Neglected second child
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my guess is the middle child gets neglected because everyone is focusing on the new born (the third child) and the first child, being the eldest one, also gets most of the privileges…
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ChiefKiasu:
What is the middle child syndrome? Sorry... I only have 2 children and am myself a \"last\" child.
Have another kid lah and observe the 2nd one.
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Funz:
Eldest one will still get 'recognition' as gor gor or jie jie...youngest one is a newborn or toddler and will be attended to...middle one is neither here nor there. So will definitely do funny things to gain attention.ChiefKiasu:
What is the middle child syndrome? Sorry... I only have 2 children and am myself a \"last\" child.
Have another kid lah and observe the 2nd one. -
When my second baby was borned my elder son was 5 years old. We also had problems handling both kids at the same time, we don’t have a maid but baby goes to infant care. Both my hubby and me is the main caregivers to our children beside the school. We worked out a plan for ourselves and our kids. Since mine is a 5 days work job while my hubby is on alternate sats off. So our plan goes like this… One half sat morning belongs to our couple time together, one sat is mummy time with the elder boy, one sat is daddy with the elder boy…and sundays we all take turns to look after baby so that baby won’t develop the preference over 1 parent.
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I’ll alternate my kids to tuition or coaching session so that i can split my time.
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Quizzer:
When my second baby was borned my elder son was 5 years old. We also had problems handling both kids at the same time, we don't have a maid but baby goes to infant care. Both my hubby and me is the main caregivers to our children beside the school. We worked out a plan for ourselves and our kids. Since mine is a 5 days work job while my hubby is on alternate sats off. So our plan goes like this.. One half sat morning belongs to our couple time together, one sat is mummy time with the elder boy, one sat is daddy with the elder boy...and sundays we all take turns to look after baby so that baby won't develop the preference over 1 parent.
Hi Quizzer,
Sounds like a personal date with DC.
I read this concept of personal date from one of the local parenting magazines....this dad has 7 children and they are all at least 18 years old...so he tried to plan a personal date with each of them on a regular basis just to bond with them and spend one to one time with them. 
John -
activemum:
I'll alternate my kids to tuition or coaching session so that i can split my time.
Hi activemum,
Great planning... when u say coaching, are u referring to coaching by parent?
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thanks everyone for your spontaneous discussion and alot of good tips offer as well...:D
well to update, i try to bring both of them out together and played together . i would ask my elder one to sing songs to his brother and take care. but my elder one can be rough sometimes so got to keep a watchful...incidents do happen..:D..
We tended to neglect the younger one in the past as we felt more logistics to be performed (we don't have car) and i felt we are also somewhat sending a wrong signal to the elder child that younger brother is \"not important\"..hmmm.. -
I have two kids three years apart and no helper or infant care or kindergarten at one stage. However dh generally could be home by 7pm and he was quite a hands on dad.
The things that were very helpful to me then:
- childproof the major areas and close off the rest. This means covering sockets, removing or hiding wires, protocol for windows, cushion at bottom of stairs, door-guard, covering toilet bowls or closing the door, making sure that all heavy furniture are stable etc. Any room that is not child-proof, just keep the door closed.
(crouch down on the floor and check the house from their perspective. Things look very different from the floor!!)
- Create a child corner in all common areas - living room, bedroom, (child-proofed) balcony, kitchen. This way the children can follow you round the house and always within your sight and hearing. Different corners have different things - manipulatives, books, balls, safe household items for them to poke around with
- encourage independence. Children's objects are placed at their height as far as possible. The lowest shelf/ drawer/cabinet are always for the kids, be it clothes, cutlery, books or toys. Introduce self feeding from young.
I must warn you that the house will never be perfectly tidy or clean. You can only have one or the other or neither. But definitely not both if you want your children to be independent!
- befriend your neighbours. Playdates can be a great way for you to get some 1-1 time with the younger child, and also for some social perspective for your older child.
Out of the house, I used a baby sling so I could safely handle two kids at the same time, whether it is up and down the bus, or on the escalator. So I simply took both together everywhere.
Some of the things I did with my kids at that age
- bedroom: reading. The younger one has a basket of hardboard books and cloth books.
- kitchen: elder one helps to wash and slice vegetables with butter knife. Younger one is introduced to different fruits and vegetables and allowed to gnaw on safe clean ones. I also have empty bottles filled with different beans or rice for the younger one to shake or roll.
- bath: one tub each for water play within my sight. provide cups, funnels.
- swimming pool : choose a quiet time of the day and a very shallow pool. Bring a couple of toys and park in front of the life guard if using a public pool. (I take them to different pools to explore)
- go for events like kite festivals or picnics at Botanic Gardens when there are musical performances. Bring a ball or bubble solution for elder one. Younger one will be fascinated by all the sights and sounds. Great chance to introduce instruments as well.
Of course, you will be very tired by the end of the day!
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ammonite:
I could have written this myself! This is exactly how I managed with 2 kids 2 yrs apart without any home help. Brings back memories!I have two kids three years apart and no helper or infant care or kindergarten at one stage. However dh generally could be home by 7pm and he was quite a hands on dad.
The things that were very helpful to me then:
- childproof the major areas and close off the rest. This means covering sockets, removing or hiding wires, protocol for windows, cushion at bottom of stairs, door-guard, covering toilet bowls or closing the door, making sure that all heavy furniture are stable etc. Any room that is not child-proof, just keep the door closed.
(crouch down on the floor and check the house from their perspective. Things look very different from the floor!!)
- Create a child corner in all common areas - living room, bedroom, (child-proofed) balcony, kitchen. This way the children can follow you round the house and always within your sight and hearing. Different corners have different things - manipulatives, books, balls, safe household items for them to poke around with
- encourage independence. Children's objects are placed at their height as far as possible. The lowest shelf/ drawer/cabinet are always for the kids, be it clothes, cutlery, books or toys. Introduce self feeding from young.
I must warn you that the house will never be perfectly tidy or clean. You can only have one or the other or neither. But definitely not both if you want your children to be independent!
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