In-law problems?

[minnie2004]

Mrs Ang:

My relationship with my mil has turned sour after she played me out twice on helping to take care of my bb. I have chosen to stay far away from my work place and parent becos mil has promised to take care of future grandchildren. Who knows just 2 weeks before I finished my maternity leave, she said cannot help to take care of bb. I searched desperately all the CCC ard my area and only managed to find one 30 mins bus ride from my house. Mil has given me and DH so much problem due to her last minute decision and fickleness. When she tried the third time, my DH was the first to reject his mum \"kind\" offer to take care of bb. DH doesn't want to take the risk of redrawing bb out from CCC and lost the place if his mum played him out again. Mil got so angry and said it is easier to take care of other pple bb! I was :!: as she has only tried taking care of BB for a few days and haven't tried the nite care.


My DH is the only son with 2 still single sisters. I cannot imagine staying with such a selfish mil who don't mind putting her first 3 mth old grandchild in CCC. In additional, we don't have car so poor bb has to take bus every day. BB leave home every morning ard 7 am and reached home after 7.15 pm. My DH know that I'm still angry with his mum :x

Maybe you should consider moving closer to your parents if they're willing to take care of your baby. 7-7 seems too long hours for the baby to be away from home.

MILs are usually not as willing as our own parents in terms of offering help to take care of our babies. They think it's our responsibility and if they do offer help it'll be doing us a favour . My MIL is a typical example. She is strong enough to travel and too weak to take care of my kids :x. On the other hand, our own parents, who really care about us, will do anything to lighten our burdens :love:

[hquek]

Mrs Ang:

My relationship with my mil has turned sour after she played me out twice on helping to take care of my bb. I have chosen to stay far away from my work place and parent becos mil has promised to take care of future grandchildren. Who knows just 2 weeks before I finished my maternity leave, she said cannot help to take care of bb. I searched desperately all the CCC ard my area and only managed to find one 30 mins bus ride from my house. Mil has given me and DH so much problem due to her last minute decision and fickleness. When she tried the third time, my DH was the first to reject his mum \"kind\" offer to take care of bb. DH doesn't want to take the risk of redrawing bb out from CCC and lost the place if his mum played him out again. Mil got so angry and said it is easier to take care of other pple bb! I was :!: as she has only tried taking care of BB for a few days and haven't tried the nite care.

Hey Mrs Ang,

I would be mighty :x if I were you too. But then, since you know her pattern, AND your hubby is aware of her broken promises, best thing for you is to act :imanangel:. Worst thing is to vent out your unhappiness on your DH.

If your parents are available and willing to take care, then consider to move closer to them - else childcare is the next best option. If stars are in alignment, perhaps a childcare closer to your workplace?

Honestly, looking after children is no joke. But I don't think one (ie parents/IL) should 'sign blank cheque' on this matter also. I had also heard of new grandmas happily volunteering, only to 'da tui tang gu' when they realise how hard it is.

[janet88]

Looking after young kids isn’t easy…ILs usually want to PLAY with them and return to you after that. My parents helped me with my 2 kids these past 10 years & I’m truly grateful and appreciate it.

Hubby & his siblings were brought up eating economy rice from downstairs bcos their mother prefers to have her kitchen spanking clean, and her hair nicely set. She is the ‘hi-and-bye’ sort of grandmother.

[auntieM]

janet_lee88:

Looking after young kids isn't easy...ILs usually want to PLAY with them and return to you after that. My parents helped me with my 2 kids these past 10 years & I'm truly grateful and appreciate it.

Hubby & his siblings were brought up eating economy rice from downstairs bcos their mother prefers to have her kitchen spanking clean, and her hair nicely set. She is the 'hi-and-bye' sort of grandmother.

Some not even interested in their grandkids except for Kodak moments.. ..
Look after :shock: .. some dun even look long enough to recognise the kiddo faces..
For those that have nice and helpful PILs.. ..very lucky indeed

[on_plus_kiasu]

auntieM:

Some not even interested in their grandkids except for Kodak moments.. ..
Look after :shock: .. some dun even look long enough to recognise the kiddo faces..
For those that have nice and helpful PILs.. ..very lucky indeed

If interested in Kodak moments also good enough lah, my MIL not interested at all. Even DH give up on his own mother.

Talking about PIL, anyone else having this kind of problem with PIL? My FIL having financial difficulties as he is not working as is still paying the HDB loan cash every month. Recently, he was diagnosed with severe depression with bouts of scizophrenia. So when DH offered FIL for the hundredth time to stay with us and rent out his house, FIL finally agreed. But the problem is, My SIL & Family is blaming us for the position they are in. They have been living off my FIL for free the past few years since he was retrenched and now blames DH for not contributing financially to the family. They also blame DH for forcing them to look for their own house. :roll:
In the 1st place, we have been telling them this idea since my FIL first got retrenched(5-8 years oredi hor!) till today. We have been very clear on our stand from day One. The relationship with SILs have gone sour but we are still pretending for now. DH is preparing himself for a showdown soon to force them to get their own house soon because he doesn't want FIL to get more depressed. Plus, we have had enough of being blamed for not helping financially. They have no responsibilities but themselves and baby, live there but my PIL still have to pay for their own food and stuff.

Any advice on how we can handle this better?

[DesertWind]

hercules:

Mums r WOMEN and most women 'say one thing and mean the other'.

Hi Hercules!

I have learnt through the very hard way with my MIL! Got into so much trouble when we first got marriage all because I got her meaning all WRONG! There seems to be a \"script\" involved and I must know what should be the \"correct answers\" to give!

My mother :love: said I am very goondo dunno how to interpret when my MIL is just being polite and when is real! :?

For example, MIL asked \"Would you like to take this item with you to your new house?\"
My goondu answer: \"No, if possible not because this is very bulky we don't have the space.\" MIL volcano erupted! :x
Correct answer should be \"Yes, thank you very much MIL! It is so nice of you to give us this item!!!\".

Sigh.......interpreting is harder than climbing a mountain. :scared:
:celebrate:

[Augmum]

DesertWind:

For example, MIL asked \"Would you like to take this item with you to your new house?\"
My goondu answer: \"No, if possible not because this is very bulky we don't have the space.\" MIL volcano erupted! :x
Correct answer should be \"Yes, thank you very much MIL! It is so nice of you to give us this item!!!\".

Sigh.......interpreting is harder than climbing a mountain. :scared:
:celebrate:

if that's the answer, then i'll fail terribly
Heng!!!....no chance to stay with PIL....as i am the sort who is straightforward with words

[auntieM]

DesertWind,

How about telling your MIL: What do you want to do with 'it'?
Let her reply you and act blur lor....

Well somethings do get broken/missing when you don't move/store them properly...

[KingRascal]

This reminded me of some incidents when my hubby and I had out first own house.


My MIL did not even bother to ask...she brought those funny decor stuff right to my house...standing at my doorstep without even telling us she was coming over...

Nightmare...

DesertWind:

hercules:

Mums r WOMEN and most women 'say one thing and mean the other'.

Hi Hercules!

I have learnt through the very hard way with my MIL! Got into so much trouble when we first got marriage all because I got her meaning all WRONG! There seems to be a \"script\" involved and I must know what should be the \"correct answers\" to give!

My mother :love: said I am very goondo dunno how to interpret when my MIL is just being polite and when is real! :?

For example, MIL asked \"Would you like to take this item with you to your new house?\"
My goondu answer: \"No, if possible not because this is very bulky we don't have the space.\" MIL volcano erupted! :x
Correct answer should be \"Yes, thank you very much MIL! It is so nice of you to give us this item!!!\".

Sigh.......interpreting is harder than climbing a mountain. :scared:
:celebrate:

[auntieM]

Mine did the same when she moved house and brought a miniload to my doorstep.. ...

My DH was around and the load vanished after the garang guni man, didn't even make it into the house.. ..heng ah