2010 PSLE English

[snowman.022851697]

You actually memorised the compo?


I've edited it for you

The sun was shining mercilessly with it's blazing rays,casting short distinct shadows on the pavement.I was walking to the bus stop with my friends, Sue and susan.When we reached the bus stop,we waited patiently for the bus to arrive.While i was waiting,an elderly who was walking unsteadily walked towards me.

'may i know how do you get to Northpoint Shopping Mall?' she asked me.

'First, you cross the road,then turn right and then left.' i said in a polite manner.

Upon hearing what i had said,she left.

Suddenly,out of nowhere, a deafening crash filled the air. it was such a terrible symphony that even the deaf Beethoven would be able to hear.Loud piercing screams could be heard too.anxiety charged through my veins and beads of perspiration trickled down my pale and sallow face.

'Is it an accident?' i thought to myself as wild thoughts raced through my mind. Out of the blue, an explosion could be heard from the roadside. When i looked over my shoulder, i saw the most horrendous sight I had ever seen. A blue car had knocked down the elderly woman whom i was speaking to then and had collided onto a big oak tree.My friends and i stood rooted to the ground,with eyes and mouth wide open. The car was engulfed in flames. - The glass panels of the car were shattered into smithereens. Some of them were stained with blood which made them gleam like rubies under the sunlight.The metal parts of the car were dented due to the sheer impact. After i had regained my composure, i promptly whipped out my phone and dialed the number '999' while my friends called for an ambulance. The scene was soon crowded with onlookers.

Within minutes, wail of sirens could be heard from a distance. Soon,an ambulance and a police car arrived at the scene. without a moment of delay, the rescue team sprang into actions. paramedics rendered medical assistance to all the victims while the police condoned off the area.Some of the policemen asked for statements from witnesses while the rest of the policemen investigated the cause of the explosion -> Isn't that obvious?.however, they left no stone unturned.


Luckily,the driver was not seriously injured as he managed to dash out of the car in the nick of time.However,the elderly woman was seriously injured and had to stay in the hospital for further observation. Unfortunately, some passers-by were hurt because of the blast or by flying debris from the car.After all the victims were sent to the hospital, the car was pulled upright by a lorry crane sent by a logistics company while the workers were busily clearing up the wreckage.After what seemed like an eternity, the police finally found out what had exactly caused the explosion. Petrol had leaked from the car's fuel tank and ignited upon impact.

I continued to wait for the bus to arrive. Every detail of this incident would forever be etched in my mind.



Comments

- Subj verb agreement
- Bad sentence structure
- Dialogue needs new paragraph
- Good use of phrases
- Friends?

Content - 14 (I originally gave 17 but you only talked about what YOU did, and your friends did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, so it does not answer one of the points)
Language - 16
Total - 30/40

[kiasuss]

MOE Hater:

for 2nd synthesis.


He did not keep his promise. It upset me.

The fact that he did not keep his promise made me upset.

Is it correct?

it should be: The fact that he did not keep his promise upsets me.
it is 'upsets' cuz 'fact' is uncountable so must be singular

[Victoria10]

anonymus:

MOE Hater:

for 2nd synthesis.


He did not keep his promise. It upset me.

The fact that he did not keep his promise made me upset.

Is it correct?

Mine was :

The fact that he did not keep his promise upset me.

tat's wat i wrote too.

[Jennifer]

ZoeyTan:

my story is about the elderly walked towards me and ask me directions to go to NorthPoint. Then when she left, a deadening crash filled the air... then accident..

I like your content :celebrate:

[Jennifer]

snowman.697:

Comments

Remember this: Humility is a virtue.

[obsession]

kiasuss:

MOE Hater:

for 2nd synthesis.


He did not keep his promise. It upset me.

The fact that he did not keep his promise made me upset.

Is it correct?

it should be: The fact that he did not keep his promise upsets me.
it is 'upsets' cuz 'fact' is uncountable so must be singular

My son wrote 'upsets' too which is incorrect. Originally, he wrote 'upset' but he thought like you about 'the fact' bit.

The 'upset' in the question is in the past tense. Thus it should still remain as 'upset' (past tense).

[lightbulb]

looneytunezz:

MOE Hater:

for 2nd synthesis.


He did not keep his promise. It upset me.

The fact that he did not keep his promise made me upset.

Is it correct?

I wrote 'The fact that he did not keep his promise upset me' also

I also wrote the fact that he did not keep his promise upset me...

[lightbulb]

i wrote that the elderly lady had been abandoned by her family and she was so grief-stricken that she was walking unsteadily. me and my friends went to her house and demanded man to respect her but he ‘poured forth a string of expletives’ so she ran away and never game back out of humiliation.

then i ended it off with a dramatic paragraph of how it is such an irony that those who taught us to walk are sent away to places like old folks home and blahblahblah.


IS THAT RELEVANT???

[quirkymum]

Jennifer:

ZoeyTan:

my story is about the elderly walked towards me and ask me directions to go to NorthPoint. Then when she left, a deadening crash filled the air... then accident..

I like your content :celebrate:

I like it too and the vocabulary used is good as well. Don't worry about what others have said, I think you have done quite well. Just focus on your other subjects left :celebrate:

[Bright_genius]

Just curious, why so many people chose question 3. I chose question 2 instead.