourself, ‘I must do this. I must do that’ and you go on to try with ‘hopes’.
Then slowly, you may enter into the ‘pun chik’ / ‘pek chik’ mode and maybe reverting to the old self, as if you have never read this thread before.
The effectiveness of all the sharings in this thread is the same as Adam Khoo’s workshops. A few may really get touched and be inspired and really work on being the best that they can be but many may lose the zest after this thread ‘dies’ off…
So, you say Adam Khoo’s workshops are effective or not leh? -
vinegar:
vinegar,
It is difficult to set boundary wf him.I've time limit for him to play, watch TV....but always hv to scream like mad woman then he off the TV.
Little assignment for you to do...
1. Draw a monthly chart with 31 boxes.
2. Abstain from shouting / screaming at your child even you are going crazy (still so small at 9, cannot keep being so 'rude' to him huh. Wait til he turns 13 then you will know his full colours) .
3. Put a Star Sticker on each day that you reflect you do not shout at him.
4. If you can consecutively get 30 stars without any break in between, then you will be rewarded with a much better behaved child.
Game enough to play?
PS:
If 30 stars are too 'far' for you, then you start with a 7 Stars, then 14 Stars, and so on. It's ok to keep failing but you have to keep trying... -
Dear insider,
Your posts are inspirational, encouraging and a million times more effective than Adam Khoo workshop IMHO tho i hvnt attended any yet and it is without hefty cost. :rahrah:
:thankyou: -
mummy OnABudget:
mummy,Been a silent reader all this while and honestly i have learn alot, i have never forgave my ex for leaving the family.
Never forgave my dad for not being at my mothers death bed when i was 12 he told me he was too busy to come told me a 12 yr old to settle things on my own.
i must thank the lord above though he took away my mum he gave me my granny who brought me up since small, without her endless encoragment i may have always stuck at the hole.
But this yr i dont know where i got the strength to really start to let go the harted towards my daddy i called him up and went to se him as usual normally our cny meeting is silence but this yr was different i made small talk with him and amazingly we even can gossip about some stuff together yes i am still learning to let go totally it will take time alot of it, but i guess this is a very good start.
Whereas for my ex i have totally gave up on him even for the kids sake as even my son has given up on the father he said he will never turn up want la u see he never answer his calls at all and this yr i will not be taking the initative to go down mil side to try to mend i am tired already.
You have three male figures in your life so far
- your dad
- your husband
- your son (I presume you only have a son)
The first one hurt you a lot due to reasons unknown to us.
Something happened in your marriage and then the second one hurt you too.
Now you have to be careful that your son may grow up to be the third man who will also hurt you.
This is not to frighten you but I prefer to fore warn you.
You need to go and reflect any linking of your grudges against your dad previously that had led to your failed marriage. This process will take time and so pls take your time (throw away all the feelings of \"he is wrong and I am right\" and do an objective reflection).
If you can manage to find out the root problems of your marriage, then you have a higher chance of totally 放下 your husband (there's a 'mend' word in your writing and I am still not sure what this 'mend' word meant to be).
Now you are in the process of reconciling with your dad, which is a great step.
Next your have to work on forgiving your husband, wishing him well, and then 放下 him completely. (think of how my friend forgave her dad who raped her repeatedly when she was to tiny. She managed to totally 放下 else how to move on with her life? She is quite successful in her career right now.)
The moment you can figure all these out, your whole aura will change.
The moment you 放下, you may meet another man who can truly value you and bring you happiness (I know you don't really think about this possibility now but the possibility is there and so you maybe wanna start thinking. Don't forget, I kind of 'specialise‘ in 桃花...).
The moment you 放下, your child will change for the better.
Continue to seek God's Grace to have the strength to put down the unnecessary burden and be free.
Please have faith and take your time to work through your emotions instead of trying not to think about it coz it hurts too much...
Best wishes...
Add a PS:
If you cannot forgive your husband, then please never enter into any new relationship coz the chances are you will meet Another Him and you may have to repeat the cycle again. Your negative energy will either repulse positive man and / or attract negative man.
So, please try to 放下 coz that is the only right path to move forward... -
GLORYmum:
Dear insider,
Your posts are inspirational, encouraging and a million times more effective than Adam Khoo workshop IMHO tho i hvnt attended any yet and it is without hefty cost. :rahrah:
:thankyou:
paiseh paiseh....
I am a bit like 隔山打牛 leh coz I don't have more complete info of someone's hurts and have to 'guess' a bit here and there and so may end up giving wrong advice...(好心做坏事...)
But overall, I am happy that many are willing to share to make this thread a meaningful one.
谢谢!!
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