Club SAHM
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Agree with you Mawar. Ultimately, though it may seem that the husband is the winner because he thought his voice won over the subject matter… it is the wife that is the true winner, for she didn’t let it get to her… hence also not letting it trickle down to the children.
When a much calmer time comes up, revisit the issue in milder tones and a more accepting setting. -
buds:
During those low period, I'm the one who continued showering dh with honeyed words. So of course he's blissfully happy (for him - low point, what low point :scratchhead: )[he still can blow air whispering sweet nothings at the nape of my neck in btwn. :rotflmao: Yes, must find time to squeeze each other.. uhmm.. i meant squeeze time for one another.
Despites me protesting about his neglect (he keep receiving while I get close to nothing), I can't get through to him at all le, I think he can't tell I'm actually complaining :slapshead:buds:
At home, dd1 will continued talking to us about her serious business, completely ignoring that we're snuggling.
Mine usually either goes :
1. Here we go again people. (then covers eyes)
2. Not in front of the children you two. (then covers eyes)
3. Can you go to your room? Cos i wanna watch tv. (doesn't wanna cover eyes that's glued to the tv)
Forgot to add...
If we are outside..
It will go..
1. We didn't see that.
At most dd1 will pass a comment matter of factly, 'oh, flirting again'
I think my kids are immune :rotflmao: -
Think my kids are immune too. :rotflmao: In fact, i think even the boys.. cause when daddy gets chummy they think it's funny. Chubs will sometimes say, \"It's MY mommy!\" Then hubs will tease him again, \"Nooo. It's MY mommy.\" Chubs would continue, \"It's my mommy... my milk...\" :rotflmao: To which hubs would ask, \"Can share?\"
Once in defense, chubs accidentally knocked his elbow (or was it a heel hmmm..) when he rushed on top of me and hugged me tight, screaming... \"Nooo. It's my mommy and my milk!\" :rotflmao:
Moral of the story : Never argue with a tot about his food resources. They instinctively fight back.
So, usually we tell him we are joking by rolling around the bed in giggles and hugs. Daddy will never fight over milk with him.
Oh. My girls don't know the word \"flirt\". -
slmkhoo:
I also hate to be clingy. When I was younger, I used to be clingy (early stages of the relationship). That caused some tension in our relationship. He said I didn't give him a chance to miss me or call me. I also get frustrated. He said he will auto SMS/call/date me if I stop being so clingy. True enough. Things improved. Now the word clingy is no longer associated with meTheAnswer:
Have u ever checked with your DH how he rates you? I mean like overall package (housekeeping, personal upkeeping, temper, finance management, personality etc). I did once. Got 75 only. But my DH said, it's already distinction you know. He is kinda stingy with the marks. What to do? He said 75 already very good. Still working on improving my score.. Hmm..
I'm not sure I want to know! But performance level and satisfaction level are different things - your husband may give a 75 score but still have a 9.9 satisfaction level. I know my husband will have a relatively high satisfaction level (hopefully over 9!) but since he has very high standards, may not give good marks for individual areas. In fact, in all the areas you list, I will probably not have good scores. My housekeeping and personal upkeeping is fairly bare-bones, temper quite fiery, personality can be scary (that's my kids' opinion), finance management is OK on a small scale but terrible when there are more than 3 digits as I can't handle numbers... He appreciates me more for sharing a common faith and aspirations, being highly organised and fairly resourceful, strict with the kids, always willing to listen to him talk about whatever is on his mind, not being jealous of time he spends on other people, being independent and not clingy, having my own interests and hobbies, willing to live simply... not really the 'typical' SAHM traits that people first think about.
For my DH, I think it's really tough to improve my score. He always say that there is a need to keep room for improvement.
Anyone of you share calendar on iCloud with your DH? I find it particularly useful to invite each other on dates! -
sleepy:
We have no fixed days for dates too. That's y we share calendar on iCloud. Can check anytime. Sometimes after my lessons, I see a message asking for a date :rahrah: I enjoy such little surprises. Even a long stroll together is nice for me. I'm easily satisfied :love:
It hasn't been smooth sailing for me either. Read about my low point.TheAnswer:
DH will never give me such high marks. Haiz. I feel lousy looking at all the near perfect scores.
Despite that, I'm thankful that he we still go on dates once a week. Either DH or I will initiate.
It really depends on how old are your kids now. Young kids drain a lot of energy from parents, very hard to be lovey dovey. It will get better for you when your kids grow up
Dh & I didn't fix any day for dates. More like ad hoc basis, whenever we can squeeze time to. Even if no time to leave the house, I will snuggle close to him and hold his hands while watching tv. -
Mawar:
:hi5: :snuggles:
:rotflmao: Sleepy, I love your sense of humour. My kind of friend. Where's the Like button again? -
I guess it is not so much of being unrealistic as a parent. He feels that he is living in regret now bcos he could not take leave to coach son last year…weekends were mostly burnt working. I can understand that frustration bcos he has always been the one coaching son in his work since P1. He felt he did not do his part during the crucial PSLE year.
Explained to him that son doesn’t want to leave this school as he has settled in…no harm being a big fish in this pond. Most importantly, he is doing well in this neighborhood school and happy. Supposing he transfers to another school and is not able to cope and unhappy as a result, it will be too late and that is really going to be worst! It will take a while for this to sink in though. -
Realizing limitations and managing (own) expectations is part of it.
Ultimately, a child's academic result should not commensurate with how much a parent puts in regardless if it's the daddy or the mommy. While it can add a little more weight as to how much the child gets revision done.. or the amount of drilling.. or the exam tips the parent(s) can dish out.. the exam is done BY the child.. by what the child comprehends/understands and applies.. plus of course also by how much the teachers put in daily as well. The child's attitude is also important.
I personally pumped in for both DDs SA2 exams whilst pregnant with chubs back in 2010. With a fantastic attitude towards her work and taking pride in what she does, DD2 gave her 200% more than my 100% and she was topped her class (position), topped the class for Math and came 2nd for English by a point away helping her secure a top class the following year.. which was a crucial year for she had to go through streaming end of the following year.. and as any normal parent, we figure top classes = top quality teachers to which is not entirely true, but i won't go into that. DD1, despite my 200% (it was draining.. :() she only fared mid-range. Not surprising because her heart was not into it.. she was undergoing a terrible pre-teen phase.. she was rebellious and hardly listened to our advices (or naggings) as she really tuned us out.. her mere 40%-60% effort topped with a lackadaisical attitude towards her academic progress.. she managed to pass. She was happy with a pass. Her exact words were, \"Pass what..\" I find I had to pump in extra for DD1 regardless if it was for the emotional support, the physical encouragement, resourcing of materials (as she had different learning style) and of course also my time. DD2 maximized on the time I spent with her by being extremely motivated and her sheer diligence made us (hubs and I) both very proud. She was also coaching a peer (a special needs classmate) at the same time which earned her the most well-behaved pupil for the 4th time that year.
If hubs was to reward me for the results each of them fared that year then it would be quite right to reward me a 12mths bonus. Every single month I did what was expected of me and beyond.. for despite being super preggie, we shifted house, i did all the school transfer procedures myself, sent them to and from school because we had no car and the girls were new to the neighbourhood, coached them for all subjects on top of doing the mundane dailies.. but no.. we do what we do because they are our kids and we love them so much we want to give them the best that we can, not for any monetary reason. While we know we give them the best, it may not always show on the result slip.. and it is not our fault. Every child has their own inner potential towards success and in so when they have maximized that potential, they have reached their limitations.
janet_lee88... your son was fortunate to have tutors come in to personally coach him, (something that would be god-sent for my girls if i had that option to in my almost going to give birth state) even if there was no/less intervention coming from your husband, whom of course still had to work to provide for your family. If your son said and he knew he had done his best.. in fact i am inclined to believe your son HAD done his best because i religiously followed your sharings over the last year and can feel his sheer determination put in through his hard work... then that is his best. It is good to know that you have moved forward and eventually became the pillar of support for your son.. but your hubby has to recognize through you.. your comforting words.. and your actions, that he has been the best father for your son during the PSLE year or any other year for that matter. Your son didn't fare badly because he (your hubby) couldn't spend extra time coaching him.
Just because your hubby saw the continuous work and untiring efforts you put into your son's preparation for PSLE, it still does not necessarily mean that it directly translates to your son doing extremely well at the end of it. You should all pat yourself on your backs for all of you sacrificed something in that long year run... if you really think of it. So if that stretch can have your son attend one of the better neighbourhood secondary schools around, your son, in my eyes has done well for himself... with his given potentials. Attending a neighbourhood school is not the end of the learning journey and you also recognized it as him being the big fish in this pond. The path of the academic journey is still open for how he wants it carved out for him. He is responsible for that journey whether he sees it now or not, just like how he was for the year he did his PSLE.
There's little point in living with regret. The only way is forward. Hope your hubby can see the way forward soon. :hugs: -
janet_lee88:
I guess it is not so much of being unrealistic as a parent. He feels that he is living in regret now bcos he could not take leave to coach son last year...weekends were mostly burnt working. I can understand that frustration bcos he has always been the one coaching son in his work since P1. He felt he did not do his part during the crucial PSLE year.
Would your son have necessarily done better if his father had taken leave to coach him? I don't think anyone can answer this question, and frankly, since your son worked so hard, had tutors to help and his father's help and support (even without taking leave), I would think it unlikely that his marks would have been significantly higher if his father took leave. This is something your husband will have to come to terms with for himself. If it's any help to him, you can try telling him that sometimes kids do worse when parents give up too much to help them as they feel the pressure even more. All of us parents have to accept our kids' limitations. -
Hi ladies,
Thanks for your wonderful input.
Looks like I really have to put in more effort to convince other half that son didn't do badly. Everything happens for a reason...and this could also be a blessing in disguise that he is blessed to be in this school where he gets passionate teachers...and a pretty English teacher too :evil:
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