Club SAHM
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Being in the army for 10 years, we never saw it differently if the mother or father took leave to attend to child. In fact eyebrows were raised when father takes leave instead of mother. Not in the "we don’t want you to take leave way" but more the "wow it’s you and not the wife". Maybe i feel i need to justify cos every time i tell people i’m a stay at home dad they always look at me in shock as if i’m being lazy cos i don’t wanna work…plus i think my father in-law looks down on me for not providing for his daughter and grandchildren
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Stayhomedadof2:
Being in the army for 10 years, we never saw it differently if the mother or father took leave to attend to child. In fact eyebrows were raised when father takes leave instead of mother. Not in the \"we don't want you to take leave way\" but more the \"wow it's you and not the wife\".
Precisely what I mentioned about viewing working father more positive -
slmkhoo:
Wow! 25yrs in marriage! Congrats! I do hope I m able to continue my marriage to as long as possible.
It depends on what you mean by exceptionally nice, I suppose. And how young your kids are. When my kids were very young, we had no choice but to allow their needs to 'control' us to a large extent. But we have always been mindful to keep some time to ourselves, no matter what. As the kids grew, we taught them to be respectful of our time and our need to be a couple and not just parents. They learned that our primary allegiance was to each other, and the kids came 2nd, but we have always done our best for them anyway. There is research that shows that it is important for a child's security and future family life that they grow up in a family where the parents have a strong relationship. And one day, they will fly the nest and form their own families, and we parents need to be ready for that. In terms of our marriage relationship (we just celebrated 25 yrs and have 2 teenagers), we feel that it is stronger because of all the changes we've been through together, not because we've tried to be exceptionally nice to each other.dearzen:
But to be exceptionally nice to hb, I think I can't. M kids r taking up most of my time. If given time, I rather be alone. Many say children foster the marriage & relationship between spouses. But I beg to differ....
I continue my route for my kids in mind.
Well said. But maybe I can't see it in my situation now as my kids r still young. They need my attention & care. I envy friends or mummies like u who are able to hv quality time wif hb. Like gg out for dates, dinner etc. in my situation, I hv no luxury of extra help. Maids are out for me.Stayhomedadof2:
Applause! I like seeing more daddies stay home to take care of kids. It is rare. I dun look @ them in shock. In fact I look @ them amazingly! The 1st thing in mind when I come across SAHDs, it is gd tat they spend quality time & they reali treasure d time & bonding! Not all daddies bond wif their kids. Most rather bond with tv, phones, newspapers rather then their kids. If they hv to, u can easily tell from their expressions they r bored, tired.Being in the army for 10 years, we never saw it differently if the mother or father took leave to attend to child. In fact eyebrows were raised when father takes leave instead of mother. Not in the \"we don't want you to take leave way\" but more the \"wow it's you and not the wife\". Maybe i feel i need to justify cos every time i tell people i'm a stay at home dad they always look at me in shock as if i'm being lazy cos i don't wanna work...plus i think my father in-law looks down on me for not providing for his daughter and grandchildren
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slmkhoo:
Hi,dearzen:
Well said. But maybe I can't see it in my situation now as my kids r still young. They need my attention & care. I envy friends or mummies like u who are able to hv quality time wif hb. Like gg out for dates, dinner etc. in my situation, I hv no luxury of extra help. Maids are out for me.
I've never had a live-in maid either. For a few years here and there, I've had part-time help of a few hours a week, but we've essentially been on our own. One thing we did to protect a bit of couple time, even when the kids were small, was to put them to bed early. Up to kindy age, they were usually in bed by 8pm or so. Even though we couldn't go out, we would watch TV, listen to music, have supper, or just talk. When we were in Singapore (we've mostly been overseas), my parents would take the kids one night a week so we could go out together. Do you have family who could baby sit once in a way? Couple time, even if it's only a few minutes in the evening to chat, is important enough that you should try to make time for it. After a few years of letting the kids have all your attention, it may be too late.
I hv no 1 to help. Even last time b4 I become a SAHM, I hv engaged a baby sitter. But also must rush to fetch my kid. Then #2 came, I decided to quit my job. -
Our life style is comfortable without the luxury holidays, car, fine dining or private housing based on single income. Husband is happy that at least I expect less and he is less stressful with keeping up with instalments and such. The kids are sensible in not comparing with their better well off friends too.
But, I did advise ds1 to marry a more capable wife than his mum and encourage him to let his wife work and I offer to care for his children next time so they can enjoy the dual income benefit that we miss. Husband asked why I bother as it won’t be as if son will give us more allowance because of it so why I bother spending my Silver years tied to my grand children. My reasoning is that standard of living are so high and I want my grand children to live more comfortably than us and my son not to be too stressful with the dual income. Having said that, I also told my son that he should earn enough so his wife will have the option to stay home for the kids if she wants. Like his mum. So he better study hard now! Lol! -
sleepy:
Nope. My hb gave me the amount we both agreed before I \"converted\" to SAHM. This will be my monthly allowance. Hb will take charge of all household expenditures and kid's tuition fees. This is also remark from my relatives that why I don't take control of his money. With the sole control of his financial, at least I'm feeling secure. Prior to our marriage, we both managed our income or money separately and hence I don't think I could change this when I became SAHM. Hb won't agree and I don't want to, very troublesome.....ectanz:
Met with some of my relatives a week ago. Really very demoralized. The first word from them - must treat yr husband good and gentle
You keep the money la :evil:
My hubby always said he's like a bank teller, only get to count $ but doesn't get to keep :rotflmao: -
Blessedwife:
Hi Ectanz,
Me too, are also into bags. I used to request my hb to buy bag from HK cos much cheaper than Spore.ectanz:
[quote=\"Blessedwife\"]Hee yes I love bags !!!!
Have a vast collections of them
Hmm I just started to like the Korean drama I am watching the first wife strike back ? Er... Can't find the proper English title on the DVD.
All along I am watching the HK TVB serial.
This show also on channel 8 at 11pm too.
Happened to see the 1st episode and thought it's a nice drama so went to buy the DVD
I hv watched from morning till now haha....
I am a BIG fan of korean programmes. From variety shows to drama. I love their foods..... :drool:
Nice to know you
Oh you loves bags too !! I know getting bags from Hk is cheaper but never have a chance to get it from there. Always bought my bags either from Singapore or from Europe which hubby used to travel to for business trips.
Hmm as to what your relatives said you don't have to take it to heart they are just jealous of you?
Now that you bring up this topic I am curious to know from many SAHM here. Do you really think that we need to treat our hubby exceptional \"nice\" in return for letting us be a SAHM ?
For me, I never think of it this way. Of cos, when my hubby asked me to be SAHM I feel being loved and blessed and no doubt I love him even more (as compared to before marriage). This is a mutual feeling.
By loving him more, I will want to cook more of his fave food and let him come back to a happy family after a tiring day.[/quote]Hi Blessedwife, nice to know you too! :rahrah:
Prior to become SAHM, I was FTWM and always in rush to fetch both my dds. One was in IFC and the other K2. That time, my relationship with my Hb was quite bad. Lots of quarrels and arguments due to the stress of juggling both my job and kids. My Hb worked quite late almost everyday and ended up I have to rush from my workplace (west) to CCC (north) to fetch my 2 dds. I will have to leave my workplace on time and I have to bring my stuff back home to finish. In the end, hb asked me to make decision on whether to quit the job or hire maid as he can't help me with the kids and moreover he will be posted overseas temporarily and will only be back once a month. No choice but to become SAHM as my kids are my priority. -
dearzen:
Hi,slmkhoo:
[quote=\"dearzen\"]Well said. But maybe I can't see it in my situation now as my kids r still young. They need my attention & care. I envy friends or mummies like u who are able to hv quality time wif hb. Like gg out for dates, dinner etc. in my situation, I hv no luxury of extra help. Maids are out for me.
I've never had a live-in maid either. For a few years here and there, I've had part-time help of a few hours a week, but we've essentially been on our own. One thing we did to protect a bit of couple time, even when the kids were small, was to put them to bed early. Up to kindy age, they were usually in bed by 8pm or so. Even though we couldn't go out, we would watch TV, listen to music, have supper, or just talk. When we were in Singapore (we've mostly been overseas), my parents would take the kids one night a week so we could go out together. Do you have family who could baby sit once in a way? Couple time, even if it's only a few minutes in the evening to chat, is important enough that you should try to make time for it. After a few years of letting the kids have all your attention, it may be too late.
I hv no 1 to help. Even last time b4 I become a SAHM, I hv engaged a baby sitter. But also must rush to fetch my kid. Then #2 came, I decided to quit my job.[/quote]Dearzen,
Couple time is so important! It is so easy to lose touch of each other. I know how u feel about being suffocated sometimes. It's like we ate always looking after others but who looks after us?!
But when I have really good one on one time with the hubby, it beats having me time, coz then I feel like he cares and is taking care of me and my tank is topped up.
When u feel like u really are annoyed with your hubby, date night is probably overdue!
I am overseas now and my family is in Singapore. We finally decided to hire babysitters for us to go out at least once or twice a month. It's a really good investment for the long-term health of your relationship. If u can't find a sitter, see if a friend can help. -
ectanz:
Nope. My hb gave me the amount we both agreed before I \"converted\" to SAHM. This will be my monthly allowance. Hb will take charge of all household expenditures and kid's tuition fees. This is also remark from my relatives that why I don't take control of his money. With the sole control of his financial, at least I'm feeling secure. Prior to our marriage, we both managed our income or money separately and hence I don't think I could change this when I became SAHM. Hb won't agree and I don't want to, very troublesome.....[/quote]I am not extra nice to hubby just coz he let's me be a SAHM. In fact, my life is harder now, so actually he has to be nicer to me! :evil:sleepy:
[quote=\"ectanz\"]Met with some of my relatives a week ago. Really very demoralized. The first word from them - must treat yr husband good and gentle
You keep the money la :evil:
My hubby always said he's like a bank teller, only get to count $ but doesn't get to keep :rotflmao:
But he takes care of all the family money. I have my personal account, which I use to buy my stuff, but he takes care of the rest. I won't have time to manage the money. Busy enough! -
slmkhoo:
i also feel its easier to work outside... haha i'm a newbie sahm & have only 1 baby, but i can say that i've never felt so tired in my life. my hubby also has to deal with a messier home & one dish meals now.
I don't see it as him 'letting' me be a SAHM. In some ways, it's easier to work outside the home and outsource to others; being a SAHM means that I feel obliged to take on a lot of duties because we can't afford outside help or it just seems silly to get outside help when I'm at home all day anyway. We made a joint decision based on family circumstances and needs, and we both have made some sacrifices as well gained by the decision. Of course I do my best to make the home a happy place, manage the housework, take care of the kids etc, but cooking and housework are not my strong points and my family has to put up with simple fare and slapdash housekeeping because that is the best I can do.Blessedwife:
Now that you bring up this topic I am curious to know from many SAHM here. Do you really think that we need to treat our hubby exceptional \"nice\" in return for letting us be a SAHM ?
For me, I never think of it this way. Of cos, when my hubby asked me to be SAHM I feel being loved and blessed and no doubt I love him even more (as compared to before marriage). This is a mutual feeling.
By loving him more, I will want to cook more of his fave food and let him come back to a happy family after a tiring day.
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