Club SAHM
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vinegar:
Usually I can't talk to him for 1-2 days. Quarrels blow over very quickly for us. We usually do not have very bad quarrels. I think if I were to share what we fight about, I will be the butt of all jokes. I hold back when DH is angry or upset cos if I speak further it becomes worse. As long as I remember to hold back, DH will not continue the quarrel. He will just back off and we will proceed to do our stuff or change topic to talk.
Not possible...nid to cook n pick up kiddo ard noon.buds:
You can also bring lunch to your DH (to his office) since cannot make time for it during other times.
Also share a secret wf u....ex bf always brought me supper n b/fast too.Ex bf n DH totally different.DH is more individualistic,it is difficult to get into his world coz he is very conservative n sensitive.
Yes indeed,comm is prob.i feel what TheAnswer feels,can't bring myself to talk to him.I dislike the way he handles disagreement....following me n argue all the way...so i've no choice to ignore him by going out.
perhaps i've given in too much,coz i always think that he is stress out fr. work so i try to help n support.
Occasionally i let him help out in hsework.But i couldn't stand his grumbles coz he keeps saying he has too many things to handle n start blaming me for not able let him focus in his job.Also,i wanna him to spend more time wf kid,thus,i try to complete all hsework. -
TheAnswer:
I eat leftover food for lunch.DH is small eater,doesn't eat a lot.
Hey Vinegar,
Try not to eat leftover food all the time. My DH will try to finish the dishes cos he knows I will throw them away. He hates to waste food. Now only occasionally some soup left over which sometimes he will drink up before leaving for work the next morning or I will have it for lunch.
frankly,i am kinda sianz over on & off quarrel.All along,my DH cannot stress well,i know he is trying.I can't help him much except to load him off fr. hsework n coaching for DC.Other than that,i don't know how i could help him coz i nid help for myself as well.I am actually \"bitting my lips to pull thru\".
perhaps this is a typical trait of mummy's son.He is very well-protected in the terms of emotionally,financially,physically since young.While i am the one being threw inside the jungle n survive by myself....
i feel my DH has prob to ask for help n make decision. He has a capable mother who handles everything for him.....so i always remind myself not to do so for my DC,if not,they'll follow their father footstep n lose survival skills. -
buds:
I agree. My thoughts exactly as a SAHM the 2nd time. i don't feel the need to live up to anyone's expectation. When I don't feel like cooking cos the day was busy or I'm not feeling 100% or whatever reason, I don't cook and we ta bao. I sort out the stuff hiding in the cupboards :oops: when I'm in the mood for a challenge. Leftovers are fine for lunch and even dinner in my household (as it was when i was growing up)....Sometimes they ( especially soups, curries, etc) taste better after a day in the fridge. If DS2 is being more uncooperative than his usual, we do less work.
KSmom8, i like to think that i try my best and hope that my best is good enough. I don't know if i can speak on behalf of all sahms but we are happy as long as we are loved and appreciated for the work we do around the house, the kids, the ILs and of course the big kid. Whatever else we get from our sahm arrangements are extras... like when buds_hubs was forced to take over the laundry cos i didn't want to do it no more (i mean all i ever do is housework? bbbuut it never ends!) to the point that now he's so auto with it we have more time for the kids or for each other and other time for ourselves like... for him to watch bola or me to surf. How i gao tim is by working my time around the children.. daily menu (ideas) done in my head.. volume processing of ingredients used to cook prepared in advance.. etc etc.. apart from all the nitty gritties, i suppose i am so used to intermittent sleep from breastfeeding and from being the insomniac since school days, i survive on little sleep and i'm ok. I am not a coffee person. If i drink coffee it might keep me up for days mebbe. :nailbite:KSmom8:
This is my 2nd time as a SAHM.
My first time as a SAHM was when DS1 was a baby/ toddler. I was the bao ka liao mum, did all the housework, cooking and even took DS1 on walks to the supermarket / zoo / parks almost everyday. It was satisfying to be present to watch DS1 walk and talk, and even to sit for 1 hour plus to feed him ( though frustrating most of time ). But I was sooo tired and gave up as a SAHM.
Buds, it's still amazing to me that you can gao tim everything with 4 kids!!!
When DS2 came along, I knew I couldn't do it all as a SAHM. The maid does the housework and I don't try to cook every meal. Once every few weeks, I take a break and have lunch / tea with friends. My mum helps babysit or I do it when the kids are in school.
Not everyone enjoys being sahm for varying reasons but it's ok. We are what we are. There is no right and wrong. Some of us were never the domesticated cats type.. some of us are.. Others may thrive under pressure and there will be others who can't multi-task.. A few may be able to take it easy close one or two eyes but some seek daily perfection.. We may have some amongst us who are selfless and all sacrificial but like it that way.. Even if there are amongst us as well who don't want to do it all because we don't see it as our way of life in the long run... it is all ay okay.. No right and wrong. We do what we do in whatever ways we can and if we have tried our best. Our best should be good enough.
Your household your rules.. own time.. own target.
As for the lazy ones... well, you know who you are too.
I'm happier being a less than perfect SAHM the 2nd time around. -
buds:
:goodpost:Some of us were never the domesticated cats type.. some of us are.. Others may thrive under pressure and there will be others who can't multi-task.. A few may be able to take it easy close one or two eyes but some seek daily perfection.. We may have some amongst us who are selfless and all sacrificial but like it that way.. Even if there are amongst us as well who don't want to do it all because we don't see it as our way of life in the long run... it is all ay okay.. No right and wrong. We do what we do in whatever ways we can and if we have tried our best. Our best should be good enough.
Your household your rules.. own time.. own target.
As for the lazy ones... well, you know who you are too.
How come I got the feeling you're referring to me :rotflmao: -
sleepy:
:rotflmao: feelin guilty issit :rotflmao:
:goodpost:buds:
Some of us were never the domesticated cats type.. some of us are.. Others may thrive under pressure and there will be others who can't multi-task.. A few may be able to take it easy close one or two eyes but some seek daily perfection.. We may have some amongst us who are selfless and all sacrificial but like it that way.. Even if there are amongst us as well who don't want to do it all because we don't see it as our way of life in the long run... it is all ay okay.. No right and wrong. We do what we do in whatever ways we can and if we have tried our best. Our best should be good enough.
Your household your rules.. own time.. own target.
As for the lazy ones... well, you know who you are too.
How come I got the feeling you're referring to me :rotflmao:
My MIL also thinks I'm a lazy DIL and SAHM.
I think some SAHMs are more fortunate...and I :salute: those SAHMs who can squeeze so much into a day. -
buds,
do ur DC complain abt ur cooking?
I think i hv to learn to ignore their complaints.multi task,yes…but tiring.Sometx,take me 10 to 15min to find parking slot ard their tuition centre.Reach home muz quickly prepare dinner n help in their homework.I’ve no choice but to hint DH eat faster so he could help out in homework(some math questions r difficult).
My DH is very slow yo…reach home,take his own sweet time to chk his sms,letters…forever don’t know how to prioritize…he could do this after kids sleep.But cannot rush him later not happy.
i tried to engage private tutor,save traveling time,but no luck. -
We eat fast...luxury time of eating slowly is on Saturday nights...other than that, we finish dinner, eat fruits, clear up, then shower...so that I can start the washing machine running. Once kids have showered, they will start getting homework done.
If daughter has math/science hw, hubby will attend to her if he is home early on weekdays. Or else I will try and do what I can...he will look through once he is back. It is easier to have a system in place so that time is not wasted.
TV at home is hardly switched on. I can live without it but hubby is a TV addict and daughter inherited that from him :slapshead: most of the time I will get her to switch off bcos she has not finished her work. -
vinegar:
The rule in my house is I cook, they eat. They have a choice - eat or go hungry. No complaints entertained, and special requests must be made well in advance, and I have the final say whether to accede or not. So far, my family has been very easy-going with food and will eat anything they find on the table! We eat quite fast too. Maybe you can try time-saving and labour-saving ways for meals? I try to cook one-dish meals and often do bulk cooking so I do enough for 2 meals at once. That way, I have emergency food in the freezer or I am only busy in the kitchen alternate days, with some days I can whip up meals in 30 mins.buds,
do ur DC complain abt ur cooking?
I think i hv to learn to ignore their complaints.multi task,yes...but tiring.Sometx,take me 10 to 15min to find parking slot ard their tuition centre.Reach home muz quickly prepare dinner n help in their homework.I've no choice but to hint DH eat faster so he could help out in homework(some math questions r difficult).
My DH is very slow yo...reach home,take his own sweet time to chk his sms,letters...forever don't know how to prioritize...he could do this after kids sleep.But cannot rush him later not happy.
i tried to engage private tutor,save traveling time,but no luck.
I get my kids to make a note of homework they need help with, and we deal with it at one go rather than running back and forth between things. Usually I help before dinner, and they keep things they need to ask my husband for later in the evening or weekends. -
slmkhoo:
Somehow I feel that you're my online soulmate. I can relate to everything you say :hi5:
The rule in my house is I cook, they eat. They have a choice - eat or go hungry. No complaints entertained, and special requests must be made well in advance, and I have the final say whether to accede or not. -
This thread more happening than FTWM thread. I am no SAHM. DH wanted me to be one but I told him no way. He was not too happy about that. He said his mum was a SAHM but had to work due to circumstances. He and his sister was much happier when his mum was a SAHM. So he feels that women should be SAHM. Told him he should know that is not me. I will go mad and most probably drive everyone around me insane as well. And it was a good thing that I did not stop working as he was in debt for the first 5yrs of our marriage and I was the one paying for everything. I think part of the reason he wanted me to stop work was also because I was earning a fair bit more than he is and he felt threatened.
Before we had a fulltime maid, I was the one handling everything. Work, housework, looking after DD. There were many quarrels over his priorities and his moods. He will take his frustrations over finances and work stress out on me and DD. I told him neither me nor DD are the cause of his stress. If anything, I am relieving a huge load of his stress by managing everything as well as household finances. I told him I can give him space to shake the mood off but I will not bear the brunt of his bad moods. Whenever he starts snapping at me, I will tell him to stop using that tone on me and talk to me only when he is ready to talk properly. I know that frustrates him to no end. But I know my temper as well. It can get explosive and if I do not walk away, things can get ugly. Things did get ugly a couple of times. After the whole issue was over, DH admitted that I was one scary b!tch when fully riled. The good thing is, my attention span is quite short so it blows over pretty quickly. :razz:
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