Club SAHM
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slmkhoo:
Wow! Impressive, you & your dh are the model couple
For me, married over 25yrs, I would rate it as a 9.9 (since perfection is not possible?). We do disagree sometimes, we irritate each other sometimes, but we we have learned to accept each other and we are still 'best friends'. I have been a SAHM for 16yrs, and am really very grateful that my husband recognises the work I do to raise and educate the kids, keep the home going and to support him in his work. He has never shown in any way that he rates me as less important because I don't bring money home, or that he considers my giving up my career and income as a waste. In fact, he sometimes tells people that SAHM are the 'glue' that holds families together, especially when we are overseas and without extended family support. I don't regret my marriage at all.sleepy:
I guess every marriage is different. Every dh has different temperament and every SAHM has different temperament. 家家有本难念的经
Since we are on this topic, how would you rate your overall happiness level in your decade (or decades) of marriage?
From scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being blissfully happy :please:
I have to admit I'm high maintenance, not financially but emotionally. A harsh tone, an irritated expression from dh would all hurt me. I need his attention to feel love and affirmation that he still finds me attractive and desirable as a lover.
When kids were younger, it was tough because we were inexperienced parents and without external help, we were practically struggling on our own. I would say that period was a rather low point in our marriage because I always feel so neglected by him. Of course dh was totally oblivious to my unhappiness because he always feel blissfully happy. So I'm the only person who went through those low period.
When kids grow up a little more, we have more time to ourselves and what I have communicating to him all those years about paying more attention to me has finally got through to him. He is all over me again the last couple of years, and being affectionate like he used to be, before we both became overwhelmed by kids. Yes, considering he is still besotted with me, I gave an overall rating of 9.2 :love: -
TheAnswer:
Have u ever checked with your DH how he rates you? I mean like overall package (housekeeping, personal upkeeping, temper, finance management, personality etc). I did once. Got 75 only. But my DH said, it's already distinction you know. He is kinda stingy with the marks. What to do? He said 75 already very good. Still working on improving my score.. Hmm..
I'm not sure I want to know! But performance level and satisfaction level are different things - your husband may give a 75 score but still have a 9.9 satisfaction level. I know my husband will have a relatively high satisfaction level (hopefully over 9!) but since he has very high standards, may not give good marks for individual areas. In fact, in all the areas you list, I will probably not have good scores. My housekeeping and personal upkeeping is fairly bare-bones, temper quite fiery, personality can be scary (that's my kids' opinion), finance management is OK on a small scale but terrible when there are more than 3 digits as I can't handle numbers... He appreciates me more for sharing a common faith and aspirations, being highly organised and fairly resourceful, strict with the kids, always willing to listen to him talk about whatever is on his mind, not being jealous of time he spends on other people, being independent and not clingy, having my own interests and hobbies, willing to live simply... not really the 'typical' SAHM traits that people first think about. -
sleepy:
Wow! Impressive, you & your dh are the model couple
Thanks! It's surprising how the years have passed when you look back though there have been tougher times along the way too. The main thing is to adjust together. We married early but started our family late, so our kids are still only in their early/mid teens; the next phase is for me to return to work outside the home. After that, when the kids are grown, it will be like back to the early years again! -
Imami:
So u pump at spc? Do u pump at other petrol station? Do u find that spc's petrol like \"no power\"? I prefer shell, so whenever shell has promo on v power, I sure go there to pump!
Used to pump at shell but it moved away so we switched over to spc. We alwyas pick the nearest petrol station for convenience. Don't feel any difference between shell and spc le. You driving a big cc car is it? Mine only 1.6 so I guess not much difference -
My kids have passed the bb/toddler stage. We have moved from the physically tiring stage to the present ie mentally demanding stage - education. The past 14 years seemed to have zoomed past…hubby said we were lucky to have started family early…so now we have proceeded to the next stage. My brother started family late…7 years to be exact. So now, we can enjoy a little freedom from clingy babies.
When the kids grow up a little more, hubby and I can enjoy some privacy when they stay back longer hours in school.
My sincere apologies for the ranting earlier. -
Mawar:
We have our share of ups and downs. I attribute most downs to growing pains because we were growing up and finding ourselves. We are fortunate because we only have each other the first decade of our lives together. We were overseas for school and for work. Those early years gave us a strong foundation to withstand our downs.
Dh and I studied overseas for a period of time too. Indeed the amount of time we spend together (practially all our waking moments) laid a strong foundation for our relationship. And it also gave me the opportunity to see dh in other context eg. how he handles stress, how he interacts with other classmates. We were still dating then
We started a family immediately after we got married. Can't wait too long because age catching up la
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TheAnswer:
It hasn't been smooth sailing for me either. Read about my low point.DH will never give me such high marks. Haiz. I feel lousy looking at all the near perfect scores.
Despite that, I'm thankful that he we still go on dates once a week. Either DH or I will initiate.
It really depends on how old are your kids now. Young kids drain a lot of energy from parents, very hard to be lovey dovey. It will get better for you when your kids grow up
Dh & I didn't fix any day for dates. More like ad hoc basis, whenever we can squeeze time to. Even if no time to leave the house, I will snuggle close to him and hold his hands while watching tv. -
sleepy:
Young kids (below 7) will drain a lot of energy both physically and mentally.TheAnswer:
Despite that, I'm thankful that he we still go on dates once a week. Either DH or I will initiate.
It really depends on how old are your kids now. Young kids drain a lot of energy from parents, very hard to be lovey dovey. It will get better for you when your kids grow up
Hubby & I have 2 hours every Sunday...when both go for tuition.
A date at NTUC since we have to go shopping for grocery but at least we can have a little space to look at our own stuff...he pushes the trolley while I get what we need for the weekdays. -
janet_lee88:
A date at NTUC since we have to go shopping for grocery but at least we can have a little space to look at our own stuff...he pushes the trolley while I get what we need for the weekdays.
Even a date at NTUC can be all steamy too.
When you're choosing canned food, your dh can carelessly caress your arm or draw small circles on your back. When going down the travellator, he can blow air at the nape of your neck :evil: -
Though, I am a SAHM but i seldom check in into this thread, but i feel a need to now.
Firefly38
I thought your words about Janet was way too harsh and quite unnecessary, well meaning or not. I agree that name calling our husbands or anyone else is downright disrespectful but I think you also indirectly name call with your MCQ question (no 2 ans). That wasn't nice. There is a better and nicer way to put your thoughts across.
Though I don't agree with Janet's expression of anger, but I understand we all have different coping mechanism to handle stress & anger. Under stress & anger, most of us would do or say things we don't actually mean. Just like your furious post about her. Some of our ways are not right for certain, but I guess, an apology & forgiveness would clear the way.
I think we all want to be good role models for our children, so let's refrain from being mean to one another and give fellow mothers good support & wise advice.
Just my honest opinion, hope you will not get offended.
Cheers :celebrate:
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