桃花谈

[SAHM_TAN]

insider:

SAHM_TAN:

Thanks insider.


My hubby said he's ok even if she fails. He's from the school of hard knocks so nothing fazes him.

I will try.

Stay calm and think carefully, about whether your hubby can be the 'Leader'.

If he is a better one than you, then just listen to him and stop your heart from wavering (about kids' school work). Accepting someone who is stronger than you as the Leader is very important coz it allows you to just surrender yourself to his decision WITHOUT doubt and unnecessary arguments (which that will become your Guiding Principle if you are ever in doubt).

Wishing you finding more meaningful things to do for yourself during your SAHM life (can even go and take an afternoon part time course for 'upgrading'). AND, must always stay pretty hor... (must have good skin care routine, must use facial masks, must maintain your hair, etc, etc...coz YOU WORTH IT!)

Interesting that you suggested my hubby to take over for academics. The current primary school was suggested by him. I was selected for PV by one the hot primary schools. But I was a bit worried and I know I should reject. But I couldn't make myself reject it. Hubby casually suggested dd1's present school and I was like ok, let's give it a try. Amazingly it was like a few days to school hols but the tr accepted my PV application very quickly. I'm less stressed with dd1 in current school. I know it sounds silly but I will be very stressed if dd1 went into the school that I selected. Hubby is good at big picture kind of decision.

I've never bothered abt make-up and stuff. It has gotten worse after I left work force heehee but luckily I befren someone in the beauty industry so all is not lost.

I will be on leave during the Mar Hols so will think how to balance myself. Hubby has provided suggestions but I have been \"resisting\".

[vinegar]

Yes,u r right.Doing homework,revise for exam…hv become a chore to kids,if there r too much handle.


I understand the logic behind making studies as "fun learning" but difficult to impose on children,esp i myself hv to struggle to look for solutions to questions,while cracking my head to think on how shld i put across to explain to him…

Subconsciously,the fun-learning becomes stress-learning…esp…we r always in a race to rush Tons of homework while helping him to revise for CA1…

[concern2]

insider:

concern2:

Question: When we talk about having faith, faith in our children, that they will be fine, faith that things will turn out fine; this concept of 'Faith', how do you explain it in Mandarin and to an athiest?

“Faith” basically is just an Unshakable Belief.

As what Imami said, it’s a 信念, literally translated as “trust” and “seed” (“seed” as in a thought. A 念 is always a ‘seed’ that carries in itself tremendous potential power; just like a tiny seed can grow into a giant tree…).

This信念 will be tested time and again by the ‘demons’ inside us as well as by our surrounding people / environment coz one is likely to be one of the few odd ones out when he / she does not seem to follow the ‘norm’ (such as feeding babies with the best formula milk <which to me all this while I feel is absolutely unnecessary coz that’s ‘over provision’), go for piano/whatever enrichment, go to the ‘best’ school, etc).

Thanks, Imami, Insider, for your explanations. It had been difficult for me to explain the concept of 信念 to someone who has been through a hard life, who managed to struggle out of it by sheer hard work. For me and those around him to ask him to stop worrying (or don't worry so much) and to have faith is like telling him he didn't have to do anything, just wait for things to drop from the sky - which isn't what we mean.

I think this is especially relevant to folks who are approaching their twilight years, and who's been through a tough life. They have no religion to guide them, they don't believe in existence of God, no believes that doing good will result in good in return, how to 'educate' them so that they slowly learn to 放下 and stop worrying so much?

It is true that one's got to be willing to try to feel and 'experiment' in order to believe. Yet, how to get them to even want to 'try'? Is this why it takes the 'right time' and 'right place', the 'right person' then can work - so-called \"缘\"？

[insider]

keroppi:

Suppose to buy one pichu for him to zhuan yun but we didn't. Now when my DS comes back late, I am abit unnerved. How do I deal with it? So sian. Should never have stepped into the shop. :slapshead:

hahaha...see lah...got nothing better to do but to go and plant such kind of seed into yourself... (never give bazi to strangers, esp those 'salepeople' coz it's their 'duty' to plant bad seeds onto people so that they can make money.)

Just go and buy a PiChu (What's that huh?) if it helps to free your anxiety.

胡思乱想 is really a bad thing coz of the 假也会变成真 thingy.

Just buy a PiChu without asking anymore questions else you may end up having more bad seeds planted into your mind and then ended up have to do more and more things...

本来无一物，何处惹尘埃......

PS:
If one really has a 血光之灾, it will come no matter how. It can only be eliminated or with impact soften via doing good deeds. Feng Shui items as said is more of like a 'delaying' technique only.

As said my son is a 七杀 that I know only recently. This star = high risk of injury / 血光 coz of the dare devil nature.

End of this month he will be going for an operation for his hernia.

He laments and laments how come a person so fit like him will catch hernia.

In my heart I am thinking, this operation is necessary to 解 his other 血光之灾, that if without this op, he could be ended up worst. (I don't tell him all these things coz it's not healthy coz by telling = planting bad seeds.)

Son is happily playing with all his stunts in Krabi now with his adventurous friends (activities that I don't even want to know in details. If I know, I may get worried. It's unfair if he gets to play and I get to worry and so I choose not to know too much so that he gets to play, I also get to play my mahjong happily. Win-Win!).

One of his interests is to join the Commando in NS and he really looking forward to it (jungle survival, parachute, etc). This operation will sort of effectively excluding him from Commando selection...

So, always try to view things as 塞翁失马. This operation is a 'good' thing...

PS: This is one of my son's favourite activities (usually is walking across two tall trees). Now he's trying on water. Next time will be mountains...

http://i45.tinypic.com/pt7af.jpg\">

[MintyMin]

Insider… meaning to say… esp for boys… if they do acts/stunts whh deem to parents is dangerous but = to play or enjoyment for them… we shouldn’t overly worry or stop them… but to let them carry on?

[concern2]

Imami:

keroppi:

[quote=\"jedamum\"]Aiyo

Tear out answers from assessment books does not necessarily mean don't trust kids. Some is for ease of marking. We detached answers so kids can mark read model answers by themselves or easier for me to mark.

Sorry, I don't mean to generalise.
I asked those people myself and that was the answer I got.

Same as Keroppi, those around me are like that – they cant trust their kids with the answer sheets. As with many other issues, one single factor should not be taken as conclusive. But this is one good example of action vs intention. When parents decide to tear out the answer sheets, is it purely because it is easier to mark?

anyway I did that too – tear out answer sheets – to mark my own assessment books.[/quote]Do you notice that your child rarely opens the kitchen cabinets that contain things they don't need and will only open those which they know will have goodies in there? My kids behave quite similarly.

Once, I found out DS copied answers from the back, and I tore out the answers in front of him and have since supplied materials without ref answers. That went on for some time and I tend to forget tearing them off sometimes, but he never refers to them again. He had learnt to think harder and refer to other materials for answers rather than refer to answers at the back. Perhaps he hasn't even realized I haven't been tearing off answers. Thing is, it has become a habit of NOT refering to the back for quick solutions.

As they get older and problems get more difficult and less time on hand to master each subject, I prob. will stop tearing answers off for them..

[MMM]

concern2:

Once, I found out DS copied answers from the back, and I tore out the answers in front of him and have since supplied materials without ref answers. That went on for some time and I tend to forget tearing them off sometimes, but he never refers to them again. He had learnt to think harder and refer to other materials for answers rather than refer to answers at the back. Perhaps he hasn't even realized I haven't been tearing off answers. Thing is, it has become a habit of NOT refering to the back for quick solutions.


As they get older and problems get more difficult and less time on hand to master each subject, I prob. will stop tearing answers off for them..

I've 3 kids. The 2 older ones don't copy answers from the assessment book behind... I tend to misplace it and they can be trusted.

But the youngest... did it when she was P1. She realised there is answer sheet when dd1 refer to her book to help check her answer. Wow... she was happily copying and we got really :mad: at her. That taught her a lesson.

I just find it strange as I never have this problem with my 2 older kids even when they were younger. My dd2 (youngest) is very chatty and she loves to test our limit. Eg. she would question why must she do this and that work, why must she do 5 corrections, why must she attend this class, why must I test her till she got it right, why this and why that???? While the 2 older ones don't.... She loves to go on stage (nominated to pull flag) and she will prepare speech to contest for monitor position (P2 this year). Her results is so so as she cannot focus (and hence careless). So yes, she is special in her own way. Someone told us that she will do very well next time and she is the \"brightest\" among 3 of them.... But I was telling my mum.... I don't see that yet...She is like the most \"gao keng\" and laziest among them. Maybe the time is not ripe....

[SAHM_TAN]

I attended a talk. The speaker is fr Taiwan. The talk is on parenting. One of the points he mentioned was we should give our kids full freedom and not make them feel guilty or worried when they are off to adventures or what not. For example if the kid is off to camping, don’t say please me careful mummy will be worried if you are not careful. I’m still thinking abt the meaning of the that.

[concern2]

SAHM_TAN:

I attended a talk. The speaker is fr Taiwan. The talk is on parenting. One of the points he mentioned was we should give our kids full freedom and not make them feel guilty or worried when they are off to adventures or what not. For example if the kid is off to camping, don't say please me careful mummy will be worried if you are not careful. I'm still thinking abt the meaning of the that.

I think it is the \"mummy will be worried\" part that one should let go of. Instead, we should give them the confidence and have faith that they will take good care of themselves when they are away from us, believing also in ourselves that we have taught them well. So, perhaps should say,\"Mummy believe you will take good care of yourself!\" It feels good to be trusted, and be counted upon. If the fella really \"lun zhun\" type, I think no amount of cautioning will help..just have to :xedfingers:

[pirate]

MMM:

I've 3 kids. The 2 older ones don't copy answers from the assessment book behind... I tend to misplace it and they can be trusted.

But the youngest... did it when she was P1. She realised there is answer sheet when dd1 refer to her book to help check her answer. Wow... she was happily copying and we got really :mad: at her. That taught her a lesson.

I just find it strange as I never have this problem with my 2 older kids even when they were younger. My dd2 (youngest) is very chatty and she loves to test our limit. Eg. she would question why must she do this and that work, why must she do 5 corrections, why must she attend this class, why must I test her till she got it right, why this and why that???? While the 2 older ones don't.... She loves to go on stage (nominated to pull flag) and she will prepare speech to contest for monitor position (P2 this year). Her results is so so as she cannot focus (and hence careless). So yes, she is special in her own way. Someone told us that she will do very well next time and she is the \"brightest\" among 3 of them.... But I was telling my mum.... I don't see that yet...She is like the most \"gao keng\" and laziest among them. Maybe the time is not ripe....

Looks like it to me too. This type needs special handling because very easy to go astray.