Move in with MIL?

[kw88]

I would suggest that if that if there are other alternatives, try not to stay with in laws. It is never easy. I've been staying with my in laws since I got married 17 years ago and I'm amazed that I'm still sane :evil: Throughout these years, most quarrels I have had with my hb is abt his mum. He is the only son and is super fillial to his mum.

Sometimes when two women live under the same roof, a simple act of doing laundry or washing the dishes could trigger a war. Men cannot understand our feelings and will always ask the wife not to take issues with the elderly and so we can only feel frustrated.

Now after so many years I'm not on speaking terms with my MIL and sometimes I felt so sad and wonder if things would have been better if we had not stayed together in the first place.

[octoberbaby]

what is the trigger for staying with MIL?


Financial issue on buying own property? Can rent from HDB under fiance-fiancee scheme.

Buy own property then ask MIL to stay, story will be different.

[winth]

before marriage:

DH: I would like to stay with my parents
Me: No, if that’s the case, let’s not marry (I was dead serious, not a threat)

2 years into marriage (DS1 was taken care of by my mum):
DH: Shall we consider selling the house and live near our parents? If you consider the distance, we wake up at 645am, just to drive from our place to your mum’s, deposit baby, have breakfast there, walk 200m, take MRT to town to work and reach by 9am. Abit siao… If we buy a house near our parents (they both stay west), it solves our daily journey headache
Me: No, this distance is comfortable
* we continued such daily routine until my parents moved 3 years later, we took it and laughed at it now about the daily workout we did in our earlier years

10 years into marriage (I was less insistent and MIL got softer in her cold shoulder treatment):
Me: Where should we aim for our next house?
DH: Actually, let’s aim one near your mum (my parents moved to our area by then), I can’t imagine myself staying with my parents yet, maybe years down the road, when they need help, we’ll move back.
Me: Ok

Current situation - DH’s sis had her baby, and because SIL didn’t know how to hold an infant or take care of baby, MIL (which is DH’s mum) lived with them to take care of her daughter’s baby, lived there full time, at least for the first year of baby’s. Now, slightly more flexible, she can go back to her own house during the weekend.

MIL: you know ar, I cannot stand the way they do things. Dunno why must buy such pricey things. So many pairs of shoes are just left to stink, and they are so choosy on food, and on and on and on
*Her daughter was sandwiched between her own mum and her husband, gotta pacify her mum, bring her out go shopping, her DH chooses to stay out when wifey not in.
MIL will come back to her own house over the weekend to look after her husband and house, guess to take a breather and complain to us too…

That’s my story.

Moral of the story is, as much as you can, do not stay with parents. I even have conflicts with my own parents, i.e. child’s upbringing, no childhood. You can choose to stay near, seriously, very near. But living together is different. Yes, I agree with staying with aged parents, but judging from the level of energy MIL emits, it might take another 10 years.

[AdonciaTang]

So true. I can’t imagine myself living with ny MIL too

[janet88]

AdonciaTang:

So true. I can't imagine myself living with ny MIL too

Sorry, but I cannot bring myself to do so. The values she teaches them is undesirable...for eg hygiene. My youngest BIL never bought his clothes, personal stuff...instead, he will use his brothers' things and grow his account.

[AdonciaTang]

janet_lee88:

AdonciaTang:

So true. I can't imagine myself living with ny MIL too

Sorry, but I cannot bring myself to do so. The values she teaches them is undesirable...for eg hygiene. M

I am sorry to hear that but Its a terrible habit. If the other bro all move out, then what is going to happen to him? Use father's clothes?

[janet88]

AdonciaTang:

janet_lee88:

[quote=\"AdonciaTang\"]So true. I can't imagine myself living with ny MIL too

Sorry, but I cannot bring myself to do so. The values she teaches them is undesirable...for eg hygiene.

I am sorry to hear that but Its a terrible habit. If the other bro all move out, then what is going to happen to him? Use father's clothes?[/quote]He's too fat to wear his father's clothes.
I was so happy when we got married...bcos the stuff I bought for hubby for Christmas and birthday were not taken away from him anymore. That sickening brother of his.

[AdonciaTang]

[/quote]

He’s too fat to wear his father’s clothes.
I was so happy when we got married…bcos the stuff I bought for hubby for Christmas and birthday were not taken away from him anymore. That sickening brother of his.[/quote]

Lol. Thats great. I cannot stand this kind of BIL. Even my own BIL, i seriously cannot stand his wife too. super love to bootlick my MIL and FIL. Thanks god, both parents can see she not a simple woman

[Ruru]

My problem is with my FIL. Yeah, it's the old man for my case. I have a very good MIL whom i dont mind staying with.


My FIL is a super annoying and irritating person who likes to poke his nose into everything. Worse, he's an egoistic man who thinks very highly of himself - whatever he does or says is absolutely right. What others (including his wife & younger son(my hubby)) do or say is wrong, when actually he & we are doing the same thing. He only knows how to talk. Obviously i know how to change my girls' diapers & apply diaper cream for them right? He has never done that before for my girls and had the cheek to teach me how to do it a few days ago. \"Did you put cream for her? Did you put this way,that way etc etc?\" When he said that, i wanted to scream at him and say \"you so smart,you do it la\". But no,i kept quiet. And he has spoiled his 2 grandkids(my DD1 & DD2) rotten. All it takes is a mere whine from them and he will give them whatever they want. My 2 girls are 2+ & 1+ yr old only respectively. He is also teaching them the wrong things,like taking lots of serviettes from restaurants, drinking straws, etc etc just to let them play. Sigh. My hubby cannot tolerate him too but as the son, he will just talk back to his dad or ignore his nagging or simply turn a deaf ear. But as a DIL, it's quite rude of me to do the same. My hubby will just tell me to tolerate....im trying hard to....

And the worst is, i'm still breastfeeding my DD2 and in the middle of the night, she will still latch on and guess what....my FIL has a habit of waking up in the middle of the night and coming over to our room to check on my girls. Sometimes i realised after latching on & off, my chest will be exposed and can you imagine my fil coming to our room & saw that? My mil has told him before not to come to our room as and when he likes but like what i said, he's egoistic & wont listen. I now lock the door before i sleep.

Due to some complicated reasons,i cannot move out leh.

[janet88]

Lol. Thats great. I cannot stand this kind of BIL. Even my own BIL, i seriously cannot stand his wife too. super love to bootlick my MIL and FIL. Thanks god, both parents can see she not a simple woman[/quote]


The mother didn’t teach what…the only value she instilled in them is MONEY IS MOST IMPORTANT…so that’s why that sickening fella sponges on his brothers. He is really an idiot.