All About Teaching Values
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ChiefKiasu:
Yes, I do agree that some SG dramas has quite a bit of sexuality and violence themes - it pays that i know what is coming up before the programme is screened, so that I can decide on how to distract my boy when the scene comes up.
Thanks for the good advice. I do practice what you mentioned for honesty, but it hasn't been working lately. Also, not sure if the SG dramas are really good as examples - there's quite a bit of sexuality and violence themes in those lately. But I thought the Sunday morning/noon productions like \"I not stupid\" and kids-related productions are very good.
I still think real life interaction with actual people who are less fortunate than himself would be a better trigger to make him become more responsible for himself. I'm not thinking of a course or a module.
Also, he has been wanting to join the boys brigade or scouts. I have resisted because I thought that is really \"going through the motion\", but that may not be fair as I'm not too familiar with what actually goes on in those organizations. It's just that I've been skeptical (from young) that organisations that make kids pay big bucks for \"dressing up\" in spanking neat uniforms actually take doing charity seriously.
No sure that will work on older boys though. 
I guess, kids usually refrain from being honest cos they are afraid of getting into trouble, and also once they have the experience of getting away with it, they will think that as long as they don't tell, no one will know.
Perhaps we have different values. I am brought up with the understanding that charity begins at home. Treat your family members and friends with respect and help around the house/as and when possible. Voluntary work outside home is of a 'higher calling' best left to the individuals themselves when they are old enough to decide whether that is what they want to do. -
I agreed with jedamum, things should start from home. What I usually do is to make my kid keep the toys, tidy up the place, throw rubbish, put cloths in the laundry, etc by himself. I tried to let him understand that he need to be self sufficient. Well, the ultimate motive is of course so that I can be more relax lah, no need to clean up his mess :lol:
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Emotional Intelligence
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_intelligence an ability, capacity, or skill to perceive, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, of others, and of groups. One of such abilities includes
- Managing emotions
the ability to regulate emotions in both ourselves and in others. Therefore, the emotionally intelligent person can harness emotions, even negative ones, and manage them to achieve intended goals.
In the bid to nurture EQ in our kids, how can we prevent ourselves from raising manipulative kids? -
Hi, the nit picker in me wants to point out that there are two separate discussions going on here. The first is character development. The second is EQ. They’re not the same although they are entwined to a certain degree.
Character development (CKS’ original post) is the biggest question on my mind. To me, it doesn’t matter how intelligent yada yada a person is. If you have no integrity, you’ll be finished in a matter of time. DH and I have been thinking a lot about this. Some people rely on religion to instill values, but for those of us who are not so inclined, I think we have to model it to our kids. It’s hard! But kids will pick up our values no matter what we say. We can read the best books, but if we don’t show kindness, compassion and perserverance (the list runs long) in our everyday lives, they’ll learn too.
On EQ - still learning. Have you read Daniel Goleman’s book? Weighs a tonne, but well worth the wade. But probably, as someone pointed out in this thread, a little adversity won’t hurt. I’m going to try harder to sprinkle some in my son’s way to make him realize things don’t always come easy. I was just musing the other day that when my son was young, we bought so many things for him in the name of fun and education. Then as he crossed 5, I started to expect him to consider more carefully about spending money and what toys/books to ask for. I’m learning that frugal habits don’t switch on overnight, and that we’ve just embarked on a long journey of learning to be mindful about money matters and weighing our priorities. -
talking about value…
This morning we were at the HDB Hub car park. While walking towards the lift, a car suddenly cut infront of us just to get to a lot , almost knock us down(they were anti direction according to the road sign).
After they got off their car with their 2 kids (going for Shichida Method), they pretended that nothing had happened.
What is the point of training their kids brains when they don’t even have the basic courtesy themselves -
breguet:
:lol: You are pretty sharp.....somehow it is not entirely correct to lump nurturing of EQ into character development. I should have just start another thread... :oops:Hi, the nit picker in me wants to point out that there are two separate discussions going on here. The first is character development. The second is EQ. They're not the same although they are entwined to a certain degree.
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jedamum:
Two sides of same coin lah!
:lol: You are pretty sharp.....somehow it is not entirely correct to lump nurturing of EQ into character development. I should have just start another thread... :oops:
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The value I tried to instil in my kids, "Don’t do unto others what you don’t want others to do to you".
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Personally I feel that it is every parent's responsibility to inculcate the right values in their kids. I have known of some parents who have a very hands-off approach and actually expect the school/teachers to do that part of the work ... I have heard of some parents who use \"teacher will be angry\" or \"police will catch you etc...\" whenever their kids do not behave. Why should these parents undermine their own authority or shirk their responsibility, why can't they tell their kids that they will be angry and will not condone their child's undesirable behaviour? :?
Having said the above... I agree that imparting the right values begin at home and parents should lead by example for their kids to emulate.
- Honesty:
Although I have yet to face the problem that CKS has with his son regarding honesty ... I hope to be able to impress upon my son that it is alright to make mistakes, what is more important is to admit the mistake, bear the consequence and move on by not repeating the mistake again... By so doing I hope that he will learn to be responsible for his own actions.
If I know that my son did something wrong, I will explain to him why he did wrong and what are the consequences (some wrongdoing may warrant a spank on his palm or some may be let off with a warning depending on the severity) to his wrongdoing. Thereafter, I will hug and kiss him to let him know that we still love him regardless and stress to him to be mindful not to repeat it again. I think kids have the fear that their parents may not \"want\" them as much if they admit their mistakes, thus explaining why they are hesitant to tell the truth... So if we can help them to overcome this fear and that we will still \"want\" them regardless... Hopefully this will make them less fearful and more forthcoming in telling the truth.
- Social Grace and Courtesy:
Both my wife and I say thank you and sorry not to the extent of using it loosely... But we do use these two phrases very frequently whether at home or in public. This was not a conscious effort on our part but I have noticed that our son says thank you without being asked to do so whenever he receives something or when someone does a kind gesture for him
As explained in another thread, I do not condone bad behaviour by our son especially in public when he is a nuisance to others. He knows what is expected of him and how he should be behaving. If I need to punish him outside of home after he fails to heed the warning, I will bring him to a private area where others will not see him and may spank his palm or bum. This is followed by a hug and kiss to remind him that there is no love lost.
- Nothing is \"free\"/Everything comes at a cost:
Like many parents, we gave our son things that he always wanted. However, it dawned on me recently that I could be giving our son the \"false\" sense that things could be attained very easily without having to work for it.
Some weeks back, my son and I went to get a can of Lychee (one of his fav dessert) as a reward for good behaviour when we were out. After picking up the can of Lychee, he saw two boxes of biscuits that he wanted very much as well. Not wanting him to feel that things could be obtained so easily, I gave him a budget of $3 (this only allowed him to buy 2 of the 3 items that he wanted) to spend on... Wow I really felt bad (as he was very well behaved that day) when he started crying and \"begging\" me to get the items he wanted. Anyway I stuck to my ground and he finally chose the 2 box of biscuits over his fav can of Lychee :?
Well being the soft hearted dad of his... He got his can of Lychee the following day hahaha...
May not be easy for him to grapple with this \"theory\" given his age... Hopefully in time to come, I hope he will understand that life is not always a bed of roses and wants are many but resources limited... So he has to learn given his limited resources what are the choices that he should make to best meet his wants. -
ZacK:
Hi Zack,
- Nothing is \"free\"/Everything comes at a cost:
Like many parents, we gave our son things that he always wanted. However, it dawned on me recently that I could be giving our son the \"false\" sense that things could be attained very easily without having to work for it.
Giving a budget is a great idea.
Generally our practise at home is that if the stuff is not costly and that it is not a habit of the kid to ask for stuff everytime, we usually relent to his request with the explanation that our agreement should not be taken for granted and that any future request is still subject to the parent's final word.
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