Changes In Children
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ks2me:
Think it is a girl's thing. From 3 plus till now my dd has been writing notes to me. I kept most of them. During dad's birthday, we bought a glass bottle(like those that would float in water with a secret message) and she wrote multiple messages inside for him. On my birthday last year, she made her own container and wrote many messages for me too, even on behalf of dad n messages from my parents which she included herself. Strange cookie I have but it was the best present I received, priceless.
Haha! You'll have a box full of treasures to look back at in the future. Very sweet! -
Bear.w.me:
Bear.w.me, I don't just write, I talk too. DH sez I've to exhaust my quota of 50,000 words or I'd wake him up at about 3 plus and talk non-stopHi Andaiz, i think what you shared with me and the rest is a very wonderful experience.
My wife does write small notes every now and then to my children and vice versa she receives replies too; but not on regular basis. It reminds me of a Korean drama sometimes back where a father (a school teacher) who wrote to his mother in heaven about the challenges and changes in his children's lives.
Hmm, this is certainly a good idea even for parents (to write to their own deceased parents). Most of us do need a listening ears sometimes be it imaginary or in person. Also, sometimes (I emphasise sometimes) writing down your thoughts are more organised and more expressive as you can ponder over the right choice of words comparing to face to face communication.
Only of cource if you write elsewhere you will write less here in KSP. Afterall, time is only limited for most of us.
I don't know if it's a gal thing with writing notes but I believe that it'd be nice to train our DS's to do the same. I don't have a DS so I can't comment but just this past weekend, while waiting for DD1 to finish with her ballet, I spotted a mum and a pre-teen son, arm in arm and walking down the NTUC aisle. I don't know about you, but it shows total comfort with one another and a confidence that shouts \"watch, me world!\" :celebrate: -
Bear.w.me:
Haiz, wished I have read this earlier... too busy with my work, I also just started term leh...Hi I need some help here. My DD2 is taking PSLE this year.
:? What to do if i have a child who has already shown symtoms like:
1. do things slowly when she used to do the same things speedily
2. start to loose competitive sense; she used to want to push herself greatly to achieve better results but now take things easy
3. her leadership roles in prefect and choir had taken a toll on her somewhat
4. lost interest in subjects like science and languages; all she wants to do is just maths (which she is still good at)
5. poor time keeping as she did the science paper with 8 questions in Section B blanks in Primary 5 SA2
6. she worries she cannot do well in PSLE eventhough she scored up to P5 at 83% average of 4 subjects
7. she prefers instead to shift her attention to piano, game play and 'talk back' to the mother a lot more than she used to
:?: Are these burnt out symtoms?
:?: how to bring her back to the right track?
:?: How to motivate her?
Thank you in advance.
I'm no expert or psychologist, but I have 2 daughters who just went through PSLE in 2 consecutive years. One behaved exactly like yours, and one was a professional student. Prepared herself aptly and perfectly without help from tutor or me at all.
Now that she (the difficult one) has moved to Sec 1, what surprised me was, she is completely back to normal again! She took out her maths book and did maths before the teacher started lessons last week, finishing 2 chapters on her own, asking me for help sparingly. Suddenly has the love for English, started reading to my youngest 2 boys again, she went for audition in all the CCAs that she quit last year, and, she stopped talking back! What happened? I got my daughter back!
Ok, Bear.w.me, you will get your daughter back, sooner or later. That's my experience. Hope it makes you feel better.
Now, for why I thought my daughter displayed that anomaly, which your daughter is displaying right now. I think she is under tremendous pressure! It can be from you (directly or indirectly, e.g. hoping she'll get into a good school, wanting her to be what she was before last year's CA1 etc), from the teachers (in class, since remember they all want their students to outshine another class), and from the principal (announcing what wonderful results they achieved, and that they will achieve better this year) - everyone is giving her expectations and pressure! And, definitely, she is going through puberty! She is going to be 12!
How did I bring my daughter back to the right track? I could do nothing. I just kept showering her with attention, get her to leave the books, get her to pick the restaurants she wants to go to. Praise her a lot, emphasize on her strengths, and put the weakness aside for now. Works once in a while, but the moment something makes her snap (and it can be the slightest, smallest thing), she snaps into that mode again.
If she is losing interest in Science and lang, it is probably because she has some kind of inferior complex on those subjects. Not that she is weak in them, but her PERCEPTION that she is weak in them. You telling her she is good will only backfire (am I right?), so maybe don't keep insisting she is good (you are setting expectation there), but ask her where she is bad, and then help her to get back on track. It worked for me.
Maybe, she realises she is not as perfect as she thought she was... I don't know... I never asked my daughter, but I sensed that. From a high achiever, to realizing that there are so many others better than her can be a big blow to her ego, and sets her rollling the other way... Or, is there a sibling/cousin that you/your hubby is very proud of?
IMHO, you don't have to do anything, except to shower her with love. Let her know and feel that it is her you love, not that prefect, choir leader, her perfect PSLE score... nothing. Just her. When she knows that you can be her best friend and you have no expectation of her, I believe she will open up to you. Only then can you help her. Otherwise, we can only keep guessing.
Key is, many parents lose their children during their adolescence because we forget they are changing and need us to change with them or just simply love them. They have moved to another stage of their lives. Have we moved on with them? Or are we stuck in that trying-to-help-you mode?
O, one more thing. I thought Andaiz's communication mode is really good as well. Do you know the 4 or 5 languages of love? Observe her and see what she responds well with - words, touch, gifts or something else? Shower her with that. If yours likes little notes, write them everyday, how much you love her, etc... and put them into her pencil case or lunch box. We do one-liners only. It will certainly make her day!
Er... daddies here! Should do this more often ok!!!:nunchuk:
Hope this helps!
O, my DS1 is turning 16. He will not hold my hand in NTUC, because he will not want to be caught by his friends or he'll not hear the end of it. But he still sits on my lap at home (heavy! 60+ kg and 175 cm), and he will still make my hot chocolate for me and pull my curtains when daddy is not home (he likes to tuck me in - behaving like the man in charge). He still holds my bag when we go out. That is what I really like about him. He will still hold my hands in public.... overseas! This is the same boy who went through difficult adolescent years as well... -
Andaiz:
... I spotted a mum and a pre-teen son, arm in arm and walking down the NTUC aisle. I don't know about you, but it shows total comfort with one another and a confidence that shouts \"watch, me world!\" :celebrate:
Wah, so heartwarming to read this! Yah last week during orientation and the daily pickups, my son kept pointing me out to his friends. By Friday, they all know me already lah, but I felt so happy to see him so proud of me!! :love: :love: :love: -
Blobbi:
Way to go Blobbi...your DS's a gem! :love: Mebbe few years down the road, it's you and DS arm-in-arm! I often get warm and fuzzy witnessing these scenes. It's easier for dads and daughters to walk hand in hand, give massage while waiting in queue...but not so much for moms and sons. Perhaps we need to teach our boys well too :celebrate:
Wah, so heartwarming to read this! Yah last week during orientation and the daily pickups, my son kept pointing me out to his friends. By Friday, they all know me already lah, but I felt so happy to see him so proud of me!! :love: :love: :love: -
Hi 2ppaamm, it is a very sweet and precious personal experience that you are sharing. Yes I do know about Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages. You have provided me with further insights into my plight. I am hopeful that I can pull through or hang on until I get my daughter back.
I once felt I was the only one who is facing such a problem but now feel much confidence to face it. What I am trying to say is thank you all for letting me know that I am not alone.
My Sec 1 DD1 will not hold my hand in public but only at home eventhough I walked her home sometimes. I enjoy the 20 or so minutes ride with her to school in the morning…however I am the one who have to initiate the conversation all the time. A lot of questions are replied simply by ‘ok, lah’ very short and sharp. Sigh. -
Bear.w.me:
'ok, lah' very short and sharp. Sigh.
Ha ha ha! They will get through that period also... Now, I have to ask them to keep quiet so I can drive. Talk to me at the traffic lights. -
Andaiz:
Way to go Blobbi...your DS's a gem! :love: Mebbe few years down the road, it's you and DS arm-in-arm! I often get warm and fuzzy witnessing these scenes. It's easier for dads and daughters to walk hand in hand, give massage while waiting in queue...but not so much for moms and sons. Perhaps we need to teach our boys well too :celebrate:
Harder for father-and-son! I'll wait to see that! But yes! I agree! It's so great to have your kid point you out. They are proud of you... Keeps me thinking how great it is to be a mother... despite all the mistakes I've made, I must have done something to deserve their love. Strength to keep on going hor? -
2ppaamm:
Tks guys. These are such sweet years, and before we know it, they'll be overAndaiz:
Way to go Blobbi...your DS's a gem! :love: Mebbe few years down the road, it's you and DS arm-in-arm! I often get warm and fuzzy witnessing these scenes. It's easier for dads and daughters to walk hand in hand, give massage while waiting in queue...but not so much for moms and sons. Perhaps we need to teach our boys well too :celebrate:
Harder for father-and-son! I'll wait to see that! But yes! I agree! It's so great to have your kid point you out. They are proud of you... Keeps me thinking how great it is to be a mother... despite all the mistakes I've made, I must have done something to deserve their love. Strength to keep on going hor?
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Talk about the mistakes I've made in the name of being a good parent, aiyo. So far, the best way about it seems to be to offer lots of patience, good moral guidance, and then leave them to simmer things out for themselves. Sometimes, I wonder if it's us \"training\" our kids or them training us!! -
:lol: Funny how you put it Blobbi.. :lol:
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