In-law problems?
-
fifiyeo:
[/quote]ningning:
[quote=\"just888\"]It seems like problem is always encounter with woman married into a wealth family. Wondering if there is in-law problem when of guy married a rich man's daughter?
Hi Ningning,
Oh looks like we are in the same shoes in many ways. It's always so frustrating isn't it? Sometimes it's hard for others to really understand.
There have been times in my case when doors slams, glass sliding doors also could almost have fallen off and broken, handphones flying and broken, clothes also got a bit torn from all the pushing pulling when near fights almost broke out. Sigh.....
I came from a not wealthy but very comfortable family background and had a fairly handsome dowry of jewelry when I wed. My family didn't accept any dowry from my ILs. I was getting married not \"sold\" over (sutterly this message was being sent over to my ILs since my family have always found ILs to be \"bossy\" and mom didn't want me to be bullied like the way she was). In order to protect the future to-be SIL from being looked down by relatives, PILs didn't allow the GPILs from showing off my dowry to relatives.
MIL preferred the then future to-be SIL because she was from a poor family and she was always carrying MIL (that was before she got married). Many a times, when we had problems (obviously started by that future SIL) I was reprimanded but not her because they felt that she was poor and would feel inferior. So cannot say a single word! Crazy right?! I however was brought up with \"better life\" and therefore would not feel so hurt!!!! Don't know where is the logic. :mad: :mad:
ILs treated her like queen, took her for long vacations ('cos she's never been on a plane), financed her education and gave her $$$ to set up business too just like your BIL and now she is dolled up with BIG brands and spending big $$$. Sick right?! They think that she will be more grateful towards their charity 'cos she is \"poor people\". She can even answer my ILs and they just keep quite. It's so obvious that she's after their money and they claim that I'm the one. Seriously, I won't be needing their $$$!!
So seeing this after all these years, when I'm asked to do something these days that I really don't wish to....I just tell them off too instead of giving in. So now ILs also keep quiet most of the time because they know I'm really pissed and our relationship is really hanging on a super thin thread. This is because even with all the hatred and unhappiness at home, ILs want to portray a happy family for outsiders to see, so it's wayang wayang all the time. What I hate most is people think they treat us (DH, DC and myself) damn well but in actual fact, what they see is the material side but the mental torture is HUGE!
Often PILs make up stories about me. Accusing me of things I've never done and MIL have even deliberately sabotaged me as well as her own son my DH. DH is well aware of her doings. This has also resulted in us having bad relationships with the other siblings because of PILs' bad-mouthing.
It's very sad that things have gone so wrong. Sometimes I looked, why must they treat us like that. Before when I tried to pleased them, MIL would often raised her voice and talked to me rudely, worse than her maids. Now that things have gone so sour, they put the blame on us.
dear fifiyeo,
fifiyeo, yes i read and agreed that we must have been in the same shoes, our PILs are the same. Yes, mine also same, pushing, yelling , smashing of vase etc, once even a cane was brought out by my MIL when my dh broke up a quarrel with her \"sweet angel\" over a missing payment from client. Her angel has lost the cheque somehow but of coz she will tell her mum that we \"eat\" it up. Actually, her \"we\" meant \"me\". Her \"sweet angel\" always has readily full mouth of cursing on us. Usually sil would stand side by side with MIL in situation like this,gesturing at us .........SIL will starts to go into a mad state of mind, all kinds of \"words\" will start to bomb our ears. Like you, I am expected to behave like a \"mute\", cant talk back nor even tried to explain in any kind of situation, coz nobody will give a shit on it. So i am the \"evil\".
Same like yours too, mil also badmouth me and smear me to their relatives. Thats explaint why She always block them out from talking to me in gatherings , if not she will stand close to us and listen to every word we spoke carefully. She is worried that their relative wll happen to question me on things she accused me of... ..one of mil sister even see me as an enemy.crazy right?
I believed they used like in my case BIL to spite me by treating him like a prince. Yours would be your SIL. They hate us, so their logic is based on whether they like u or hate u. No matter how well we treat them or respect them, they just becomes \"blind\" to it. Whatever sensible things i do, in their eyes are garbage. Love has no logic, so do hatred. I wonder do they know i am a human or have long forgotten this. even i lied low also kana smear by my evil SIL. I have good upbringing, i always address PILs before taking dinner at table, but since all these evil things happen, i seldom do that anymore, also i observe that BIL nvr once address them before dinner. But as expected, they said i rude for not addressing them before taking dinner.........that BIL that has benefited so much from them, his brother, his sister and his parents think the whole pack now all directors in that \"business\", he can be excused for not doing so. LOGIC where got logic?
When SIL baby full month celebration, their office clerk called every suppliersr they could think of, asking for gift.She has a whole load of baby gift. Think she at least a year dun need buy baby pampers. Whereas mine baby full month, they remain complete slient. I held a mini and simple party mainly just between close relatives, our close friends and a few good suppliers that my DH are closed with. Gifts? why need to ask for around for gifts when we have the ability to buy them.
Since they disregard whether we are hurt or not, we must be strong in their presence. Sometimes these PILS and SILS purposely do things or say things to make us feel hurt. They must be happy to see us unhappy over their doings. Very Sick of them. Sometimes, i see them dress up and doll so nice to attend dinners, functions and behaved so saint in front of others , i want to puke coz when once doors are closed, alamak they behaved so opposite, so crazy, treating their DIL like dirt.
I sometimes late into night alone, i will feel sad for my DH, why his parents are like that? But i used to cry silently before , nowadays i dun anymore. Now i have cut off with them, they cant hurt me anymore. Be strong and love myself enough is my mother encouragement for me. My FIL always say\"we are a family\" why things are so bad , FLYkite, where got One Family thing, when including him , always hurt me and my dh and he dun even take a look at my gal when we were there . But i witnessed several times he laughed heartedly at his two grandson borned by his daughter. Sick.
Say \"no\" when i dun like, Dun \"meet\" when i dun want to, Dun \"talk\" to anyone that always badmouthed and twisted my words and smear me. -
jia you ningning and fifiyeo… …
-
It's so frustrating when the hubby's family is a pain...the men don't behave like how men should (know what i mean right) and the women :nunchuk: (like SILs) are so damn free to bitch...reason is simple, either have no kids, or else kids are grown up, also have maids so these women are very free...main reason is because these women are basically trouble makers. I have better things to do if I am free...stay arms length from these trouble makers and be happy.
-
[quote]Same like yours too, mil also badmouth me and smear me to their relatives. Thats explaint why She always block them out from talking to me in gatherings , if not she will stand close to us and listen to every word we spoke carefully. She is worried that their relative wll happen to question me on things she accused me of... ..one of mil sister even see me as an enemy.crazy right?[/quote]
Ningning,
In this area, I'm abit luckier as PILs are very \"face\" concious people. So they don't dare to bad mouth about me/us to friends or distance relatives. Instead MIL will pretend to be an angel and go around telling everyone how much effort she puts in for us, how much material comforts and mental support they provide us with. (Eg. taking care of our kids when in actual fact if our kids were ever send over to their place previously, she was often out with her taitai friends and no where to be found). PILs are so \"face\" concious that they strongly believe that they have to treat the maids super well so they won't go out and bad-mouth about them to neighbours maids and leave neighbours with bad impression of them. They are just kidding themselves!
PILs are the type of people who will go to the extend of giving big tips, gifts etc. so the people they know or interact with will sing praises of their generosity. In this area, I have upper hand. After being submissive for many years, I can't contain myself anymore and they know it, so now they back off abit in case we really fall out for good and poeple learn of their imprefect family. In recent months, FIL doesn't bring up my name as often when urguements break out between him and my DH.
The bad-mouthing and brain-washing of siblings to dislike and disrespect us is kept within the family. But this is what that brings disharmony but they don't seem to realise it or admit it. All the discriminations they make are what that's causing BIG trouble.
Why I hate my PILs -
1. Making up stories about me - Saying that I will swallow their wealth / I am the one stirring up disharmony in the family / I will teach their dear daughter bad stuff so I must stay away from her and mind my own business. I'm the one doing all sorts of monkey business behind everyone's back. So how to expect the siblings to respect me? :mad:
2. MIL deliberately sabotage DH and me by asking us to do something that will displease FIL and telling on us. MIL also told lies about us to backup her other son and \"princess\" DIL when they made up stories. MIL was clearly not present when those incidents took place but she claimed to be the eye witness. PILs both gang up to make us get into the bad books of relatives. MIL also tried to sabo my relationship with my GPILs but she didn't succeed. They don't like her and they told me all her dirty secrets (no wonder she's jealous and don't like me).
3. MIL bad-mouthing about me to my DS previously.
4. Telling me to submit to their \"princess\" DIL. Saying I should offer help. Even go help her do some cleaning work at her business work place also good. They think I'm her maid or what?! :mad: :rant:
5. Lecturing me for not helping out in the kitchen when there were family dinners when I was actually in the kitchen putting up with MIL's back face and slamming of utensils and \"princess\" DIL was sitting in front of the TV with her legs up. In fact MIL always tell her to go inside and sit down and will call her to eat when dinner is ready. Always slamming things in the kitchen when we go back and eat. Say my son very bold, eating up all the expensive food!
and there is so much more to get angry over ...................
Yes, I definitely agree that my MIL is too free. So got nothing better to do than to play politics. She also can't get along with her own SILs and BILs too, also sabo them when ever she can.
So Ningning, maybe if you really flex your muscles, they might pull their handbrakes and wake up abit.
After being nastier to my PILs, I'm happier though some people may feel that I'm not a good DIL. But how to be nice when ILs don't even apprecaite anything and always finding faults? -
Dear Fifiyeo,
Sigh…All those u mention seem so familiar to me. its like ytd to me when i read it.
I dare not flex my muscles, coz unlike yours, mine MIL and SIl they are someone that will resort to violent when they felt that they are losing the upperhand in an arguement. I still remember the umbrella episode. They dun reason, they can yell and shout things that are so unthinkable to me. FIL will also join them too. It like a mad house. Once they quarrel with their neigbour over parking issue, and days later all the fish in the pond die floating and their precious "money flower" withered! Tink the neighbour must be so tramatised by that quarrel and lost to the trio. But later decided to get back at them by action not by words, coz they dun reason.
They are not worth for me to stay in contact with them. Bcoz of their spoilt princess, i was a sinner to them in every aspect. She dun like me, they dun like me too. I am somehow like her toy, whens she happy , she let me be have peace for a while, when shes not happy, she will twist my words or created "false evidence" and let the old scold me. All workers at their buisness, all has to learn to see her daily mood, incase kana "die for nothing" . Once her clerks thought she is in good mood and they talked about boyfriend relationshps things with her, guess what, the next day one of them was terminated with immediate effect!! Coz she jealous , she has nvr been in a relatioship at all, no male friend at all.
Seriously, my PILs had brought her up to be such a brat and causes so much pain to ppl that knows her , close to her and there are ppl that suffer coz they just want to earn a living. I hope god is watching her and will teach her to be good someday. Though i dun know will i live to see that after so many rounds of" internal injuries". -
[quote][I dare not flex my muscles, coz unlike yours, mine MIL and SIl they are someone that will resort to violent when they felt that they are losing the upperhand in an arguement. I still remember the umbrella episode. They dun reason, they can yell and shout things that are so unthinkable to me. FIL will also join them too. It like a mad house. Once they quarrel with their neigbour over parking issue, and days later all the fish in the pond die floating and their precious \"money flower\" withered! Tink the neighbour must be so tramatised by that quarrel and lost to the trio. But later decided to get back at them by action not by words, coz they dun reason. [/quote][/quote]
Ningning....same,same.....my ILs also resort to violent like yours when they are \"losing\" in an arguement. Except they think that it is inside the office rooms or inside the house so nobody knows. \"Ostrich\" thinking! The quarrels are so loud, like what you say \"mad house\". How can people not hear???!!! Then after all the insults, they will try to be nice and when you seem fine with them aleady....slowly they will start all the accusations and insults again. Never ending cycle all these years.
In the eyes of people around us, except for close relatives, they think we have to \"best\" ILs / parents. Makes me sick whenever family friends say how \"lucky\" we are!!! Anyway, there are also many relatives who knows about all these dirty laundry and knows that they haven't been fair to us.
SILs (their daughter also no boyfriend) and worships the \"princess\" DIL because ILs told her to do so. Somedays she see me ok and friendly, but \"princess\" DIL and BIL are around...see us like ghosts. She won't talk to us if possible.
Well, that's our sad real-life drama stories!!! Hope things will get better for you one day. -
fifiyeo:
[/quote][quote][
Ningning....same,same.....my ILs also resort to violent like yours when they are \"losing\" in an arguement. Except they think that it is inside the office rooms or inside the house so nobody knows. \"Ostrich\" thinking! The quarrels are so loud, like what you say \"mad house\". How can people not hear???!!! Then after all the insults, they will try to be nice and when you seem fine with them aleady....slowly they will start all the accusations and insults again. Never ending cycle all these years.
In the eyes of people around us, except for close relatives, they think we have to \"best\" ILs / parents. Makes me sick whenever family friends say how \"lucky\" we are!!! Anyway, there are also many relatives who knows about all these dirty laundry and knows that they haven't been fair to us.
SILs (their daughter also no boyfriend) and worships the \"princess\" DIL because ILs told her to do so. Somedays she see me ok and friendly, but \"princess\" DIL and BIL are around...see us like ghosts. She won't talk to us if possible.
Well, that's our sad real-life drama stories!!! Hope things will get better for you one day.
Yes, i agreed it like a cycle. Mine is like that quarrel=bitching=mad house=cooling period=peace(not more than three mths)=plotting=heat building up=explode again. I tot i am the only one that is with MIL AND SIL SO EVIL! Why arent they tired of these cycles? Why us?
yeh, too free lorr. SIL single after work watch korean drama till mid night, dun have to even wash a cup. PIL so pity her that she is still single and have long given hope that she will be married. They will only love her more each year as shes get older and lonely. She is root of the problem, she even plots together hand in hand with her clerk to create \"false evidence\", FIL will reprimand me infront of worker, she will sit and watch the drama. I was shocked to learn that she is so \"sick\" to this extent! Even their house pet dog was treated with pride than me. I was given no pride in that household.
Lucky, i had my dh encouragement and my own family emotion support. I run a humble trading firm now, i live my own life now. I had regained my pride. I saw no need now to associate with them. I am working very very hard now and hope my business will expand oneday. When i set up my firm then, FIL told my DH to tell me to close it and quarrel !! Very evil of them, even i was out liao from their business, they still dun allow me to earn my own living and wanted to \"depride\" me by making me live off on my DH payroll. Evil!
Now i live more happy though my business is tiny now and live better eachday as I told myself , I will pick up again from where i have badly fallen and nvr forget the days how i was badly insulted to remind myself to do better. i will also raise my DD to be a strong, good nature person unlike that brat!! But I am no saint, what they do to me , i will nvr forgive them.
Dear fifiyeo, Let me give you some :hugs: and thanks. -
Congrads Ningning that you are out of the family business and running your own now. Good Luck!
Luckily, I've never had to set foot into their business only DH. It's good to have something of your own. Yes, when I was running our own business, ILs were all set to see us fail. Specifically told me in the face more than once that I had better know what I was doing and settle my own problems! Too bad it had done well enough for me to semi-retire and manage the kids. I guess its my independence that also made them pull their handbrakes whenever they know they have gone too far. Threats don't shake me.
Take things one step at a time. Things will always brigthen up. :please:
Don't be too hard on yourself. -
fifiyeo:
Thanks fifi, I will. :rahrah:Congrads Ningning that you are out of the family business and running your own now. Good Luck!
Luckily, I've never had to set foot into their business only DH. It's good to have something of your own. Yes, when I was running our own business, ILs were all set to see us fail. Specifically told me in the face more than once that I had better know what I was doing and settle my own problems! Too bad it had done well enough for me to semi-retire and manage the kids. I guess its my independence that also made them pull their handbrakes whenever they know they have gone too far. Threats don't shake me.
Take things one step at a time. Things will always brigthen up. :please:
Don't be too hard on yourself. -
ningning:
Hi Ningning, I believe this forum is not just about sharing information and resources, but experiences as well, albeit good or bad....
i cried when i read what you had posted. I cried is becoz your words really touch my inner feeling. Its a simple and short reply. But it really summarized how me and my Dh felt all these while.singmathstutor:
Dear Ningning, agree that a family doing a family biz may be complicated. Perhaps, everyone not only wants to meddle things in the office but at home as well. I'm someone with that kind of experience, although not any more. I always tried to shield my wife from all the squabbles and unnecessary attention. But frankly, it's not easy. I can understand your hubby's difficult position.
However, I'm glad to know that your hubby sticks by you and listens to you regarding issues pertaining to that. That to me, it very crucial. :rahrah:
I am really glad that kiasuparents have this corner for me to let out my grievances and have ppl to understand how i feel. It makes me warm. Thank you all here. :thankyou:
We are all parents, most of the stuff we go through are agar agar similar. Some of us will go through some other similar experiences. So don't worry.....you are not alone...
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better 💗
Register Login