What should I do?
-
reminds me of a true incident with my uncle's unregistered marriage with a msian woman. this woman has 2 gals from her 1st marriage ( nt sure if she's formally divorced or not though).
ever since my uncle gt separated from my aunt, he has been living with this msian woman in JB. once once in a while, they wld popped by to our place, usually over the weekends & PH. and they wld stayed for a period of 2-3 days each time. my mum, very kindly allow them to stay overnights.
so much so that the msian lady felt that it wld be better for her to work in spore. so again my mum kindly allow them to stay at our place while the woman worked in night spots every evening.
the 2 gals wld go back to msia & wld only come during the sch hols.
nw the nightmare begins....
once this 2 gals came over during their sch hols & while their mum gt to wrk, i was tasked to so call look after them, they are age 13 & 9 yo. the 13 yo started to call her frens using our home phone & chatted for hours... my mum explained to her nt to use the phone for so long as they wld be other callers trying to call in, her response: \" what's the big deal, i do that at home too.\"
the 9yo gal was a picky eater. she didnt like what my mum cook & decided she wanna ta bao instead. me suay lah, was asked to ta bao for her. i asked what she wants & she replied newton circus chay kway teow. i was like what the heck, i'm living in boon keng & u asked me to go newton. so i told her no choose something else. she threw a temper & said she wanna call her mum.
many other incidents happen & their mum gt wind of it. started scolding my mum. i shut her mouth off, told her this is nt their home to start off with.... my uncle gt angry with me & gave me a dressing down, asking why am i so rude to her. i am older than the gals, its my responsibility to look after them.....
my mum can only tell me: 打不得，骂不得.... after all, they are still someone's child.
i was like:
:frustrated: :stompfeet: :stupid: :mad: :rant: :nunchuk: :spank:
from then on, we nvr allow them to step into our house ever again.
from then on, they also diappeared into thin air. last i heard. the older gal has ran away from home, god knows where. the younger one also ran away from home.... -
once let stranger enter your house, all hell break loose … one after another, incidents happen, relationship strained.
yr SIL kids are raised and brought up in a different home environment, their values system all different from yours.
nowadays, youngsters rude. No respect shown to elders. last time our time we know that once we enter into somebody else’s family and stay for a few days there as holiday, we are taught … must greet people, must call our elders, not keep our golden mouth shut. Also must offer to help out do household chores like sweep the floor, clear garbage, mop floor, offer to help cut vegetables, wash vegetables, cook simple food, wash plates after makan, etc.
but nowadays, youngsters very rude. They adopt this … take it or leave it horrible lousy attitude !
at age 19, she is supposed to be grown up. She also has her mind set fixed liao! Ask your SIL wake up earlier in the morning. Before she leave the house - quickly, cut, chop vegetables, dump everything into hot pot, slow cooker. Also cook some rice. When her son or daughter come back, at least got 1 hot dish, ready for them to eat. 2nd dish - perhaps steam egg, steam minced pork, steam vegetables, etc. 2 dishes, can eat liao.
anyway, they both so big! Time for them learn independence, look after each other as sibling, look after their own house, clean their own house, help out their mom. -
also ask yr husband to bring yr SIL and her 2 kids for some family counselling. Try Fei Yue counselling… yr SIL also need help to straighten up her own life, in a mess.
-
phtthp:
:lovesite: love your simple, quick, healty recipe, can share more (perhaps separate post :offtopic: ).....Before she leave the house - quickly, cut, chop vegetables, dump everything into hot pot, slow cooker. Also cook some rice. When her son or daughter come back, at least got 1 hot dish, ready for them to eat. 2nd dish - perhaps steam egg, steam minced pork, steam vegetables, etc. 2 dishes, can eat liao....
i just started to learn simple & healthy meals for my kids, but :frustrated: dont know how & where to start :slapshead: -
sorry if i sidetrack a bit …
i learnt this trade from my Auntie. Last time she got 6 kids.
40 yrs ago, it’s common for familes to give birth to, at least half a dozen kids. Some families even got > 10 kids.
my aunt was a primary school teacher in SG, without maid. 40 yrs ago, maid concept not popular. My Uncle is a Malaysian - stay there, work there in Malaysia. Come back like every 3 to 6 months kind. My aunt all alone in SG. She got to feed her 6 kids, cook for them, educate them in schoolwork after she come home, after a very long tiring teaching day in school.
curious, i asked her … how she managed to bring up 6 kids singlehandedly ? Cooking so tiring. After cooking, still got to wash dirty plates, besides giving home tuition to each of the 6 kids - all aged 1 yr apart, aged 11 to 6. Every year, her stomach big big
my aunt replied …
everyday Mon - Fri, she has to leave her home latest 6.45 am, reach school 7.15 am to sing ‘mari kitah’, with all the primary school kids.
means everyday she wake up 4.15 am. She plan the food menu 1 week in advance first. Every night before she sleeps, past midnight, she will take out the food from fridge, defrost food, wash all vegetables, then go to sleep.
everyday she wake up around 4.15 am, quickly wash & peel all vegetables quickly. Separate out main stalk from leaves. She said with 6 hungry kids growing up fast, everyday eat > 1 kg of spinach, or kangkong, or xiao bai cai, kai lan.
for chicken stock, every Sunday she goes wet market, buy > 1 kg of soft bones + some meat. Come home prepare chicken stock for entire week supply. Then separate out into small containers, put inside fridge. If Tues, some kid wants to eat noodle, then chicken stock is ready.
she said soup - 3x per week. Either ‘si yang cai’ tang, or ‘lao wang gua’ tang, or ‘lian ou’ tang, or black bean soup, ‘or apple / pear’ soup. She said last time dun know how to boil soup, so go bookstore, check up recipes on confinement women type of soup, or simple home cooked soup recipes (Cantonese soup). Come home trial and error. If soup not tasty after feedback by kids, then improvise somehow.
she said steam food healthy, not fried food. She said in a week - 3x per week steam fish - steam sea bass, steam garoupa (cooked in teochew style), steam codfish (add some brocoli inside), steam ‘mai you you’ (Cantonese) buy the tail part no bones, or steam any fish cooked in Nonya style gravy.
she said besides steam fish, can also steam minced pork meat, steam egg, or steam some vegetables. Then she’ll pack her fridge with pao. In case hungry, kids can steam tao sa pao, lian rong pao, etc on their own, to eat.
every 2 weeks, she’ll cook Curry Fish head at home on weekend.
but she said - every dinner must have 1 soup, either 1 fish or chicken, 1 vegetable. Good enuf!
for education, i asked her - how you coach them ?
she said made 6 kids sit together like in classroom style - 3 in one row, 3 on opposite row. Apply the same classroom style in school back at home. Same thing! She said give 1st child some reading exercise, 2nd child handwriting exercise, 3rd child Maths exercise, 4th child Chinese exercise, 5th child English exercise … concurrently. i really dun know how she manage. But she said, sometimes the older ones also help chip in coach the younger, slower ones.
after sloughing for so many years as a primary school teacher, now she’s on pension scheme, retired. Her hardwork has paid offf. Besides govt giving her attractive pension allowance, her 6 kids all grown up now, also give her monthly allowance. So, she got extra 6 ‘water tap’ every month. She keep the $ - dun know what to do, so go on holidays with her friends, every half yr. Her life is ‘xian koo hou tian’. (means: beginning tough, hardworking, slot like mad, but later part of her life - become sweeter, reap rewards) -
:lovesite: sorry har, i also sidetrack a bit....
I must say :udawoman: your aunty really really very 伟大 :salute: :salute: :salute:
go to bed at pass midnight n awake at 4+am !!! :yikes: :yikes: :yikes:
妈妈最伟大！ :please: 妈妈最伟大！ :please: 妈妈最伟大！ :please: -
phtthp:
I agree.. at their age... think they should learn to be independence le..once let stranger enter your house, all hell break loose ... one after another, incidents happen, relationship strained.
yr SIL kids are raised and brought up in a different home environment, their values system all different from yours.
nowadays, youngsters rude. No respect shown to elders. last time our time we know that once we enter into somebody else's family and stay for a few days there as holiday, we are taught ... must greet people, must call our elders, not keep our golden mouth shut. Also must offer to help out do household chores like sweep the floor, clear garbage, mop floor, offer to help cut vegetables, wash vegetables, cook simple food, wash plates after makan, etc.
but nowadays, youngsters very rude. They adopt this ... take it or leave it horrible lousy attitude !
at age 19, she is supposed to be grown up. She also has her mind set fixed liao! Ask your SIL wake up earlier in the morning. Before she leave the house - quickly, cut, chop vegetables, dump everything into hot pot, slow cooker. Also cook some rice. When her son or daughter come back, at least got 1 hot dish, ready for them to eat. 2nd dish - perhaps steam egg, steam minced pork, steam vegetables, etc. 2 dishes, can eat liao.
anyway, they both so big! Time for them learn independence, look after each other as sibling, look after their own house, clean their own house, help out their mom.
if the Mother cannot control them, who can? -
Pen88n:
Pinky,
hi phtthp,pinky:
[quote=\"phtthp\"]tell yr husb this:-
==========
as a mother, your main focus, your priority, your duty, your energy channelled now is to concentrate and help yr son prepare his O level, peacefully - without any disturbance from external party walking in and out of your house.
O level is a crucial exam. It will determine his son's path towards entering Junior college / polytechnic, and subsequently to university, the choice of subjects, and his career / profession later on.
all other external matter (yr niece, yr SIL problems) don't concern you. You don't have the time nor the energy to dwell on it. This is somebody else's problem. Tell yr husband - get his own house in order first.
thank you for your reminder. In fact I have explained this to my son also bec he was apparently upset when my husband told him about the niece staying over. He knows my intentions (I quit my full time job when he started P6 to help with his PSLE) and he too feels that I cannot have divided attention and distraction for the next 1.5 years at least.
As for my husband, well he didnt want to talk about it again and actually for the 1st few days after telling me his sister is looking for alternatives, he refused to talk to me and stopped me when I tried to explain the above to him so I guess I will not bother to explain until at a later date.
I still remember the insult when my son got his PSLE results: You quit your job to prepare your son for PSLE and he can't even qualify for RI or HCI, lauya lah you!!!
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: i felt like :spank: :nunchuk:
him when he uttered the nonsense and every year when the PSLE results came out and his colleagues were bragging about their kids' performance, he will never fail to remind me of the same old thing again.
He's a REAL I-D-I-O-T
Sorry to say this: but your hubby really needs to \"wake up\".
SAHM benefits the kid in terms of character development (which is by far more impt than academic!). Helping a kid prepare for PSLE is not a 1 year affair - it is an accumulation of 6 years of school work. There is also the factor of the kid's ability at play - let's face it, we all have different abilities and not everyone is good in everything! By staying at home, you are just trying to help the kid maximise his potential. As long as he has tried his best, that should be an achievement to him. Why compare with some other kid?
Moreover RI and HCI may not be suitable for all kids. These 2 schools take in the top 3-5% of the cohort only. Be fair to the kid - under normal circumstances, most kids will fall into the 95-97% of norm, unless you have an exceptionally bright kid. Ask your hubby if he is even in the top 3-5% of his cohort, and did his parents even demand that of him?
With 1 bragging of exceptionally good results, there are 9 others who have average (or slightly above average) or bad results. You do not hear the 9 others, becos only 1 will brag. Thus, it seems pretty easy to achieve the exceptionally good results as this is all we hear - the exceptionally good results. We will have to open our eyes to see the big picture and be more realistic in expectations.[/quote]hi Penn88n,
I agree with your analysis on the exceptional kids and the rest of the
cohort. I quit my job mainly to lend emotional support to my son when he started P6 and I did not want him to end up as a latch-key kid. He has been in childcare since he was 18 months and BAFS care till P5 so I felt it's time also for me to play my part as a mother instead of depending on others to 'mould his character' and hopefully guide him through his teenage years. This was what I told my husband and as what you mentioned, character devt is equal if not more important than academic achievement. -
phtthp:
also ask yr husband to bring yr SIL and her 2 kids for some family counselling. Try Fei Yue counselling... yr SIL also need help to straighten up her own life, in a mess.
the family only believe in praying and the Bible, counselling to them is a waste of time and money (no offence to folks reading this posting) -
hi pinky,
tell yr SIL start training her 19 yo daughter and son to learn independence. They are so big now, can cook simple meals at home themselves when their mommy not in, or their mum tired. In another few more yrs, her 19 yo daughter will start working, find boy friend, by age 25 can get married.
ask yr SIL read below thread, Mon - Fri, at least dinner got 1 soup ready (by prata_queen), cook some rice, can start eating already, and it's healthy. Also ask her to come with a daily duty roster or routine for the 2 teenagers:-
http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?f=37&t=7298&start=380
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