Club SAHM

[sleepy]

And I somehow feel that work environment seems to favor working father more than working mother. Say a father took leave to attend to child, colleagues view him positively as a doting father. A mum took leave for same reason yet colleagues likely to think she prioritize family over work. Maybe it’s just me or do you ladies feel it too?

[sleepy]

Double post

[dearzen]

Hi,


Coincidentally I’ve been thinking about the qn shd I be exceptionally nice to my hb since I’m a SAHM while he brings back d bacon?

I guess a lot may think so but I’m in a dilemma. I contribute a lot or equally as my hb. He earns to support us but I do contribute to my family. I’m physically & 24/7 standby for my kids. My kids r koala to me. Everything is Mummy, Mummy. At times when I’ m at my lowest point, I feel suffocated, no ME time. I do not hv 101% support from my hb when I suggested to be a SAHM. Mummies out there who hv ur hbs’ support, u r blessed!

So at times when I’m down, I feel very sad. I tried to do all chores myself cos I tell myself, since I wanted to be a SAHM, I shd do everything.

But to be exceptionally nice to hb, I think I can’t. M kids r taking up most of my time. If given time, I rather be alone. Many say children foster the marriage & relationship between spouses. But I beg to differ…

I continue my route for my kids in mind.

[sleepy]

slmkhoo:

- I don't see it as him 'letting' me be a SAHM.

- being a SAHM means that I feel obliged to take on a lot of duties

- We made a joint decision based on family circumstances and needs, and we both have made some sacrifices as well gained by the decision.

Of course I do my best to make the home a happy place, manage the housework, take care of the kids etc, but cooking and housework are not my strong points and my family has to put up with simple fare and slapdash housekeeping because that is the best I can do.

:hi5:
Same situation

[sleepy]

ectanz:

Met with some of my relatives a week ago. Really very demoralized. The first word from them - must treat yr husband good and gentle

You keep the money la :evil:

My hubby always said he's like a bank teller, only get to count $ but doesn't get to keep :rotflmao:

[Stayhomedadof2]

Being in the army for 10 years, we never saw it differently if the mother or father took leave to attend to child. In fact eyebrows were raised when father takes leave instead of mother. Not in the "we don’t want you to take leave way" but more the "wow it’s you and not the wife". Maybe i feel i need to justify cos every time i tell people i’m a stay at home dad they always look at me in shock as if i’m being lazy cos i don’t wanna work…plus i think my father in-law looks down on me for not providing for his daughter and grandchildren

[sleepy]

Stayhomedadof2:

Being in the army for 10 years, we never saw it differently if the mother or father took leave to attend to child. In fact eyebrows were raised when father takes leave instead of mother. Not in the \"we don't want you to take leave way\" but more the \"wow it's you and not the wife\".

Precisely what I mentioned about viewing working father more positive

[dearzen]

slmkhoo:

dearzen:

But to be exceptionally nice to hb, I think I can't. M kids r taking up most of my time. If given time, I rather be alone. Many say children foster the marriage & relationship between spouses. But I beg to differ....


I continue my route for my kids in mind.

It depends on what you mean by exceptionally nice, I suppose. And how young your kids are. When my kids were very young, we had no choice but to allow their needs to 'control' us to a large extent. But we have always been mindful to keep some time to ourselves, no matter what. As the kids grew, we taught them to be respectful of our time and our need to be a couple and not just parents. They learned that our primary allegiance was to each other, and the kids came 2nd, but we have always done our best for them anyway. There is research that shows that it is important for a child's security and future family life that they grow up in a family where the parents have a strong relationship. And one day, they will fly the nest and form their own families, and we parents need to be ready for that. In terms of our marriage relationship (we just celebrated 25 yrs and have 2 teenagers), we feel that it is stronger because of all the changes we've been through together, not because we've tried to be exceptionally nice to each other.

Wow! 25yrs in marriage! Congrats! I do hope I m able to continue my marriage to as long as possible.

Well said. But maybe I can't see it in my situation now as my kids r still young. They need my attention & care. I envy friends or mummies like u who are able to hv quality time wif hb. Like gg out for dates, dinner etc. in my situation, I hv no luxury of extra help. Maids are out for me.

Stayhomedadof2:

Being in the army for 10 years, we never saw it differently if the mother or father took leave to attend to child. In fact eyebrows were raised when father takes leave instead of mother. Not in the \"we don't want you to take leave way\" but more the \"wow it's you and not the wife\". Maybe i feel i need to justify cos every time i tell people i'm a stay at home dad they always look at me in shock as if i'm being lazy cos i don't wanna work...plus i think my father in-law looks down on me for not providing for his daughter and grandchildren

Applause! I like seeing more daddies stay home to take care of kids. It is rare. I dun look @ them in shock. In fact I look @ them amazingly! The 1st thing in mind when I come across SAHDs, it is gd tat they spend quality time & they reali treasure d time & bonding! Not all daddies bond wif their kids. Most rather bond with tv, phones, newspapers rather then their kids. If they hv to, u can easily tell from their expressions they r bored, tired.

[dearzen]

slmkhoo:

dearzen:

Well said. But maybe I can't see it in my situation now as my kids r still young. They need my attention & care. I envy friends or mummies like u who are able to hv quality time wif hb. Like gg out for dates, dinner etc. in my situation, I hv no luxury of extra help. Maids are out for me.

I've never had a live-in maid either. For a few years here and there, I've had part-time help of a few hours a week, but we've essentially been on our own. One thing we did to protect a bit of couple time, even when the kids were small, was to put them to bed early. Up to kindy age, they were usually in bed by 8pm or so. Even though we couldn't go out, we would watch TV, listen to music, have supper, or just talk. When we were in Singapore (we've mostly been overseas), my parents would take the kids one night a week so we could go out together. Do you have family who could baby sit once in a way? Couple time, even if it's only a few minutes in the evening to chat, is important enough that you should try to make time for it. After a few years of letting the kids have all your attention, it may be too late.

Hi,

I hv no 1 to help. Even last time b4 I become a SAHM, I hv engaged a baby sitter. But also must rush to fetch my kid. Then #2 came, I decided to quit my job.

[jedamum]

Our life style is comfortable without the luxury holidays, car, fine dining or private housing based on single income. Husband is happy that at least I expect less and he is less stressful with keeping up with instalments and such. The kids are sensible in not comparing with their better well off friends too.

But, I did advise ds1 to marry a more capable wife than his mum and encourage him to let his wife work and I offer to care for his children next time so they can enjoy the dual income benefit that we miss. Husband asked why I bother as it won’t be as if son will give us more allowance because of it so why I bother spending my Silver years tied to my grand children. My reasoning is that standard of living are so high and I want my grand children to live more comfortably than us and my son not to be too stressful with the dual income. Having said that, I also told my son that he should earn enough so his wife will have the option to stay home for the kids if she wants. Like his mum. So he better study hard now! Lol!