Bad hunch after hiring my maid. Need suggestions please!
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phtthp:
Looks like she stealing jewelry, pawn off, get $ buy new jewelery
:whut: I don't know why are you giving wild accusation without even hearing the details of any first hand information.
Your allegation constitute to defamation. :evil: but I guess you are smart enough not to do it to the big wigs whom you cannot afford to bully. -
Harlequin:
After reading from page 1 of this thread, I would like to give you my sincerest advice.... please let her go.
Hi,twinkletoes:
Need some more advice from fellow employers:
My maid's day off today. So I kaypoh a bit in her room and found a pair of keys in her wardrobe. One is a small luggage key + large key (looks like house key).
Also found:
1 pawnshop receipt
1 jewellery shop receipt for $130
I checked my jewellery and everything is accounted for. And we don't leave much cash in the house.
I have every right to be paranoid right? I'm getting in touch with the agent later. I really want her to pay off her loan (we paid it for her 1st) so she has to repay us. But I have a feeling we may have to write it off!
Do you keep a checklist of her jewelry when she starts work? I do, and I asked that she update the list whenever she buys a item.
I practise this after a friend's advice, is for the good of both parties, and I am glad that my maid fully understand that.
She did pawned away her necklace that my MIL gave to her last birthday present, and she made known to me that she did it to have extra cash as she has just bought a old house which she needs to do lots of repairs.
I hope you can talk to her to find out more before taking any action.
As what you have stated so far, she is nothing but the source of your pain... she made you a suspicious person, fretting over every little hunch, you are unable to trust...
The above \"feelings\" of yours toward your maid, will never made this relationship worked.
Don't cry over spilled milk, let go of her, look for another new one.
疑人不用 用人不疑
Trust that you know what is best for you... ease of mind or recouping the outstanding fees. -
Harlequin:
Thanks Harlequin. I talked to the agent and she suggested I can recoup something but not the entire amount. That's ok with me. I didn't do a jewellery check list. Didn't expect to have problems with this. My ex maid came with one gold necklace and left with the same gold necklace and a pair of earrings. She was very thrifty.
After reading from page 1 of this thread, I would like to give you my sincerest advice.... please let her go.
As what you have stated so far, she is nothing but the source of your pain... she made you a suspicious person, fretting over every little hunch, you are unable to trust...
Trust that you know what is best for you... ease of mind or recouping the outstanding fees.
My new maid mentioned that she pawned her jewellery to help her family at home. So I believed her. Didn't know she had more. Agent told me to confront her about those things or I'll forever be suspicious. But I really can't be bothered as she'll come up with some excuses.
I just cannot imagine what the key is for! I'll drive myself crazy just thinking about the possibilities. Already stressed with kids school work and day to day stuff. This is baggage I don't need.
Anyway, I work from home so I can keep an eye on things. But from now on until her last day, I'm keeping my master bedroom door locked when I'm out. -
Since we are touching on the topic of maid selection, allow me to share a few more tips…
When I am going to interview maids at the agency, I will dress appropriately, nothing sloppy or overly casual, my first impression to the maid is important too; she is likely to be more respectful if I dressed appropriately. (Lol, they are human, like us they form opinion of their employer on the first encounter.)
I will introduce myself standing as her, shake her hand, if she offers half of her palm to my firm handshake, she is likely to be one that will look up to me and humble to take my instruction.
If she offers her full palm and firm grip, she is a warm person, a person that react to her natural instinct, and likely to be one that is better placed under a warm and caring working environment for they are the type that believe they can and will do well, so she expects the employer to do no less.
If she offers half palm and pull back a little with my firm hand shake, she is in doubt, she doubts me, she is not sure what my firm grip handshake is for… this is the insecure type, she is likely to be a crying maid if kena pressure from her workload or even when your relatives talk about her; but she is likely to be a careful and diligent maid, but take long time to warm up and need lots of reassurance from you, eg, praise her work.
If she dares not to take up my handshake, unless she is totally new and very young, I will think that she is not ready to work in SG or work for another employer, she is yet to come to term why is she has to be interviewed. Usually, this category of character is not for me even she is willing to cut off her long hair, Lol.
After the handshake, I will take my seat, and I will go on to read their bio-data, or pretend to read… I will keep my silence and leave her standing there for 2-3 mins…
If she is standing with one leg, the other leg is just resting on the floor, she is a carefree person, don’t mind and don’t care about lots of things. Couple with looking left and right while waiting for your next sentence, she is not the right candidate to care for babies and the aged.
If she is standing with equal weight on both legs, in a quite relax posture and looking at you reading her biodata or looking at her biodata that’s in your hands…she is a performer, she cares how the best she could deliver and likely to be a diligent maid, but she is a serious person so you will have to minced your words should you want to "lecture" her.
If she stands fully straight up, usually people with this standing posture is likely to wrench her hands/fingers. She is tensed, sensitive, lack of confidence and cannot be put to in-charge… but she is likely to be obedient, can slog and not easily giving up type.
Now, after 2-3 mins, invite her for a seat… usually they will not dare to until the agent signal to her ok…
Observe how she takes her seat, assuming the chair is within her reach, if she drags her chair to move to you, I will not take her as a maid, even she drags the chair for just half a meter distance.
If she lifts up the chair and carry it to your side, after putting down the chair, she pauses and wait for your nod before she sits down (although she already knew she is allowed to sit, but she respectfully waiting for a second nod) Congratulation, you got yourself a maid! -
I told my maid today that she has to go. I’m giving her 3 weeks to find a new employer. Initially thought of telling her we have financial issues but hubby thinks it may backfire. So went with plan B i.e. we’re not right for her and she deserves a better employer. Keeping my doubts and real reasons to myself. I want to make her last working weeks at my place as calm as possible for everyone. Agent has pre-warned me of the emotional blackmail. And true enough, my maid told me she has no money, she wants to work till August etc to save money for the orphans (yeah right!). Apparently this is SOP for them.
I think I am a fair employer. Weekly off, she eats our food, 2-3 hours afternoon rest + I don’t micro-manage. Yes I feel bad but it is a work contract and the facts are: she had money to buy jewellery, buy her air-flown European fish, discussed about some part-time work with her friend and last week she made plans to visit Sentosa on her day off. If she is truly broke, it’s NOT because I’m terminating the contract. I’m sticking to my guns and I’m not falling for her emotional blackmail.
This has been a real valuable lesson and an expensive one for me. I’ve gone a full circle. From: full-time maid to maid-less to PT maid and now full-time maid. My verdict? I’ll stick to PT maid in the future! -
Harlequin:
Well said :rahrah:Since we are touching on the topic of maid selection, allow me to share a few more tips...
When I am going to interview maids at the agency, I will dress appropriately, nothing sloppy or overly casual, my first impression to the maid is important too; she is likely to be more respectful if I dressed appropriately. (Lol, they are human, like us they form opinion of their employer on the first encounter.)
I will introduce myself standing as her, shake her hand, if she offers half of her palm to my firm handshake, she is likely to be one that will look up to me and humble to take my instruction.
If she offers her full palm and firm grip, she is a warm person, a person that react to her natural instinct, and likely to be one that is better placed under a warm and caring working environment for they are the type that believe they can and will do well, so she expects the employer to do no less.
If she offers half palm and pull back a little with my firm hand shake, she is in doubt, she doubts me, she is not sure what my firm grip handshake is for... this is the insecure type, she is likely to be a crying maid if kena pressure from her workload or even when your relatives talk about her; but she is likely to be a careful and diligent maid, but take long time to warm up and need lots of reassurance from you, eg, praise her work.
If she dares not to take up my handshake, unless she is totally new and very young, I will think that she is not ready to work in SG or work for another employer, she is yet to come to term why is she has to be interviewed. Usually, this category of character is not for me even she is willing to cut off her long hair, Lol.
After the handshake, I will take my seat, and I will go on to read their bio-data, or pretend to read... I will keep my silence and leave her standing there for 2-3 mins...
If she is standing with one leg, the other leg is just resting on the floor, she is a carefree person, don't mind and don't care about lots of things. Couple with looking left and right while waiting for your next sentence, she is not the right candidate to care for babies and the aged.
If she is standing with equal weight on both legs, in a quite relax posture and looking at you reading her biodata or looking at her biodata that's in your hands...she is a performer, she cares how the best she could deliver and likely to be a diligent maid, but she is a serious person so you will have to minced your words should you want to \"lecture\" her.
If she stands fully straight up, usually people with this standing posture is likely to wrench her hands/fingers. She is tensed, sensitive, lack of confidence and cannot be put to in-charge.... but she is likely to be obedient, can slog and not easily giving up type.
Now, after 2-3 mins, invite her for a seat... usually they will not dare to until the agent signal to her ok...
Observe how she takes her seat, assuming the chair is within her reach, if she drags her chair to move to you, I will not take her as a maid, even she drags the chair for just half a meter distance.
If she lifts up the chair and carry it to your side, after putting down the chair, she pauses and wait for your nod before she sits down (although she already knew she is allowed to sit, but she respectfully waiting for a second nod) Congratulation, you got yourself a maid! -
Thanks, Linlin.
I would also like to share more on maid management, hope no one thinks I am being kaypoh.
As we all know, in every relationship, be it between spouses, in-laws, bosses, colleagues, friends, as well as our domestic helpers, there is always a balance point. This balance point is crucial to maintain the harmony, once this point is tipped, conflicts and resentments arise... if neither party are willed to improve it, this relationship is doomed to fail.
We all know if any staffs or subordinate always trying hard to triumph their boss, his/her days in that company is numbered, even he/she possess great talent, chances are his/her boss would choose not to acknowledge, that's sad.
Back to our home, our domestic helpers, if she is in the habit of not taking your advices, and without informing you she goes on to prepare your houseworks/cooking/baby-sitting as the way she likes it... now, they maybe right, maybe they do have a better way than us.... but, we can't help it but would prefer she takes our advice, simply because this is the balance of the house, we would like to uphold it, but most of the time we don't know why we just get too upset when our maids are too kay-kiang.
Some maids are not aware that this trait irks you, so we start using meaner and meaner words on them, to a point that we just yell at them, \"I don't care what you think, just do it, just do it the way I want!\" And it begets more resistance from them... tic for tac, to a point that we are doing it just to put down one another.
The struggle is already obvious, we refuse to take their work for it's not done the way we want it (eventhough it may yield the same result), on the other hand, the maids don't understand why is it so important that it has to be done in our way, some maids may even think our ways suck but short of saying it, some may think we are trying to pick fault on them.... and the problems go on.
To keep this balance, I would first let go (accept her way) and pull back later (if my way is indeed better)... example-- Oh, great! You get it done... mmm, how did you do it? (she shows you how) and when she is doing it, take example, cutting a slab of meat, obviously she cuts it not in a pleasing way where the cutting is along the meat fibers and make the cooking/eating a harder job... I will just let her continue for a while then pick up a piece of what she has cut and tell her nicely, WHEN you cut it this way, see the fiber is long and later when you cook it become hard... pause...(show to her) IF YOU CUT IT this way, then the meat slices will be soft and tender... then I will say no more, let her choose to do it the way I \"taught\" her or do it her way.... I will make sure she gets to try the cooked meat, her way of cutting and my way of cutting. Ask her for her verdict, \"How? Ma'am's way of cutting ok?\".... chances are, she will admit shyly, yes, ma'am, you cut one easier to chew... :celebrate:
When I come home from a long day work, I see that my bathmate, bathroom floor towel has stain on it, I will ask her, \"XXX, when was the last time you change THE (not, MY) bathroom floor towels?\" She goes, \"this morning, ma'am...\" I go, \"Oh, there is some stain there....\" And bet with you she will go, \"Oh, sorry ma'am I will change for you now.\".... :celebrate:
She knows I am not blaming her, nor accusing her of not changing the floor towels.... she takes it as my ma'am is merely assigning a job to me.
Peace, I get what I want without making her feel bad. :celebrate:
The result would be a great difference, if I say something like this to her, \"Why is my bathroom floor towel so dirty? You didn't change it today?\".... She will feel that I've wronged her, and get defensive, she may argue back, \"No, I got change this morning!\"..even she doesn't argue back but in her heart she feels 委屈...
Always give her benefit of doubt (or at least sound like I have trusted her done it) before I demand anything. -
Hi Harlequin
Thanks for sharing. Your sharing has been very helpful for me. Please share some more tips!
What you have described, I’ve been through recently. My maid is leaving in 2 weeks, she has asked to go home. She wants to fight me at every corner, I feel like she’s bending me to her ways. I’m all for efficiency, but her ways has ruined stuff.
She is not rude and she cleans well, but she just wants to do things her way and refuses to learn or follow my instructions despite writing them down. She spoke to her mother a few weeks ago and then she told me that she has to go home. I think she wants to come back later with the new 2013 contract terms.
It’s probably for the best because she grates on my nerves when she repeatedly does not follow my instructions. I can see that she hasn’t and I have to correct it or do it myself. It’s exhausting! -
st2:
Good morning to you, st2.Hi Harlequin
Thanks for sharing. Your sharing has been very helpful for me. Please share some more tips!
What you have described, I've been through recently. My maid is leaving in 2 weeks, she has asked to go home. She wants to fight me at every corner, I feel like she's bending me to her ways. I'm all for efficiency, but her ways has ruined stuff.
She is not rude and she cleans well, but she just wants to do things her way and refuses to learn or follow my instructions despite writing them down. She spoke to her mother a few weeks ago and then she told me that she has to go home. I think she wants to come back later with the new 2013 contract terms.
It's probably for the best because she grates on my nerves when she repeatedly does not follow my instructions. I can see that she hasn't and I have to correct it or do it myself. It's exhausting!
Sorry to hear your predicament.... I can fully comprehend the frustration, when things have became this bad, beyond salvage, and we seems unable to pin point what exactly went wrong that led to her uncooperative attitude...
Will sort out my thoughts and post later in the afternoon.
Meanwhile, take a deep breath, be nice to her but keep an appropriate distance.... take care. -
Harlequin:
Great analysis Harlequin. Can you let me know what's your analysis to the 1st observation that you will not take her as maid? thanks
Observe how she takes her seat, assuming the chair is within her reach, if she drags her chair to move to you, I will not take her as a maid, even she drags the chair for just half a meter distance.
If she lifts up the chair and carry it to your side, after putting down the chair, she pauses and wait for your nod before she sits down (although she already knew she is allowed to sit, but she respectfully waiting for a second nod) Congratulation, you got yourself a maid!
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