School Refusal

[ZuEn]

tamarind,

I am going down to school next Wed for her bday celebration. Maybe can work out with the teacher to let her continue with her home clothes and dont even try to change her.

smurf,
We too wonder if she’s ready for school. She’s really shy and usually clamped up in strangers’ presence (especially adults). But we thought should be OK since things started out fine. I dont think there are occasions that she was eager to go to school but she didnt resist strongly too. It is only recently that she started refusing.
We are more worried that if we allowed her to stop school, she wouldnt want to start again and it is seriously not easy to squeeze into popular schools in the later years. And of course, we are not sure if we are helping her to nuture her hatred for schools now.
More importantly, I have a number 2 at home and my mum who is their main caregiver, needs her to be in school to retain some sanity. Lol.

I am seriously not sure how to find out the source which makes her refuse school - school uniform? the school bus driver? the teachers in school? school bullies?

[smurf]

I understand your situation. I was in this kind of dilemma. In the end, I sort of ‘force’ my boy to attend sch, whether he wants or not. His not wanting to go to sch now is the result. I would think that a church kindergarten may not be for your dd. Try searching for a smaller group school with low teacher children ratio. Find out more from the sch teacher what is going on in the sch.


Some kids, if u persist on, they will learn that they have to go sch, whether they want or not, and they will not resist anymore but for some kids, they will end up hating going to sch. Either way, you will not get a kid that enjoy going to sch. A much effort is needed to reverse that.

Maybe buds can advise u more? Her kids enjoyyyyy going to sch!

[tamarind]

ZuEn,

My girl loves going to school since N1, even though I pulled her out of playgroup when she was 2+ years old. Kids at that age will not remember what happened, there is no need to worry about nurturing hatred of school. In fact, we should worry about the constant fear and unhappiness that she experiences in school if she is not ready to be alone.

[ZuEn]

Tamarind,

Haiz, how I wish that my girl will love going school too.
It is good that she goes to school too or end up watching too much TV at home.
I have asked her if she wants to change school, which she says "no". In fact, I have call up 3 CCs that a stone throw away from my place. If need be, might switch her to one of them for half day session so that my mum will walk her to school.
When we ask her over the weekend, she says that she likes her friends and teachers. I thought it is such a waste to change her after all the settling down. Spoke to the principal again and was assured that Dd hushed quickly even if she was crying when she arrives in school and she participates in the activities in school.
School starts again tomorrow. Time to pull hair again.

[tamarind]

ZuEn,

It may be that she likes school, but she is not confident to be there alone. Try asking her, if mommy or the maid stays with you throughout school, would you like to go to school ? If she happily says yes, that means it is all due to separation anxiety.

Of course the school may not allow it. But at least you know the real reason.

Personally I prefer to look for schools which are not that strict about disallowing parents to sit in with the child, especially since the child is only 3 years old.

[ZuEn]

Tamarind,

No need to ask her. I double, triple sure that her answer will be \"yes\". I had been signing up for enrichment classes and she wants me to sit in with her. Otherwise, she will rather forsake the class.
Sadly, this is a pre-nursery class and parent/ guardian is definitely not allowed. And it seems that she is never ready. My helper sat in with her for almost a year in her previous playgroup and she still cries when my helper escape. I supposed she has to start learning somewhere? We are trying to assure her, reminding her about the good things in school and I hope that things will improve.
We will know tomorrow. :xedfingers:

[tamarind]

ZuEn,

Some kids just need a very long time to be confident enough to sit in a class alone. I have heard of kids crying for half a year to one year. Many parents just bear with it. My girl’s separation anxiety is a lot worst than your girl.

Personally I learned my lesson with my older girl, and for my younger boy, I sent him to pre-school when he was slightly older, and he was absolutely fine.

[ZuEn]

No tantrum at all for Dd for the past few days. Why?


Monday:
School holiday

Tuesday:
I ask her to go to school to tell her teacher that mummy is going to school on Wed to celebrate her bday. No tears at all.

Wednesday:
I made her take the school bus but promised that I will turn up in school. She cried while she boarded the bus but was very much alright when I saw her in school. I tot she would insist on leaving when I had to leave after the celebration but she gladly stayed on in school until the end of the day and took the bus home.

Today:
The teachers are bringing them on an excursion. We told her about it and she was so cooperative and even willing to put on her school skirt. No tears too!

There is no school tomorrow.

So she confused me even more. Why does she refuse school lah? :faint:

[gerberadaisy]

Hi ZuEN


Has it occured to you that maybe it’s the teachers that she doesn’t like? I just heard from a childcare teacher friend that at the Montessori childcare centre that she used to work in, the teachers actually beat the students and that’s why some of the students refuse to step into the centre in the morning once they see the particular teacher. But the parents taught that the child’s crying is just normal and let them continue with the school. This friend of mine was so upset with the school that she left. I encourage her to complain to MCYS so that they will investigate, to ‘save’ those poor children from further harm.