In-law problems?
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laughingcat:
Yes, we have thought abt it many times , each time my dh told PILS that he wanted to split from the business, mil would be so mad. My dh has always placed the importance of this business above everything else but he is disheartened already after been backstab by SILs time after time and PILs chose to believe liars. He is a man that dun play dirty unlike those women.But this business require some hard work so even the SIls were to take over one day, they can't survive long. So we all knew its a wait till old folks no longer ard then bye bye to each other and nvr meet again. PILs are contradicting themselves, know siblings can't get along to this extent but still want them to be together working under the same business. Din they know is very torturing to him? I bet they knew.Hi ningning,
Kinda of feeling uncomfortable here. Since your PIL and SILs have such bad feeling for their son and brother, why then bother to continue to work in the family business? Have you guys ever considered that if one day should your SIL takes over the business, then what would be the future of your husband financial status?
Have you guys ever consider such unpleasant scenario?
Life is really short, why bother to shorten it further with all the unnecessary quarrels?
As for myself I had started my own small business some times back. Knew what, my FIL insisted that I closed my business. I refused and persisted till today. It pain to know that the reason is PILs wants us to solely survive on that family business and they want to control my life too to this extent. Personally I feel they are very \"sick\".
This CNY we din go back and it is my dh that decided to do so, so we went holiday. I had nvr once told him to be unfilial to his parents cause I am also have parents. I knew dh can't be happy in his heart either to do so.
In family business usually bad feelings will spill over to family relations too. Unfortunately, this is what exactly happened in this family even before my marriage till now. though I agreed totally we have to show respect to the elderly as what I was taught since as a child. But in our case, my true filial towards them was already a past. I dun pretend to be a saint after so many rounds of extreme unfair n unreasonable treatments from them, how can I still be filial to them.. . Perhaps to some, yes , we are a bad example for our children by not going back on CNY to show our respect but on the other hand din PILs are also bad examples themselves . In this world, not only junior makes mistake, old folks do behave very badly too. But they get away, becoz most ppl had this thinking that elderly dun lie, they are upright ppl given their age and must be the junior at fault. I used to think so too, but not anymore now. -
That is so good to hear at least you guys have concrete plans.
Life is so short. Live it to the fullest. -
ningning:
This sounds familiar. DH family also has family business which was built up by his mum. She was a shrewd and smart lady, building up the biz from scratch. However, BIL2 and BIL3 held the reins though they don't see eye to eye. DH didn't want to work for them as he didn't see any prospects. They paid minimum wages and CPF. SIL3 claimed that they were saving for the younger siblings and would cover all expenses such as wedding, children etc. FIL wasn't happy that DH decided to work outside the family although DH helped out FOC during the weekends and whenever available. MIL was very loving and generous though. Yet, when she offered to help pay for our first flat, we declined her offer as we wanted to be independent and didn't see any reason why we should take her money. She was very upset with us cos she wanted to put her 'stamp' on everything. Good thing we were not greedy cos after selling our first flat and went into private property, we had a windfall when our private property was enbloc. Fortunately, we never took a single cent from MIL or our profits will be 'confiscated' by them. :nailbite: This is cos meanwhile, the family biz nosedived due to various reasons. MIL knew that there were some problems with BIL2 and BIL3 management and insisted on writing a will to include those siblings to ensure they got a share in the biz. She even put youngest BIL name in her property cos at that time he was unmarried and she was worried he would have no place to stay if she passed on. I really pity this BIL cos he doesn't have O level and has been working for the family since young doing all the 'coolie' job. Now he has to support a family and his DW :mad: :mad: :rant: cos his pay is not enough. When PIL passed on as years passed by, everything went downhill. The biz was not closed down cos BILs would be out of job. I have reasons to believe that the 2 BILs siphoned as much as possible during the heydays. Can you imagine from a few landed properties, now everybody is servicing HDB flats? Everything was dumped into the biz and they are now trying hard to survive. SIL3 used to flaunt her good fortune and was very sarcastic towards me e.g. as I have to do housework and give private tuition, I seldom cook at home. She used to say that my children only get to eat good food at her house during family gatherings. Since PIL have passed on, I :siam: :siam: as much as possible. As I'm now financially stable due to enbloc, she :torchme: accused that I 'how tia' and 'bo chap' them liao. :slapshead: :slapshead: as I've pocketed a tidy sum and there's no way she could get her hands on the money unlike with the other siblings, everybody has to cough out whatever in their names. :frustrated:
Yes, we have thought abt it many times , each time my dh told PILS that he wanted to split from the business, mil would be so mad. My dh has always placed the importance of this business above everything else but he islaughingcat:
Hi ningning,
Kinda of feeling uncomfortable here. Since your PIL and SILs have such bad feeling for their son and brother, why then bother to continue to work in the family business? Have you guys ever considered that if one day should your SIL takes over the business, then what would be the future of your husband financial status?
Have you guys ever consider such unpleasant scenario?
Life is really short, why bother to shorten it further with all the unnecessary quarrels?
disheartened already after been backstab by SILs time after time and PILs chose to believe liars. He is a man that dun play dirty unlike those women.But this business require some hard work so even the SIls were to
take over one day, they can't survive long. So we all knew its a wait till old folks no longer ard then bye bye to each other and nvr meet again. PILs are
contradicting themselves, know siblings can't get along to this extent but
still want them to be together working under the same business. Din they
know is very torturing to him? I bet they knew.
As for myself I had started my own small business some times back. Knew
what, my FIL insisted that I closed my business. I refused and persisted till
today. It pain to know that the reason is PILs wants us to solely survive on
that family business and they want to control my life too to this extent.
Personally I feel they are very \"sick\".
This CNY we din go back and it is my dh that decided to do so, so we went
holiday. I had nvr once told him to be unfilial to his parents cause I am
also have parents. I knew dh can't be happy in his heart either to do so.
In family business usually bad feelings will spill over to family relations too. Unfortunately, this is what exactly happened in this family even before my marriage till now. But often this easier said than practise. Personally , I feel though I agreed totally we have to show respect to the elderly as what I was taught since as a child. But in our case, my
true filial towards them was already a past. I dun pretend to be a saint after so many rounds of extreme unfair n unreasonable treatments from them, how can I still be filial to them.. . Perhaps to some, yes , we are a bad example for our children by not going back on CNY to show our respect but on the other hand din PILs are also bad examples themselves . In this
world, not only junior makes mistake, old folks do behave very badly too. But they get away, becoz most ppl had this thinking that elderly dun lie, they are upright given their age and must be the junior at fault. I used to
think so too, but not anymore now. -
Ningning, Tutormum,
Same, same.
Not in family business = unhappy PILs. DH would be termed unfilial. Family business is a one way ticket. Can go in, can’t come out. End of the day, trapped and unhappy. -
fifiyeo:
Worst thing is their family biz very big and get first priority. I'm not badly affected cos never part of the biz mah. MIL only allow her own children to run the biz cos very afraid ppl like DIL know how much they earn etc. Only SIL2 and SIL3 know what's happening cos their DH manage the biz. SIL1 knows the financial state cos her DH do auditing mah. I don't know and bochap and they very secretive so scared to let ppl know. Only 'big matter' then heard some sound :imanangel: . I pity the 2 younger BIL cos they were treated like suckers, ended up with nothing and their DW working hard to help support their families. PIL left lots of valuables when they passed on but all act blur. When relatives asked, they claimed FIL still around when MIL passed on so could not distribute. After FIL passed on, they 'yi shi yi shi' took out something to distribute then :xedfingers: :xedfingers: everybody happy. It's just that we :censored: :censored: don't want to find out and leave it to their conscience. :spank:Ningning, Tutormum,
Same, same.
Not in family business = unhappy PILs. DH would be termed unfilial. Family business is a one way ticket. Can go in, can't come out. End of the day, trapped and unhappy. -
janet_lee88:
...just make a courtesy call, watch TV and that 2 hours will pass by very fast.
Yup.. guai guai watch tv.. keep quiet (ie. keep mouth shut super tight) and yes, time passes by very fast.. :hi5:
Say no evil... See no evil... Hear no evil...http://www.easyfreesmileys.com/facebook-smileys.html
Do no evil. :imanangel:happymom_aa:
Mine better ... job done in 15 mins :rahrah:
janet_lee88:
Yup, same here. 15min wud be deemed disrespectful for sure. Though not on buddy terms with them, i will still let hubs catch up with his family. I just treat it as chillax time for me. Hands-off serving him and hands-off minding the kiddies.. http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.phpThere will be WAR if I stayed for just 15 min. This year, old one claimed she forgot about reunion meal...when hubby asked if she was cooking vegetarian on 1st day of CNY (the norm)...she claimed she lost her wok :slapshead: What pissed me was her red packet...she is OLD enough to know that giving odd number is inauspicious...she could have at least given $6 instead of $5.
I am never hard up for any hongbao from them. -
Hi buds,
I am not hard up for $5 from them... :slapshead: to think they are ELDERS and yet don't know odd numbers are given for funerals.
This year ate KFC bcos the old one claimed she lost her wok, so can't cook...wanted to tell her, \"I buy you a new wok\" but then I am not hard up to eat either. Just want to get out as soon as possible. -
Does that mean that it is not appropriate to give $50 as ang bao? must either give $40 or $60?
janet_lee88:
Hi buds,
:slapshead: to think they are ELDERS and yet don't know odd numbers are given for funerals. -
krazy:
I also not very sure. Once I gave my nephew $50 angpow for his birthday as I were busy to buy him a birthday gift. I dun have enough cash at that time. After a few weeks, using another occasion as an excuse , My sister told me it's not appropriate coz it's consider odd number. to think she's is a graduate and feel that is \"pang dang\". Personally I feel it's ok to have $50 coz it's still even number to me.Does that mean that it is not appropriate to give $50 as ang bao? must either give $40 or $60?
janet_lee88:
Hi buds,
:slapshead: to think they are ELDERS and yet don't know odd numbers are given for funerals.
Can someone enlighten me too? -
My dad (a cantonese) once chided me fOr putting $50 in angpao… Say muz put in $2,4,6,8 then considered even nbr…
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