Stay At Home DAD

[timtamfan]

Hi. I’m a WAHD. Became this in 2004 due to company restructuring (transfer overseas or …) and with a special needs child (then age 3). We’re fortunate that family income is sufficient. My reflection on this topic :


1) I think the first is personal mindset. There are at least two aspects to the SAHP job - child(ren) related and chores-related. I think every parent loves the first and I daresay not as many like the second as much. Another human needs everyone has is the personal development. So if anyone wants to consider to stay at home, they should look at how they would cope with these three areas. As we have been blessed, I’ve managed to focus almost exclusively on the first, delegate the chores to a fantastic helper, and work a bit from home for personal growth

2) As SAHD, we (at least I) have faced that ‘look’ which says why are you living off your other spouse ? Need to grow a thick skin. I tell myself that my wife and I had agreed in principle that one parent should be home (parenting responsibility cannot be subcontracted out), she’s with the stable and well-paying job, and this situation is probably temporary only while the children needs us. Hopefully like SAHM, we SAHD/WAHD can integrate back to the working world when the need and time comes (it is a given that the spouse is fully endorsing the move to stay at home in the first place, of course)

3) I would also like to perhaps draw attention to the value a home parent may bring. Being present at home is great but I think being engaging is a more satisfying for parent and child. So whilst it may be written that home parents be maid and driver, I hope that people realize also that parents can play the special personalized tutor. I have developed that philosophy so I also have to learn and go through what the kids do (be it academic, sports etc). Over the past years, I’ve had to learn about Lego, electronics, ping pong / badminton etc so that I am able to engage better with my children

[KSP]

to me SAHD are those who already achieved financial independent… i know a few who are in their 30s, 40s and 50s…

[SBKS]

pirate:

SBKS:

any other things that I need to prep myself if i were to be SAHD?

You don't get maintenance (aka as alimony) on a divorce. It's called the Women's Charter.

Choi choi choi! Dai kat lei si! :siam:

HUH?? sorry i had no idea what you are talking about. I was asking if there is anything that I should prep myself in order to be a SAHD.

[SBKS]

slmkhoo:

SBKS:

So for wat I foresee for me becoming a SAHD, I think I might get bored soon doing all these stuff over and over again. Any SAHD can help to determine if its true?


any other things that I need to prep myself if i were to be SAHD?

I think all SAHP get bored! And FTWP also get bored doing housework after returning home. So that is not really an issue at all - it just has be done, and someone has to do it.

I think the main thing you have ask yourself is whether your ego and self-esteem can take the comments you will get from family, friends and complete strangers. It was bad enough for me when I became a SAHM (shock and horror that I was 'wasting' my education, doing 'maid's work', reducing the family income, etc etc), and I'm sure it will be worse for you. My husband has told me frankly that he could never do it. I would say that it may be crucial for you to have some kind of paid employment or income even while you are a SAHD just so you can say that you are a part-time or freelance something. Just my thoughts.

yes that i fully agree.

slmkhoo:

Another thing to consider is whether your wife is happy with the idea. Some women (not all, of course) would love to be SAHM and may feel envious that their husbands are getting the chance to stay home with the kids, even with the boredom, housework etc.

yes my wife is not ok about it. but things need to be done then someone got to do it as well.

[SBKS]

Joule:

when push come to shove, I am mentally preparing myself to do this in a few years time.


doesnt make sense to get wife to stay at home. She is better off outside. She earns much more than me. But I earn slightly higher than median income of Singaporeans.

If need to, we can manage.

but of course, I am trying to learn and master things like online equities/shares trading etc so that I can have a bit of cash flow and make a bit of money without being employed.

I imagine I might join the legion of dads who send kids to school by riding bicycle. But with the traffic nowadays, must start every day with a prayer to get to location and come back safely.

becareful on the bicycles. you have lots of obstacles.

online earning money gt many types. The plan is that i should earn some money doing freelance or online business. but of cos that is secondary and kids are first.

[SBKS]

timtamfan:

Hi. I'm a WAHD. Became this in 2004 due to company restructuring (transfer overseas or ...) and with a special needs child (then age 3). We're fortunate that family income is sufficient. My reflection on this topic :


1) I think the first is personal mindset. There are at least two aspects to the SAHP job - child(ren) related and chores-related. I think every parent loves the first and I daresay not as many like the second as much. Another human needs everyone has is the personal development. So if anyone wants to consider to stay at home, they should look at how they would cope with these three areas. As we have been blessed, I've managed to focus almost exclusively on the first, delegate the chores to a fantastic helper, and work a bit from home for personal growth

2) As SAHD, we (at least I) have faced that 'look' which says why are you living off your other spouse ? Need to grow a thick skin. I tell myself that my wife and I had agreed in principle that one parent should be home (parenting responsibility cannot be subcontracted out), she's with the stable and well-paying job, and this situation is probably temporary only while the children needs us. Hopefully like SAHM, we SAHD/WAHD can integrate back to the working world when the need and time comes (it is a given that the spouse is fully endorsing the move to stay at home in the first place, of course)

3) I would also like to perhaps draw attention to the value a home parent may bring. Being present at home is great but I think being engaging is a more satisfying for parent and child. So whilst it may be written that home parents be maid and driver, I hope that people realize also that parents can play the special personalized tutor. I have developed that philosophy so I also have to learn and go through what the kids do (be it academic, sports etc). Over the past years, I've had to learn about Lego, electronics, ping pong / badminton etc so that I am able to engage better with my children

Hi timtamfan,

thanks for the pointers. Appreciate it alot.

in my situation, i gt no helper and no car. so i need to do house chores and kids and cab attendant. if gt helper, DW sure wont agree me to be SAHD.

Its due to my kids needs lots of attention on their basic needs, and its for a few years only, i believed I should be able to get a job outside after that few years. Just that we got to lower our expectations and get a drastic pay cut when we come back out to work.

and yes, personal development and keeping up with times has to be done.
learning all this extra stuff in order to be in sync with them so that we can teach them. yes agree. like now i got to learn phonics cos i had no idea what my K1 is teaching me. thats why these few years are the impt ones.

the look i already hell care. i already halted my career for 5yrs. might as well stop my career and concentrate on my kids. the only problem is i will I be able to tahan the few years doing all these stuff.

I really do not want to be seemed as breaking my promise to my wife that I will do the SAHD role.

are you still a SAHD? or are you trying to go back to work? if going back to work, can share any difficulties you faced? like employer LOOK ?

[SBKS]

KSP:

to me SAHD are those who already achieved financial independent.... i know a few who are in their 30s, 40s and 50s.....

yes, in a way my DW can support us financially provided we tighten everything which to me is still doable.

[sharonkhoo]

SBKS:

slmkhoo:

Another thing to consider is whether your wife is happy with the idea. Some women (not all, of course) would love to be SAHM and may feel envious that their husbands are getting the chance to stay home with the kids, even with the boredom, housework etc.

yes my wife is not ok about it. but things need to be done then someone got to do it as well.

Is there any way that you could continue working and let your wife be the SAHP if that's what she prefers? Having less money but happier parents may be worth it.

[Dora1]

Do you have to give allowance to your own parents? If so, is your wife willing to pay for the allowance, esp since you mentioned she is not so ok with your idea of a SAHD?

I was a SAHM for abt 2 years when DD was born. I had to cut the allowance to my dad significantly (mum already passed away). My dad is a very thrifty guy so he told me not to worry abt it. I have DH’s full support, however, he has to maintain the allowance to my PIL because they both have chronic illness and need long term medication and treatment. My dad is still healthy, but i tot if he were to fall sick, we’ll be in serious trouble financially. My bro is not well educated and he is struggling to cope with his own family.
I think for you, the expectation for you to provide for your parents is even greater as a son. And how would your parents feel abt getting allowance fr a DIL? My dad is a very traditional man so he doesn’t feel comfy getting $ fr SIL. So many months he even rejected the allowance that I gave him when I wasn’t working. He only started to accept when I returned to work.
Of cos I returned work with a lower pay than my peers, but my workload is no diff.
These are the considerations that you need to make.
More importantly, if your wife is not ok, I’ll advise you not to do it. It’s no use staying at home with the kids but with an unhappy dad

[SBKS]

slmkhoo:

SBKS:

[quote=\"slmkhoo\"]Another thing to consider is whether your wife is happy with the idea. Some women (not all, of course) would love to be SAHM and may feel envious that their husbands are getting the chance to stay home with the kids, even with the boredom, housework etc.

yes my wife is not ok about it. but things need to be done then someone got to do it as well.

Is there any way that you could continue working and let your wife be the SAHP if that's what she prefers? Having less money but happier parents may be worth it.[/quote]i dun think so. she is more like a career-minded person.