In-law problems?
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imho, just put all YOUR personal feelings aside on this occasion, enjoy the family reunion and give thanks for health, prosperity and the future.
If every one give a little leeway, understand that this gathering is NOT about you, not about him, not about HER, etc... http://carrinekua.blogspot.com/2011/02/chinese-new-year-3rd-day-big-family.html in good health and to give thanks and appreciation to the seniors who have brought us up, similarly for the kids to appreciate us..... by smiling and hugging us when we give them those little red packets.
A reunion dinner together symbolise more than just a meal, do not spoil it for yourself ( and others ) by bearing a grudge or showing contempt. Out of 365 days, surely one day is not too much to ask ?
Happy New Year all. -
Strparent:
If every one give a little leeway, understand that this gathering is NOT about you, not about him, not about HER, etc...
This year's reunion is not complete family thing...bcos eldest and youngest just had an argument...old one not happy her precious youngest son isn't invited for lunch. Told hubby not to get involved. -
Strparent, I know what you mean...but I personally feel that reunion dinner is only happy for family that is close and united. For those that always have tension or where members of the family do not like each other, reunion dinner can be a very uncomfortable and ardward occasion.
It's like 364 days you all don't get along, then one day got to get together and eat and 'make small talk', or worse, some even ignore the others' presence...defeat the purpose of reunion right?Strparent:
imho, just put all YOUR personal feelings aside on this occasion, enjoy the family reunion and give thanks for health, prosperity and the future.
If every one give a little leeway, understand that this gathering is NOT about you, not about him, not about HER, etc... http://carrinekua.blogspot.com/2011/02/chinese-new-year-3rd-day-big-family.html in good health and to give thanks and appreciation to the seniors who have brought us up, similarly for the kids to appreciate us..... by smiling and hugging us when we give them those little red packets.
A reunion dinner together symbolise more than just a meal, do not spoil it for yourself ( and others ) by bearing a grudge or showing contempt. Out of 365 days, surely one day is not too much to ask ?
Happy New Year all. -
It is only natural that one will feel more comfortable and enjoy the reunion with their own family more then with their ILs. In my family, the reunions are arranged by us the children, not by our parents. I push DH to take the lead in arranging the reunion and visitings since he is the only son and the eldest child. I have my fair share of awkwardness with my ILs but I will still make it a point to make sure that there is reunion dinner, we bai nian with them on the 1st day of CNY and we lunch with them on 2nd day of CNY. I do this because I want my children, when they have their families next time to do all these for DH and I.
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Funz:
It is only natural that one will feel more comfortable and enjoy the reunion with their own family more then with their ILs. In my family, the reunions are arranged by us the children, not by our parents. I push DH to take the lead in arranging the reunion and visitings since he is the only son and the eldest child. I have my fair share of awkwardness with my ILs but I will still make it a point to make sure that there is reunion dinner, we bai nian with them on the 1st day of CNY and we lunch with them on 2nd day of CNY. I do this because I want my children, when they have their families next time to do all these for DH and I.
Funz :celebrate:
agreed.
If we do not appreciate our parents ( and spouse' parents ), what kind of example are we setting for our kids in the future ?
be careful of what you sow. :oops: -
Funz:
It is only natural that one will feel more comfortable and enjoy the reunion with their own family more then with their ILs. In my family, the reunions are arranged by us the children, not by our parents. I push DH to take the lead in arranging the reunion and visitings since he is the only son and the eldest child. I have my fair share of awkwardness with my ILs but I will still make it a point to make sure that there is reunion dinner, we bai nian with them on the 1st day of CNY and we lunch with them on 2nd day of CNY. I do this because I want my children, when they have their families next time to do all these for DH and I.
That's exactly the right attitude. A bit of give and take lah! One cannot expect to get along with everyone, but at CNY, what's wrong with putting on a smile and being interested for a while? My memories of CNY since childhood have always been great, and to this day I enjoy it tremendously, and it rubs off on my kids. -
No matter what, do not purposely miss a reunion dinner just to make a statement. It is very discouraging and disheartening for the parents/ILs/siblings/rest of the family. No matter what the problem/issues are, surely no problem is big enough to warrant missing the Big Reunion and make the gathering incomplete?
This year my SIL has traveled back to China with my niece leaving my brother and nephew behind to attend the reunion dinner with us. This would be the second time in about 8 years of marriage that she traveled back to her hometown and reunion with her family. My mother complain bitterly about my SIL but then now that she missed the family reunion, even I don’t feel good about it because family is not "complete". Of course we all will take it in our stride like good adults despite our hearts not feeling good. Of course without her our family is still "complete" because my brother is with us. But then the fact that my brother is already married and his wife not there is what makes the difference see?
Sure we understand she too miss her family and she has not been back for about 4 years already. But the manner that she took off ie. did not even apologise for not being around during CNY and not even saying good bye properly is what pissed my mum off. Anyway, this too, we will take it in our stride because CNY is but what… 2 weeks at best? But still have the rest of the year to see and to get along with each other.
Take it easy lah! Enjoy, be happy, eat more, lo hei more, get money more more OK?
Gong Xi Fa Chai! -
CNY coming. Hope that it will brighten up ur spirit. God Bless!!
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it is quite common to have prob with your in-laws. ur spouse plays an impt role to diffuse the prob.
CNY coming. Jia he wan shi xin. He qi sheng cai. -
Angelight:
:goodpost:Strparent, I know what you mean...but I personally feel that reunion dinner is only happy for family that is close and united. For those that always have tension or where members of the family do not like each other, reunion dinner can be a very uncomfortable and ardward occasion.
It's like 364 days you all don't get along, then one day got to get together and eat and 'make small talk', or worse, some even ignore the others' presence...defeat the purpose of reunion right?Strparent:
imho, just put all YOUR personal feelings aside on this occasion, enjoy the family reunion and give thanks for health, prosperity and the future.
If every one give a little leeway, understand that this gathering is NOT about you, not about him, not about HER, etc... http://carrinekua.blogspot.com/2011/02/chinese-new-year-3rd-day-big-family.html in good health and to give thanks and appreciation to the seniors who have brought us up, similarly for the kids to appreciate us..... by smiling and hugging us when we give them those little red packets.
A reunion dinner together symbolise more than just a meal, do not spoil it for yourself ( and others ) by bearing a grudge or showing contempt. Out of 365 days, surely one day is not too much to ask ?
Happy New Year all.
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