Club SAHM
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slmkhoo:
Thanks slmkhoo mama for your encouragement... the reason why I feel so is becos, we have always thought/felt that DS1 is the more \"intelligent\" one, and DS2 tends to be more playful and emotional. They are almost comparable in terms of academic ability. DS1 used to get \"better\" results if we compare their school results year on year. Hwr, now we can see DS2 has a much stronger foundation, and DS1 has a much tougher time playing catch up now due to his weaker foundation.
I am sorry you feel such guilt. But can I ask - are your sons identical in intelligence, Math ability, character and personality? If not, you won't know whether tuition for more years would have helped your older son, and similarly, whether your younger son would have not done as well without tuition. When comparing kids, you have to consider that they are not all identical to begin with.ScaredyMum:
Sorry for budging in at this point...
I felt like crying when I read this... becos this is EXACTLY how I feel now and for the past 8 months. DS1 oso started private tuition only in mid P5 last year after his results dipped in SA1, and I feel I am responsible (guilt, feel that I have done him wrong) for not sending him to tuition much earlier. I had sent him to tuition centres but it didn't help much.
With that experience, DS2 is now attending private tuition alongside his bro, and I can see alot of difference. So now I always carry this guilt that it is my stupid fault for not \"believing\" in private tuition/or any tuition much much earlier :sad:
Similar to Janet_Lee88's hubby, I coached my DC myself since P1, and I thought if they can manage without tuition, why \"waste\" money, since we are NOT fantastically well to do...
My older girl has trouble with Maths, and is coached by me and also my husband. Tuition is not an option since we live overseas. After all these years of close supervision and a lot of help from us, she still struggles, also partly because she isn't by nature a very hard worker. My younger girl has always sailed through Maths, only asking for help for very occasional questions, and is also a much more diligent worker. I am sure if we sent them to a tutor, my older one would still do poorly and my younger would still do well because it's their innate ability and application that determines the performance. So what I am encouraging you is to stop feeling guilty because you did what you thought best at the time, and you don't really know whether tuition would have helped anyway.
There is truth in what you say, and yes, though I tell myself what's done cannot be undone, I know there will always be this guilt nagging at the back of my mind
Still, thanks for your encouraging words :hugs: -
slmkhoo:
While I applaud such people who work hard and achieve much, what I fear we lack as a society is stories of people who did not achieve much in terms of status or wealth, but are still happy with their lot. Surely not all the middle section of society are uniformly unhappy that they do not have university degrees or high-paying jobs? I feel rather strongly about this as I have a daughter who has learning issues and will certainly never get that kind of job. We have to encourage her that her life will not be a disaster if she doesn't get to university or get a high-paying job. Our hope for her is that she can make enough to live simply by doing a job she has satisfaction in doing for its own sake.
it is indeed an inspiring story.thks for sharingvinegar:
[quote=\"ammonite\"]Perhaps he feels guilty for not sending your son to tuition earlier. Maybe the colleagues are rubbing it in. And no matter what, fathers worry more for sons' future as breadwinners, and if he saw PSLE as a high stake exam, he may be worrying that he has affected your son's future prospect. That is a scary and guilt inducing thought for a parent.
I think you can explain this possible angle to your son so that he sees his father's concern. You are Christians right? You can use religion to help them both move on. It is possible that your son will meet key people at school that will have an impact on his life and worldview.
One of my friends, a GEP student, did badly at O levels and went to a neighborhood JC. He said it opened up his eyes (previously in RI), humbled him, and he made good friends, as well as met his future wife there. He went on to win a prestigious prize n the A levels and a full scholarship to study abroad.
Just some examples I can think of which I use to encourage my daughter - a cousin who did pretty badly at 'A' levels and couldn't go to university. But she studied graphic arts and although isn't making big bucks, she earns enough to live in an HDB flat and support herself. Another one is a friend who dropped out of school after 'O' levels but was always interested in media, got a job as an assistant in some company and worked through the ranks till he is works in film-making. Again, not big bucks, but he supports a family on his income. Another friend who has a university degree but somehow can't take the stress of a full-time corporate job, so she does freelance editing, earning probably half of what she could if she forced herself to get a 'proper job', but she's happier this way. All the many SAHM who give up incomes to take care of their homes and kids, and not because their husbands all earn so much that they don't feel the loss of income, but because they feel that the benefits to the family of their staying home are worth the sacrifice of living simply on a single income.
Let's have more such examples to hold up to our kids.[/quote]Actually that friend of mine doesn't go after wealth or prestige. He took up a teaching scholarship and is a teacher. He said the entire episode (going to neighbourhood JC, meeting the people, and then doing spectacularly well in A levels) affirmed his faith in God. He spends his free time writing and recording worhip songs with his wife. My main point in sharing his story is not that he did spectacularly well, but that sometimes, the unexpected detours in our life bring us life lessons that we would never have learnt otherwise and people we never would have met.
I on the other hand gave up a scholarship because I did not feel ready to delve into certain aspects of my life that I know I would have to if I did. Instead I went on a seemingly pointless route that did not utilise my gifts, but on the other hand, I had unexpected encounters that left deep impressions. It was not the \"right\" academic path, but spiritually and emotionally, it was a healing path. -
janet_lee88:
The other reason for not sending son for tuition was largely because of MONEY.
:hugs: That must have hurt your husband even more. Indeed a painful thought.
But our first kid is often part experiment. My second child is definitely better prepared simply because I have a better idea what to expect. -
At first, I and DH did not like the idea of tuition. We thought we can teach everything ourselves. We thought it is just primary school, no big deal. Until one day… We were at the swimming pool watching DS and a lot of other children doing all the requirements to pass the bronze exam. And we saw this boy struggling to swim from the first requirement to the next. His father was constantly giving him advice from his seat. It looks like the father is the boy’s coach. In the end, the boy was the only one that did not pass from a batch of 50-60 children that took the test. It was a really sad scene…
After that incident, we realised that we’d better outsource tuition to people that know how to teach. Knowing a subject ourselves does not mean we can teach. We are also not up-to-date on the current syllabus, so why take the risk? -
ngl2010:
True. I am surprised my DH,who is relatively highly educated n graduated from top sec/JC/uni...could not teach. :skeptical:At first, I and DH did not like the idea of tuition. We thought we can teach everything ourselves. We thought it is just primary school, no big deal. Until one day... We were at the swimming pool watching DS and a lot of other children doing all the requirements to pass the bronze exam. And we saw this boy struggling to swim from the first requirement to the next. His father was constantly giving him advice from his seat. It looks like the father is the boy's coach. In the end, the boy was the only one that did not pass from a batch of 50-60 children that took the test. It was a really sad scene....
After that incident, we realised that we'd better outsource tuition to people that know how to teach. Knowing a subject ourselves does not mean we can teach. We are also not up-to-date on the current syllabus, so why take the risk?
I notice his explanation is too \"chim\" for my son to understand :boogie: ....Even he understands,i find he tends to forget abt what he taught coz he doesn't hv the tactic or skills, to help him to remember. -
vinegar:
Teaching is a skill and a committment.
True. I am surprised my DH,who is relatively highly educated n graduated from top sec/JC/uni...could not teach. :skeptical:ngl2010:
At first, I and DH did not like the idea of tuition. We thought we can teach everything ourselves. We thought it is just primary school, no big deal. Until one day... We were at the swimming pool watching DS and a lot of other children doing all the requirements to pass the bronze exam. And we saw this boy struggling to swim from the first requirement to the next. His father was constantly giving him advice from his seat. It looks like the father is the boy's coach. In the end, the boy was the only one that did not pass from a batch of 50-60 children that took the test. It was a really sad scene....
After that incident, we realised that we'd better outsource tuition to people that know how to teach. Knowing a subject ourselves does not mean we can teach. We are also not up-to-date on the current syllabus, so why take the risk?
I notice his explanation is too \"chim\" for my son to understand :boogie: ....Even he understands,i find he tends to forget abt what he taught coz he doesn't hv the tactic or skills, to help him to remember.
DH can teach very well.......he knows how to explain concepts clearly and will try different ways of explaining if one explanation doesn't work. I even have friends trying to get him to teach their kids.
But just as teaching is a skill......laziness and knowing how to reject nicely repeatedly without incurring the wrath of another party is also a skill :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
So.....DH hardly coach.....only do prime-time appearance when really 'critical' and when everyone shouting for SOS. :mad: Anyway we have tuition also
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Very inspiring sharings by all of you mummies. Thanks for that. It sets me thinking as well. I am also one of those who do not send kids to tuitions. But I am keeping an openmind and will observe my ds. If I feel that he needs help I’ll do something abt it. Currently he is fine because my expectations are not unrealistic. I always discuss goals with ds. If he scores 85, I said let’s aim for 86 together in the next round. So far such tiny steps work for him. Every child/parent is unique and succeeds differently.
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Very inspiring sharings by all of you mummies. Thanks for that. It sets me thinking as well. I am also one of those who do not send kids to tuitions. But I am keeping an openmind and will observe my ds. If I feel that he needs help I’ll do something abt it. Currently he is fine because my expectations are not unrealistic. I always discuss goals with ds. If he scores 85, I said let’s aim for 86 together in the next round. So far such tiny steps work for him. Every child/parent is unique and succeeds differently.
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When I told my neighbour my dd1 used to attend Kumon (during her preschooler years), and I even offered to pass that neighbour Kumon materials since it's kind of wasteful to just throw away.
She turned around & accused me of hothousing :stupid: saying kids should have childhood and should not attend any form of tuition, blah blah blah.
The irony is that neighbour's dd subsequently told me she's having tuition at a center for Maths and English
So tuition or no tuition?
Either way, someone else will always have something to say. However, I feel that other parents should not judge those who do send their kids to tuition.
Parents have different reasons to send their kids to tuition. Some parents sent kids to tuition to stretch them. Some send kids to tuition to help them cope better. Even tuition centers have different league. From the top end like learning lab to more affordable ones like RC at void decks. And also some parents prefer to actively coach by themselves.
As long that arrangement is working out well for them & they are seeing positive result, it doesn't matter which option is chosen. Everyone's circumstances and every child's learning habit & pattern is different.
For me, I don't coach my kids at all. I couldn't bring myself to self study the entire syllabus first (since way different from our times) & then coach chapter by chapter. Gosh, this is too tedious & beyond my capabilities. I would rather send to tuition centers with readily available materials rather than me making enormous effort to come up with one set of material myself. I do participate in a small way by helping them to file worksheets
Another thing I've learned is not to judge my kids' result. I will browse through the paper, accept whatever marks they got and just sign - on the condition I do see them putting in effort beforehand to prepare -
ngl2010:
I have a similar experience with swimming too. In the beginning, my hubby felt it was foolish to pay for swimming lessons. After all, he's good at sports, teaching the kids to swim would be a piece of cake. Unfortunately, there was always a lack of discipline among other reasons. The kids still couldn't swim after a period of time. In the end, we enrolled them in swimming classes and they made steady progress.At first, I and DH did not like the idea of tuition. We thought we can teach everything ourselves. We thought it is just primary school, no big deal. Until one day... We were at the swimming pool watching DS and a lot of other children doing all the requirements to pass the bronze exam. And we saw this boy struggling to swim from the first requirement to the next. His father was constantly giving him advice from his seat. It looks like the father is the boy's coach. In the end, the boy was the only one that did not pass from a batch of 50-60 children that took the test. It was a really sad scene....
After that incident, we realised that we'd better outsource tuition to people that know how to teach. Knowing a subject ourselves does not mean we can teach. We are also not up-to-date on the current syllabus, so why take the risk?
It can be quite annoying when friends/relatives keep harping that I am good (actually, only manageable) at Chinese and therefore there's no need for my kids to attend Chinese enrichment. :slapshead: My girl attended only two months of one-on-one tuition and dear me, she made so much progress. Unfortunately, she didn't like tuition and would prefer to study on her own. The only thing I insist on is the Chinese creative writing enrichment (kiasu
).
For school work, I try not to interfere too unless they ask for help. The other day, my girl just complained that it was daddy's fault that she didn't score full mark for a piece of maths homework. Why? Cos daddy didn't spot her carelessness while checking through her work! Gave her a piece of my mind on that. For me, school work is solely their responsibiltiy.
However, that doesn't mean I leave them alone totally. I am still \"actively\" involved in their learning by exposing them to other stuffs outside of school requirements through materials and discussions .
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