Private Life coaches for children?

[CloudeeDaz]

Jennifer:

yeomaylin:

Jennifer, my DD has similar problem ......

:hugs:

I feel like you are describing my boy

What you both described sounds very, very familiar to me. :hugs:
The only difference is that these traits are shared between my two boys.
So the problem is somewhat diluted for me ,
I can handle them one at a time.
I can imagine what it would be like if they are fused together! :faint:

[sharonkhoo]

yeomaylin:

Her poor time mgt is due to her forgetfulness and SLOWNESS. I reject to rush out at night for her or to sch shd she forget anything. She has to be responsible for her own action. Does she learn her lesson after each reprimanding/warning fr teacher or me? Not much. :sad:


She is VERY slow in her hw. Her tutors, sch teachers and even classmates are commenting that she is very slow in writing. An est. 2-hr hw will take her abt 3-4 hrs to finish. :frustrated: There's no time for revision at all. I have no choice but to push back her sleeping time when it is near to exam period. (but surprisingly, she can manage to finish her exam papers in the nick of time - but of course, no time for checking).

She always blaming too. Blame teachers for being strict, giving too much hw. When I push/teach her how to write fast, she blames me for stressing her out. When she is slow, she blames the pen, :faint: ANYTHING... ANYBODY but herself.

I've tried all soft & hard approaches, rewards sys, penalty, time table etc. but none works. She always promises to change but these incidents will re-surface again.

:?:

If you have tried so many methods and nothing works, have you considered that she is really just slow? Some people just can't think as fast or do things as fast as others. I have a daughter who is really slow and disorganised, and we later realised that she has learning difficulties. I'm not suggesting that your daughter does, but such abilities are a continuum, and she may just be on the slower side of the normal range. For my daughter, we have moderated our expectations - we help her do what she can manage to satisfy her teachers, and don't fuss too much if her standard is not very good because the alternative would be to get her really stressed. I can see that she tries, so I cannot bring myself to keep pressuring her to do better at the expense of her self-esteem and emotional health. She doesn't have tuition so she only has school homework. I try to help her say more in fewer words to save writing!

As for blaming everyone and everything, a child who has been told that everyone can achieve the same results as long as they work hard enough will probably feel that since they have worked hard but still can't achieve those results, the fault must lie elsewhere. If you believe that your child is trying her best, then you may need to help her understand her own limitations and moderate your and her expectations. As adults, we know that some people are quicker on the uptake, some more creative, some more physically able, some more social etc, so we need to accept these differences in our kids too. Also, does she here the same 'blame game' around her from adults? Many adults blame the boss, their colleagues, the government...

[Jennifer]

CloudeeDaz:

Jennifer:

[quote=\"Funz\"]Seems like what he wanted was mummy's attention.

Not true lah.

All he wants is to make me say yes to buying more toys :moneyflies:

When I see this ,
I was thinking along the lines of Wii U , xbox….
but asking for micrsoscope is not a bad thing at all ,

Uncle Lim:

......Microscope is still ok. Let's hope he does not ask for an ultrasound machine next...

..if he does think of that ....
jennifer,your kid will be playing with toys for medical professionals :evil:[/quote]My P6 boy is not a patient person. In fact, I think electronic stuff shocks his brain into outbursts. Not joking. Blames the computer slow, program hang, etc.

This boy is not cut out to be a medical professional - cant sit still :rotflmao:

[sharonkhoo]

Jennifer:

This boy is not cut out to be a medical professional - cant sit still :rotflmao:

Why do you say that? Studying medicine requires a lot of sitting down, I agree, but practising medicine, other than being a GP in a clinic, can involve a lot of moving around.

[ammonite]

yeomaylin:

Her poor time mgt is due to her forgetfulness and SLOWNESS. I reject to rush out at night for her or to sch shd she forget anything. She has to be responsible for her own action. Does she learn her lesson after each reprimanding/warning fr teacher or me? Not much. :sad:

She is VERY slow in her hw. Her tutors, sch teachers and even classmates are commenting that she is very slow in writing. An est. 2-hr hw will take her abt 3-4 hrs to finish. :frustrated: There's no time for revision at all. I have no choice but to push back her sleeping time when it is near to exam period. (but surprisingly, she can manage to finish her exam papers in the nick of time - but of course, no time for checking).

Hi I had to chime in with my one cent. If she is significantly slower, you may want to check it out. My son benefited a lot from handwriting therapy. I was very skeptical at first, but now that I see the difference and realised that there was NO way I could have helped him without the specific knowledge the OT has, I wish I had listened to previous therapists and done something earlier.

[ammonite]

Jennifer:

Somehow I feel that he knows in his heart what he should be doing, but somehow he cant behave in the right way all the time. Tues was a down day, partially becos the weather has been raining in the afternoon when he wanted to go out to play.


......
I recently made an arrangement to see a professional who suggested to me that my boy might be suffering from a xx condition based on my email to her describing my boy's behaviour. Our appointment is next Monday. We shall see how it goes from there.

Slight aside, a grandfather told me as parents expect perfection from children, we expect them to be mini adults. But children by definition are not mini adults, they are still in formation. As a grandfather, he can see quite clearly what he could not as a parent, because at his age, he can see how young the children really are, and how much more there is to learn. I thought it was a very wise observation.

My son is the same - he knows in his heart what he should do, and that is something I hold onto. He has been diagnosed with SPD and other stuff, and part of helping him is cultivating self-awareness and how he can help himself. Over the years, we have learned how the environment affects him in terms of behaviour and ability to organise and see that his behaviour is not random. I always find that when I take away school, when he has the freedom to seek out a quiet space whenever he needs it or do the things that he himself value, he is very capable and sensible for his age. So I \"get\" that school is not his natural element, and my job is just to get him through it intact.

[yeomaylin]

@ TheAnswer – I only started out the methods when she was in P3. All methods turned out to work for, let say, about 3-4 hrs on the day we started using. Every time I tried a new suggested method, it worked for a few hrs only, then her engine started to slow down. I didnt start early coz her slowness was not a big issue when she was in P1&2. Hw was very little then. But her slowness turned to be a big problem when in P3 onwards. Now she is in P5, recently I started time table again. Planned w her and she said with an affirmative tone "aya, no need to take so long to finish hw la. 1-hr, I’ll be able to settle everything.". But I will always gave extra time so that she won’t feel so discouraged for not finishing on time. Well, in the end, she needs extra 1-2 hrs!!! She didn’t keep to the time table schedule. If I literally sit beside her, she’ll probably takes extra 1-1.5 hrs (0.5 hr lesser!!!)


@slmkhoo— I believe she can be fast if she wants to. Once I was so sick that almost need to go hospital, my DH told DD that she causes mummy to be sick coz she is slow. For that few days, she finished all her hw ON TIME! Last mth, DH bought Ah Boy 2 Men DVD back & set the movie time at 7.30pm and Viola! DD finished hw on time again… & some other instances. But normal time, she totally switches off. If she has some learning disability, it’s easier to handle by using your suggested method. But she does not have, that gets my head spinning to think of ways and mean to handle her. My DS writes fast and now, monkey see monkey do, he starts to behave like jie jie and writes slowly nowadays.
As for blaming, me & DH always ensure we don’t blame others in front of kids.

Could it be the way the time table being planned is wrong? Or the way I coach is wrong that causes her to react this way? Any kind of help and suggestion is appreciated.

[Jennifer]

ammonite:

I always find that when I take away school, when he has the freedom to seek out a quiet space whenever he needs it or do the things that he himself value, he is very capable and sensible for his age. So I \"get\" that school is not his natural element, and my job is just to get him through it intact.

Agree.

He loves to learn. So happened Sg school system is not his cup of tea.

I have lowered my expectations.

The other day, he brought me his CL writing exercise book and asked:

How? My handwriting has improved, right?

Ya, can see your lines are all very straight.

Then why teacher only gave me a B?

Hm, your lines are straight. Only problem is the size and proportion not consistent. But having straight lines is already a good improvement. I think it will take you some more years to get the size and proportion right. Once your fingers become stronger, the handwriting will become better. So you must eat well, ok?

If the teacher is x teacher (his P5 teacher), maybe she will give me a A plus.

Hm, ya, agree. Why dun you show her?

Nah.

He runs back to his room.

Hiaz, he has very strong social needs and requires a lot more praises.

[ammonite]

Strong social needs and praises - mine too, or maybe most men are like that actually. :evil:


Maybe can tell him teacher's B for final product, mummy's A * for improvement! :rahrah:

[Jennifer]

ammonite:

Strong social needs and praises - mine too, or maybe most men are like that actually. :evil:


Maybe can tell him teacher's B for final product, mummy's A * for improvement! :rahrah: