Club SAHM

[buds]

sleepy:

It hasn't been smooth sailing for me either. Read about my low point.

Babe, all new parents are inexperienced parents. At least you had each other for quite a long time to know each other better. I didn't have that luxury and was not only an inexperienced parent... I was an inexperienced daughter-in-law as well. Always kena bully and tekan. Guys NS 2 yrs.. i NS 10 draining years.

sleepy:

It really depends on how old are your kids now. Young kids drain a lot of energy from parents, very hard to be lovey dovey. It will get better for you when your kids grow up. Dh & I didn't fix any day for dates. More like ad hoc basis, whenever we can squeeze time to. Even if no time to leave the house, I will snuggle close to him and hold his hands while watching tv.

I have young kids AND old kids. They should drain us till we are sapped but he still can blow air whispering sweet nothings at the nape of my neck in btwn. :rotflmao: Yes, must find time to squeeze each other.. uhmm.. i meant squeeze time for one another.

We have movie nites at home. At times still have the boys sitting around us with their trains and cars. They can fall asleep in btwn movie oso ok. I still bf so no need to leave seat to make milk. When they are put in their beds we can snuggle and squeeze but problem is always leads to another movie entirely but offers better sleep they say. :preen:

[ammonite]

janet_lee88:

He couldn't get over son's less than satisfactory PSLE results...so wanted him to do very well for this year's tests/exams in the hope of transferring him to the schools which we (including son) were aiming for.


However, the choices we were wanted earlier didn't rank high now...bcos they:
1) were much further than his present school
2) school fees was based on monthly
3) son didn't want to leave this school as he has settled in.

This is a difficult one, esp given (3). I think son and father will have to sort this one out. How dad deals with this will shape their relationship through the teenage years.

[buds]

sleepy:

ammonite:

[quote=\"sleepy\"]Even a date at NTUC can be all steamy too.


When you're choosing canned food, your dh can carelessly caress your arm or draw small circles on your back. When going down the travellator, he can blow air at the nape of your neck :evil:

:rotflmao:
My sons will definitely cover their eyes and go eeeeeewwwwww......!

Still alright la, PG13 only [/quote]Mine usually either goes :

1. Here we go again people. (then covers eyes)

2. Not in front of the children you two. (then covers eyes)

3. Can you go to your room? Cos i wanna watch tv. (doesn't wanna cover eyes that's glued to the tv)

[buds]

Forgot to add...


If we are outside..

It will go..

1. We didn't see that.

[buds]

janet_lee88:

He couldn't get over son's less than satisfactory PSLE results...so wanted him to do very well for this year's tests/exams in the hope of transferring him to the schools which we (including son) were aiming for.


However, the choices we were wanted earlier didn't rank high now...bcos they:
1) were much further than his present school
2) school fees was based on monthly
3) son didn't want to leave this school as he has settled in.

This is why managing and REALLY realising those expectations... our expectations... is VERY important.

It is because of these expectations that keep such thoughts coming back to haunt and indirectly causes unpleasant shoves telling the child to ultimately realize it for the parents (harping about it till today) even though the exams are already way over.

Parents must understand the children's limitations. When we say move on or already pat the child on the back that the worst is already over, it must be over and done with.

If these expectations are still expected of the child when his best has already been used up, the backlash can come from the child not having good esteem of himself and doing poorly on top of the parent or parents being angry over the littlest things related anything to academics.

Thin ice.

Especially since the triggers can be anything.. anytime.. anywhere.

janet_lee88, perhaps you can consider a really heart to heart talk with hubby.. not just for the benefit of your son but definitely for the both of you. :hugs:

[Mawar]

vinegar:

vinegar:

[quote=\"Mawar\"]
Janet, your DH must have been angry over something else if he was acting out of character since you dont know why he blasted. Likely it was something that has been bothering him, and the Math test was the trigger.

Sometimes we all need to let off steam. Many things we say at the heat of the moment can be hurtful. It helps if the other party keeps his cool. Deal with the underlying issue at a separate time. You want to resolve the issue. You don't want to be caught up in the heated emotional exchange of hurtful words. It's a lose lose for all.

what if we keep quiet n DH keeps scolding n accusing us non-stop?

there were few times i didn't wanna discuss it anymore,yet,he kept talking n yelling.I went to the other room,he still followed n kept talking.Told him stop yelling n talk softly but couldn't stop his anger.[/quote]Vinegar, some people just want to win an argument. Right or wrong, illogical or silly, they want the last word. It's a habit that cannot be changed overnight if at all.

If the above sounds like your DH, you must preempt the escalation of anger. It's like dealing with an unreasonable toddler. You can choose to manage it by letting him win some times before the discussion gets heated up. Go with his decision and let him bear the consequences. When he is calm, he will see clearer. You can also wash your hands and let him know that even though you disagree, you will let him have his way.

Remember, this is about emotion ie hot steam, and not about the real matter.

[buds]

Agree with you Mawar. Ultimately, though it may seem that the husband is the winner because he thought his voice won over the subject matter… it is the wife that is the true winner, for she didn’t let it get to her… hence also not letting it trickle down to the children.


When a much calmer time comes up, revisit the issue in milder tones and a more accepting setting.

[sleepy]

buds:

[he still can blow air whispering sweet nothings at the nape of my neck in btwn. :rotflmao: Yes, must find time to squeeze each other.. uhmm.. i meant squeeze time for one another.

During those low period, I'm the one who continued showering dh with honeyed words. So of course he's blissfully happy (for him - low point, what low point :scratchhead: )

Despites me protesting about his neglect (he keep receiving while I get close to nothing), I can't get through to him at all le, I think he can't tell I'm actually complaining :slapshead:

buds:

Mine usually either goes :

1. Here we go again people. (then covers eyes)

2. Not in front of the children you two. (then covers eyes)

3. Can you go to your room? Cos i wanna watch tv. (doesn't wanna cover eyes that's glued to the tv)

Forgot to add...

If we are outside..

It will go..

1. We didn't see that.

At home, dd1 will continued talking to us about her serious business, completely ignoring that we're snuggling.
At most dd1 will pass a comment matter of factly, 'oh, flirting again'

I think my kids are immune :rotflmao:

[buds]

Think my kids are immune too. :rotflmao: In fact, i think even the boys.. cause when daddy gets chummy they think it's funny. Chubs will sometimes say, \"It's MY mommy!\" Then hubs will tease him again, \"Nooo. It's MY mommy.\" Chubs would continue, \"It's my mommy... my milk...\" :rotflmao: To which hubs would ask, \"Can share?\"


Once in defense, chubs accidentally knocked his elbow (or was it a heel hmmm..) when he rushed on top of me and hugged me tight, screaming... \"Nooo. It's my mommy and my milk!\" :rotflmao:

Moral of the story : Never argue with a tot about his food resources. They instinctively fight back.

So, usually we tell him we are joking by rolling around the bed in giggles and hugs. Daddy will never fight over milk with him.

Oh. My girls don't know the word \"flirt\".

[TheAnswer]

slmkhoo:

TheAnswer:

Have u ever checked with your DH how he rates you? I mean like overall package (housekeeping, personal upkeeping, temper, finance management, personality etc). I did once. Got 75 only. But my DH said, it's already distinction you know. He is kinda stingy with the marks. What to do? He said 75 already very good. Still working on improving my score.. Hmm..

I'm not sure I want to know! But performance level and satisfaction level are different things - your husband may give a 75 score but still have a 9.9 satisfaction level. I know my husband will have a relatively high satisfaction level (hopefully over 9!) but since he has very high standards, may not give good marks for individual areas. In fact, in all the areas you list, I will probably not have good scores. My housekeeping and personal upkeeping is fairly bare-bones, temper quite fiery, personality can be scary (that's my kids' opinion), finance management is OK on a small scale but terrible when there are more than 3 digits as I can't handle numbers... He appreciates me more for sharing a common faith and aspirations, being highly organised and fairly resourceful, strict with the kids, always willing to listen to him talk about whatever is on his mind, not being jealous of time he spends on other people, being independent and not clingy, having my own interests and hobbies, willing to live simply... not really the 'typical' SAHM traits that people first think about.

I also hate to be clingy. When I was younger, I used to be clingy (early stages of the relationship). That caused some tension in our relationship. He said I didn't give him a chance to miss me or call me. I also get frustrated. He said he will auto SMS/call/date me if I stop being so clingy. True enough. Things improved. Now the word clingy is no longer associated with me
For my DH, I think it's really tough to improve my score. He always say that there is a need to keep room for improvement.
Anyone of you share calendar on iCloud with your DH? I find it particularly useful to invite each other on dates!