Growing apart

[Jennifer]

smartmummy:

I feel very fed up and I can't read all those suggestion.It is easier said than done.No one is perfect.Some men can helpful others not.I failed to take single help from my DH.I try 200 way.I just knock my head on the wall.He simply said I don't know how to do.From day 1 to until now.He doesn't speak.When I said something he always said mm mm means yes.Sometimes he didn't understand just say yes.Then next time he doesn't know how to do.But I see here some fathers willing to take care their baby.i think depends on how they cultivate.IF their father help to mother then they also help to his wife.

Hugs to you.

If possible, outsource hsehold chores to part time helper.

[smartmummy]

Jennifer:

smartmummy:

I feel very fed up and I can't read all those suggestion.It is easier said than done.No one is perfect.Some men can helpful others not.I failed to take single help from my DH.I try 200 way.I just knock my head on the wall.He simply said I don't know how to do.From day 1 to until now.He doesn't speak.When I said something he always said mm mm means yes.Sometimes he didn't understand just say yes.Then next time he doesn't know how to do.But I see here some fathers willing to take care their baby.i think depends on how they cultivate.IF their father help to mother then they also help to his wife.

Hugs to you.

If possible, outsource hsehold chores to part time helper.

thanks for your comfort,My DH not allowed take part time helper as he scared for insecurity (if maid has boyfried then they will come and steal something in our house).So what can I do?

[smartmummy]

LOLMum:

never never focus all your attention on kids and neglect spouse. big mistake. i dont need all those drama, tears and heartaches when i am old.

its very true.I also have same thinking as you.I try very harder for it.when i want to communicate with my husband he doesn't want to listen.I think I should have to read \"Five love languages for family\".

You can read this thread under \"relationship\" is very useful.
How do you maintain your relationship with your spouse?

[smartmummy]

cherrygal:

Maybe I will be more submissive if I become sahm for a longer period.

if i were working i have to do all the chores or anyone else have to do.So I don't want to work.cos my husband doesn't know how to play with kids.

[Jennifer]

smartmummy:

My DH not allowed take part time helper as he scared for insecurity (if maid has boyfried then they will come and steal something in our house).So what can I do?

Get recommendations from friends who hv reliable part time helper. Or arrange for the helper to come on a day when you are at home.

My hubby also cant play with my boys when they were younger. He does not like board games/building sand castles/anything kiddy. Now the boys are older, they play badminton, soccer, rollerblading all w/o me. A cycle in our family.

[LOLMum]

smartmummy:

LOLMum:

never never focus all your attention on kids and neglect spouse. big mistake. i dont need all those drama, tears and heartaches when i am old.

its very true.I also have same thinking as you.I try very harder for it.when i want to communicate with my husband he doesn't want to listen.I think I should have to read \"Five love languages for family\".

You can read this thread under \"relationship\" is very useful.
How do you maintain your relationship with your spouse?

not easy. trials and errors and still learning. he is definitely not going to be the same man i met 10+ years ago and neither am i the same woman he met ages ago. being a couple, we are able to grow together in many ways (God's blessings) and luckily we have the same aim which is to grow old together. :dancing: :dancing: :dancing: .

oh, i make alot of noise too when he is not listening. and sometimes when i know he is just yes yes, hmmm, hmmm.... then i will just do what i want to do. if he complains, too bad. but sometimes, i dont listen too :evil: .

i hope you will eventually find a way to better the relationship between you two.

cheers

[LOLMum]

smartmummy:

LOLMum:

never never focus all your attention on kids and neglect spouse. big mistake. i dont need all those drama, tears and heartaches when i am old.

its very true.I also have same thinking as you.I try very harder for it.when i want to communicate with my husband he doesn't want to listen.I think I should have to read \"Five love languages for family\".

You can read this thread under \"relationship\" is very useful.
How do you maintain your relationship with your spouse?

not easy. trials and errors and still learning. he is definitely not going to be the same man i met 10+ years ago and neither am i the same woman he met ages ago. being a couple, we are able to grow together in many ways (God's blessings) and luckily we have the same aim which is to grow old together. :dancing: :dancing: :dancing: .

oh, i make alot of noise too when he is not listening. and sometimes when i know he is just yes yes, hmmm, hmmm.... then i will just do what i want to do. if he complains, too bad. but sometimes, i dont listen too :evil: .

i hope you will eventually find a way to better the relationship between you two.

cheers

[smartmummy]

Thanks a lot LOLMum and Jennifer.I do my best.

[Funz]

I have always taken to stance not to interfere into a couple’s problems however close they are. But of late, I have thrown caution to the wind and meddled a little with 2 couples who are super close to me. Both have husbands who are very similar. Both guys are decent fellas and dedicated fathers and family man. Problem is they forgot that a woman needs to be cherished and pampered and made to feel special. Both wives have been getting more and more unhappy and their complains and quarrels have been falling on deaf ears. One has resigned herself to being invisible, until such time when she cannot take it anymore, the other is on the verge of walking out on the marriage. We might think giving up on a marriage just because of this? But for these 2, it has been years of being the last priority, forgotten birthdays and anniversaries, being taken for granted, their unhappiness being brushed aside as PMS, limited physical intimacy, all these simply make them feel that they don’t matter at all to their husbands. In fact it reached a point where they think their husbands find them a nuisance and that both parties may be better off without each other. Well even if they may not be happy, at least they will not be unhappy.


The husbands were clueless. Both of them did not know that things were at breaking point. Had to remind one of them it was their anniversary that very day and true enough he had forgotten. As for the other, had a long chat with him and he finally woke up. Both are now making the effort to mend the bridges with their wives but there is so much resentment now that it is an uphill task. Both admitted that they have been complacent and have been taking their wives for granted. Both had the thinking that married oredi no need for all these gestures.

After meddling with their relationship, I went home gave DH some special TLC and at the same time prayed that they will be able to work things out and that I did not jeopardise my friendship with them.

[LOLMum]

sometimes it take a third party to help them see the light.


hopefully they are grateful to your little "meddling" cos’ you are not breaking up the marriage but rather helping them get it back on the right track.

i would be very grateful if i am them.