In-law problems?

[Champion]

cwc:

I tried to console myself, I tried to talk myself out of it, I tried to think positively .... but seriously, I am starting to dislike my MIL......EXTREMELY.


Think I have expressed enough of my grouses here.....there's more and never ending.....what just happened just made me dislike her even more. To the extent, I am quite happy to see DH pissed enough to tell her off
(I kept quiet throughout cos' I could see DH already in a foul mood from all the nonsense from MIL the moment we step into the house. the environment is already not too good, with MIL's presence, she's making everything worse).

Previously, I had always told DH, my high BP only started after PILs shifted in.....while he agreed, he simply couldn't understand why I am so exasperated with them, told me to ignore....ignore.....just ignore. I do agree I am petty in some ways, but keeping quiet and ignore doesn't solve the problem, it just manifest and continues boil in me. Anyway, to cut it short.....FIL was unwell, so we were taking his BP at home. After that, I was testing mine....first reading was 128/78....then MIL did something terrible to FIL while I started to take my 2nd....immediately, BP reading shot up to 139/100. DH also witness what MIL did and scolded her....and he turned around saw my reading, well, it speaks a thousand words.....my BP just shot up, I can't control it. Next, FIL just spit into hand and fling !!! :faint: DH went to clean up and asked his dad how can he do that?!! So talk about me being pissed.....

Again, MIL insisted DH send FIL to hospital for checkups NOW (cos' she doesn't want to take care of him with the maid, wanna just drop him in hospital....when he was just discharged on thurs) but as DH waiting to fetch DD who's coming back from overseas trip, he can't, so asked her to get the BIL, her fav son. MIL gave all sorts of reason and then, finally she said \"ah, send hospital no time contraints, you can send 10+pm\", basically cannot touch her fav son!!!!! :mad: :mad: :mad: Can see DH was rather upset. I was sooooo tempted to comment but I held my tongue cos' it'll backfire. Let DH feel it for himself, he has to fend for himself and not turn on me cos' if MIL starts using her tears again, I kena, no way am I getting involved.

I must admit, I am giving the MIL the cool shoulder since ~3 months back, I will just give her the basic courtesy someone would give to an elder, otherwise I'll ignore her as much as I can.....I find myself no longer able to treat her with the same respect nor smiles I used to give her..... I just want her out of my life now. And I hope when FIL goes, she will not stay here anymore.....but shit, I know she has nowhere to go cos' the other sons/DILs will not let her into their house.

God help me that I dun turn into a bitter woman

My dear friend :snuggles: :hugs:
http://i51.tinypic.com/22eyl4.gif\">

[BeContented]

Champion:

My dear friend :snuggles: :hugs:
http://i51.tinypic.com/22eyl4.gif\">

I used to wonder why would people vent in forums, does such things like above work? Realised how WRONG I am now :love:
Glad there is such a place like KSP for us to vent all these pent up displeasure and thanks for having wonderful people around for the listening ear (or reading eyes) :love: Now I feel much better after getting it out of my chest.

[sall]

Hi cwc, good for you that your dh is getting v fed-up. Otherwise he’ll never understand how miserable you feel. To prevent your bp from shooting up, go straight to the room, turn on the air-con to help you cool down, turn on some soothing music.

There are also some dh who declare that their mom and siblings are always right, so whatever happens is the wife’s fault. So take consolation that your dh can see the difficult situation you are in now.

[BeContented]

sall:

Hi cwc, good for you that your dh is getting v fed-up. Otherwise he'll never understand how miserable you feel. To prevent your bp from shooting up, go straight to the room, turn on the air-con to help you cool down, turn on some soothing music.

There are also some dh who declare that their mom and siblings are always right, so whatever happens is the wife's fault. So take consolation that your dh can see the difficult situation you are in now.

Hi Sall,
Thanks. Yes, it's good that he is finally able to feel my frustration. But frankly, I pity him. He's a filial guy, he probably will feel miserable after that.
While I get the rightful support, soon MIL is gonna start getting all sensitive and upset again & complain to her other children about DH over-protective of me or scolding her over FIL....and then all the teary eyes, tantrum etc and we have to pacify her. :stupid:

Talk about elderly woman being mistreated in nursing home, you should see how MIL treat FIL using 'BULL strength'..... so seriously, while I pity the caregiver, I dun think being at home means being treated well. Frankly, we are considering using a belt to restraint FIL hands so that he does not fling all the saliva, phlegm etc all over!!!! So would this be considered as abuse? I really dunno...... grrhhhh..... :slapshead:

[sall]

Hi cwc.

You can use a cloth instead of a belt to tie his hands. I don't think it's abuse, the staff in nursing homes do that too. They also have no other choice, some old folks reached into their diapers, took the poo and throw all over.
But when fil's hands are tied, he may try to spit as far as he can, then how? Get another cloth for his mouth... :evil:

[mummyJune]

hi all mummies, actually i do appreciate my mil for taking care of my kids, i always tel my hubby, his mum does a good job especially when come to taking care of kids, & yes, is no easy thing taking care of a sick baby. but the only thing i dun like is every morning when my kids go over her place she sure got something to comment on for example Y my son got rashes on his neck etc, i tel my hubby wa, yr mum trying to say we duno how to take care iszit? OK, mayb she dun mean it that way, but call me petty la, since when do DILs & MILs get along?


sign...i might sound like an ungrateful DIL but sometimes angry words juz come out from my mouth. yes, we are grateful for sil for helping us get the soy milk, my hubby told his mum he will pay her back.

in fact i felt guilty after what i said abt the granddaughter, sometimes i see her i feel so paiseh. sign...

[BeContented]

sall:

Hi cwc.

You can use a cloth instead of a belt to tie his hands. I don't think it's abuse, the staff in nursing homes do that too. They also have no other choice, some old folks reached into their diapers, took the poo and throw all over.
But when fil's hands are tied, he may try to spit as far as he can, then how? Get another cloth for his mouth... :evil:

Oh yes, cloth will be less 'forceful/traumatic'.
Well, FIL also will reach into diaper and then start touching anything within reach.....
Right now, FIL seems to have no strength to spit far, that's why he spit onto hand and fling. Otherwise, it'll normally end up on himself, bed or wheelchair depending on his location.....but at least I dun have it over my hall cabinets, walls, floors & all sorts of places. I find it disgusting to step or touch it accidentally. You can't depend on maid to 100% diligent.....
FIL Naughty right? DH scolded him, just glare back and still know how to purposely hide his intention to spit and tried to do it secretly. So DH just sat there and watched and tried to stop him for 30 mins before he concluded, no choice, gotta tie up his hands.

[Chenonceau]

cwc… It’s so easy to say that people do that because they’re sick and cannot help it, and so one must be forgiving… but really having to forgive day in and day out is a different matter. I think your hubby married an ANGEL, and I hope he knows it too.

[Chenonceau]

My in-laws will be moving in with us in the next few months. This is the 3rd time I am trying to stay with them. The first time, I was the maid because we had no money to get a maid. We moved out to my own place because I didn’t want to have 2 jobs (my day job and the maid on evenings and weekends).


The 2nd time, she moved in (even though her huge flat was just within waving distance from mine). She had her place but insisted to have a room at mine. This time, I was the dispossessed mother who was criticised for everything I did from cooking to child-rearing… nothing I did was good. I almost wondered why she didn’t marry her son and take my place in my home. I didn’t dare to say anything but managed to move her back to her place by arguing that SHE HAD HER OWN PLACE, and that I needed space to bring up my kids without being criticised all day.

This will be the 3rd time. I’m older and in the past years, have managed to bring up 2 kids + one foster kid pretty much to the satisfaction of my husband and myself. The kids are doing better now after we moved her out and made things simple. My husband agreed that I deserve my personal space. He also agreed that family harmony was more important than family proximity. So we structured a self-sufficient apartment (with separate kitchen and hall) within our home.

Now that I am older and more assertive, I also told her that after she moves over there, she should mind her own business in her apartment and leave me to run things at my home, and that even if she didn’t agree, I was gonna do things my way.

But she really didn’t improve until DH told her that HE had left that the decision to stay with her to ME… and that if there was no harmony under one roof then it makes better sense to have 2 roofs for the sake of relationships, and the children. Since that ONE talk with her son, she has completely stopped criticising me, and she even said that she understood that I needed personal space to do things the way I think best.

I do so hope this lasts.

[sall]

mummyJune:

hi all mummies, actually i do appreciate my mil for taking care of my kids, i always tel my hubby, his mum does a good job especially when come to taking care of kids, & yes, is no easy thing taking care of a sick baby. but the only thing i dun like is every morning when my kids go over her place she sure got something to comment on for example Y my son got rashes on his neck etc, i tel my hubby wa, yr mum trying to say we duno how to take care iszit? OK, mayb she dun mean it that way, but call me petty la, since when do DILs & MILs get along?


sign...i might sound like an ungrateful DIL but sometimes angry words juz come out from my mouth. yes, we are grateful for sil for helping us get the soy milk, my hubby told his mum he will pay her back.

in fact i felt guilty after what i said abt the granddaughter, sometimes i see her i feel so paiseh. sign...

Ya, a lot of mil think they know everything, so they must comment on everything. If the dil argue with them, they will say the ridiculous stuff like 'I eat more salt than you eat rice'. :roll: