桃花谈

[limlim]

Imami:

MMM:

[quote=\"keroppi\"]
。。。 the PiChu。。。

In Taiwan, they call it tianlu.

The difference between天祿 and 貔貅 lies with the horns. 天祿 has one horn. 貔貅 has two.[/quote]Some saying is that 天祿 is male, 貔貅 is female.

天祿 has 1 horn and has wings. 貔貅 has 2 horns and doesn't have wings.

天祿 is to gather wealth for the owner. 貔貅is more for ward off evil.

天祿 is relatively safe to carry or put in the house. For 貔貅, it is better to have fengshui master to advise before getting, as it may not be suitable for everyone or put anywhere.

But some pple don't differentiate them, so, it's up to the individual lor.

[ruohoo97]

MintyMin:

It dawn on me that the shoutings n screamings tat i did over the past years.. somehow.. ds is showing it back.. to me n dds.. i feel so bad tat i have somehow 'cultivate' this 'monster' in him..

You are certainly not alone. I am guilty of that too.

[insider]

I received this pm and then posted answer here:


The Q:
unconditional love to kids mean show them without expectation?Not too much \"over-correct\" their behaviour or they'll feel resentment?

My A:

‘unconditional love’ to kids means let them be what they want to be with the minimal achievable expectations but from birth, they must be given a broad guideline to live their lives. As long as they don’t commit serious ‘crimes’ (like stealing, hurting people, etc), we leave the kids to grow up the way they want to be.

We tend to want to ‘mold’ our kids into something we think is ‘right’ and at the end, the kids may turn up to be what they are not actually supposed to be (eg, John Wayne Gacy).

Another good example maybe is my elder son, who disliked schoolwork when young. The only word in his mind when he was young I think was PLAY; literally nothing else but PLAY. With such a carefree spirit, it was really hard to ‘force’ this one to be someone as studious as his sister who constantly produced the As ‘automatically’ without any ‘reminders’.

When he was young, I looked at him and ever wondered, “How come don’t seem to carry my ‘gene’ at all?” Then I further ‘analysed’ his ‘face’, and told myself he has a ‘Good Man Look’ and so he should be alright on his own.

My patience and faith showered on my elder son really paid off with the greatest reward as having a parent-child relationship that almost like everyone who knows me would envy. Behind this patience and faith, there is a lot of 忍忍忍 coz I am a human afterall esp about 20 years ago. But the 忍 really can 成金.

My elder son is respectful towards any elderly AT ALL TIMES and will abide ANYTHING if I ever disapprove (which is very minimal).

He shares with me almost like everything in his life coz of the trust between us that I won’t judge him.

At age 19 and so muscularly built, sometimes he will still come to my bedroom, lie beside me, and hug me and say “I love you, mummy.” (and once he sheepishly told me that he doesn't think any of his friends will still do this to their mums). Inside this young man, there's still a little child which I cherish...

AND he will massage my aching shoulders if he sees that I am sitting in front of this screen for too long…

Do you want to have a son like this?

You may want to imagine if my elder son is yours, that you might want to sit with him frequently to do homework, to revise for exams, etc. He might ultimately give you the As but you might have re-shaped him into what he is not and he will suffer when he grows up (such as doing a job as a routine instead of working for passion). When he suffers, you will also suffer, and his future family of wife and kiddos will also suffer. This category of people suffers the most during their mid life crisis, which is characterized by a stage where they start to ponder about ‘Who Am I?” all over again like an adolescent.

At this mid-life crisis state, these people want to do things that are really their passion but they are unlikely to succeed coz they have usually passed the age whereby they can master the necessary skills for that passion (for example, I managed to force my son into a straight As kid <which I DEFINITELY CAN if I want to coz he is not stupid, I CAN teach, I have the resource network, and I have the $$$> and made him into the GEP and whatnots.

Then at his age 40s, he ‘wakes up’ and re-discovers that actually he wants to do adventure and sports. But at that age, how to really train rock climbing and whatnots efficiently?). If these people do not manage their mid-life crisis well, they fall into confusion/despair, and all hell will break loose (EMA, suddenly turn into gambling addicts, take up alcohol, etc). Usually they will live with regrets for the rest of their unfulfilling lives coz they have been living someones' else's lives but not their own...

I just don’t know why I seldom feel the kind of academic stress that most parents here are experiencing. Perhaps I have better 福报* I think… (and therefore my kiddos get to enjoy such too…)

*福报 = carries very little worry / stress = 清心寡欲

PS:
I am confident by now that my daughter will be a Scientist that she aspires to be. Her wish is to solve part of world's pollution problems. That's her burning passion that has nothing to do with how much she can make per month. The day when she obtained her O levels results years ago, I shared in this forum that I was taken aback when she told me she would choose poly over JC coz she wanted to pursue biomedical science. At the end, I didn't say much and gave her my blessings coz I just have this faith that she knew what she wants. Basically, my kiddos choose their own paths...

[Imami]

limlim:

Some saying is that 天祿 is male, 貔貅 is female.

天祿 has 1 horn and has wings. 貔貅 has 2 horns and doesn't have wings.

天祿 is to gather wealth for the owner. 貔貅is more for ward off evil.

天祿 is relatively safe to carry or put in the house. For 貔貅, it is better to have fengshui master to advise before getting, as it may not be suitable for everyone or put anywhere.

But some pple don't differentiate them, so, it's up to the individual lor.

wah, 原来 Limlim is 专家！

[ammonite]

Insider,


I really like your post on unconditional love. Since your son was the smart fun loving type, can I ask if he ever got into trouble with teachers, bored in class, and how you dealt with that?

[Emelyn]

pirate:

MMM:

I've 3 kids. The 2 older ones don't copy answers from the assessment book behind... I tend to misplace it and they can be trusted.

But the youngest... did it when she was P1. She realised there is answer sheet when dd1 refer to her book to help check her answer. Wow... she was happily copying and we got really :mad: at her. That taught her a lesson.

I just find it strange as I never have this problem with my 2 older kids even when they were younger. My dd2 (youngest) is very chatty and she loves to test our limit. Eg. she would question why must she do this and that work, why must she do 5 corrections, why must she attend this class, why must I test her till she got it right, why this and why that???? While the 2 older ones don't.... She loves to go on stage (nominated to pull flag) and she will prepare speech to contest for monitor position (P2 this year). Her results is so so as she cannot focus (and hence careless). So yes, she is special in her own way. Someone told us that she will do very well next time and she is the \"brightest\" among 3 of them.... But I was telling my mum.... I don't see that yet...She is like the most \"gao keng\" and laziest among them. Maybe the time is not ripe....

Looks like it to me too. This type needs special handling because very easy to go astray.

I like this part.... !! Very cute.
She will strive in public eyes... mayb be a politician when she grows up.
And I also agree that she is very bright... in a different way...

[mummyv]

MintyMin:

When i say.. talk to you later.. they will reply.. later i forget already.. n when i m avail to tok n ask them wat is it that they wan to tell me.. they will get upset tat they have forgotten abt it.. n blame me.. :sad: n most of the time if ds back off either dd1 or dd2 will be the next to want to tok to me.. or complain or fuss abt stuff.. :frustrated:

hi MintyMin

I read before in a parenting book to teach the child to use a scale 1 to 10 for communicating when parents are busy. 1 being least important, 10 being most urgent to rate what they want to tell you. If it is a 10, parent is to drop everything and listen. The lower on the scale, the less important and the longer it can wait. With this, both child and parent can work out what is a mutually agreeable timing to wait for less urgent stuff. If the child \"mistakes\" urgency level and rates something higher than it is, gently correct to appropriate levels. After a few rounds of finetuning, it should work well with kids fm K2 onwards. Maybe this will help.

[MMM]

Emelyn:

I like this part.... !! Very cute.
She will strive in public eyes... mayb be a politician when she grows up.
And I also agree that she is very bright... in a different way...

Thanks for the kind words. As a mum, interesting to see the traits which is different from us and her siblings. But I also hope that she can survive in the academic aspect to go up the levels... I leave it to her own fate now otherwise I will go :stupid: getting her to do well academically.

Politician???? Oops... we stay in opposition ward and mum and dad love to go for election rally..... so blue or white

[Giggler1]

Hi insider,


My dd is similar to your son, she is not academically inclined.

She got her test papers back yday and failed the paper very badly. So should I just let it be, trust her that one day she’ll catch up? And what if she never catch up? How she going to feed herself if she is not able to attain certain level in academic?

Sometimes I would want to trust her and have faith in her that she can do it but when she came back with bad results, I really ponder if I’ve done wrong.

[concern2]

MMM:

Emelyn:

I like this part.... !! Very cute.
She will strive in public eyes... mayb be a politician when she grows up.
And I also agree that she is very bright... in a different way...

Thanks for the kind words. As a mum, interesting to see the traits which is different from us and her siblings. But I also hope that she can survive in the academic aspect to go up the levels... I leave it to her own fate now otherwise I will go :stupid: getting her to do well academically.

Politician???? Oops... we stay in opposition ward and mum and dad love to go for election rally..... so blue or white

Ya! Sounds like she has the acumen. Blue or white, as long as it is to serve the people - :salute: