In-law problems?

[mummy of 2]

buds:

We WILL catch up... :snuggles:... so you can unload and feel better when you get home and ready to face yet another weekend with a smile. Oh she'll be soo scared with your smile awrite.. :evil:

I have started to help her discipline her gal, who appears to be turning into just like her mum :evil:

[BeContented]

ha ha.....DH just caught MIL red-handed ---->> spitting out of window. :evil:


He told her nicely not to but she tried changing topic, denied even!!! (DH ever told her off saying she's the biggest liar in the family, always lie and deny with eyes wide open. Anyway, DH just remind her she is behaving exactly like the FIL and yet she yell at him for doing it.

Can I report police?

[Chenonceau]

mummy of 2:

buds:

We WILL catch up... :snuggles:... so you can unload and feel better when you get home and ready to face yet another weekend with a smile. Oh she'll be soo scared with your smile awrite.. :evil:

I have started to help her discipline her gal, who appears to be turning into just like her mum :evil:

Me too. I dun allow kids to misbehave at my house. Friend or relative, if your child eats in bedrooms or pulls the dog's tail, he or she will be nicely but firmly told off.

[Chenonceau]

RRMummy:

cwc:

Seriously, thanks for all the compliments (Chenoneau, RRMummy)....dun really deserve it cos' I dun do that much esp now got helper, but mentally it is stressful, very, since I am also picky and petty type.

It's true that we are faced with choices everyday and in the end we have to live with our choices good / bad. I have no advice to share but really marvel at your patience thus far..hope and pray that things will work out some how some way soon.. remember to take good care of yourself.

A little story to share http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/content/when-adversity-comes-knocking

Nice sharing...

[jtoh]

Chenonceau:

Sall... I dunno if she will be coming over leh... I guess I will have to play it by ear. She has a fully equipped kitchenette though to encourage her to cook her own meals.


My MIL is educated. I kinda think education has nothing to do with it. I think that MIL just presume too much. The Chinese mentality is that when you marry a man, you cease to exist. You become part of that man's life. My in-laws would come into our room or my house and make off with MY belongings and lend them to other people without asking me. They asked my husband instead. Hence, it becomes a tussle over influence and power.

Chinese MIL believe that the grandchildren belong to them and they have rights to decide for them. Chinese MIL believe sons and daughters-in-law belong to them and they have rights to decide for them too. Chinese MIL believe that all that the son owns belongs to them... house, furniture, children, maid and wife. This gives them the confidence to come over to your house to tell the maid what to do, re-arrange your furniture the way they like, and lend your things to people THEY like. This means that nothing the DIL has belongs to her. Her husband is MIL's son. Her children are MIL's grandchildren. Her house, her furniture and her personal belongings also belong to MIL.

Even very educated MIL can have this proprietary attitude. My MIL is quite well educated. She reads poetry and plays the guzheng... paints Chinese brush painting and does calligraphy. BUT, she still disses my daughter and favours my son... and ignores me.

Is your mil still proprietary or has she toned down? It must be really trying living with a person like that who doesn't respect you. Good that you're such a strong person and are able to stand your ground.

[sall]

cwc:

ha ha.....DH just caught MIL red-handed ---->> spitting out of window. :evil:


He told her nicely not to but she tried changing topic, denied even!!! (DH ever told her off saying she's the biggest liar in the family, always lie and deny with eyes wide open. Anyway, DH just remind her she is behaving exactly like the FIL and yet she yell at him for doing it.

Can I report police?

So disgusting! The sink is just nearby, why is she so mean and selfish?
Maybe you let us know your block number, so we won't walk near it.
Ya, very tempting to make a police report, then make her pay fine. But she may make your dh pay it.

[janet88]

cwc:

ha ha.....DH just caught MIL red-handed ---->> spitting out of window. :evil:


He told her nicely not to but she tried changing topic, denied even!!! (DH ever told her off saying she's the biggest liar in the family, always lie and deny with eyes wide open. Anyway, DH just remind her she is behaving exactly like the FIL and yet she yell at him for doing it.

Report police no use...if kena fine, the MIL will sob buckets and get everyone to pity her...in the end the SON will have to pay the fine.
I washed my hands off his family bcos there is nothing I can do and they make me upset and spoil my day.
Let my hubby handle...I have meaningful things to do.

[Chenonceau]

jtoh:

Is your mil still proprietary or has she toned down? It must be really trying living with a person like that who doesn't respect you. Good that you're such a strong person and are able to stand your ground.

She is less proprietary now. I don't say much, and I give in wherever I can. Talking a lot does not help. It just makes emotions run high. She now knows that if she presumes to own me and mine, I will keep her at a distance. I won't let her near enough to undermine me as a mother and a wife.

After the 2nd try staying with her, I moved her out of my home back to her own, and she came to the realization that there was a price to pay for behaving a certain way. When I managed to turn my previously poor performing kids into top performers in her absence, I gained my husband's loyalty, respect and support. Even more so when my husband realized that his children were getting very definite and effective character training.

It was my husband who said that his mother had no stakes in how well our kids turn out because when our kids are adult, she would have passed away. We, however, will have to live with odious adult children when we are old. Hence, his mother has no incentive to bring them up well. She just feels good to be in control and to be the person the children adore. My husband felt that his children were much better people, growing up under my influence.

That was my first breakthrough. Without my husband's support, I had to fight like a guerilla... never coming into direct conflict. I nodded my head and then when she wasn't looking, I did what I thought was right. But she interfered so much that it made it difficult for me to do what I wanted. I knew I had to get her out of my house, and I used every excuse to do that. The most compelling one was \"Husband dear... she has a 5-room flat IN THE NEXT BLOCK. I can SEE her flat from my KITCHEN WINDOW. Her own husband stays in that flat. It is not normal that she spends no time with her husband and all her time here MONITORING ME!! If she is such a good mother for your kids, divorce me and marry her.\"

It was this threat of divorce that got her out and kept her out. Then, when I was able to deliver results with my kids, my husband gave me his whole-hearted support. These days, she has no power base to work from. My kids know I am strict but they know I love them so very much and thank me for being strict sometimes. My son even commented that Grandma is getting so obvious in trying to make me look bad. My little family is a lot more united.

She gave me a hard time about moving house, hinting that I was selfish because I would not accept to house my SIL's belongings. SIL has migrated to Australia for the past 5 years but she has a whole room of things in Singapore. The size of the apartment I got my archi to design for MIL is about that of a 4-room flat. There is no way the things can fit if spring cleaning is not done. I offered to rent storage space but she still managed to make me look like I was selfish. In the end, I said... \"Mom, you dun have to move house yet. Let me move in first and then we'll move you in by and by\".

I said this because I didn't think I could cope with moving HER (if she was gonna be difficult), and moving US ALL, and DS' exams and DD's A levels all at once, and my part-time job. But she interpreted it as a threat I guess (to not move her in until I was happy with the spring cleaning). The day after, she called up and said that she was ready to spring clean and would like to move in 1 week after us. I said \"No... it would be stressful to hurry all the moving... and I would to be able to put some order in the house before we welcome her in.\"

My husband said that there is nothing I can do. Being a DIL is a thankless job. Nothing I do will ever be good enough. Even if my kids get the President's Scholarship (fat hope), I will still not be a good mother. One thing is sure, I sure am not gonna push my children to get the President's Scholarship so that I can prove to one old woman what a good mother I am. My job is to love my kids and bring out their potential, and as long as my kids and my husband are thankful, that is enough.

I don't expect thanks from her. I do what I must to look after her and be kind to her, but I don't expect anything in return. If you expect nothing, you won't disappointed, and you can find her somewhat cute sometimes.

Moving in there, there is one simple rule \"You manage things in your apartment and you leave me to manage things in my house.\" I made my husband promise that if things still don't work out, we will sell the place and have separate roofs. I hope this potential consequence is enough to keep her hands off me and mine. I am not asking for respect nor gratitude. I ask only for personal space.

[garam]

I am having problem with my sister in law…my mother in law & father in law has always side her…


My parents in law have talk bad about me to my husband, say i dislike her to come to our house…but it true lah…

she has purposely move to stay beside us…everytime find opportunity to make herself exist…like talking loud outside…scare ppl dun know she back…act innocent…as if she is a caring person like she asked the whole family want to eat bird nest or not…but except me…

[sall]

garam:

I am having problem with my sister in law...my mother in law & father in law has always side her....


My parents in law have talk bad about me to my husband, say i dislike her to come to our house...but it true lah...

she has purposely move to stay beside us....everytime find opportunity to make herself exist..like talking loud outside...scare ppl dun know she back...act innocent...as if she is a caring person like she asked the whole family want to eat bird nest or not...but except me...

Your in-laws will definitely side their own daughter. After all, blood is thicker than water.
As for shifting to stay next to you, well, at least they never move in to stay with you. Just pretend you didn't hear her when she talks loudly outside your flat. She must be an attention-seeker, so don't give her the attention she wants.