In-law problems?
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janet_lee88:
They can't do anything but they can sure give you the looks and pass their usual stupid insensitive remarks.
What can they do about grandson's choice of school? It's just for bragging rights if their grand kids are in elite schools.fifiyeo:
Hi Janet,
No need to wait till CNY to compare. Now I bet they are already feeling super lousy and desperate due to DS's choice of school. Well, we aren't going to transfer and that is it! -
fifiyeo:
They can't do anything but they can sure give you the looks and pass their usual stupid insensitive remarks.[/quote]Sigh.. ...and I will be having dinner with them eve or new year's day..there goes 2013 :stompfeet:
What can they do about grandson's choice of school? It's just for bragging rights if their grand kids are in elite schools.janet_lee88:
[quote=\"fifiyeo\"]Hi Janet,
No need to wait till CNY to compare. Now I bet they are already feeling super lousy and desperate due to DS's choice of school. Well, we aren't going to transfer and that is it! -
I try to keep my in-laws at arms length, cordial but don't be friendly. If get friendly with them, will hear lots of insensitive remarks. Unmarried SIL will say to DC, \"oh, your mummy wants you to xxx, why don't you zzz instead?\" :mad: Or treat my home like hers... Pops in at short notice, then when we ask her to join us for lunch out, cos we haven't had lunch, she says that she doesn't want to have lunch outside and that SHE will stay in MY house!!! Already MIL is fond of inspecting the kids' and my room, and inside of my fridge etc... What! Am I to let her do the same?
For a certain period of time, I OFFERED my home to MIL during the day. I emphatised with her plight and offered to help. Planned my menu around her preferences and made sure the house was safe for her, kids kept their toys and gave up a room for her to rest in. Strange thing was she believed my maid whom I later discovered lied to her that I didn't want her to be in my home in the first place - that I was forced to do it. MIL became difficult, didn't want to eat the food I cooked ( the same type of dishes which she had been eating for weeks) , and asked my maid to bring her out (without informing me - so rude) to buy plain bread to eat. I was forced to buy her food and rush home to deliver it before rushing to fetch kid from school. When I learnt that the behaviour was probably due to the maid's lies, I asked DH to explain to her. To this day, I really don't care whether she still believes the maid. I behave cordial to her if we meet. She has not stepped into my house since....maybe she is embarrassed? Maybe she refuses to admit that she was stupid enough to believe a maid over her DiL? My conscience is clear, I did what I could to help and she can think what she wants. DH tries to include her in our outings to give her opportunity to interact and get to know her grandchildren...yet she rejects. I think DH is only starting to realise that she has never been interested in her only grandchildren, only her unmarried daughters. Anyway, I think it has worked out well for me....and my kids...
I also no longer feel an obligation to visit her at her home. -
2013…I will be busier bcos I have to settle my own meals.
Since she believes in her eldest son, I am only too happy (have always been insignificant)…bcos her eldest son leaves everything to his wife.
Do not have any time for their nonsense…if hubby himself gives up on them, I can jolly well do the same. -
janet_lee88:
You'll be busier .... But HAPPIER!2013...I will be busier bcos I have to settle my own meals.
Since she believes in her eldest son, I am only too happy (have always been insignificant)...bcos her eldest son leaves everything to his wife.
Do not have any time for their nonsense...if hubby himself gives up on them, I can jolly well do the same.
Sometimes feel like such a hypocrite when in-laws are around. I smile and am cordial, and silently pray very hard that they won't make interfering and senseless remarks that will make me boil.
Recently, DH said he hoped my relatives won't comment on DS choice of sec school. Certain relatives including my mum, didn't approve of DS choice of a particular school, preferring another school. I told him that my relatives won't bring it up...decision has been made, so what's the point. True enough, my relatives didn't breathe a word on their preference. They congratulated DS and wished him well in his new school.
My in-laws questioned my choice of primary school for DS many years ago AFTER he was registered with the school. They asked why didn't I take their advice? Aiyoh, they know so difficult to register child in good primary school and still comment so much after registration over. Sometimes, so difficult to smile when boiling inside. -
KSmom8:
You'll be busier .... But HAPPIER!janet_lee88:
2013...I will be busier bcos I have to settle my own meals.
Since she believes in her eldest son, I am only too happy (have always been insignificant)...bcos her eldest son leaves everything to his wife.
Do not have any time for their nonsense...if hubby himself gives up on them, I can jolly well do the same.
Sometimes feel like such a hypocrite when in-laws are around. I smile and am cordial, and silently pray very hard that they won't make interfering and senseless remarks that will make me boil.
Recently, DH said he hoped my relatives won't comment on DS choice of sec school. Certain relatives including my mum, didn't approve of DS choice of a particular school, preferring another school. I told him that my relatives won't bring it up...decision has been made, so what's the point. True enough, my relatives didn't breathe a word on their preference. They congratulated DS and wished him well in his new school.
My in-laws questioned my choice of primary school for DS many years ago AFTER he was registered with the school. They asked why didn't I take their advice? Aiyoh, they know so difficult to register child in good primary school and still comment so much after registration over. Sometimes, so difficult to smile when boiling inside.
Oh sure agree it's not easy to smile and pretend to be happy. My ILs also not happy with our choice of primary school even though it's a brand school. Not branded enough! Then sec school worse since can't get into brand school. So I guess they they must be feeling like this - :stompfeet: :frustrated: :slapshead: :stupid: :mad:
What to do? We just can't meet their ridiculously high sophisticated standard. -
I can scold my parents & highlight my displeasure to them & my parents though may sometimes get angry about it, but they are reasonable & do admit that they are in the wrong & vice versa. My hubby has no problems speaking to my parents, though he don’t argue with them like I do but he is comfortable around them. My dad & him are rather much peas in a pod sometimes… Lol maybe that’s why I married him?
For my in-laws, my hubby totally scared of his parents & dunno how to talk to them at all. If I were to voice out anything, no matter how tactfully said or even if they blantly wrong… They will say that I’m wrong & I’m being disrespectful, evil & trying to poison their son etc…
IMO "in-law problems" are created due to differences in character, point of view & up-bringing. I’ve been brought up to be able to speak freely to my parents, whereas hubby was brought up in fear of his parents. -
erista:
Same here.For my in-laws, my hubby totally scared of his parents & dunno how to talk to them at all. If I were to voice out anything, no matter how tactfully said or even if they blantly wrong... They will say that I'm wrong & I'm being disrespectful, evil & trying to poison their son etc...
IMO \"in-law problems\" are created due to differences in character, point of view & up-bringing. I've been brought up to be able to speak freely to my parents, whereas hubby was brought up in fear of his parents.
Hubby wasn't brought up to speak his mind with HIS parents. The mindset, upbringing is such that there is no freedom of speech. Mention anything, and I will be the one who brainwashed the son. Advise her to cut down on smoking and I am the one at fault. Doesn't pay to be nice. -
fifiyeo:
You'll be busier .... But HAPPIER!KSmom8:
[quote=\"janet_lee88\"]2013...I will be busier bcos I have to settle my own meals.
Since she believes in her eldest son, I am only too happy (have always been insignificant)...bcos her eldest son leaves everything to his wife.
Do not have any time for their nonsense...if hubby himself gives up on them, I can jolly well do the same.
Sometimes feel like such a hypocrite when in-laws are around. I smile and am cordial, and silently pray very hard that they won't make interfering and senseless remarks that will make me boil.
Recently, DH said he hoped my relatives won't comment on DS choice of sec school. Certain relatives including my mum, didn't approve of DS choice of a particular school, preferring another school. I told him that my relatives won't bring it up...decision has been made, so what's the point. True enough, my relatives didn't breathe a word on their preference. They congratulated DS and wished him well in his new school.
My in-laws questioned my choice of primary school for DS many years ago AFTER he was registered with the school. They asked why didn't I take their advice? Aiyoh, they know so difficult to register child in good primary school and still comment so much after registration over. Sometimes, so difficult to smile when boiling inside.
Oh sure agree it's not easy to smile and pretend to be happy. My ILs also not happy with our choice of primary school even though it's a brand school. Not branded enough! Then sec school worse since can't get into brand school. So I guess they they must be feeling like this - :stompfeet: :frustrated: :slapshead: :stupid: :mad:
What to do? We just can't meet their ridiculously high sophisticated standard.[/quote]Both my side of family and my ILs like to offer their advice and comments. My side accepts the decision made, if it goes against their advice. My ILs' don't. To them, I have not followed their instruction. No freedom of choice here. Then, MIL will harp and harp on it. If only I can :siam: but cannot, so end up feeling :frustrated:
This time round, ILs happy with DS1 choice of sec school. Yes, they can brag about it. Thankfully, they didn't say they prefer the other more Chinese one. Phew!
However, I envisage that they will have more to comment for DS2, who may not be as academically inclined and disciplined as DS1. Already, SIL has lots of \"suggestions\" for DS2.... Geez, these unmarried and interfering SILs of mine are like having additional MILs!!! -
erista:
Different upbringing, values and \"culture\". If Hubby's side have disagreements, they will end up having cold wars. Don't speak to each other for weeks and even months, SIL vs MIL, between SILs, SIL vs DH, even though SILs and MIL live in same house. If my side have disagreements, there's unhappiness, but cold wars are rare and if there's one, last only a few days. We forgive and forget, and agree to disagree. When I started noticing this (after marriage), I was so very thankful that I didn't live with ILs. Don't want my kids to grow up with such values.I can scold my parents & highlight my displeasure to them & my parents though may sometimes get angry about it, but they are reasonable & do admit that they are in the wrong & vice versa. My hubby has no problems speaking to my parents, though he don't argue with them like I do but he is comfortable around them. My dad & him are rather much peas in a pod sometimes... Lol maybe that's why I married him?
For my in-laws, my hubby totally scared of his parents & dunno how to talk to them at all. If I were to voice out anything, no matter how tactfully said or even if they blantly wrong... They will say that I'm wrong & I'm being disrespectful, evil & trying to poison their son etc...
IMO \"in-law problems\" are created due to differences in character, point of view & up-bringing. I've been brought up to be able to speak freely to my parents, whereas hubby was brought up in fear of his parents.
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