Ang Pow Issues...

[phankao]

concern2:

BTW, how do you feel about giving Ang Pows to older relatives who are still single? I find it could get awkward. For those younger than me, they'd say thank you and accept gracefully, but for some who are older, you have your MIL or DH shooing you to give on one hand and the older, single relative rejecting on the other hand :oops: Donno what to do..put back to own wallet also paiseh..
Some relatives reject by saying,\"No need, no need, we are working already, no need\" whilst pushing your hand away assuringly. Those are easier to handle..

I don't know how elderly you are referring to. My husband will always give to certain elderly relatives (some single, and some widowed). These are usually very close relative and siblings of his parents and are really not so young. It's a form of respect. They usually don't refuse.

We don't for example give to older unmarried siblings - why would we?

[concern2]

phankao:

concern2:

BTW, how do you feel about giving Ang Pows to older relatives who are still single? I find it could get awkward. For those younger than me, they'd say thank you and accept gracefully, but for some who are older, you have your MIL or DH shooing you to give on one hand and the older, single relative rejecting on the other hand :oops: Donno what to do..put back to own wallet also paiseh..
Some relatives reject by saying,\"No need, no need, we are working already, no need\" whilst pushing your hand away assuringly. Those are easier to handle..

I don't know how elderly you are referring to. My husband will always give to certain elderly relatives (some single, and some widowed). These are usually very close relative and siblings of his parents and are really not so young. It's a form of respect. They usually don't refuse.

We don't for example give to older unmarried siblings - why would we?

I am referring to those in same generation - cousins in their 40s and 50s, still single (actually, was trying to avoid having to hint my age group lah!). Possibly traditionally these older singles are deemed to 'need' support from family, so had been a tradition to give them, but these days, the singles are so much better off than us so that's why it becomes weird - I suppose.
For DH, he still gives his older brothers (who are single), but I think that is out of respect - and are from the lower income bracket.

[phankao]

concern2:

phankao:

[quote=\"concern2\"]
BTW, how do you feel about giving Ang Pows to older relatives who are still single? I find it could get awkward. For those younger than me, they'd say thank you and accept gracefully, but for some who are older, you have your MIL or DH shooing you to give on one hand and the older, single relative rejecting on the other hand :oops: Donno what to do..put back to own wallet also paiseh..
Some relatives reject by saying,\"No need, no need, we are working already, no need\" whilst pushing your hand away assuringly. Those are easier to handle..

I don't know how elderly you are referring to. My husband will always give to certain elderly relatives (some single, and some widowed). These are usually very close relative and siblings of his parents and are really not so young. It's a form of respect. They usually don't refuse.

We don't for example give to older unmarried siblings - why would we?

I am referring to those in same generation - cousins in their 40s and 50s, still single (actually, was trying to avoid having to hint my age group lah!). Possibly traditionally these older singles are deemed to 'need' support from family, so had been a tradition to give them, but these days, the singles are so much better off than us so that's why it becomes weird - I suppose.
For DH, he still gives his older brothers (who are single), but I think that is out of respect - and are from the lower income bracket.[/quote]We don't give to older unmarried siblings lor - as I mentioned. Nor unmarried older cousins. Can't be bc of dialect group? We're Cantonese.

[BlueBells]

I gave my parents and PILs token amount because we gave them bonus spending $$ before CNY. And whatever amount I give to my parents, she would return the same value (x 4) to my family of 4, so no point giving more.


I also give to our grandparents, my elder single sister (whom we are all very close to), my married younger brother and his family. My sister would also give a red packet to my children despite not needing to.

Values for my nieces and nephews - S$10, DH side - S$8. Will also give to the helpers of the households that we visited, usually S$6. We also give one to the foreign worker who washed our car every night.

[concern2]

phankao:

We don't give to older unmarried siblings lor - as I mentioned. Nor unmarried older cousins. Can't be bc of dialect group? We're Cantonese.

Great. Looks like I'll have to set the records straight from now on.. :rubhands:

[concern2]

BlueBells:

And whatever amount I give to my parents, she would return the same value (x 4) to my family of 4, so no point giving more.

I think the older folks have this tendency, especially if they are financially independent. I remember when I was still working and was able to give more, they would just transfer whatever amount I gave them and pass on to my kids in their Ang Pows. Subsequently, I would hold back giving them first until they have given my kids so they had no chance to 'pass the buck back'

[DesertWind]

concern2:

BlueBells:

And whatever amount I give to my parents, she would return the same value (x 4) to my family of 4, so no point giving more.

I think the older folks have this tendency, especially if they are financially independent. I remember when I was still working and was able to give more, they would just transfer whatever amount I gave them and pass on to my kids in their Ang Pows. Subsequently, I would hold back giving them first until they have given my kids so they had no chance to 'pass the buck back'

This is almost exactly what happened to me the past couple of years with my ILs. I usually give them an ang pow each (of SGD200/=) during CNY as a sign of respect, also that they look after my boy etc. don't want them to spend too much money. But the past couple of years my MIL will \"return\" everything back via my kids. Somehow I got really :mad: offended at this. Because I felt like she is throwing the money back at me for whatever reason. I also got this feeling that she does not want to take my money. Same as for me, I also don't want to take their old folks money since they not working although they are financially independant themselves. So I also won't lower my rates.

This year, I felt tired, don't feel like going through all these again and felt that all these are actually quite meaningless. So I told my MIL never mind about the ang pows this year, no need to give. (They are not Chinese btw). But when we went to visit them, I felt bad so still try to give them one and that is when she told me she does not want (since I told her already not to bother so she also won't take from me). OK lor... :roll:

Later she explained that she knows I need to support my parents hence since she is financially independant, she does not want to take my money. But my FIL has got no such problems. He just took it and thank me joyously. I much prefer my FIL's straight-forward attitude. MIL is so much harder to handle! :skeptical:

I told my MIL too that I don't take old folks money and since she always return back everything, this year lets don't bother. Surprisingly its a matter of perspective. She told me SHE was offended because one year I gave back everything to her! Did I? :scratchhead: I thought she was the one!

So lets do away with all these meaningless gestures. I told her usually the old folks will just give the kids a token amount for blessing that's all, no need to give a lot of money (previously they give SGD180-200). So this year they give token ang pows of SGD12 to my kids.

This situation suits me fine.

[Angelight]

Desertwind, you mentioned your in-laws are not chinese, so actually they don’t celebrate CNY and not obliged to give ang pows right? I’m abit confused…

[DesertWind]

Angelight:

Desertwind, you mentioned your in-laws are not chinese, so actually they don't celebrate CNY and not obliged to give ang pows right? I'm abit confused...

Hi Angelight, yes, they are not obliged to celebrate CNY and give ang pows but past few years I have invited them to our house for CNY lunch and to celebrate so they brought oranges and ang pows for us. After 7 years, it just occurred to me why am I doing this? So this year decided to drop it slowly lor....

[Angelight]

oic…so actually you and your hubby can bring the family on a short getaway during the CNY break since your in-laws don’t celebrate CNY. I wished I could do that but no chance cos in-laws would never hear of that.