Club SAHM
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All the many SAHM who give up incomes to take care of their homes and kids, and not because their husbands all earn so much that they don’t feel the loss of income, but because they feel that the benefits to the family of their staying home are worth the sacrifice of living simply on a single income.
Thanks for the inspiring post, slmkhoo. -
it might not easy to make decision.But sometx,it would be wise to step back n look at bigger picture.
My DH had suggested to quit his job to help me.He said some his colleagues quit job to help their children PSLE.
But i refused.I told him kids will even more rely on him.It is also unfair for him to sacrifice his career coz i keep telling him that he has to hv his own life n career.
I’ve been reading insiders posts n learnt academic is not everything.I also witness myself…my dad is a scholar but he failed his whole career terribly,due to his character… -
vinegar:
I think you are wise. My husband and I always remind ourselves (and our kids!) that we cannot invest our lives so heavily in our kids that we parents lose our own identity and forfeit our own aspirations. Of course there is a point at which we could be judged to be negligent parents, and every family needs to decide where to position themselves between the 2 extremes. Also, think of the pressure on your kids to do well - both parents devoted to their academic performance so they MUST deliver - that is likely to be a path to despair.it might not easy to make decision.But sometx,it would be wise to step back n look at bigger picture.
My DH had suggested to quit his job to help me.He said some his colleagues quit job to help their children PSLE.
But i refused.I told him kids will even more rely on him.It is also unfair for him to sacrifice his career coz i keep telling him that he has to hv his own life n career.
I've been reading insiders posts n learnt academic is not everything.I also witness myself....my dad is a scholar but he failed his whole career terribly,due to his character...
I have been a SAHM for 16 yrs, but I have always told my kids that it doesn't mean that I am their beck and call all the time, especially now they are older. A large part of my being a SAHM is for my husband too, not just my kids, and really, also for myself as it means I haven't had to juggle outside work on top of family and household responsibilities. And yes, I strongly believe that academic achievements are not everything although every child should be encouraged to do his best in school. Moral character, determination, resourcefulness, EQ - all those things count for as much or more in 'real life'. -
janet_lee88:
Sorry for budging in at this point...ammonite:
Perhaps he feels guilty for not sending your son to tuition earlier. That is a scary and guilt inducing thought for a parent.
The other reason for not sending son for tuition was largely because of MONEY.
I felt like crying when I read this... becos this is EXACTLY how I feel now and for the past 8 months. DS1 oso started private tuition only in mid P5 last year after his results dipped in SA1, and I feel I am responsible (guilt, feel that I have done him wrong) for not sending him to tuition much earlier. I had sent him to tuition centres but it didn't help much.
With that experience, DS2 is now attending private tuition alongside his bro, and I can see alot of difference. So now I always carry this guilt that it is my stupid fault for not \"believing\" in private tuition/or any tuition much much earlier :sad:
Similar to Janet_Lee88's hubby, I coached my DC myself since P1, and I thought if they can manage without tuition, why \"waste\" money, since we are NOT fantastically well to do... -
ScaredyMum:
I am sorry you feel such guilt. But can I ask - are your sons identical in intelligence, Math ability, character and personality? If not, you won't know whether tuition for more years would have helped your older son, and similarly, whether your younger son would have not done as well without tuition. When comparing kids, you have to consider that they are not all identical to begin with.Sorry for budging in at this point...
I felt like crying when I read this... becos this is EXACTLY how I feel now and for the past 8 months. DS1 oso started private tuition only in mid P5 last year after his results dipped in SA1, and I feel I am responsible (guilt, feel that I have done him wrong) for not sending him to tuition much earlier. I had sent him to tuition centres but it didn't help much.
With that experience, DS2 is now attending private tuition alongside his bro, and I can see alot of difference. So now I always carry this guilt that it is my stupid fault for not \"believing\" in private tuition/or any tuition much much earlier :sad:
Similar to Janet_Lee88's hubby, I coached my DC myself since P1, and I thought if they can manage without tuition, why \"waste\" money, since we are NOT fantastically well to do...
My older girl has trouble with Maths, and is coached by me and also my husband. Tuition is not an option since we live overseas. After all these years of close supervision and a lot of help from us, she still struggles, also partly because she isn't by nature a very hard worker. My younger girl has always sailed through Maths, only asking for help for very occasional questions, and is also a much more diligent worker. I am sure if we sent them to a tutor, my older one would still do poorly and my younger would still do well because it's their innate ability and application that determines the performance. So what I am encouraging you is to stop feeling guilty because you did what you thought best at the time, and you don't really know whether tuition would have helped anyway. -
janet_lee88:
I really :salute: you all for being able to make it happen despite the ever increasing cost of living, tuition fees etc etc...All the many SAHM who give up incomes to take care of their homes and kids, and not because their husbands all earn so much that they don't feel the loss of income, but because they feel that the benefits to the family of their staying home are worth the sacrifice of living simply on a single income.
Thanks for the inspiring post, slmkhoo.
I have been wishing to quit my job and be a SAHM for 6 years now, but never have the courage to do so. No matter how I calculate and calculate, it just seem impossible to live on a single income, with the high tuition fees, housing installments etc and I am not even talking about expensive holidays and other indulgences. -
slmkhoo:
Thanks slmkhoo mama for your encouragement... the reason why I feel so is becos, we have always thought/felt that DS1 is the more \"intelligent\" one, and DS2 tends to be more playful and emotional. They are almost comparable in terms of academic ability. DS1 used to get \"better\" results if we compare their school results year on year. Hwr, now we can see DS2 has a much stronger foundation, and DS1 has a much tougher time playing catch up now due to his weaker foundation.
I am sorry you feel such guilt. But can I ask - are your sons identical in intelligence, Math ability, character and personality? If not, you won't know whether tuition for more years would have helped your older son, and similarly, whether your younger son would have not done as well without tuition. When comparing kids, you have to consider that they are not all identical to begin with.ScaredyMum:
Sorry for budging in at this point...
I felt like crying when I read this... becos this is EXACTLY how I feel now and for the past 8 months. DS1 oso started private tuition only in mid P5 last year after his results dipped in SA1, and I feel I am responsible (guilt, feel that I have done him wrong) for not sending him to tuition much earlier. I had sent him to tuition centres but it didn't help much.
With that experience, DS2 is now attending private tuition alongside his bro, and I can see alot of difference. So now I always carry this guilt that it is my stupid fault for not \"believing\" in private tuition/or any tuition much much earlier :sad:
Similar to Janet_Lee88's hubby, I coached my DC myself since P1, and I thought if they can manage without tuition, why \"waste\" money, since we are NOT fantastically well to do...
My older girl has trouble with Maths, and is coached by me and also my husband. Tuition is not an option since we live overseas. After all these years of close supervision and a lot of help from us, she still struggles, also partly because she isn't by nature a very hard worker. My younger girl has always sailed through Maths, only asking for help for very occasional questions, and is also a much more diligent worker. I am sure if we sent them to a tutor, my older one would still do poorly and my younger would still do well because it's their innate ability and application that determines the performance. So what I am encouraging you is to stop feeling guilty because you did what you thought best at the time, and you don't really know whether tuition would have helped anyway.
There is truth in what you say, and yes, though I tell myself what's done cannot be undone, I know there will always be this guilt nagging at the back of my mind
Still, thanks for your encouraging words :hugs: -
slmkhoo:
While I applaud such people who work hard and achieve much, what I fear we lack as a society is stories of people who did not achieve much in terms of status or wealth, but are still happy with their lot. Surely not all the middle section of society are uniformly unhappy that they do not have university degrees or high-paying jobs? I feel rather strongly about this as I have a daughter who has learning issues and will certainly never get that kind of job. We have to encourage her that her life will not be a disaster if she doesn't get to university or get a high-paying job. Our hope for her is that she can make enough to live simply by doing a job she has satisfaction in doing for its own sake.
it is indeed an inspiring story.thks for sharingvinegar:
[quote=\"ammonite\"]Perhaps he feels guilty for not sending your son to tuition earlier. Maybe the colleagues are rubbing it in. And no matter what, fathers worry more for sons' future as breadwinners, and if he saw PSLE as a high stake exam, he may be worrying that he has affected your son's future prospect. That is a scary and guilt inducing thought for a parent.
I think you can explain this possible angle to your son so that he sees his father's concern. You are Christians right? You can use religion to help them both move on. It is possible that your son will meet key people at school that will have an impact on his life and worldview.
One of my friends, a GEP student, did badly at O levels and went to a neighborhood JC. He said it opened up his eyes (previously in RI), humbled him, and he made good friends, as well as met his future wife there. He went on to win a prestigious prize n the A levels and a full scholarship to study abroad.
Just some examples I can think of which I use to encourage my daughter - a cousin who did pretty badly at 'A' levels and couldn't go to university. But she studied graphic arts and although isn't making big bucks, she earns enough to live in an HDB flat and support herself. Another one is a friend who dropped out of school after 'O' levels but was always interested in media, got a job as an assistant in some company and worked through the ranks till he is works in film-making. Again, not big bucks, but he supports a family on his income. Another friend who has a university degree but somehow can't take the stress of a full-time corporate job, so she does freelance editing, earning probably half of what she could if she forced herself to get a 'proper job', but she's happier this way. All the many SAHM who give up incomes to take care of their homes and kids, and not because their husbands all earn so much that they don't feel the loss of income, but because they feel that the benefits to the family of their staying home are worth the sacrifice of living simply on a single income.
Let's have more such examples to hold up to our kids.[/quote]Actually that friend of mine doesn't go after wealth or prestige. He took up a teaching scholarship and is a teacher. He said the entire episode (going to neighbourhood JC, meeting the people, and then doing spectacularly well in A levels) affirmed his faith in God. He spends his free time writing and recording worhip songs with his wife. My main point in sharing his story is not that he did spectacularly well, but that sometimes, the unexpected detours in our life bring us life lessons that we would never have learnt otherwise and people we never would have met.
I on the other hand gave up a scholarship because I did not feel ready to delve into certain aspects of my life that I know I would have to if I did. Instead I went on a seemingly pointless route that did not utilise my gifts, but on the other hand, I had unexpected encounters that left deep impressions. It was not the \"right\" academic path, but spiritually and emotionally, it was a healing path. -
janet_lee88:
The other reason for not sending son for tuition was largely because of MONEY.
:hugs: That must have hurt your husband even more. Indeed a painful thought.
But our first kid is often part experiment. My second child is definitely better prepared simply because I have a better idea what to expect. -
At first, I and DH did not like the idea of tuition. We thought we can teach everything ourselves. We thought it is just primary school, no big deal. Until one day… We were at the swimming pool watching DS and a lot of other children doing all the requirements to pass the bronze exam. And we saw this boy struggling to swim from the first requirement to the next. His father was constantly giving him advice from his seat. It looks like the father is the boy’s coach. In the end, the boy was the only one that did not pass from a batch of 50-60 children that took the test. It was a really sad scene…
After that incident, we realised that we’d better outsource tuition to people that know how to teach. Knowing a subject ourselves does not mean we can teach. We are also not up-to-date on the current syllabus, so why take the risk?
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