桃花谈

[Blessedwife]

Hi Insider,


Thanks very much for your sharings thru your life experiences. I have never thought of the good and bad seeds in us until I came across this thread. Ever since I followed your thread, I have tried to control my temper and expectations of my son.

If you don't mind, I would like to know in terms of your kids upbringing, did your husband and you share the same Philosophy ? For example, most mothers would tend to be more uptight over our kids academic performance compared to the fathers who tend to be on the easy side.

In what way did your husband help to nurture your kids to where they are today ?

I am really curious a lady like you (a capable & sensible wife & mother) what more does your husband need to contribute to the kids (not referring to financial part) ?

In our family, me & my husband will take turn to go thru son's homework. Actually I will check most of it because i am more Kiasu. At times, if I am busy or taking a nap, then husband will auto go thru his tuition/school homework. My husband is very hands on since the birth of our boy. He will go marketing every Sunday and come home to make porridge for him when his is still a baby/toddler (that time I know nuts about cooking) despite we have a maid. He knows how to bath and change diaper too. Very different from my other friends husband who simply do nothing to help. My husband is also a filial son to his and my parents.
My parents like him very much till today after into our 9 years of marriage. He is not the proud type despite earning five figures and driving a luxury car. We are now staying comfortably in a private condo and I just became a SAHM last year.
He is comfortable with my decision and every month he would transfer few thousand dollars (equivalent to my last salary) for my allowance. He pays for everything at home.

I am very blessed to be married to him

[kwk9060]

My turn to hand up some homework. Basic background, am a FTWM with 3 kids, staying with mil who helps take care of DD3 while DS1 n DS2 are at full day childcare centre. Hubby’s parent divorce when he was in his teens. My parents are simple traditional people, mum SAHM while dad toil to support the family, now both happily retire.


Hubby has career luck, he has a promotion every 2-3 years and earns big bonus, but the money he earns is not able to cover his big spending habit. He will give treats to friends, colleagues, sometimes help to pay for things but might or might not get the money back, he will bring the family out for makan, buy toys for the kids, always lost control of his spending and end up with huge credit card bills which we are still struggling to settle, basically, his whole salary goes to paying the debts, that leaves me to support the family expenses. He surrendered his financial affairs to me cos he can’t handle it, so every month I’ll take his whole salary and stress myself up on how to divide the money, which bill to pay 1st……

I was brought up in a traditional family, I always wanted to be like my mum, bring up my kids myself, my way, but due to hubby’s financial problem, I’m not able to do so and this makes me unhappy, I will get angry with little things like baby not sleeping at night (cos I’m tired and need to get up early for work the nxt day); get agitated at the slightest issue and always shouting and screaming at the older kids. I realise that I’ve created a vicious circle when I saw my DS1 shouting and screaming at DS2……

After reading your thread, I tried to tame my temper and the whole atmosphere in the house changed, kids are happier, I take a step back and re-position my mindset, if cannot change the situation, accept it, I become a calmer person.

I’m blessed as I always able to 心想事成, eg, passing an exam, being together with my then bf now hubby and a little girl to complete the family. I find that when I sincerely wish for something, usually I will get it, that is also why when I have bad thoughts, I will quickly brush them off my mind, scare that it will become true.

Was talking to someone the other day and he asked me, where/what will I see myself 5-10 years down the road? Better or worse? I answered better and happier. Somehow something or someone just drop this thinking into my head – have to believe that life will be better, than it will get better.

[Giggler1]

Hi insider,


Just want to tell you that I’ve printed out a chart for myself with 7 boxes (as a start). Then I’ll chop on each it each day when I do not shout at my kids.
Wish me luck!!!

[vinegar]

blessedwife,

u r a very lucky woman!

[vinegar]

Giggler1:

Hi insider,


Just want to tell you that I've printed out a chart for myself with 7 boxes (as a start). Then I'll chop on each it each day when I do not shout at my kids.
Wish me luck!!!

Insider,
I did the same too...but lazier than Giggler. I just manually record it in the notebook....

[vinegar]

ammonite:

I was faced with the choice of aborting or keeping the baby. Dh left the choice to me, as he was also not prepared. Financially, he was a big fat zero having just finished his postgrad. When I saw the scan showing ds's heartbeat, I knew I would keep him. Even though it never crossed my mind that I would become a mother before this, I knew right away that I would be a stay home mum.

Glad u keep the baby. Children is blessing. A lot of my frds hv prob to conceive...take all the trouble to go thru IVF,IUI,etc.....I wish to hv more but my age does not allow.

[SAHM_TAN]

Hi insider,


Thanks for sharing your 2nd sis’ story.

The situation that your sis has with her kids is something that I’m trying to avoid.

[insider]

wow, many touching contributions today!


I am in a rush to do my hair for a wedding dinner.

So, tonight I’ll be ‘on leave’ from writing.

Will catch up again!

[concern2]

Imami:

hquek:

hi insider,

On the idea of karma catching up with one, share experience. Long time ago, my car was damaged by unknown vehicle in the carpark late at night. Fortunately, damage was only couple of hundred dollars but it still stung (I was parked properly). Fast forward to years down the road. My dad's vehicle was banged by another car....and that owner happened to stay in my block (talk about coincidence). The owner wanted to settle it out of insurance (minor only). I think his wife was trying to settle for lesser payment (FYI, my dad didn't make any money out of it, only asked for what's necessary to cover the repairs). She then told me that she actually saw the vehicle that crashed into my car...and then went all mysterious and refused to say which unit it was.

by that time, the sting of having to bear another person's fault was over and since the wife didn't want to share further, I left it as that. Just thought to myself this IS karma indeed. She knew and she didn't tell (she could have anonymously left a note) - and she HAD to tell me only much later.

Glad to read this. A few years back, I lang gar my husband’s car in a car park. Yup, car park (so pai she, where got people lang gar in car park, at 20km/h some more!). I was trying to pick up my son’s balloon, lost sight of what’s in front, steer too much to the right and BANG into another car parked nearby. I panicked, not knowing what to do. There was an obvious option – to run away of course. I surveyed the surrounding to make sure there was no witness and no security camera. Guess what I did?

What? What? Don't keep us in suspense...you didn't take pic?

[concern2]

hquek:

hi insider,


Your 要做不要怨, 要怨不要做 is to me like 一觉惊醒梦中人. I enjoy keeping the house clean and it really bothers me to have 3 boys (the adult one included) not share the same idea. At times I did blow up and then you will see 3 boy mice scuttling to undo whatever damage they did. will keep this as my 座右铭.

On the idea of karma catching up with one, share experience. Long time ago, my car was damaged by unknown vehicle in the carpark late at night. Fortunately, damage was only couple of hundred dollars but it still stung (I was parked properly). Fast forward to years down the road. My dad's vehicle was banged by another car....and that owner happened to stay in my block (talk about coincidence). The owner wanted to settle it out of insurance (minor only). I think his wife was trying to settle for lesser payment (FYI, my dad didn't make any money out of it, only asked for what's necessary to cover the repairs). She then told me that she actually saw the vehicle that crashed into my car...and then went all mysterious and refused to say which unit it was.

by that time, the sting of having to bear another person's fault was over and since the wife didn't want to share further, I left it as that. Just thought to myself this IS karma indeed. She knew and she didn't tell (she could have anonymously left a note) - and she HAD to tell me only much later.

There is a lot of karmic effects pertaining to road accidents - smaller ones are usually just a departure with cash. But many people cannot take it, and won't let go even if it is their fault, or try to 'pay minimal'. The same can be said about those who get bumped - must squeeze the most out of others, like taking chance to reap a profit, I don't understand why. Sometimes, if just a scratch, other party willing to pay $200 bucks, then close one eye, take it as Ang Pow, but no, must be 'fair' and get it assessed...go one big round, in the end get nothing, waste of time...