In-law problems?
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I have been a silent reader in this post for a couple of weeks… thought all MIL problems has died down… I am the only one with MIL problems… but alas… life is like that… one wave die down, one wave brewing…
Re old folks not closing the door when peeing or sleeping - this is from my past volunteering experience… Apparently at some point, some of them feels insecured - usually following a near accident, or watching it in the TV. E.g. fear that if they slipped and fell in the bathroom, the firefighter would need to come and take the door apart - so they don’t lock it. Make sense? But this is what some actually think.
However, when coupled with appearing naked, that seems to be a bit of alzheimers or dimentia? I don’t think everyone get all the textbook symptoms… so need to watch out for this - maybe the DH can take her out or spend more time with her.
JTS: Sometimes, a person’s behaviour takes a downward spiral because they have lost the will to live on - refusal to eat, dress, and bathe, or in some cases, refusing to do toiletting!! Unfortunately, this happened to my grandma. She wasn’t sick at all - but she couldn’t seem to live on and was set on willing herself to die. My father was so heartbroken when he saw her. She passed on not long after. -
straffan23:
Not locking - ok. But leaving it wide open when the toilet bowl is facing it directly.....aiyoh. MIL's mind still super clear, in fact her memory still better than me :oops: As for stripping naked to change with disregard to us, think she's just being lazy to close .... Just like refusing to wash hands with soap after handling raw food & goes on to touch other stuff. Becos she thinks it's ok. :slapshead:I have been a silent reader in this post for a couple of weeks... thought all MIL problems has died down... I am the only one with MIL problems... but alas.. life is like that... one wave die down, one wave brewing....
Re old folks not closing the door when peeing or sleeping - this is from my past volunteering experience... Apparently at some point, some of them feels insecured - usually following a near accident, or watching it in the TV. E.g. fear that if they slipped and fell in the bathroom, the firefighter would need to come and take the door apart - so they don't lock it. Make sense? But this is what some actually think.
However, when coupled with appearing naked, that seems to be a bit of alzheimers or dimentia? I don't think everyone get all the textbook symptoms... so need to watch out for this - maybe the DH can take her out or spend more time with her.
JTS: Sometimes, a person's behaviour takes a downward spiral because they have lost the will to live on - refusal to eat, dress, and bathe, or in some cases, refusing to do toiletting!! Unfortunately, this happened to my grandma. She wasn't sick at all - but she couldn't seem to live on and was set on willing herself to die. My father was so heartbroken when he saw her. She passed on not long after.
I know what u mean by dementia. For MIL, she is still too clear-minded right now to fall into that. Previously, FIL was losing his way home occasionally & started taking off his shirts & pants at the main door before he came into house......so I think kinda know how it goes. Just frustrated cos MIL is gonna be a lot more difficult to handle than FIL. :frustrated: -
hi all,
do you mind if your children are closer to your parents or your spouse’s parents instead of you and your spouse?
when you are not happy or rude to your in-laws, will you care if they tink you are rude or your mom never teaches you manners? will you worry that your children or their spouse will have conflict with you or their spouse treat you the same as how you treat your in laws now? after they get married next time. -
straffan23:
Re old folks not closing the door when peeing or sleeping - this is from my past volunteering experience... Apparently at some point, some of them feels insecured - usually following a near accident, or watching it in the TV. E.g. fear that if they slipped and fell in the bathroom, the firefighter would need to come and take the door apart - so they don't lock it. Make sense? But this is what some actually think.
Fil had to go through an ops to remove his gall. After that, observed that he will keep the door slightly open whenever he goes to the toilet.... yah probably due to the insecurity that you mentioned. Sometimes at night (thinking there is no one, both mil and fil will leave the toilet door open as well). I just walk pass without looking in. -
northernstar:
hi! if you have PILs like mine, you will only wish they are out of your life the sooner the better. I was brought up well good manner by my parents. but look how i was treated by the PILs and SILs. I was forced to cut off ties with them as i was constantly smeared by my SILs and PILs will be quick to take extreme \"revenge\" for their daughter. Many times i did not even talk to them yet they can smear me out of nothing and the PILs of coz believe them as they are their blood and skin whereas i am an outsider.hi all,
do you mind if your children are closer to your parents or your spouse's parents instead of you and your spouse?
when you are not happy or rude to your in-laws, will you care if they tink you are rude or your mom never teaches you manners? will you worry that your children or their spouse will have conflict with you or their spouse treat you the same as how you treat your in laws now? after they get married next time.
Given this kind of unreasonable PILs who act as if they are God, when they feel their daughter is happy they talk to me otherwise i am treated like a nobody, they had already lost my respect for them for more then ten years ago. To them, my 'respect\" for them is nothing and they dun even care for it. So i dun bother about it all.
Respect is mutual. Junior must respect the elderly , but the elder also has to earn it. Talk about retribution for being rude or nasty to PILs, aiyo for my case, if SILs and PILs do not \"bully\" me , i already thank heaven. Many times, i do not even have a chance to \"talk back\" after being \"attack\" coz they two sisters and PIls, i have four mouths to \"fight back\" at the same time. Four automated machine guns fired at me at the same time, who can handle?
I no longer have any contact with them anymore, they out for good. I met them before on the road, i never address them. i only want peace in my life now, the rest i do not care. -
ningning:
sorry to hear about your plight... did your husband help u when u were bullied by them?
hi! if you have PILs like mine, you will only wish they are out of your life the sooner the better. I was brought up well good manner by my parents. but look how i was treated by the PILs and SILs. I was forced to cut off ties with them as i was constantly smeared by my SILs and PILs will be quick to take extreme \"revenge\" for their daughter. Many times i did not even talk to them yet they can smear me out of nothing and the PILs of coz believe them as they are their blood and skin whereas i am an outsider.
Given this kind of unreasonable PILs who act as if they are God, when they feel their daughter is happy they talk to me otherwise i am treated like a nobody, they had already lost my respect for them for more then ten years ago. To them, my 'respect\" for them is nothing and they dun even care for it. So i dun bother about it all.
Respect is mutual. Junior must respect the elderly , but the elder also has to earn it. Talk about retribution for being rude or nasty to PILs, aiyo for my case, if SILs and PILs do not \"bully\" me , i already thank heaven. Many times, i do not even have a chance to \"talk back\" after being \"attack\" coz they two sisters and PIls, i have four mouths to \"fight back\" at the same time. Four automated machine guns fired at me at the same time, who can handle?
speaking of respect... i feel that my in-laws dun respect me cos after they knew what i do not like them to do whatever that caused my unhappiness, they ignored my feeling and do not change their actions. yes, i like it when you said that respect is mutual and has to be earned if they expect it from others. -
About MILs, SIL, rude, respect, etc....
Look, I actually did some volunteer work with the elderly and the less abled, so do you think I was out to be a nasty DIL? At first, MIL and SIL still working... more or less have their own quiet lives, full time job... So I would go to their place help prepare dinner then wait for my hubby then go home together. Some days, I will go to the nearby neighbourhood shops or bakery to buy breakfast items. I love to cook and bake, so I would \"jio\" my MIL to join my projects, invite her over for meals, or pass her some baked goods.
Soon after ROM, things started to change. SIL decided to quit her job and devote her live to religion, became vegetarian overnight. No job, no friends, no security. Started to be very anal, demanding and find fault in everything - e.g. some article said bread is bad, because it has a lot of preservatives; and how it is so bad it could cure diarrhea.... So would impose a NO_BREAD rule at their place. When I asked my MIL to go buy bread together, SIL would call and scream at my DH because \"what, is she trying to kill my mother\"... And a lot of other similar nonsense - to which, I decided - fine. Your mother, you entertain!
Then the mother started to feel insecure, too. So by the time I was 6 months pregnant she announced that she will retire and take care of my baby. Of course nobody wanted my opinion. But she only take care - I had to do everything else such as cook porridge every morning, etc. And no point saying how I like my child to be taken care of, because I am only the baby's mother - a by product of which was necessary for her grandchildren to come to this world. A lot of conflict - she would feed my daughter porridge at 10:30am while it was \"freshly cooked\" and then put the balance in the fridge; or feed her dinner at 3:30pm \"else the porridge will be bad by 5pm\".... And then there's that thing about tying my daughter with a ribbon around and around her waist because she insist that must wear cloth diaper but MIL dunno how to fasten with the pin. And then there's the nightmare of an MIL having keys to your flat and comes to your house 6 times a day \"just because she can\" and anyway, she got keys, don't need to bother you.
It's spiralled downhill since because of MIL's lack of respect, and because she wants to be the \"MIL\" - high high above. She still comes to my place 3 times a day, but refuse to acknowledge me - so I play the part of the invisible DIL, lor... No respect, no talk, no conflicts. I let my DH deal with her. I told my friends, if I do that to my DIL/SIL next time, please slap me or push me off the clift! :rahrah: -
straffan23:
poor you... then, did u spend lesser time with your baby? why don't you voice out? does your hubby know that you are unhappy with your MIL?
Then the mother started to feel insecure, too. So by the time I was 6 months pregnant she announced that she will retire and take care of my baby. Of course nobody wanted my opinion. But she only take care - I had to do everything else such as cook porridge every morning, etc. And no point saying how I like my child to be taken care of, because I am only the baby's mother - a by product of which was necessary for her grandchildren to come to this world. A lot of conflict - she would feed my daughter porridge at 10:30am while it was \"freshly cooked\" and then put the balance in the fridge; or feed her dinner at 3:30pm \"else the porridge will be bad by 5pm\".... And then there's that thing about tying my daughter with a ribbon around and around her waist because she insist that must wear cloth diaper but MIL dunno how to fasten with the pin. And then there's the nightmare of an MIL having keys to your flat and comes to your house 6 times a day \"just because she can\" and anyway, she got keys, don't need to bother you.
It's spiralled downhill since because of MIL's lack of respect, and because she wants to be the \"MIL\" - high high above. She still comes to my place 3 times a day, but refuse to acknowledge me - so I play the part of the invisible DIL, lor... No respect, no talk, no conflicts. I let my DH deal with her. I told my friends, if I do that to my DIL/SIL next time, please slap me or push me off the clift! :rahrah:
sometimes no talk also hard to endure, unless you can don't see her... :roll: -
Of course my DH knows how I feel, but he is one of those DS that feels mother is saint and almighty - there were many heated arguments over the MIL issues, mainly because she insist to be \"THE MIL\" and have a say over everything. At the lowest point, I seriously thought I was suicidal!! :yikes:
But thankfully I have survived; and luckily being a FTWM means our contact is minimum. My husband also works long hours and is naturally an introvert, so that means he seldom initiate activity. And when he does, I try to let it be my TIME OFF :siam: - go for facial, shopping, etc.
I learnt that we should never ever complain about the MIL. Mother almighty will likely to be innocent, weak, silent party... while we rattle on and on... If we don't have anything good to say, just keep quiet, \"REN\" and ignore. Ever heard of the phrase, \"Ignorance is bliss\"...
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northernstar:
Dear Northernstar,
sigh................yes my hubby did try hard to shield me and tell them off not to \"put words in my mouth\" but end up MIL took an unmbrella wanted to bash me!! She cried loudly and said she wanted to teach me a good lesson for \"changing her son\" !! crazy isnt? MIL and SILs they always imagine me to be \"evil\". I knew she is crazy but to this extent, is more than i can stomach already.
same lah........mine also knew what i do not like yet worse purposely do it to spite me. They once a while will poke me and see how i will react. But at last no more tearful days liao, since i cut off with them at the expense of my girl now three years old, she only know one granny -- her maternal granny. But i have no regrets at all. What's th point having these ppl in my life, when their main purpose of together as \"family\" is only wanted to make sure and see that i unhappy. Nowadays, only my hubby interact with them in all occasions even CNY. I am happy to be at home with girl..PEACE....
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