桃花谈

[vinegar]

insider,

Sometx,we meet nasty ppl, for e.g. inconsiderate driver,unreasonable elderly who cut quene..etc..My son always asks:why this people like that? will they go to hell?

i tried to explain to him abt karma,not sure whether he understands. Other than that,i asked him what he learnt fr. here,for e.g.knowing it's caused inconvenience n unhappiness to others,we shld not do that.Don't do to others if we don't wanna other to do onto us...basic form of respect.

Is this the correct way to teach n guide our children?

[newuser]

I must admit that i threw my temper really badly today.

I banged the table to vest my anger.
Although I knew this was inappropriate but I did it. Out of control.

My DS failed his exam badly…And he felt okay with it.
He isn’t remorseful that he doesn’t put in effort in his study which lead him to today scores…I was upset with his behavior .


I guess I have activated more of his bad seeds.

[Imami]

newuser:

I must admit that i threw my temper really badly today.

I banged the table to vest my anger.
Although I knew this was inappropriate but I did it. Out of control.

My DS failed his exam badly....And he felt okay with it.
He isn't remorseful that he doesn't put in effort in his study which lead him to today scores....I was upset with his behavior .


I guess I have activated more of his bad seeds.

Hi newuser, I hope u are feeling more calm by now.

Is it out of control or don't want to control? I have fiery temper too. Still hv but under control at most time. When it comes to flaring temper, u need to consciously tell yourself to hold a firm grip on it.

How old is your son? Need this to better understand his behavior. Did u ask him why he thinks it is ok?

[Imami]

insider:

Imami:

[quote=\"insider\"] to 修 and 修

For people who are not vegetarian, don't 诵经拜佛， how to 修？

errr....personally i dont 诵经拜佛 at all coz those are considered 'rituals' to me.

more important is to practise (修) those things that are important to be a good person (仁) and these things are usually written in 佛经.

That's why I read a lot of 佛理 and try to understand a lot on what certain 佛经 is trying to teach, then I attempt to digest and practice.

When I am older, maybe I will start to 诵经, coz by then I think I would have understood more of the 经 and so when I start to chant, it will become more meaningful.

Another thing is about 拜佛.

Actually I dont quite get this meaning of 拜佛 coz as far as I know, I am the 佛 (my honest understanding). So 拜佛 to me actually means to empower the deepest sense of 仁慈 that I am capable of within myself (佛性).

As said, I don't go to temple often and the temple is in my heart.

I just read and reflect a lot...I think the more appropriate term for me to use is I 参佛 and not really 拜佛.

You catch the ball?[/quote]Er... I need to find out/read up on what is \"我就是佛\" And \" 参佛＂.

I notice how your replies to me always have 仁 and it is always very consistent - Build the 仁慈 in me.

[dolphinsiah]

newuser:

I must admit that i threw my temper really badly today.

I banged the table to vest my anger.
Although I knew this was inappropriate but I did it. Out of control.

My DS failed his exam badly....And he felt okay with it.
He isn't remorseful that he doesn't put in effort in his study which lead him to today scores....I was upset with his behavior .


I guess I have activated more of his bad seeds.

I fully understand why you lost your temper...especially when your child feels there is nothing wrong in doing badly in the tests.

After lecturing and screaming to my children on their not so good result.....I will always tell them ...I am not lecturing them for the seek of nagging.....

This is because I am worry about their education.... :scared:

I do not go around lecturing their friends or other children on their school work or results.... :rant:

I told them lecturing and screaming is bad for my karma...but do I have a choice....? :skeptical:

Now they are in their Teens...they more or less understand ....(I hope)

[Gooby]

insider:

sleepy:

Hi,
Just wondering how is my family background, relationship with siblings, dh family background related 私房钱?

Errr... you think it's so easy for your husband to give you almost like full control of money??

This one also is you 修来的... (usually you need to have positive energy around you and such are reflected partly via your own family background to have this 福 to have control of his money. When he allows you to control his money, he also has his own 福 = positive energy bouncing in your house when this area is concerned).

I asked about your family background just to 'validate' my guess, that your own family should be quite a 'cordial' one for you to earn that 'control'...

Don't take it for granted hor....

PS:
Readers, some of us are not borne in 'cordial' families and so we may not have the 'base luck' like sleepy (or even flametree whom I suspect also has cordial family coz her husband is similar to sleepy's...).

However, we should strive to give our own kiddos that kind of 'cordial' families to grow up in, so that they can have a higher chance of having better 福分, better 'base luck' for the years ahead.

We cannot change who our parents are, but we definitely can choose to be what kind of parents we want to be.

Let's work harder!

Insider, what you observe seem so true. My hubby used to be so reluctant to spend money on me or my parents (like going for family meals or outing etc), as in will do so with black face. Whenever there's outing involving my parents or niece and nephew, the atmosphere is very tense. He gets irritable automatically. Thus, to avoid seeing his unhappiness, I don't rely on him to pay. I pay.

Come to think of it, my own family background has never been cordial, same for his side. Plague with gambling, quarraling etc. Now I can see the link.

[flametree]

[quote]PS:

Readers, some of us are not borne in 'cordial' families and so we may not have the 'base luck' like sleepy (or even flametree whom I suspect also has cordial family coz her husband is similar to sleepy's...). [/quote]Insider,

Yes your guess is very \"准\"! Many of my friends are very envious of my family. I am a SAHM. We have 4 kids - 19,17,15 and 10 ( but many pp are v surprised that I am a mother of 4 coz due to genes, i dont look my age at all). We are a closely knitted family. Of course along the way, there were struggles but we managed to overcome via support and love. Like I mentioned before, I am like a 傻大姐all my life coz i tend to not to dwell on things for too long and most things (that I think not impt) I will 算了。Many of the things that Insider said conincide with my life story. Eg when the bad seed of a person ripen, the person has to bear the suffering and after that it is deemed that he has paid his dues.

Thanks Insider!

flametree

[SAHM_TAN]

insider:

SAHM_TAN:

Thank you very much insider and also to all who shared.


I did something amazing tonite, by my standard, I hope I still have the energy to continue my new path tmr.

SAHM-TAN

Share leh...

For the past week or so, I've been changing my mindset and doing what I envision instead of doing what I fear.

I'm not really cut up to be a mother. I have a really good childhood. But I've never envision myself to be a mother or a wife. I kinda flow with life.

So to have 3 kids is really a shock to me. I'm easily impregnated by my husband. As long as we do not practise contraceptive or when he \"sabo\" me, I will get pregnant. When I was trying for my 2nd pregnancy, I had a miscarriage and 1 month later I was pregnant again but I miscarried again and so we rested but after 6 months of rest, I was pregnant again at the 1st try. For all pregnancies, we never count the days that I'm fertile or ensure any other getting pregnant method. Hubby sabo me for my 3rd child. Although I resisted the 3rd pregnancy, I know I will really have gone overboard with the older ones, in areas of academics, if she was not born.

I was prepared to go all out on enrichments and what not if not for the 3rd one. The 3rd one is a handful plus with 3 kids I do not have the energy to chiong all the enrichments that I wanted to. Plus becos of bb, I let dd1 studied in her current school. So in summary although bb overturned my plans, she kinda save her sis from heightened academic stress and me fr peer pressure stress.

Ok abt the academic thing, as mentioned I dont remembered being stressed to do well or whatever when I was a student. No matter how low rank a school I went to, I will get to the next level of education during the big exam. I even manage to obtain a post-graduate degree. Like I say, going with the flow of life. But with the 3 kids, I've been resisting the flow of this part of my life. It's not that I do not want to be a SAHM, I wanted to be with the kids but oh my oh my, so many kids....... Ok, ok I know there are pple who have more but it was argh.........

I was being very stubborn.

For the past wk, I have decided to go with the flow of life again. So ok, I am a mother of 3 kids. I let the anger go. And everything else was easier to accept.

Now abt the part abt studies and learning. This is the only thing that is causing friction bet my kids and I. They are good kids and I do not understand my Achilles' heel abt the learning part. I think it's the fear. From both my hubby's and my educational experience we should be more secured in this area. But I keep thinking now is different and that they have to do extremely well in studies becos we do not have financial inheritance for them.

Although the friction is caused by studies and learning, the damage done is much wider. This is the period of mini tests for dd1 and I have decided to do what I envision instead of what I fear. I always wanted to put relationship above results and know that values and character is more important than results. Of course there are parents who can accomplish both but for me I find that more and more I'm sacrificing relationship for results. So this round of mini tests, I'm very calm, when I'm helping dd1 with her work. Whatever she can grasp, I'm happy. Whatever she cannot I let it be becos I know she will not fail. I discovered that there are qns which are not for her level yet. It's more for a level up but appear to differentiate the top 10% of the cohort. I have decided not worth it to spend the huge proportionate amt of time to ensure she's part of the 10%. I'm just not the kind of mummy who can take that amt of stress. I have set a comfortable target to ensure that she will be able to pass PSLE, as long as she maintains it for all levels in primary school.

Now to last night. Usually I'm in a better frame in the morning than at night. The above part is to explain why yesterday night was so amazing for me. At night, I'm easily triggered off. Yesterday was tiring, I had to keep relatively calm when ds threw a tiny tantrum. In the afternoon, I lost my way trying to find a place. At night, I felt a bit sick and my appetite wasn't helped by hubby's failed experimented dish. I was resting in the bedroom thinking the day is almost over. Suddenly dd1 threw a tantrum, triggered by ds, it was HUGE, so unlike her. I came out to settle. Usually if after reasoning with her she doesn't accept, I will blow as well. Yesterday night, I didn't blow at all, taking into account I was tired out and a bit sick. I spoke to her calmly and even prevented dh from getting angry. I reasoned with her, sayang her and ended well. The thing is I didn't feel as if I was restraining the anger. The anger was not there when I was calming dd1.

This morning, I wasn't sure I would be able to be in the calm mode. I'm happy to say the mind is still calm. There's still much work to be done so will take it one step at a time.

[concern2]

vinegar:

insider,

Sometx,we meet nasty ppl, for e.g. inconsiderate driver,unreasonable elderly who cut quene..etc..My son always asks:why this people like that? will they go to hell?

i tried to explain to him abt karma,not sure whether he understands. Other than that,i asked him what he learnt fr. here,for e.g.knowing it's caused inconvenience n unhappiness to others,we shld not do that.Don't do to others if we don't wanna other to do onto us...basic form of respect.

Is this the correct way to teach n guide our children?

Vinegar, I face similar situations as you. Just to share how I deal with it:

I find explaining karma rather abstract for kids, cos then, you have to bring in the concept of reincarnation (more or less), then kids will start asking more and more, which I can't answer. To make things simple, I would explain 'positive' and 'negative' energy. When you are positive, you attract good things and good behavior(from others), and when you are negative, you experience bad luck/ misfortune. They have been briefed by me about what constitute positive and negative energies, so most of the time, if they encounter negative behaviour from other people, I would get them to remain positive. That kind of works for us, and easier for the kids to manage themselves.

It takes the kids to experience for themselves and to understand such 'energies' and how to practice them in real life, so I make it a point to point out to them whenever appropriate. For instance, they might get angry with each other and start chasing each other, then one falls and get cuts/bruises. Little things like that is easily a cause and effect, and negative energies resulting in misfortune. Building upon this, I believe, makes understanding about \"karma\" easier later in life.

That said, of course, I will be ALL EARS to as to how to better guide the children!

[Jennifer]

SAHM_TAN:

This morning, I wasn't sure I would be able to be in the calm mode. I'm happy to say the mind is still calm. There's still much work to be done so will take it one step at a time.

:rahrah: :rahrah: :rahrah: