桃花谈

[insider]

SAHM_TAN:

insider,


Thank you for taking the time to post such a detailed answer to my query.

I have much to think abt.

新年快乐

can ponder along the line of other matters besides 桃花 only.

the negative points generated via negative moods affect not only 桃花, it affects all the other Fields of Children, Parents, Friends, Colleagues, Career, Money, Movement/Mobility, and Overall Happiness as well.

无明 leads to people cannot have positive children, positive parents, positive friends, positive colleagues, positive career, positive money flow, positive movement, and thereby affect the overall happiness of a person. Therefore, if one's life is not smooth, coz he/she is surrounded by many negative points that are attracting more negative things (essence of NLP).

So to stay positive and calm in any situation whenever possible is the key to find solutions for life's crisis (many times if can remain positive and calm, solutions will come automatically even without having to find it. Solutions are always there but coz of 无明, people are blinded and miss them even they are right in front).

You may not believe me. When I face some problems that I have no solutions, I will digest the situation and then go function as normally (work, play mahjong, drink wine, etc) coz I just have this faith that the solutions will pop up right in front of me sooner or later. I can even sleep peacefully and really the solutions will 'appear'.

My second sis cannot tahan me in this sense, always complains to my siblings that \"I dont care\" and still can function as per normal, as if I 'bo chup' and heartless.

She is another one with a big patch of 无明 in her, coz she will always think of the most terrible consequences out of a problem and then worry herself to death unnecessarily (remember I have another SAHM sis who managed to groom 3 GEP kids? I once wrote about she was in a near depression and then when I spoke to her eldest daughter, her daughter told me, \"My mum is siow one.\" - imagine slogging herself throughout her life to groom the kids and ended up with a term like this? Her RI son is also very difficult to manage, giving her a lot of attitude problems. I will help my this second sis at a later stage coz the time is not ripe yet).

Very pessimistic when meeting problems...no good... (one of my life's beliefs - no problems can kill us and so dont need to worry ourselves too much). Ya, my second sis will be the last one whom I will teach any fortune telling skills (coz she will keep looking at and worrying about the bad ones instead of be happy with the good ones = not a suitable candidate to learn)

I still have much 无明 in me but I am very conscious of negative feelings. From young (even without this concept of 无明), I will not let myself dwell over a thing for more than 3 days. Now, I am highly sensitive and conscious of my own negative thoughts, that I will curb one whenever I realise I am in that state of mood.

My 3 kids are 'good enough' kids as I always 'boast'. They are good coz I am wise enough to avoid rubbing negative points onto them and therefore they are able to generate good points for themselves and therefore can lead smooth lives so far.

All my kids have a common characteristic - they are filial, be it to their parents or to their grand parents or towards the elderly in general.

Character development is more important than academic development - this is something that I have been preaching in this forum for many years as long as I have the appropriate chance.

As long as a child has the right character = all things will be well taken care of coz they will be protected by all the positive points they made for themselves = have lesser 无明 = lower chance of making bad decisions in their life.

Academic achievement is not really important coz knowledge does not equate wisdom. As long as the wisdom can be open up, knowledge will come alive and become relevant.

I never envy parents with smart kids, I envy parents with wise kids coz wise = happiness. I am not shy to say my daughter is smart and wise (she will still have her 无明 but her kind heart will give her enough positive points / strength to sail through those difficult periods and emerge stronger after each period. Few thousand years ago what Confucius said is still valid till today

仁者不忧
智者不惑
勇者不惧.

Therefore, it is still important to develop

the 仁 (to harbour kindness and then it is like one will be free from worries),

the 智 (wisdom to see clearly even if one is in a mess = can make better decisions), and

the 勇 (courage to do the things that need to be done instead of being frighten off and wasting time hesitating. 'Fear' in many situations is quite a useless hindering emotion coz most of the time, it is not warrant of).

So, always attempt to model for your child what a good person should be like with your actions and not so much on words. And, start by being a filial person towards your parents, your in-laws, and the rest of the elderly.

Encourage your kids to do small things for you, such as helping you to carry lighter grocery bags or fetch you a glass of water or add sugar to your coffee, etc; something that is manageable and age appropriate. This will help them to build their positive points (don’t tell them of course).

By doing something small and gradually bigger, kids are likely to turn into useful children in the family and then to the society. Pls don’t breed robots who only know how to study but nothing else…

Dolphinseah maintains a Zen page with many good quotes. If one wants to even master one of the quotes may take a whole life to achieve it.

Zen takes a whole life to practise and therefore it definitely requires a much looooooooooooooooooooongeeeeeeeeeeeer time than drama 爱……

[ruohoo97]

Thanks a lot for sharing. Insider, many of above points seems from Buddhism or Daoism. I understand and appreciate due to my Chinese upbringing. however, what many have been struggling is they know what is right, but they can’t do what is right; they know what is wrong, but they can’t help but doing what is wrong.

That is why I became Christian when I grow up, cos by ourselves, we are limited, but by Christ Jesus, we have power to overcome sin.

I am still learning to follow Jesus each day.

[insider]

ruohoo97:

That is why I became Christian when I grow up, cos by ourselves, we are limited, but by Christ Jesus, we have power to overcome sin.

I am still learning to follow Jesus each day.

No matter what religion you are in, you must be strongly guided by your faith which is the strength that will help you move forward positively. Jesus will guide you to the correct pathway - to be a good person...

One of the key differences between Jesus and Buddha to me is Christians requires God's grace to overcome sins but Buddha tells us that we have this potential in ourselves to overcome our sins (and coz of my personal experiences, I know this potential exists and therefore tend to want to open up this potential in my kids).

Putting religions asides (respectfully for all religions which I think is good to have coz they serve as anchors when one is in troubles), some spending thousands in attending NLP courses (can't remember exactly how much I spent many years back. Think around $4888/pax for 6 days course??). In this kind of courses, they are all about 'awakening the POWER in you'... (in us, there are really tremendous power that is hindered by 无明. NLP will give methods to overcome it if one really can get enlightened...)

PS:

I have never thought that being a good Christian is anytime easier than being a good Buddhist or a good Muslim. Basically, it just difficult to be a good person...

[SAHM_TAN]

Hi insider,


Your posts abt 桃花 have triggered me to think about the other matters that you mentioned along, such as parenting, positive/negative energy/points, etc.

Thanks for expanding your thoughts about them.

I will reserve some of my qns after CNY.

[Imami]

Insider, is everyone born with equal or fixed proportion of 无明 ? Does everyone start with zero positive points and have to work towards good deeds to accumulate the points?


How come some people seem very wise, well beyond their age?

[insider]

Imami:

Insider, is everyone born with equal or fixed proportion of 无明 ? Does everyone start with zero positive points and have to work towards good deeds to accumulate the points?


How come some people seem very wise, well beyond their age?

This one deserves a very decent reply.

Now going off for party at my mum's house. I eating 饺子 today!

You wait huh...

PS1: A short one - everyone is born with different amount of wisdom, meaning amount of 无明 in each is also different... (I have tons of real life stories to share on this if I want to...)

PS2 to the rest: the continuation of the main story have to be after CNY. Meantime just ad hoc exchanges...

[insider]

Suddenly pouring so heavily. Waiting for the rain to stop…


Share one small thing.

Tonight is CNY eve and my daughter is in UK.

I am quite sure of one thing she will do tonight, that she will not sleep to 守岁 for me. She knows about this custom and observes this every year so that her parents can have long lives. Sounds childish?? But customs are there for a purpose and the way we are eliminating many customs is killing the many indirect opportunities that we can groom moral values into our kids.

My elder son knows it too but he bo-chup kind and sleeps late not coz of 守岁 practice but coz he is partying somewhere…

Daughter 守岁 = filial = many multiplying positive points like jackpot ringing ‘Ding! Ding!! Ding!!!’ (she doesnt do that coz of the points but doing it coz she feels right / good in doing it. This daughter has a good chance to overtake me in ‘collecting points’ and if so, her future family will benefit greatly. 种瓜得瓜、种豆得豆.).

Son doesnt 守岁 doesnt = unfilial. Just that he misses the chance to score points (anything done must be done with genuine willingness else not counted).

So if you child/ren want to 守岁 for you (or do anything, small or big, for you), pls allow them to do so and stop the urge to tell them, "dont need, dont need…"

It’s the thought that counts…

[sleepy]

insider:

Good 桃花 star is ‘seasonal’, meaning they will shine on a person only once in a few years time and so if miss it, will have to wait and if keep missing it = permanent single…

Seems to happen to my friend. Looking back, there were 2 men interested in her.

First was in her early 20s. She was too shy to even start dating properly with the first who was a colleague and while she was hesitating (ie. no positive signal) that colleague gave up pretty soon and someone else introduced another girl to him. That guy got married.

The 2nd guy was introduced through a common friend when she was around 30. Somehow there was no chemistry (no urge to meet him too often) though that guy asked her out persistently. And eventually he gave up too although they remained friends & stay in regular contact to this day. He is still single.

Does that mean she missed her 桃花 for good already? She still hopes to find a life partner. How to resolve this?

[insider]

sleepy:

Does that mean she missed her 桃花 for good already? She still hopes to find a life partner. How to resolve this?

If there's no chemistry means is a 桃花 but not the right one (we can meet many 桃花s but we must be able to choose correctly). When 桃花 really shine = there will be chemistry = will become 'cannot eat cannot sleep\" and will \"think morning think night\" of that person...

There are many factors involved when whether someone will get married or not is concerned.

桃花 star, even if it is a good one appearing, will be affected by other stars as well as the ‘positive / negative points’ that are surrounding a person.

There’s nothing to lose if your friend didn’t make it with the other two men coz there’s no certainty that either men will be good in a marriage. Who knows if she is a person kind enough and is protected by many positive points and therefore shield her from ‘chemistry reactions’ and thereby saving her from a probable bad marriage (conversely speaking, if she is an unkind person, her negative points will dim her shinny桃花star and thereby hindering her from having ‘chemistry reactions).

There’s no rush into marriage. Just maintain being a good person (if cannot be good then at least must be someone who doesnt harbour ill thoughts against others, esp close ones, most of the time) and then the best will come one’s way (sometimes if being single is better than being married, the 桃花 star may forever be shielded from shining to protect a person).

It’s not necessary to get married but if the will is there and the person is kind enough, that real 桃花 should appear sooner or later. (“will” referring to that person keeping hope about meeting a partner instead of maybe thinking “no chance oredi. No hope oredi. I am going to be alone; etc”. It is a bit like a ‘prayer’ that will contain ‘power’ that many do not understand. If you want something, pray for it to whatever God you believe in. If you don’t have a religion, then always keep a positive thinking. If in your life you are entitled to the things you pray for, the prayer will materialize; else no matter how hard you pray, the thing will not come coz if really come may result in more harm than good (eg, \"It is good to strike lottery\" - True or False?).

One of my best friends married off at age about 46 to a very nice man three years ago. Literally happily married. Her 桃花 star just appeared and both parties were love at first sight kind (even at that age!). It had been a long wait for her but that man is worth waiting for and we all feel so happy for her…

Never rush into a relationship and I think your friend has been right…

[newuser]

Does the 几两命 affect one’s life?

Does the 几两命 has anything to do with the stars you have?

Thanks and happy new year.