Throwing Tantrum
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Hi Angel,
My boy is already in p1. So time out And some of the methods dun work anymore. And I dun believe in asking a child to sit in a chair doing nothing. As I mentioned before, I tried all kind of methods, soft or hard, cane or not, all dun work. So I'm just waiting patiently for him to stop all these nonsense.
Ignoring dun work either. Because when I ignore him, he ignore me back. He will still talk to me after that, but he will buay gam wan, as if I'm in the wrong!
Time out will work for younger child, but definitely not for older kid. Because even if u ignore him or her, they will find other things to do. They dun need so much attention as the younger ones.
The thing about him is, he doesn't think first before shouting. He doesn't wait first before talking. He just blast, after that when he think it over, he knows he is wrong, but he will not apologize, I think partly is because of pride. I told him, if he is angry,dun shout, count to 5 or 10. But every time, he forgets. -
About the throwing of toys…hmm, if I throw away toys, he will cry very super loud and after that, he will ignore me. But after few days, he will forget about the incident, and then the saga will repeat again.
Actually, some of the methods work, but only for a short period of time, maybe just for a day, then after that, it’s back to square one again. -
WCW:
then wasted the toy. haha... should ask the gurang guni man to pick them up before you throw. :rotflmao:
wow fierce mommy. i also scare :scared:poppy15:
dun throw it back. throw it another direction & ask \" anymore to throw?... throw more & you will have no more. i'm not going to buy for you anymore if u dont know how to control \"
sometimes i do this : if DD or DS throws something at me in a fit of anger, even that item doesnt hit me, i will quietly pick it up & threw it into the rubbish chute, rubbish chute ar, not waste paper basket
then i will give them a wide eye look, hands on my hips, daring them to throw more.
after 2 or 3 times, they eventually learn mummy's not easy to fight with :imcool: -
smurf:
Cut off his pocket money, cut off his tv show and go to sleep early.Hi Angel,
My boy is already in p1. So time out And some of the methods dun work anymore. And I dun believe in asking a child to sit in a chair doing nothing. As I mentioned before, I tried all kind of methods, soft or hard, cane or not, all dun work. So I'm just waiting patiently for him to stop all these nonsense.
Ignoring dun work either. Because when I ignore him, he ignore me back. He will still talk to me after that, but he will buay gam wan, as if I'm in the wrong!
Time out will work for younger child, but definitely not for older kid. Because even if u ignore him or her, they will find other things to do. They dun need so much attention as the younger ones.
The thing about him is, he doesn't think first before shouting. He doesn't wait first before talking. He just blast, after that when he think it over, he knows he is wrong, but he will not apologize, I think partly is because of pride. I told him, if he is angry,dun shout, count to 5 or 10. But every time, he forgets. -
Smurf, I'm a mother too, I can empathise with you. :hugs:
since your boy is already 7 yo, I would strongly advise you to bring him see a counsellor. Since you have tried everything and none works, let a professional take over. All the best!smurf:
Hi Angel,
My boy is already in p1. So time out And some of the methods dun work anymore. And I dun believe in asking a child to sit in a chair doing nothing. As I mentioned before, I tried all kind of methods, soft or hard, cane or not, all dun work. So I'm just waiting patiently for him to stop all these nonsense.
Ignoring dun work either. Because when I ignore him, he ignore me back. He will still talk to me after that, but he will buay gam wan, as if I'm in the wrong! -
I tried to stop his favorites, but he will say I hate him. Even though after that I told him it’s not. It’s his behavior. Haiz…sometimes he is so nice, but sometimes…sigh…
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Dear smurf,
Just wanna ask you something: do you think that (1) your boy really has temper management issues or do you think that (2) you have not yet found a technique that can make communications between you and your boy better (aka parenting techniques)?
If (1), then you should really try to seek help professionally before your boy gets older. Because once you believe it’s (1), any parenting techniques that you intend to use or had used or is using now, you will secondguess its effectiveness because back in your mind, you may already have this thought… ‘my boy has temper management issues’.
If it is (2), then, do not give up! There may be suitable books available in the library if you have the time to go through them and pick out which best suits your needs. Pick something between ‘anger management’ and ‘connecting with your child’. You cannot help him learn to manage his tempers if you cannot connect with him in the first place.
How is your husband’s relationship with your boy?
How is the relationship between your boy and his siblings?
How is the relationship between your boy and his grandparents?
Do you think that your boy respects you? If no, why? What qualities do you think you have that deserves your boy’s respect? Does your boy know about these qualities? Many a times, children take their parents for granted, especially SAHMs. They think that their mother only knows how to clean the house and cook. And nag. And nag. And punish. And time-out. Is your husband doing anything to help build a positive image of you in your children’s eyes/hearts?
Personally, I feel that if you can get your boy to treat you with better respect (ie the less shouting part), you will have a better time helping him as he will be more open to communicate with you.
JMHO. -
smurf:
I tried to stop his favorites, but he will say I hate him. Even though after that I told him it's not. It's his behavior. Haiz...sometimes he is so nice, but sometimes...sigh...
No offence, but to be honest, sounds like he how to handle you better than you know how to handle him...
From your description, I feel your child is a very normal youngster, same age as mine. Mine went through a similar phase last year, complete with the \"you hate me!\" - which honestly incensed me more than made me feel uncertain. (I told him unequivocally that he has no right to say that to me after I have been his main caregiver since birth.) But you have not yet established clearly the ground rules and lines of acceptability. After establishing them, you need to reinforce them consistently, and not expect him to toe the line immediately e.g after a few days forget liao - that is normal! If your child is the kind that will not take things lying down and as you say, very prideful, you may want to consider if you need to model the ability to apologise. To be honest, I myself was very bad at it, and I realised I need to show him that I can apologise before he will start to think that he can to without losing face.
You may need to do both hard and soft ways - \"lao hu fa wei\" - followed up by constant reinforcements of your expectations AND how to meet them - e.g. replacement phrases, anticipation of meltdowns etc. At the same time, praise appropriately, and speak to his love language. You will not see results immediately, but gradually things will shift and the incidents will become less frequent. Sometimes I really blow my top and after some reflection, if I think I overdid it, I will apologise for shouting and tell them I still need to work on my anger management. Other times, I will sit and stare at my kids pointedly while obviously doing my 10 breaths to cool down in front of them. It works. This year my son wrote me a letter of apology of his own accord stating that he is sorry for all the \"bad things\" he had done, quarrelling with his brother, and that he will try his best to help out around the house. :love: So take heart! The day will come! -
Hi!
My son also used to ask like these questions like the glue insident.At first I got so angry and scold/beat him.Then I analyse and realize that when I talk to him I was so hurry (my tone was higher and my speach faster was make him angry) that I had lot of work to do.So after some incidents,I patiently ask him why you behave so bad and rude and I told him previously you so obedient boy whatever I said you listen.Then He slowly open his mouth and told me his father never plays with him as he always go out to study and work.After that I told to my husband please spend 10 mins to family time.I bought a game that can play family members together.cos of our time constraint affeted him.Another major thing learn from school friends.He use stupid and crazy often.I said I banned these words.cos my girl get so angry.He use these words to bully her.often they are fighting.Now reduced.He told me that he learnt to use these words at school cos he can defeat them.I bought a psycology book that chicken soup for kids soul.I borrowed two psycology books that are Supper nanny (programme in abc channel) and DK parenting book.Supper nanny guide how to handle a misbehave child.
It takes time,we have to choose time and place to talk.First satisfy his needs.Then he can listen to us.For me,the problem increase when I always used to talk in my mother tongue that I wanted him to speak in our mother tongue.cos he doesn’t like to speak and never speak at home.He mentioned that also he couldn’t understand the long sentences.Now I talk in both languages.Good Luck! -
Hi fellow mummies & daddies,
Need some advice here. My gal, 4yo, cries a lot and can be a little stubborn. She has a 1+yo brother and she just changed childcare this month. For instance:
1. at her recent bday party in school, she cried throughout the bday song singing, despite all of us telling her not the cry. Despite me talking her pink bags are for gals, she deliberately took the first pink one and gave to a boy. The change came after 2 bags.
2. 90% of the days that we drop her off in childcare or pick her up from childcare, she would cry. For the former, it’s better as teachers could help to talk to her, but for the latter, it can last 30min.
3. at home, she fusses for nothing. In the morning when she wakes up, she can whine and refuses milk, or cries and refuses to brush her teeth. at night, she whines and refuses to sleep, saying that she still wants to play.
The above are just some egs only. As she’s on full day childcare and we are both working, we barely interacts with her for 4-5h per day. Yet these crying and tantrums are taking away precious time from us. Sometimes she refuses to answer us honestly the cause of her crying. I’m uncertain if it’s due to sibling rivalry (cos sometimes she says she wants to be a baby and imitates her brother a lot) or because we didn’t discipline her well (we do not cane her, seldom hit her nowadays after arrival of her bro in case she thinks we dislike her) or she’s too spoilt (she has lots of toys but she doesn’t cherish them) or she’s just trying to drive us insane…
Please help. Similar things occur at her previous childcare too. I see other kids behaving so well. Why isn’t she? The daily x times crying/ tantrum throwing episodes are just testing our limits.
Advice are greatly appreciated.
Thanks a lot!
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