All About Working With Children Who Are Weak Academically
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concernmother:
Thank you all for your advises. I guess i have to spend more time on her in this area. However, she is very stubborn and always think she is right. so this can be tough. I guess i spoon feed her a lot in Primary School. I was the one who reminded her to do tuition HW, study ting xie....when she was in Pri School. So I guess this is the consequences....
At this age, you need to convince her that she needs help, and that you can offer some help. If you force, she will probably rebel. You said she gets disappointed with her results, so can you start from there and convince her that her way is not working at the moment, and she should try something else? But whatever you do, don't take over and do what you did in Pr school; she needs to manage this for herself, although you cen help her set up a system, remind her when she lapses, and check that she imposes the penalties on herself. -
slmkhoo:
When she finished her PSLE, i thought my job has ended. Thought that she will look after herself in Sec. Every year I am facing a lot of challenges. Guess it is a lifetime job.... :faint:concernmother:
Thank you all for your advises. I guess i have to spend more time on her in this area. However, she is very stubborn and always think she is right. so this can be tough. I guess i spoon feed her a lot in Primary School. I was the one who reminded her to do tuition HW, study ting xie....when she was in Pri School. So I guess this is the consequences....
At this age, you need to convince her that she needs help, and that you can offer some help. If you force, she will probably rebel. You said she gets disappointed with her results, so can you start from there and convince her that her way is not working at the moment, and she should try something else? But whatever you do, don't take over and do what you did in Pr school; she needs to manage this for herself, although you cen help her set up a system, remind her when she lapses, and check that she imposes the penalties on herself. -
slmkhoo:
When she finished her PSLE, i thought my job has ended. Thought that she will look after herself in Sec. Every year I am facing a lot of challenges. Guess it is a lifetime job.... :faint:concernmother:
Thank you all for your advises. I guess i have to spend more time on her in this area. However, she is very stubborn and always think she is right. so this can be tough. I guess i spoon feed her a lot in Primary School. I was the one who reminded her to do tuition HW, study ting xie....when she was in Pri School. So I guess this is the consequences....
At this age, you need to convince her that she needs help, and that you can offer some help. If you force, she will probably rebel. You said she gets disappointed with her results, so can you start from there and convince her that her way is not working at the moment, and she should try something else? But whatever you do, don't take over and do what you did in Pr school; she needs to manage this for herself, although you cen help her set up a system, remind her when she lapses, and check that she imposes the penalties on herself. -
concernmother:
When she finished her PSLE, i thought my job has ended. Thought that she will look after herself in Sec. Every year I am facing a lot of challenges. Guess it is a lifetime job.... :faint:
Not all kids can take that kind of sudden increase in responsibility. You may need to take a few steps 'backwards' now (with the added complication that she is now a teenager and may resent it) and gradually bring her to a point where you can really let go. At some point (18-21 yo?), parenting in the sense of supervision and discipline) will end and mentoring will begin. I really don't want to parenting my adult kids! -
Hello!
I was reading this book entitled 'That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week: Helping Disorganised and Distracted Boys Succeed in School and Life.' It is by Ana Homayoun, a counsellor based in the US who deals with teenagers with issues with school-work.
While it largely focuses on boys, I think some points may apply to girls, too. There is this bit about how there are different kinds of disorganised kids:
1) The Over-scheduled Procrastinator (too many things on his plate)
2) The Scattered Charmer (forgetful, with a laissez-faire attitude)
3) Tech Master (focuses too much on tech, so doesn't study)
4) The Seriously Struggling Student (takes a long time to process info)
5) The Creative Wonder (so lost in the world of the arts, music, etc, studies get neglected)
6) The Intellectual Conversationalists (can talk brilliantly but cannot buckle down to get work done)
7) The Sincere Slacker (genuinely believes enough effort has been made)
The Seemingly Satisfied Underachiever (motto: no need to try so hard; it's just SCHOOL, right?)
The book was helpful for me because it dished out practical advice on how to help teens structure their lives, so that studies and general discipline improve. It's not one of those new-fangled books that suggest parents try strange things or just let the child 'be'. The author's advice was sensible and supported by loads of anecdotes. You may want to borrow it from the library to see if it helps you? All the best! -
hokkiengirl:
Thanks Hokkiengirl! I will check out this book in library. :thankyou:Hello!
I was reading this book entitled 'That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week: Helping Disorganised and Distracted Boys Succeed in School and Life.' It is by Ana Homayoun, a counsellor based in the US who deals with teenagers with issues with school-work.
While it largely focuses on boys, I think some points may apply to girls, too. There is this bit about how there are different kinds of disorganised kids:
1) The Over-scheduled Procrastinator (too many things on his plate)
2) The Scattered Charmer (forgetful, with a laissez-faire attitude)
3) Tech Master (focuses too much on tech, so doesn't study)
4) The Seriously Struggling Student (takes a long time to process info)
5) The Creative Wonder (so lost in the world of the arts, music, etc, studies get neglected)
6) The Intellectual Conversationalists (can talk brilliantly but cannot buckle down to get work done)
7) The Sincere Slacker (genuinely believes enough effort has been made)
The Seemingly Satisfied Underachiever (motto: no need to try so hard; it's just SCHOOL, right?)
The book was helpful for me because it dished out practical advice on how to help teens structure their lives, so that studies and general discipline improve. It's not one of those new-fangled books that suggest parents try strange things or just let the child 'be'. The author's advice was sensible and supported by loads of anecdotes. You may want to borrow it from the library to see if it helps you? All the best! -
:lol:
Wah I like the different categories, especially the sincere slacker! I knew a Creative Charmer who was also a Scattered Charmer - really hopeless with the day to day. Fortunately his gf/wife is the super organized type and organized everything for him and friends reminded him of datelines and if there were exams the NEXT day and what the subjects being tested were. So failing all else, there is still hope that their future partner can take up the slack in this department. -
concernmother:
You're welcome!
Thanks Hokkiengirl! I will check out this book in library. :thankyou: -
deminc:
Ha ha tell me about it. I was so amazed when I read the book. It had my eldest son pegged to a T. He's a Scattered Charmer through and through!!! Gosh, I hope he wakes up before he gets married, otherwise, I'll have a really mad dil on my hands! :lol::lol:
Wah I like the different categories, especially the sincere slacker! I knew a Creative Charmer who was also a Scattered Charmer - really hopeless with the day to day. Fortunately his gf/wife is the super organized type and organized everything for him and friends reminded him of datelines and if there were exams the NEXT day and what the subjects being tested were. So failing all else, there is still hope that their future partner can take up the slack in this department. -
I finally found someone who shares the same situation!
My girl is also a slow coach: slow in eating, bathing, changing clothes, settling down to study, if she's gone out for enrichment lesson, the day is as good as gone. Even on normal school days, she takes 3 hours to settle herself down before starting to do work.
Carrots don't work. I use a cane. Yes, having a child like that can be very trying on your patience. Sometimes we suspect she's trying very hard to exasperated us to the point of us giving up hope on her. Even when psle is nearing, she's still taking her own sweet time like she's not sitting for it.
With a child like that, we can only resign ourselves to fate. We just do what we can for her. My husband says we should not give her too good a life as she would have a hard time getting used to the hard life later on, as could be predicted from her lack of effort, but my argument is, she would have a lifetime to get used to the hard life later on, so let her enjoy what she can now.sleepy:
Confirmed it's personality. My dd1 is exactly the same. So I can totally empathise with your frustration.
She has no sense of urgency or concept of time. Idle away whatever spare time she has. From the moment I fetch her from school till the time she actually sat down at her desk to start doing homework, she needs a minimum of 3.5 hours! Everything is done in sloooooow motion. If I rush her, she said I'm causing her excessive stress & then she cried. End up I'm the bad guy :mad:
I don't have a solution yet. I've tried every single method I can think of since she was in preschool. And she's p4 now. I forsee I will continue to struggle. 'Carrot' doesn't work at all. So I'm moving to sticks now.
'Sticks' I have in place:
No TV. No computer. Cannot play iphone games.
I even opt her out of CCA. And I'm very selective about external enrichments because once she steps out of the house, she will take an extremely long time to settle down to study again.