All About Working With Children Who Are Weak Academically

[JohnYeo]

Neosan60:

the worse part about children who are weak academically, will be when they have sibling(s) who are high scorers, and compare themselves to siblings. my ds2 is not as bright or academically inclined as ds1. ds1 has no tuition at all now but ds2 has tuition for all subjects. ds2 does ask me, why gorgor dont need to study or tuition also can be so smart?


as parents, we really dont know what to say sometimes ...

i can sense your difficulty...it is really not easy. if my two dd1 and dd2 asks me, I will be stuck too.

Well, what I will do is to remind them of their unique strengths...I will say something like \"DD1 may be good in studies and you are good in drawing (for example)...so both of you have different strengths and daddy loves both of you and trusts that you will do your best no matter what.\"

I feel it's important to protect the other child's (who is not good in studies) self-esteem...and only parents can do that through our actions and words we use.

John

[Geraldinelim]

My kids used to do badly in their studies and had very low self-esteemed. The pace in school is just going too fast for them. I got a recommendation from another parent and I decided to send them to my current tutor for classes.


The tutor also motivates and teach good values to my kids. They really improve alot under her guidance, both academically and their attitude.

You may PM me if you want her contact.

I went through what you went through and I definitely understand your frustrations.

[Neosan60]

JohnYeo:

Neosan60:

the worse part about children who are weak academically, will be when they have sibling(s) who are high scorers, and compare themselves to siblings. my ds2 is not as bright or academically inclined as ds1. ds1 has no tuition at all now but ds2 has tuition for all subjects. ds2 does ask me, why gorgor dont need to study or tuition also can be so smart?


as parents, we really dont know what to say sometimes ...

i can sense your difficulty...it is really not easy. if my two dd1 and dd2 asks me, I will be stuck too.

Well, what I will do is to remind them of their unique strengths...I will say something like \"DD1 may be good in studies and you are good in drawing (for example)...so both of you have different strengths and daddy loves both of you and trusts that you will do your best no matter what.\"

I feel it's important to protect the other child's (who is not good in studies) self-esteem...and only parents can do that through our actions and words we use.

John

thanks john, thats what we have been doing too. we do not want to tell ds2 yet, that studies are not the most important thing in life, as we still need him to take it seriously.

must also remember not to praise ds1 infront of ds2, must praise secretly.

[JohnYeo]

Neosan60:

JohnYeo:

i can sense your difficulty...it is really not easy. if my two dd1 and dd2 asks me, I will be stuck too.

Well, what I will do is to remind them of their unique strengths...I will say something like \"DD1 may be good in studies and you are good in drawing (for example)...so both of you have different strengths and daddy loves both of you and trusts that you will do your best no matter what.\"

I feel it's important to protect the other child's (who is not good in studies) self-esteem...and only parents can do that through our actions and words we use.

John

thanks john, thats what we have been doing too. we do not want to tell ds2 yet, that studies are not the most important thing in life, as we still need him to take it seriously.

must also remember not to praise ds1 infront of ds2, must praise secretly.

No worries, Neosan60...u r not alone in KSP...im sure u r doing the best you can and doing a great job...i always tell my parents that when they start to show doubts if they are parenting their children the right way...

Im also curious...why \"praise secretly\"? :? mind sharing

[sharonkhoo]

Neosan60:

thanks john, thats what we have been doing too. we do not want to tell ds2 yet, that studies are not the most important thing in life, as we still need him to take it seriously.


must also remember not to praise ds1 infront of ds2, must praise secretly.

I have a different take on things. I also have one very high-achieving child (the younger) and another not so academically strong. I do tell them that studies are not the most important thing in life, but emphasise to them that the better their results, the more doors open to them, so it is important to do their best. We set lower targets for the weaker child, and praise when she meets them even if they would be considered very poor if scored by her sister. We also remind her of her strengths and tell her that we can see the effort she puts in so she knows that we appreciate them. We tell her that every person is made differently, and what matters is character and diligence and making the most of what we have.

We don't praise the other secretly because it's life - they have to accept that one is a higher achiever academically than the other, and we want them to be happy for each other. However, we avoid praising for innate intelligence (we don't say \"you're so smart!\") but will praise for effort put in, avoidance of careless mistakes etc (we tend to say \"you've worked hard, well done!\"). We also never compare their results or ask one to be like the other. I know it can be hard for the weaker (elder) one to take sometimes when thoughtless people say things like \"your sister is so bright, you must try to get the same grades\" or \"how come you don't get as many A's as your sister?\" or silly things like that, and I tell her to ignore them.

[JohnYeo]

slmkhoo:

Neosan60:

thanks john, thats what we have been doing too. we do not want to tell ds2 yet, that studies are not the most important thing in life, as we still need him to take it seriously.


must also remember not to praise ds1 infront of ds2, must praise secretly.

I have a different take on things. I also have one very high-achieving child (the younger) and another not so academically strong. I do tell them that studies are not the most important thing in life, but emphasise to them that the better their results, the more doors open to them, so it is important to do their best. We set lower targets for the weaker child, and praise when she meets them even if they would be considered very poor if scored by her sister. We also remind her of her strengths and tell her that we can see the effort she puts in so she knows that we appreciate them. We tell her that every person is made differently, and what matters is character and diligence and making the most of what we have.

We don't praise the other secretly because it's life - they have to accept that one is a higher achiever academically than the other, and we want them to be happy for each other. However, we avoid praising for innate intelligence (we don't say \"you're so smart!\") but will praise for effort put in, avoidance of careless mistakes etc (we tend to say \"you've worked hard, well done!\"). We also never compare their results or ask one to be like the other. I know it can be hard for the weaker (elder) one to take sometimes when thoughtless people say things like \"your sister is so bright, you must try to get the same grades\" or \"how come you don't get as many A's as your sister?\" or silly things like that, and I tell her to ignore them.

Hi slmkhoo,

I love what you have shared...it seemed like there is a wealth of experience from our parents members...sometimes, I just feel this is what we need just to refine our parenting skills to suit us.

Have u seen this facebook page by Pamela Lim https://www.facebook.com/liupam ? I think some of her sharings are quite similar to yours...

Thanks again!

[Hiholow]

slmkhoo:

Neosan60:

thanks john, thats what we have been doing too. we do not want to tell ds2 yet, that studies are not the most important thing in life, as we still need him to take it seriously.


must also remember not to praise ds1 infront of ds2, must praise secretly.

I have a different take on things. I also have one very high-achieving child (the younger) and another not so academically strong. I do tell them that studies are not the most important thing in life, but emphasise to them that the better their results, the more doors open to them, so it is important to do their best. We set lower targets for the weaker child, and praise when she meets them even if they would be considered very poor if scored by her sister. We also remind her of her strengths and tell her that we can see the effort she puts in so she knows that we appreciate them. We tell her that every person is made differently, and what matters is character and diligence and making the most of what we have.

We don't praise the other secretly because it's life - they have to accept that one is a higher achiever academically than the other, and we want them to be happy for each other. However, we avoid praising for innate intelligence (we don't say \"you're so smart!\") but will praise for effort put in, avoidance of careless mistakes etc (we tend to say \"you've worked hard, well done!\"). We also never compare their results or ask one to be like the other. I know it can be hard for the weaker (elder) one to take sometimes when thoughtless people say things like \"your sister is so bright, you must try to get the same grades\" or \"how come you don't get as many A's as your sister?\" or silly things like that, and I tell her to ignore them.

Yes thats the way how I go about for my 2 DDs too. I often encourage the elder one to help the younger one as the elder one is smarter and more initiative. My younger one look up to her sister and wants to work hard too which is something I am really glad.

I saw my sister often making a hoohaa infront of her younger son and complaining how not good he is as compared to the elder son. The younger son turns out to be very rebellious after that and fights with the brother and said hurtful things.

From this experience, I understand whatever we do and say really is very important. I dont want my children growing up hating what i had said in the past and use it against me.

And I always believe being patience is a must!

[JohnYeo]

Hi Hiholow,


Great hearing from you. I have two DDs too and they are still very young…I’m learning from the many experienced parents here too…wondering how do you get your elder DD to always help the younger DD? see if i can get any good tip from you.

[PhoenixWright]

Hey everyone! I know that sometimes it’s really difficult to handle your children because they probably lack discipline and motivation. However, I can recommend a powerful method to help your kids with the most basic propulsion system ever. Themselves!

[JohnYeo]

Dear KSP,


These 2 weeks are the crucial weeks…whatever the case, just encourage your child to do his/ her best…improving is a process…so as long as you feel you child has improved, be positive and encourage your child to move on…and never ever once think of giving up on your child…not even thinking about it because your child can feel it and he/she can read your body language and how you respond (non-verbally)…so believe in your child…

as I have always told my parents, if we don’t hold our children’s hands all the way, then who will…so never let go and good luck!

John