Children Suicide Cases

[2ppaamm]

Happy Mama:

After reading all these articles, I'd better not push DD too hard, though much as I want her to excel in her studies, I feel education is not everything. Ultimately, we want our kids to be happy, healthy and lead a normal life, instead of breaking down and we live our life in regrets.


I have seen life examples where kids break down just before PSLE and all efforts go to nought. The once bright and intelligent kids were not even able to sit for their PSLE and ended up seeking psychiatric treatment. What a pity.

The irony is that PSLE is not important in our lives at all. I remember topping my PSLE but it did nothing for me.

What else is not important: 'O' Levels, 'A' levels, competitions, exams. But these ARE very important. Why do our kids have to go through these? IMHO, to instill discipline, the value of hardwork, etc etc. But if we let the end result become our only target and motive, we will push them over the edge.

Let's all be careful, whether we are parents, friends, relatives, educators or in siblings. Everyone needs a break once in a while.

[Happy Mama]

2ppaamm:

Happy Mama:

After reading all these articles, I'd better not push DD too hard, though much as I want her to excel in her studies, I feel education is not everything. Ultimately, we want our kids to be happy, healthy and lead a normal life, instead of breaking down and we live our life in regrets.


I have seen life examples where kids break down just before PSLE and all efforts go to nought. The once bright and intelligent kids were not even able to sit for their PSLE and ended up seeking psychiatric treatment. What a pity.

The irony is that PSLE is not important in our lives at all. I remember topping my PSLE but it did nothing for me.

What else is not important: 'O' Levels, 'A' levels, competitions, exams. But these ARE very important. Why do our kids have to go through these? IMHO, to instill discipline, the value of hardwork, etc etc. But if we let the end result become our only target and motive, we will push them over the edge.

Let's all be careful, whether we are parents, friends, relatives, educators or in siblings. Everyone needs a break once in a while.

Totally agree, and yes, thanks for the reminder, cos CA1 is just round the corner.

[buds]

2ppaamm:

I feel really sad reading all these cases and as an educator, I had to help a few of near suicide cases. It is very difficult and stressful to have such students in class and I'd outline my encounters here.

I share your sentiments, 2ppaamm.

There was one from my old neighbourhood where everyone
heard of this student... a P4 student no less... who jumped
from his flat after receiving his SA2 results. As a neighbour
i was feeling kinda spooked... as a parent i felt scared for
my children and what the stress of future education may
bring... our hearts go out to the parents of that student.
It must be very very hard for them...

2ppaamm:

Now, this is really hard to handle. What would you do?

Now this is really creepy. I wouldn't be able to sleep peacefully if i were in
your shoes, 2ppaamm. :snuggles: I mean it happened right smack in your
face and there you are trying to internalize what just happened and what
to do at the same time! :faint: I :salute: you for not crumbling under that
pressure given to you and managed to solve it eventually. Yes i agree... i
wouldn't want that kinda blood stained on me either. I'd be spooked for
life that i may just end up :siao:...

2ppaamm:

I had a few more. Will write about them when I get the time.

Would love to hear them.. so that i can learn from these experiences and
take a step back and analyze things, should i sense similar behaviours from
ppl i know.

2ppaamm:

In all the cases I have to handle, the backgrounds are almost always different. But it always involved a very smart and capable student who was embarked in some difficulties at the point in time. And almost always, they were successful all their lives, they were normally very good students from good families. Sadly, it is these good families that did them harm. Most of these student never encountered failure. Their lives have been sheltered and planned for by their sincere parents, tutors, teachers and government.

Yes i agree. Even at preschool level i sense perfectionistas who really try too
hard. For instance there was one girl i used to teach starting from phonics &
reading class then continued up to grammar/comprehension and later on to
creative writing... Her mom said she nvr had trouble with this girl with regards
to revision. She would be at it on her own diligently and she took pride in
always finishing first and getting them right... at all times. Once she wrote
an alphabet reverse way... how one wud see it in mirror image and she reali
kicked herself over it... she took her pencil case and hit her head a few times
with it and said stupid... stupid... stupid... and requested a re-test for she did
actually (technically) get it right if not for that accidental mistake. I did not
allow it for it wud be unfair to the other children. That session another boy
scored full marks so tt meant she was 2nd. She cried, refused to say gdbye
to me and her frenz and stomped off. Her mom rang me later to ask if i could
pacify her for she had utmost respect for me and enjoys my lessons a lot.

So i did a re-test for her in private the following week before the lesson began..
Bbuuuutt, on the condition that she knows this is just so that she \"can\" show
me that she can do it all perfectly, which of course she did lar. Techinically,
she did get it all right except for one letter that was written incorrectly. She
loved it when she got praises like \"excellent\"... but refused to accept the \"hey,
it was a good effort\" ones. She's the sorta girl who wants to get it right the 1st
time round. I didn't know how i helped her but i knew i couldn't let her beat
herself up for it. She just needed a proper closure (for herself) so that she
could continue with the days normally... as her usual chirpy self. She still is
as kiasu as when i knew her when she was just a little girl... neat as heck..
and stingy with her stuff when it came to lending them to her untidy brother.
She has many frenz... in a leadership position in school.. and needless to say
in one of the top classes in her secondary school.. She enjoys it. A lot! Still
happy being the perfect her.

We are still in touch for her mom and i sowed our seeds of friendship from pre
school days until now. :love: It's nice to see how the children i've taught have
grown... and grown well too. Her mom likes to tell her that if not for me,
she wouldn't even have known how to read as the mom was very busy with
work back then and didn't have much time for her.

I encouraged my friend to engage her in conversation more often for she is
now a teenager. My friend takes time off to bring her shopping and do girl
stuff together... without her siblings. She enjoys that too. I shared with my
friend that she needs to have consistent bonding with her so that should any
thing out of the blue that seems off with her... she'd know and be quick enuff
to detect it. While she bawled away in school when receiving her PSLE result
then, ( my friend thought she failed! :faint: ) even when she got good grades
but cannot go to the top schools she dreamt of going with her primary school
friends.

The situation with our relationship is reverse now... for my friend now shares
with me the pre-teen attitudes to seek out and expect with the regular teen
these days... and i cannot thank her more for that as my DD1 is approaching
teen-hood. My friend always says, haiyah.. no need to thank.. we're friends..
we share all the good and the bad the horrible and the ugly... to the funnies.
So, we look out for each other & we look out for both our children... when we
can.

2ppaamm:

One of the things I believe we should always do for our children is to allow them to fail once in a while. If they are used to small failures, big failures are not difficult to handle. Educators, parents and the government should not look to punish or handle every small failure, the students know and will fix them.

Agree. Parents should refrain from coming in to fix the problem all the time
for our children for they will somehow get around to fixing it. So unless it is
a matter that cannot be resolved without our intervention, we should take
the back seat once in awhile. Children can deal with problem solving fine...
more than we credit them for.

Like i knew my DD2 forgot to bring her music book that day cos i peeked
when she packed. All i said was, \"Did you pack everything? Did you check?\"
So, when she said confidently, \"All done already mom. I double checked!\" I
let her be.. she called me during recess to say, she should have triple checked.
She got a warning from the teacher for forgetting but got to share a book with
her friend. I asked if she blamed me if she knew that \"i\" knew she forgot the bk,
her reply was, \"It is not your fault mummy. I should have checked again especially
when you gave me question-clues earlier before we left. I \"will\" definitely not
forget it again cos the teacher warned me in front of everyone.\" :oops:

2ppaamm:

Learning to fail is a life skill many Singaporeans have not learnt through our perfectionist education system. We at the tertiary institutions are often at the receiving end of this lack.

While learning to fail for DD1 shook her up from her lackadaisical attitude for
learning and made her more careful... diligent... and motivated... it made my
friend's DD more perfect than she already was. It works both ways depending
on the nature of the children i suppose. Whatever it is, as parents and yes as
an educator, children should know regardless of passing or failing... life is not
over and that we are still here for them if they need us. :hugs: Just like how,
you 2ppaamm was there for your students. Very happy it all turned out well
for you AND of course the students. :snuggles:

[buds]

Happy Mama:

Totally agree, and yes, thanks for the reminder, cos CA1 is just round the corner.

Don't i thank god my girls' don't have that! Phew!

[LLK]

As reported in wanbao, a bright 18-year-old top JC girl (a scholar) jumped down from her flat at 17th floor in Lavander St area (yesterday?). The likely reason stated was study or/and relationship problems. Really sad to read this kind of report.

[phtthp]

shocking ! so young 18 yo ! :faint:

[JonC]

which top JC?

[kwokwc]

So sad. :sad: So young and smart!

[phtthp]

pity her parents’ anguish and pain. They love her so much, to raise a precious daughter up to 18 yrs old is not easy.


why jump ? boy-friend issue ? in a moment of folly, can’t think logically, clearly, jump to her death. What a great waste of so much youth before her! Deepest condolences to her heart wrenching parents in pain.

is it published inside Chinese wanpao ? Straits times din report.

[bigsnoopy]

Oh dear! I really feel for the parents. Must be heart broken. We really must communicate more with our children.