In-law problems?
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DesertWind:
To me, as long as it involves my kids, I will get hubby to see my point. If need be, have to tell them off if nice tone doesn't work.
It is time to be more firm yourself if you feel very strongly about it. For eg. if it is about schools, parents register their kids themself right? So you just go ahead to register at the school of your choice lah, not your PILs!Mum Lim:
How to tell pils that parents are the ones whom decide their future?
NOT PILS making the CALL....
Its difficult to do so...
Hopefully a miracle will appear soon
Not sure what other decision you are talking about. If you can share perhaps we can give our opinion.
No matter what you have to be very polite with PILs but if it is very crucial I won't hesitate to \"tell them off\" because sometimes hard to control my emotions.
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things like which tuition teacher, which tuition centre shld the kids go to. comments like the teacher i choose is not good. Those ballet, art and craft classes are useless things. Even primary school they also wan a say in it.
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Mum Lim:
things like which tuition teacher, which tuition centre shld the kids go to. comments like the teacher i choose is not good. Those ballet, art and craft classes are useless things. Even primary school they also wan a say in it.
Stood firm on your decision when made. Don have to listen to them. Just like my case,i insisted to send my kid for phonic class and they kept said i stress the kid. I don care and went ahead for it. Today my kid did well in school and i felt happy that i did not listen to them else i will regret for the rest of my life. I made my own call as i know what is good for them. -
Mum Lim:
things like which tuition teacher, which tuition centre shld the kids go to. comments like the teacher i choose is not good. Those ballet, art and craft classes are useless things. Even primary school they also wan a say in it.
Do what you think is right. You are the mum so you should know what's best for your child.
When I read to my baby, mil thought I was crazy to read to a baby who probably don't understand anything. :roll: Unfortunately as my 1st and 2nd child had a short gap, I couldn't persist with this.
I was the type of mum who send my kids to enrichment classes since 18 months. I sent the kids to preschool since from pre-nursery. My mil commented that some neighbours commented that it's better for kids to attend school later in life. Think she probably think we are wasting $.
Now my eldest is already P4. Then we had a CL tutor who came to our house. I passed pils the fees to pay the tutor. They felt the pinch that we are paying the tutor so much. Mil came to tell me that she walked pass this school and she saw the PSLE results. It only cost $x. Maybe we should consider moving the kids there. I just gave a non committal reply. To me, even if the CL tutor is not effective, I have other place in mind. I don't want to send them to any tom, dick and harry lessons based on price, it must be something effective otherwise we are wasting time and $.
What works for us is that my hubby is on the same boat as me. He is the one who has to manage his parents not me. This arrangement works very well for us. Also, it's important to send the message that their son is not the one who foots all the bill. No offence to SAHM but undeniably, I feel that a dil's financial status does affect their position/ say in the family too.
I am very stern with the kids. mil commented to my mum about it. The good thing is that they don't interfere when we discipline the kids. Probably behind my back, they would be commenting at how stern i am, packing them with so many lessons, etc... but as a mum, I know it's for the good of my child. My kids are not top of cohort. They are just above average. But compared to my niece (sil who is nice but they are the more take it easy type and allowed kids to indulge in computer games), my dd results appear to be ok. They are both of the same age. I supppose only time will tell if the discipline that we are trying to instil in the children works. -
Mum Lim:
things like which tuition teacher, which tuition centre shld the kids go to. comments like the teacher i choose is not good. Those ballet, art and craft classes are useless things. Even primary school they also wan a say in it.
Do what you feel is right. They make comments because the money is not going to them but to someone else...they feel heartache because their son is paying for it. It's worse if wife is SAHM (I'm one)...no worries, I understand. -
janet_lee88:
Well said janet_lee88.. ..totally agree!Mum Lim:
things like which tuition teacher, which tuition centre shld the kids go to. comments like the teacher i choose is not good. Those ballet, art and craft classes are useless things. Even primary school they also wan a say in it.
Do what you feel is right. They make comments because the money is not going to them but to someone else...they feel heartache because their son is paying for it. It's worse if wife is SAHM (I'm one)...no worries, I understand. -
something happen at hme. i think all these grumbling about my pils shld stop.
no matter how much i grumble they wont change... -
Mum Lim:
something happen at hme.
I totally know how this feels. Something always happens in our ol' place.
It usually is big too.. cos it's blown out of proportion. The molehill always
seemed to become a huge mountain. :roll: Only that... the moutain is a
fake one lor. Oh dear. Hope yours ain't something too big. Take care. :snuggles:Mum Lim:
Unfortunately, yes. It won't change a thing.no matter how much i grumble they wont change...
After my arduous journey with my PILs (almost 10yrs under the same roof)...
We are in charge of taking charge of our lives and determining how we want it
or working around it. While mine may have taken that long (cos i realized what
a doormat i was)
... i hope the light at the end of your tunnel will come
much sooner. Once again, take care. :hugs:
Hang in there.. :love: -
Mum Lim:
things like which tuition teacher, which tuition centre shld the kids go to. comments like the teacher i choose is not good. Those ballet, art and craft classes are useless things. Even primary school they also wan a say in it.
Oh dear... All this sounds familiar! Worse is when the decision you take does not pan out. Then they keep talking about it. One day, I turned the tables on them. I chose 1 or 2 things that I thought stupid of THEM. Then I do what they say. When it didn't turn out right, I go on and on about the mistake.
After a while, they realized that they needed to be careful with the advice they give because I will hold them responsible.
MIL used to have so much to say about my kids' Chinese. I always gave in. Then the results weren't good so I nicely hold them responsible and told them that I had suggested otherwise. Nag. Nag. Nag. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Now I do it my way and the results are better... And MIL watches her mouth a bit more when it comes to kids' education. And I also make sure I explicitly say the results are better now. Nicely of course. Hint here. Hint there. Show off. Crow about the improvement. A bit of self- marketing. Actually ah... a lot of self- promotion. -
The biggest problem is they always think the mother is stupid and cannot teach…that’s why have to use son’s hard-earned money to give to people. Deep in her brains is, ‘Give me the money instead’.
My hubby was brought up in an environment that ‘money is very important’
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