All About Bullying

[zbear]

It looks like the FT is not helping at all. Can you escalate this to Level Head?


Its mentally not healthy for your dd to continue receiving such treatment from her classmates for a prolonged period of time. Pls do something abt it ASAP.

[chl72]

zbear:

It looks like the FT is not helping at all. Can you escalate this to Level Head?


Its mentally not healthy for your dd to continue receiving such treatment from her classmates for a prolonged period of time. Pls do something abt it ASAP.

Thank you zbear, just spoke to the FT this morning when I called in to report sick for DD.

She told me that she will talk to the class after the exams, so as not to affect the class mood during exams. I was thinking, few months ago you said that it was CA1, so have to wait after CA1. :slapshead: Wait and wait... then very fast year end already!

She did say a few neutral ones did tell her about the bullying, and she is aware of what happen, she will handle it after SA1. So I shall wait and see how she handle this...

[zbear]

Ok, give her a chance to prove that she is doing something for your dd. If she still did not do anything, pls proceed to Level Head as 1/2 year is already going past.

[buds]

Not all teachers handle the issue with tact, at least in our experience. It will be good to know how the teacher plans on handling it. Another thing is, some of these bullies, they just won’t let things go.

[MyPillow]

chl72:

zbear:

It looks like the FT is not helping at all. Can you escalate this to Level Head?


Its mentally not healthy for your dd to continue receiving such treatment from her classmates for a prolonged period of time. Pls do something abt it ASAP.

Thank you zbear, just spoke to the FT this morning when I called in to report sick for DD.

She told me that she will talk to the class after the exams, so as not to affect the class mood during exams. I was thinking, few months ago you said that it was CA1, so have to wait after CA1. :slapshead: Wait and wait... then very fast year end already!

She did say a few neutral ones did tell her about the bullying, and she is aware of what happen, she will handle it after SA1. So I shall wait and see how she handle this...

Have you met the FT personally? Maybe you make a appmt with her to see her reactions/ explanations face to face. If she cannot give you a \"helpful\" solution or what she is going to do next , insist to see the next level like VP or P . it appeared to me FT is delaying time and avoid \"troubles\" all she cares is results rather than mental health of the bullied student. You make the appearance to stress that you care and it is serious .

It is indeed a mental pain to the child and parents. My heart ached when dc got bullied in lower pri too .( lucky FT was proactive to handle it)
But Sec teens may not be easy for teachers... but this is their job to handle her own form class for all rounded development- MOE spend a lot of money to train teachers in classrm mgmt, handle students, parents etc. so they should be able to handle , part of their teaching profession and assessment too

[Mathwiz]

Hi chl72,


First of all, I cannot imagine that it’s been 2 years before you really take actions. I guess I’m that kind of people who cannot live with problems.

I do not have such exprience yet but if I were you, I will do probably do the followings:
1. Talk to your girl to understand more of reasons, scenarios, people about bullying;
2. Bring your girl to play with others (friends, neighbors, one-to-one, as well as in a group etc) and try to observe how she interacts with others and how others treat her. If allowed, try to go to school during recess and observe. I did that once when my P1 son complained about nobody wants to play with him.
3. Try to connect with the parents whose child bullied your daughter. Talk to them about the situation. Don’t blame them or their children but just show your concern and ask if they can help to ask their children how they find your daughter. Any particular reason why she is always bullied…
4. If you can, also talk to your daughter’s friend in school to find out more…
5. Borrow those books on bullying in school from library. I once chanced upon them. Study the books together with your daughter.
6. Ask the form teacher to observe quietly to understand the bullying situations.

After you do your homework, you will probably know better what to do and come out with a plan to work with relevant parties. If it’s related to your daughter’s over reaction to teasing or when provoked for example (it happens often to gifted children), then you may need to train her rigorously on controlling emotions etc. If she just happens to be surrounded by people likes to bully in class, then change seating or class, or even schools. Or could it be due to her motor skills or academy abilities that differs from others and hence being ostracized? In whatever cases, teacher should educate the students not to ostracize anyone. You still need to work on that part and escalate necessary. You can also try other softer ways: build some rapport with parents and meet up for play dates; invite some students to a birthday part; be a school volunteer and assist in class outing etc.


I think it’s important to understand whether the bullying is character based or situation based. Be ready to seek more professional advise from school or from child psychologist.

[Mathwiz]

Hi chl72,


With regards to the form teacher’s response, I do not agree with her after the second thought. If I were her, I will not do 1-to-1 at this moment. I believe when it’s 1-to-1, the student will be very defensive and selectively recall details to prove her teacher wrong. Whether it’s CA, SA or at other time, I would just one a 1-to- all. Just list down some unacceptable behaviors I observed recently in class and remind the students to refrain themselves from repeating such. I would probably remind them about the up coming teacher-parent meeting and make sure they behave well if they do not want their parents get negative feedbacks on those. Let them understand that even if teachers do not feedback to their parents, parents may do so. If required, quote some examples or extreme cases where school counsellors get involved etc… I do not see how this would affect students’ mood if it’s just one of the regular discipline reenforcement sessions and it’s not specifically targeting at bullying.

[chl72]

Thank you buds, mypillow and mathswiz.


I did see the FT during PTC earlier this yr. I told her to watch the class silently and see for herself how the classmates treated her. She agreed and did see a few instances that they were not very ‘nice’ to her. She said that she will find a chance to talk to the class about this issue. Yesterday, I heard from a mother that she finally found the opportunity (when my DD is on MC) to talk to the class. What did she say exactly I am not sure though, as the mother say her child doesn’t wan to tell her too much. Something like tell them not to pick on her… let’s just wait n see if things improve lor…
I talked to DD last night abt how she felt, she told me that they are making her hate going to sch. I told her to tell FT that, dun always tell tchr she is ok when tchr ask her… I know that my DD can be very blunt at times, i told her not everyone can accept that. There was a time when she walk pass a classmate n saw something wrong in his work. She told him that he did wrongly(maybe quite bluntly), was immediately scolded n tell her to mind her own business… she can’t understand why she get this treatment when she meant well. In the end, she was right n the boy blame her for his mistakes.

I am those very introverted person. Asking me to take the initiative to contact those parents is really not that easy for me… My DD on the other hand is super extroverted and vocal. She can talk to practically anyone. So I am having quite a hard time handling her. i know she has problems with her social skills, we are working on improving that.

Thank you everyone for your kind advices.

[zbear]

I learnt over the years n experience that it’s not good to be blunt although u maybe rite n have good intentions.


I have seen many people who can’t accept the truth n will be easily offended when u r too direct.

So its best to learn to be more diplomatic n bring the message across in a more pleasant way. This will be better received by the intended party.

[chl72]

zbear:

I learnt over the years n experience that it's not good to be blunt although u maybe rite n have good intentions.


I have seen many people who can't accept the truth n will be easily offended when u r too direct.

So its best to learn to be more diplomatic n bring the message across in a more pleasant way. This will be better received by the intended party.

Totally agree with you zbear. This is what I've been trying to teach her all along too... But what to do? It's her pesonality... hopefully as she grows up n become more mature, she can learn to be more 婉转 lor... :sad: