Club SAHM

[buds]

kabalevsky:

no wonder the term \"daddy's girl\"

My daddie tries not to show it.. but hubs says it shows on his face that i am my daddie's star child. My simple retort. \"You're just jealous you don't have a dad like mine.. cos you're mommy's boy. Boo-hoo.\"

That worked. :lol:

[buds]

MummyThreeStreams:

buds! you realli spoil market ah! take care of the kids, teach the kids, cook, clean, and still have time (and energy) for *ahem*...

MummyThreeStreams! I know! I just found out! :stupid: Make that reali reali reali spoil market. :rant: I didn't realize what the market rate/standard was until the revelation came via KiasuParents SAHM Club! :faint: Can you imagine that? :siao:

MummyThreeStreams:

lucky for me, DH doesn't have the time nor the inclination to come visit this site, or i will have no more excuses!

:rotflmao:

MummyThreeStreams:

I used to do the cooking and cleaning etc. when i was living overseas. then I really had no help. but when i came back, got the grandparents climbing over each other to come and help. i guess i'm fortunate, but i miss those days when i had the house all to myself and could decide exactly what i was going to cook for the week. now, very hard to tell the old folks not to come coz it's like snubbing them...so when they say they got to go on holiday or cannot come coz of whatever medical appt, i am quite happy!

Must be nice to have a helper.. even if part-time ones. Household chores are a killer especially for peeps who can't multi-task cos it means time taken off from spending time with the children, or with hubby or time taken to rest/nap.. I don't even need naps. Heck, i barely sleep too. What a waste uh? :lol:

MummyThreeStreams:

I get my boys to clean up after themselves, but there's a limit to how much housework I can get them to do. washing dishes is OK. but if I get them to mop the floor...aiyoh! you know boys arh...they will turn it into a game of splash the thief or froth the burglar and i will have to do double duty cleaning up... at most i get them to help me magic mop. even then, they will start playing with the mop stick and the wiper bit will touch the floor for all of 3 seconds...

I use the Scotchbrite or issit 3M invention of wet/dry mop. Very good & can dump in washer if needs to be washed too. Floors won't be too wet during mopping up. Plus it is evenly cleaned over all floor span.

MummyThreeStreams:

DH used to help with the housework, but now he is too busy and when he is not working, i'd rather he spend time with me or the boys, rather than cleaning up. but i'm wondering if i should make him do some cleaning up, then at least the boys have a good role model.

Yes, i suppose so sweetie. If boys are used to seeing the man of the house help out.. they too will know their place. Hubs father can do housework well and like clockwork too but in my opinion not as thorough or as clean as hubs does it. Doing something for the sake of it and doing cos you want to results in two different end product.

[Kabby]

buds:

But hubs had to insist that since he married me, i can try to carry out some wifey duties as well as work full time then. I did as i was told.. ahem.. being the good wifey that i am. Tho not any good then, he gave me encouragement that i could improve. He ate all the rubber band noodles i made him and all the porridge that was supposed to be rice and even the oversalted dishes... he lapped them all up and gave comments. Since his parents were also working i helped cook for the whole family and also cleaned the house tho it seemed i'd always miss a spot.

really can't understand how come they don't appreciate it, when they see you have a full time job, still cook and clean for them. sigh....

though i used to live with in laws, we had a helper so i didn't need to cook or do housework. i think it's really tough for you. glad u have your own place now!

[mummy of 2]

buds:

mummy of 2:

I have to lay claim to the most underworked SAHM cos I can't cook and don't do housework. Guess that could be why I'm feeling quite bored. Not used to having so much free time after being hectic ftwm for so long.

Wah! :please: Can say don't do housework issit? Your husband so nice. But only applies to husbands who sees no mess.. hear no mess.. dun mind mess..

Hmm not that DH does the housework. It's my helper

[MummyThreeStreams]

buds:

I was conned remember? :roll:
Oh well..

Hubs was used to having his mother serve him and his family 3 or sometimes 4X a day meal. His father is the old school type who likes the wife serve hubby kinda person. In fact, when they were living together with us... the mother insisted that she was the still the best person to look after her son since well... she had done so efficiently for the past 20 over years before we got hitched. She also lay claim to the fact that her son was used to it and that no one can do it better. I just paved the way for her boi... no contest. You go take championship, i dun reali care.. :roll:

But hubs had to insist that since he married me, i can try to carry out some wifey duties as well as work full time then. I did as i was told.. ahem.. being the good wifey that i am. Tho not any good then, he gave me encouragement that i could improve. He ate all the rubber band noodles i made him and all the porridge that was supposed to be rice and even the oversalted dishes... he lapped them all up and gave comments. Since his parents were also working i helped cook for the whole family and also cleaned the house tho it seemed i'd always miss a spot.

Cut story short, the mother always see me no up and made sure she constantly reminded me i was never good enuff.. and will never be good enuff for her son thru out my 10yrs with her. When i became a mother, i was again not a good enuff mother for my children and when she stirred trouble in our marriage i was deemed not good enuff as a wife to begin with. Things didn't get any better but i didn't stop trying.

Never did i realize that what didn't kill me only made me stronger.

Over the years of restraint (bitten tongues and cheeks) :roll:... over the years of endurance... over the years of never giving up (on myself)... and over the years my daddie supported me emotionally and always being there for me... i didn't realize i was actually pretty good. Teachers in my girls' school were always asking for my ideas & guidance.. friends love coming over for play-dates and help take my mind off things (bless them).. relatives set me as a benchmark for their daughters to emulate.. working friends recommended their colleagues or ppl they know who needed help with foundation work to me cos they said i was good at it.. So all that criticism.. all that pent-up emotions, anger, sadness, disappointment, a lil regret once in awhile, insanity... i never realized i took it all in and all it did was just made me more bullet-proof.

So to speak in their bloodline, threshold for mess wasn't very good.. Women in their family line take pride having husbands love coming home to homecooked food and eaten with the whole family.. in a clean house..

Fast forward to today.. i hell didn't do too bad. I was freakin' good mind you! So here's lookin' back at her.. Thru all the years of condemnation, she still got nothin' and i reckon she seems like she gave up.. but hey i ain't takin' any chances. On guard! :nunchuk:

Ashamed? Don't be.. :hugs: While hubs is willing to go thru everything again as long as i will be with him all over again, i hell will not succumb. Forget romantics. Forget stoooo-ped (stupid).. Hello freedom. :laugh: Seriously, if i were to choose to do it all again or not.. i won't.

But to all those who've tried to bring me down. Screw you. :torchme:

Didn't work. :preen:

:rahrah: :udawoman: :rahrah: :goodpost:

[terry]

[quote]Terry arh... i suppose it's either i did maintain or hubs was just horny that day. Cheh. :P[/quote]

share this joke:
they say when mistress stroke the man's thigh, their d :censored: will stand.
when wife stroke their thigh, their hair will stand.

my hb will smtimes gv gentle reminders to me to mantain..whenever he drools over pretty girls/actresses in mags, i will tell him, if he able to gv me the means to live their lifestyle$$$$ then i will certainly look better then them mah! tat makes him quiet!

pls lor! they have 1 full time nanny for each kid. hsekeeper,chef to whip up diet food for them,personal trainer,hairstylist,makeup, fashion stylist...i mean,really!!

[buds]

terry, unfortunately when the men go out to work... all they see are colleagues in cool suits and dresses plus pretty made up faces... and on the way back in the trains are more babes & their group of friends... for husbands who have to entertain clients beyond office hours, lagi best... they see even more. :roll: So aniwaes, while most of us SAHMs like myself.. we tend to say that / use the same line as immediate response.. just a while to look at this in another perspective.


Truth be told. I had this issue with hubs myself. I can remember it like it happened only yesterday. He literally said i wasn't nice to look at anymore, that i had to do something about myself.. ILs called me names like whale.. and some others i dun care to repeat.

Think of it as a dish. If you were asked to sample two dishes on a plate would you go for one looking pale and bland or something whipped up aesthetically pleasing? Hence the pun ppl usually use that men like to eat outside dishes...

It was the saddest day of my life as a wife and mom. It hurt so bad. It was a wake up call for me. I tried to find many reasons to justify ppl being mean to me what more from the ppl i care abt a lot... but i couldn't. In the end, i told myself that i had got to do it for me... for myself. So that i can stay healthy and have more energy for my children.. so that i can fit into better clothes.. so that i dun look like a maid when i take my children out.. so that i have the confidence to be the old me. Mebbe not as youthful but definitely as presentable. The nui chiang ren (career woman) all confident, sassy and able. I can still be all that and be a successful SAHM. So i did..

I didn't say it was easy or it didn't come across obstacles but it was worth it. :love:
We gotta learn to appreciate ourselves too. Take things in positively and the same positive energy will and can resonate with those around us. :hugs:

It takes the first step...

And then you'd be on your way..

[terry]

buds, cant believe ur hb said such thgs to u after wat u did for the family…


im alrdy a cannot make it sahm…very ‘nuah’ type. i oso dun dare to post what i do evday here…if my hb complain i oso nothg to say to defend myself.

but u! u did so much! so unfair leh, i feel!

[SAHM_TAN]

Hi buds


:hugs:

[buds]

I have learnt that life is never fair and never will be.

I mean seriously... whose life is, right?

So now i fret less about the things i have and will never have...
...things that are meant to be and things that will never be meant for me..
I live and let live. Life's too short to dwell on such. As it is, i wasted 10yrs
of my married life already not leading my life assertively enough. Time for
change.. good change. If we want it bad enough, we can see through it...
god willing.